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Original poster

Baby sleep is ruining our life

80 replies

DueyCheatemAndHow · 04/09/2021 20:09

She's 11 months. We have some good (ish) nights but I can't remember the last time I had more than 3 hours in a row. I've spent upwards of 2.5 hours today getting her to sleep. It was bedtime an hour and ahalf ago, she slept for 20 mins and then woke up and nothing I can do gets her to back.

We have no evening. We have no way of having an evening out together as I can't risk her being unsettled for someone else.

Hours upon hours every day are spent trying to get her to sleep.

I'm broken. I'm absolutely broken. I'm trying to night wean but she just screams for hours with DH.

I hate my life. I feel like I'm living underwater watching everyone else live.

OP posts:

TakeYourFinalPosition · 04/09/2021 20:11

Does she go to nursery?

If so, does she sleep okay there? I used to go round to do night nannying for a few parents who had kids like this, when I was a nursery nurse. It gave them decent sleep for a night or two, and was extra income for me - and helped me get references for nannying!

That might not help you at all if she doesn’t, but I thought I’d ask, just incase x

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 04/09/2021 20:13

No we have a nanny. She naps for her and she does usually nap for me but then we have a bad day like today.

The evenings are something else. I wanted to make my toddler a Hey Duggee cake for his birthday next week but I just won't have the time without a few hours in the evening. Its honestly ruining my life.

OP posts:

User5827372728 · 04/09/2021 20:15

I feel the same with my youngest who is 2.5. Today he woke at 5am having woken up 6’times in between 10-5! It makes everything harder than it should be and makes me resent him!

So no advice; but solidarity and a handhold

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

9-12 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 04/09/2021 20:16

God 2.5 - has he always been like that?

Hats off to you if you've been doing that for years.

OP posts:

Boshmama · 04/09/2021 20:17

I know where you are at, my DD didn’t ‘sleep through’ until she was 20 months and I night weaned. She was old enough to understand though which made it much easier - I read lots of books with her and explained it.

If you’re breastfeeding for you cosleep? I found we all got a lot more sleep that way

Can DH take her when she wakes up in the morning for a couple of hours so you can sleep then? We used to do a quick morning feed with me then down with daddy for breakfast while I slept.

Could DH take her out and try and get her to slee in the pram/car while you sleep and then transfer her when home?

Be reassured that he crying in dads arms isn’t the same as being left to cry it out alone, she is being supported and comforted by someone she loves and who loves her. It’s a completely different thing.

I know it doesn’t help much, but this will pass and you’ll be sleeping through the night before you know it. My daughter is now nearly three and hasn’t woken up in the night (sparing illness) since before she was two. Hang in there and take any opportunity to rest you can x

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 04/09/2021 20:19

Is this baby still breastfed?
Quite frankly if so, formula and Sleep train!

HocusPocus31 · 04/09/2021 20:19

My DS was like that as that age also.
Only thing that worked was co sleeping.
Safe to say we were all different people due to this! Of course not for everyone.

lannistunut · 04/09/2021 20:21

I am sorry and I do agree it is exhausting, but this is how it is sometimes. Personally I would stop trying so hard to get her to sleep if you can bear to take that approach?

My youngest did not have a proper bedtime until older than this due to not being a very keen sleeper, and no harm has come of it.

What I would say is you definitely do not need to make a Hey Duggee cake. Dial down all the other pressure whilst this is going on. I remember once throwing a failed birthday cake in the sink when exhausted. The next day I took my birthday child to the cake shop in the town and let him choose whatever he wanted. He was just as happy. I have never bothered making a bastard cake since!

Indecisivelurcher · 04/09/2021 20:21

Personally I would sleep train.

moregarlic · 04/09/2021 20:24

OP that sounds awful. If it were me, I’d sleep train. Look at the famous “what worked for us” mumsnet sleep thread.

Indecisivelurcher · 04/09/2021 20:25

I say that for your child's sake, and yours.

Shudacudawuda · 04/09/2021 20:29

Personally I would sleep train.

This.

I had a baby who was similar OP and it was a living nightmare, you have my sympathy.
We solved it with a bowl of porridge before bed so we knew 100% he wasn't hungry, and then we did sleep training which yes, involved some crying.
By about day 5 we were getting a full night's sleep and I could be a good mum again, instead of the negative feelings that swamped me before it. I wish we'd done it sooner.

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 04/09/2021 20:31

Thanks all

She is breastfed. She has CMPA but it was late to be diagnosed and she won't take any hydrolyzed formula.

We used to cosleep but I needed some time away from her and she wasn't settling anyway.

