What is it like to be beautiful?

[Gumbojumbo]

I would describe myself as pretty and have had a few admirers in my life, but I'm not outstandingly beautiful. I'm not tall or slim enough (boobs too big for my small frame, legs that could be much longer and hair that always needs a lot of styling to look half bad,). How about you? What is it like to be considered a beauty? Is life easier than for the rest of us mere mortals? I had a friend who was breathtakingly beautiful, but she was never happy with her lot in life. Disappointed that her looks didn't give her more of an advantage in life. Just wondering what it must be like to be considered a beauty.

It is very difficult on a number of levels, from struggling with relationships with friends, and other women who automatically felt the need to bitch for any reason. Men either stare or wont come near, especially if you are confident, and sometimes become obsessive.

I think beautiful people get more attention and friends. But then I think there are a lot of people who count as 'attractive', 'pretty', 'cute' without being beautiful and they can get a lot of male attention too.

I don't really know where I stand on the 'beauty' side of things. I don't think it's because I have low self esteem but because standards can vary depending on where you are. If you are a big city with lots of beautiful women, it's different from being in a small town where many women are older. I don't think I am beautiful but I don't think my looks are a limitation if I wanted to get a boyfriend (am happily married though!). But I am no head turner. It's sad but many men do only pick pretty women... What do you all think?

Pics.

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I was an ugly child but glowed up. In my late teens and throughout my 20s I was continuously pestered by men.

There was one Summer working in the West End when I gave up trying to eat my lunch in the park entirely because men just wouldn't leave me the fuck alone. There is no nice way to say, thank you but no thank you and I have been in a committed relationship since my late teens so was not on the lookout for a relationship.

I am not overly tall. I could have been a glamour model due to my figure (I was approached many times) but this didn't interest me at all. I'm not saying I was the most beautiful girl in the world, in fact, due to the amount of pestering, it's more likely that my actual level of attractiveness made me seem like I was obtainable (very beautiful, willowy women are often viewed as being out of the league of the average looking man).

I turned 30, had kids, got fat. The freedom of my fat invisibility cloak was a revelation. So much that, if ever I did manage to loose weight, I would think hard about going below a dress size 14 for fear of the pestering starting up again.

Nowadays I move freely, unmolested and able to go about my business. I have more female friends as I am not viewed as a threat to their own relationships. I sometimes am told that I am beautiful (by men my own age and in their 50s upwards) but it's not often and mostly I seem invisible to anyone under 40. It's sheer bliss.

Well if your shy it's helpful because people instigate conversations with you... Draw to you... Think what you have to say is more interesting etc.
The cons are people are so quick to judge far more harshly eg why isn't she smiling... Stuck up etc. Also friends can harbour jealously you never knew about... It can be intimidating for men, you can become a bed notch... Rather than valued etc.

Sometimes it can cause attention when you don't want it and feel very self conscious.

My 17yo DD is gorgeous, she gets unwanted male attention constantly, from all ages (!) . They are so bloody entitled, it’s like they have to take a crack at getting her into bed because what do they have to lose?
Whether she is dismissive, polite or downright rude in her response they all invariably get aggressive.
The worst thing is that she struggles with keeping girl friends because they are jealous of the male attention.

I was beautiful when I was young. As others have said, it was a double edged sword. I would get freebies and favours, if I was struggling to lift something a random man would come over and help me. On a night out multiple men would approach me, flatter me and buy me drinks. I was never short of company. But quite often men would think it was ok to grab or touch me in public, and I was sexually abused by men who would have left me alone if I was ugly. Several times I was followed late at night. Women could be petty and jealous, and men would be jealous of my boyfriend. I dated an “ugly” man (he was a lovely person) and his friends would say stuff to him like “What’s she doing with you? You must be richer than we thought!”, and even “It must be nice to be able to afford to keep a tart like that”. I’m convinced that was a major factor in why he broke up with me.

Now I’m in my 40s and I look fairly average. I feel invisible and can’t rely on help from random men any more. If my car breaks down I’m left standing there. I don’t get chatted up or flattered any more. I also don’t get hassled, harassed and hated any more.

@onlychildhamster

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You are obviously very beautiful but I bet 100 x more so when you are smiling!

I think as some posters have pointed out, it must be a bit of a double edged sword. I think it's almost better to be nicely attractive rather than stunningly beautiful. It's something that most of us covet, but maybe is not all it's cracked up to be. For many women it's certainly no guarantee of a happy and fulfilled life.

Most people are somewhere around average, so to be arrestingly beautiful just singles you out, and is probably quite alienating. Plus you get treated differently because of it (good and bad aspects to that I guess).

Although it can open doors and there is the possibility of making a career out of it. But then you are stuck trying to look good forever, who want's that hassle? The recent thread about beautiful celebrities who have ruined themselves with plastic surgery is a reminder that even the most stunning still probably feel not good enough when they are constantly scrutinised.

lf my car breaks down I’m left standing there.

I’m in my 40s. I overheard a woman describe me as “Absolutely bloody stunning” last week.

