Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

What is it like to be beautiful?

124 replies

Gumbojumbo · 05/09/2021 01:50

I would describe myself as pretty and have had a few admirers in my life, but I'm not outstandingly beautiful. I'm not tall or slim enough (boobs too big for my small frame, legs that could be much longer and hair that always needs a lot of styling to look half bad,). How about you? What is it like to be considered a beauty? Is life easier than for the rest of us mere mortals? I had a friend who was breathtakingly beautiful, but she was never happy with her lot in life. Disappointed that her looks didn't give her more of an advantage in life. Just wondering what it must be like to be considered a beauty.

OP posts:
IcedPurple · 05/09/2021 12:07

That's simply not true I'm afraid

Why are you 'afraid'? Your opinion is no more or less valid than mine.

Take Sinead O'Connor and Kim Deal as examples. Both beautiful in their youth but both didn't dress for the male gaze.

I never said anything about the 'male gaze' though.

BronzeBalonze · 05/09/2021 12:14

@Dillydollydingdong

I don't think you have to be beautiful in order for men to offer help. I'm 70 (still reasonably presentable though) and I got offered help last week by a gentleman who saw I was having a bit of trouble putting oil in my car. I could have coped, although it didn't help when I referred to the dipstick as "that stick that you put in there" (temporary memory fail!)
I'm a disgrace to the sisterhood when I need help with traditionally male things. I like to think that I can use my charm and feminine wiles to get a man to assist me. The older men fall for it every time and I enjoy letting them feel like a hero. The younger ones offer help too but more in the sense of helping someone who could be their grandma Blush If I'm with other women we tend to muck in and do it together I'm not proud Grin
SleepOhHowIMissYou · 05/09/2021 12:15

@IcedPurple

That's simply not true I'm afraid

Why are you 'afraid'? Your opinion is no more or less valid than mine.

Take Sinead O'Connor and Kim Deal as examples. Both beautiful in their youth but both didn't dress for the male gaze.

I never said anything about the 'male gaze' though.

You didn't give an opinion. You said No one tries to look plain. That's not true. I gave you too examples.

You didn't mention the male gaze. I did.

Keep up love.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Beauty Fitness
IcedPurple · 05/09/2021 12:20

You didn't give an opinion. You said No one tries to look plain. That's not true. I gave you too examples.

Of course it was an opinion. It's not like I've surveyed all the billions of women on the planet, is it?

And I haven't got a clue who Kim Deal is, but I don't think Sinead O'Conner tried to be 'plain', just because she didn't wear high heels and mini skirts. She was just lucky enough to have the type of face that looked beautiful with very little adornment. She wasn't making some active choice to be 'plain'.

Keep up love.

Keep up with what, honey bunch?

SleepOhHowIMissYou · 05/09/2021 13:12

@IcedPurple

You didn't give an opinion. You said No one tries to look plain. That's not true. I gave you too examples.

Of course it was an opinion. It's not like I've surveyed all the billions of women on the planet, is it?

And I haven't got a clue who Kim Deal is, but I don't think Sinead O'Conner tried to be 'plain', just because she didn't wear high heels and mini skirts. She was just lucky enough to have the type of face that looked beautiful with very little adornment. She wasn't making some active choice to be 'plain'.

Keep up love.

Keep up with what, honey bunch?

Keep up with who's saying what Sweetie Pops.

If you make a statement of fact, don't get arsey about it not being true.

Glad you recognise what Sinead O'Connor dressed plainly. Which was my point.

Hmm, how on earth could you find out who Kim Deal is? Oh, if only we had some sort of system of looking people up, you know like an electronic encyclopaedia or something. Oh well.

emuloc · 05/09/2021 13:23

I think that the word beautiful gets banded about to easily. Some of the women mentioned on this thread, to me are pretty and nothing more.

32inchtv · 05/09/2021 13:26

I’m not beautiful
Never have been but my dh makes me feel that I am

In reality, im short, 5lbs over my ideal weight, slightly tired looking, with hair that I haven’t had professionally cut in years and wearing clothes that I refuse to get rid of because I hate waste

WorraLiberty · 05/09/2021 14:50

Glad you recognise what Sinead O'Connor dressed plainly.

Sinead O'Connor dressed how she wanted to and occasionally that would be 'sexily'. Whether or not that was for the 'male gaze' is something only she would know.

TreeSmuggler · 05/09/2021 15:16

Sorry OP but you are kidding yourself listing "cons" to being beautiful. There aren't any. That doesn't mean beautiful people have perfect lives, but no they aren't made unhappy by their looks. If they really wanted to look plain they could - track suit, scruffy hair, no make up, put on a few pounds. As we know from trashy mag articles about celebs papped this way, the most beautiful people in the world can look like nothing special.

What's next, "I sure would hate to be rich, you'd have to buy a new purse to fit all that money in, how annoying would that be".

IcedPurple · 05/09/2021 15:22

@TreeSmuggler

Sorry OP but you are kidding yourself listing "cons" to being beautiful. There aren't any. That doesn't mean beautiful people have perfect lives, but no they aren't made unhappy by their looks. If they really wanted to look plain they could - track suit, scruffy hair, no make up, put on a few pounds. As we know from trashy mag articles about celebs papped this way, the most beautiful people in the world can look like nothing special.

What's next, "I sure would hate to be rich, you'd have to buy a new purse to fit all that money in, how annoying would that be".