I want to sleep train, we did with our toddler at 8 months (no crying involved, v gentle) but we know we need to night wean first and she just isn't having any of it.

She's cut my nipple with her tooth and feeding is now sore too which doesn't help anything.

Just fed up. DH has taken over and she is still awake.

OP posts:

TheChosenTwo · 04/09/2021 20:32

I did cio with my eldest at age 1. I know some people are totally against that but we weren’t. 2 nights were quite tough, the second 2 weren’t and then that was it.
I decided to do it for my own sake, i was losing my sanity with broken sleep.
We also lived with my in laws who were absolutely lovely and they had a ginormous house where we had our own rooms etc but we knew they were being disturbed and too polite to say. They went on holiday just after dd turned 1 and I took the opportunity to do it then. We were both much nicer people with a decent amount of sleep.
Also, I reckon you could buy a Hey Duggee cake. Don’t put too much pressure on yourself right now, you’re shattered and stressed.

User5827372728 · 04/09/2021 20:32

Some kids don’t respond to sleep training though…mine hasn’t! And he’s not BF for over a year and he falls asleep in his cot etc etc, has done so for about 18 months!

MrsPumpkinSeed · 04/09/2021 20:33

Formula is your friend here. I hope that doesn't offend. Ours didn't sleep fully until they were 12 to 14 months but were great for at least 5 hours.

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 04/09/2021 20:33

Yes this is the problem, she does self settle most of the time, not that it bloody helps us

OP posts:

mishroom · 04/09/2021 20:34

My youngest didn't sleep through for 3 years. I became so exhausted that I was in physical pain and my mental health suffered. He sleeps like a log for 11 hours now at the grand age of 5!

User5827372728 · 04/09/2021 20:37

@mishroom

Thanks for sharing, given me some hope

Indecisivelurcher · 04/09/2021 20:41

My youngest used to self settle well, but wake up for +2hr blocks every night. This is when he was 11m old. We employed a sleep consultant and ended up doing controlled crying. I was convinced it wouldn't work in this circumstance, because he could self settle, and went straight to sleep at bedtime. Actually I think me trying to get him back to sleep in the night was feeding the issue and I needed to ignore him much more. He wasn't very upset, just awake! A couple of nights later, he slept through. Apart from a bottle in the early hours that is, he was well past 1yo when we managed to get rid of that last feed!

mayblossominapril · 04/09/2021 20:42

I knew you were going to say she had cmpa and wouldn’t take the formula.
Is it just milk she’s been reacting to or is it soya and egg as well?
I used to feed ds an Ella’s kitchen beef stew pouch at 9pm before he went to sleep as it kept him fuller longer so he slept longer. I think the coconut pouch is the highest calorie one.
Have you seen a dietician? For us it was the dietician who sorted many of the food issues and the sleep issue with out any howling!

Original poster

DueyCheatemAndHow · 04/09/2021 20:42

Yeah we got a sleep consultant with our first, total life changer, but this baby is just not playing bloody ball

OP posts:

abbs1 · 04/09/2021 20:49

We had this issue with our little boy. By 13 months my husband and I were just completely shattered from no sleep as he wouldn't nap and was waking 6 or 7 times a night and wouldn't go back to sleep unless in bed with us.
I ended up asking my HV for help. She said to do normal routine for nap and bedtime. Then put some white noise on. Put little one in their cot, reassure them and say night night lay down, its sleepy time. We started by holding little ones hand and she said just sit quietly and if they cry just keep reasurring them and get them to calm down but don't take them out of their cot.
Once they are quiet just stay in the room until they fall asleep then leave so that when they wake they can learn how to re settle themselves without needing rocking or holding. It was a brutal couple weeks as it took nearly 2 hours to get little one to sleep and when he woke at night or nap time we did the same. Sit quietly calm them down and let them put themselves back to sleep. Keep the white noise on all of nap and night time.
After 2 weeks it started working and now nearly 6 months on, weve got a child that sleeps 11 hours a night and naps for an hour and a half taking only 10-15mins of us sitting in his room while he puts himself off to sleep and then if he wakes he can re settle himself without us. To have sleep again is just amazing!

Could you try that? Not having sleep is just so exhausting, I reall feel for you. I hope something works soon for you.

Indecisivelurcher · 04/09/2021 20:51

Sometimes it's slowly slowly catchy monkey isn't it. Sending strong coffee vibes ...

MrsBlondie · 04/09/2021 20:53

No advice as my non sleeper is now,15! But just wanted to say hang in there. Mine didn't sleep for years and I know the,pain well.
It does pass and before you know it they are doing GCSEs and sleep till noon. Lots of love

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