Our car broke down at the beach on Friday with a flat battery. I walked to the road and waved at the first vehicle I saw. A pickup full of “random” men who fell over themselves to help.

My husband was most impressed to find the car running when he returned a bit later (with another random man).

I was good looking when i was younger. It was great.

I think loads of young woman are gorgeous.

There's another thread on AIBU about fading looks at the moment.

I'm not attractive and have never known how it feels to 'turn heads' or have someone falling over themselves to help me, or to not be able to go anywhere without attracting attention.

I suppose it's the old 'grass is always greener on the other side' thing, isn't it?

There's been some research done I believe, which suggests that teachers can have an unconscious bias towards 'attractive' children in school.
As a 'plain Jane' child I was a bit nerdy and tended to get attention that way, from teachers.
One of my friends was very cutesy pretty, and other children would flock to her before they knew what her personality was like.
I sometimes had boys making mean comments about my appearance and she would tell them off.
She suffered annoying wolf whistles and the like as a teenager whereas I was mainly ignored or received insults.
Not a great feeling either way, and I'm glad the tide is turning with young men being taught about such matters.
I like to think looks shouldn't matter and I love to look for beauty in everyone (as per my posts on another thread) but I do think that people treat you differently based on your looks.
I sometimes wonder how it would feel to be consider a stunner and then to lose that.

Personally, I think very few people are beautiful. Attractive, sexy, pretty yes. But real beauty is rare.

And I always find these threads amusing in how people present good looks as some sort of burden, when there is considerable evidence that being good looking has all sorts of advantages.There may be downsides too, but the advantages easily outweight the disadvantages. Put it this way: many plain people try to be beautiful. No beautiful person tries to be plain.

"There's another thread on AIBU about fading looks at the moment"
I think if you are beautiful in your youth, both male and female gravitate towards you and life must seem easy. With fading looks this disappears and it can be quite traumatic.
If you are plain/average in your youth and struggle to form relationships I think you spend more time contemplating those relationships and what's important in life and subsequently ageing may not be quite so difficult.

@BornFreee, I absolutely agree. I meant to add something along those lines to my post above.

I'm not dreading getting older in the same way as some of my beautiful friends, and that must be because I don't fear losing the power, cachet or benefits of being attractive.

It reminds me of those children in school who are naturally intelligent and find learning easy... until they get to a point where their natural ability isn't enough and they have to start studying and trying.

I was

I knew I was because told constantly from a young age but that didn’t mean I felt that people really liked me. I was very insecure in other ways (down to childhood) and also constantly your looks being your focus point really isn’t positive for a young girl/woman

Yes I could twist men around my little finger, as soon as I realised women didn’t dislike me for my looks (as my mum had constantly told me) and got over myself I found women just as friendly but would notice men I worked with would be wary of introducing their wives which annoyed me we are not all so insecure as society makes us out to be.

I struggled for a while losing my looks then once again got over myself im more than just being good looking I wish I had the confidence in myself when younger as I do now I feel far more sad about that than not being as good looking as I once was

I don't think you have to be beautiful in order for men to offer help. I'm 70 (still reasonably presentable though) and I got offered help last week by a gentleman who saw I was having a bit of trouble putting oil in my car. I could have coped, although it didn't help when I referred to the dipstick as "that stick that you put in there" (temporary memory fail!)

But real beauty is rare.

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. For example, I have seen people describe Lily Cole as beautiful. I just can’t see it at all.

@Etulosba

But real beauty is rare.

Beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. For example, I have seen people describe Lily Cole as beautiful. I just can’t see it at all.

I think for me, the word 'beautiful' implies someone with out of this world, 'stop and stare' looks. Think a young Angelina Jolie or Monica Bellucci. So many people I see being described as 'beautiful' are merely pretty or attractive.

My mother was a beauty. It defined her whole life and getting old has made her miserable.

I’m not although I did inherit her cheekbones and a more striking Mediterranean colouring (she was a true blond) which got a lot of attention. I hide from it, I feel more confident a couple of stone overweight, I don’t want to be defined by my body but by me, my brain, my personality. I’ve seen how it’s impacted on her.

Having said that I’m incredibly vain re my hair etc 😂

@TheVolturi thank you. It may be youth as I am in my 20s. But I see a lot of young girls in their teens/early 20s and they are stunning. Maybe cos of Instagram and tiktok, they are much more aware of their image?

@IcedPurple

Personally, I think very few people are beautiful. Attractive, sexy, pretty yes. But real beauty is rare.

And I always find these threads amusing in how people present good looks as some sort of burden, when there is considerable evidence that being good looking has all sorts of advantages.There may be downsides too, but the advantages easily outweight the disadvantages. Put it this way: many plain people try to be beautiful. No beautiful person tries to be plain.

That's simply not true I'm afraid. Take Sinead O'Connor and Kim Deal as examples. Both beautiful in their youth but both didn't dress for the male gaze.

For my own part, I got chatted up more when I looked a bit rough (I.e. obtainable). If I put an effort in (hair, makeup, sexy clothes) then I would only be approached by very confident men, not the average Joe.