I agree with that. There may be some downsides to being beautiful - the fact that beauty inevitably fades is one - but the upsides outweigh them by far. Being beautiful is rather like being rich in that respect.

As I said above, while millions make great efforts to be beautiful, the reverse is not true.And, as you say, it's pretty easy for even the most gorgeous person to make themselves look average if they wish, but again, the reverse is not true.

FuzzyPuffling · 05/09/2021 15:33

No idea as I am a very ordinary looking woman.
My sister is a very glamorous model though, and definitely had more choices than me. I had to be "the funny one" as the only option left.

OhWhyNot · 05/09/2021 15:35

There was a very negative side to a child being told constantly how good looking they are, how they will break hearts, hinting at how well they shall be able to marry, how sexy they are (that wasn’t so unusual for girls in the 70’s)

It’s not as black and white as you may not get more chances in life as you might be socially awkward, Not everyone will be very confident because of their looks it’s superficial , they are not as shown in the films the most popular girl in the class that everyone wants to be friends with.

People are more than just looks, emotionally damaged , confused about who they are, vulnerable, suffer from mh issues looks make no difference to how you feel internally

My vulnerability was sensed a mile off by the very men who take advantage of vulnerable children and your adults as much as any other person who felt this way

slipperly · 05/09/2021 15:37

I have been close to two 'beautiful' women and as others have said, I don't think I would have wished for it myself.

For my mother, it defined her and killed both her relationship with me and then with my sister when we each reached teenage years (neither of us anywhere near as beautiful as her).

For my friend, constantly praised, constantly told she is beautiful but when we were small and then teenagers she was never praised for anything else. She has cripplingly low self esteem and I think if she had been praised for things relating to her character or efforts this wouldn't be the case. She is defined and praised for a quality she doesn't believe she possesses, which has not been good for her mental health!

Kanaloa · 05/09/2021 15:38

Very few people actively try to appear plain though. They might dress in more grungy/alternative clothes or not wear much makeup but they wouldn’t, for example, filter their pictures or try to make themselves look less symmetrical. Compared to people who are more plain (like me!) most of us have worn makeup or the likes at some point to try and look more beautiful/more done up.

SeafrontBingo · 05/09/2021 15:43

Charisma, confidence, intelligence and being attractive- confer more advantage IME.

NotGCTUR · 05/09/2021 15:44

As if you have to be tall or slim to be beautiful 😂

NotGCTUR · 05/09/2021 15:48

Penelope Cruz for example, Margot Robbie, Natalie imbrulia... I could go on😂

Arcadia · 05/09/2021 19:42

I had a work friend who looks like Camilla cabelo but way more beautiful, in fact almost physically perfect (No offence to CC!) with the face of an angel. I used to make tea with her in the kitchen and just love looking at her beautiful face whilst we chatted. I do think it makes you feel warmer towards someone, even though she is also a lovely person. She married quite young and is very much a family person with a big community from another culture which is fairly conservative. On her Instagram she gets constant offers from jewellery/clothing companies.

Etulosba · 05/09/2021 20:01

I had a work friend who looks like Camilla cabelo but way more beautiful

In my opinion, that wouldn’t be difficult.

Like I said earlier, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

PresidentJoey · 05/09/2021 21:34

I'm not beautiful but I'm pretty, think Debbie Harry or Joanna Lumley in their prime. I've always been pretty enough for guys to hit on me but never beautiful enough for them to leave their wives.

That's a joke btw Grin

Beauty is a curse, look how it worked out for Angelina Jolie.

IcedPurple · 05/09/2021 21:36

@PresidentJoey

I'm not beautiful but I'm pretty, think Debbie Harry or Joanna Lumley in their prime. I've always been pretty enough for guys to hit on me but never beautiful enough for them to leave their wives.

That's a joke btw Grin

Beauty is a curse, look how it worked out for Angelina Jolie.

Not sure what you mean by that.

Jolie is a very mediocre actress. She wouldn't have anything like the career she has if not for her looks.

ponyexpress22 · 05/09/2021 22:21

I was always told I was beautiful but I lacked confidence. I always wanted to be confident and outgoing. I always envied people like that, good looks I took for granted. I would have preferred to have confidence.

SparrowNest · 05/09/2021 23:07

I’m sort of more attractive than average without being beautiful, or at least I was in my teens and 20s, and could see how it made life easier in various ways. I can only imagine that it’s the same thing x100 if you are really gorgeous.

Unwanted male attention is hard to deal with, but us mere mortals get that too.

TreeSmuggler · 05/09/2021 23:34

@ponyexpress22

I was always told I was beautiful but I lacked confidence. I always wanted to be confident and outgoing. I always envied people like that, good looks I took for granted. I would have preferred to have confidence.
It's not one or the other though. It's the opposite actually, beautiful people are usually more confident as they are pretty much guaranteed a good reception whatever they say or do. If you think you lack confidence now, think of how you'd be if you weren't beautiful.
theworldhasgoneinsane · 05/09/2021 23:54

I don't consider myself to be beautiful at all, but been told throughout my life that I am very pretty. I've always looked younger than I am and I've found that to be difficult in some ways, although now I am in my 30s I find it to be a good thing!

But I've struggled to be taken seriously in my career and found that I've had to fight harder than I would if I looked older, not blonde and 'pretty'. People talk to me differently once they know my age and that I have children etc.