Baby sleep is ruining our life

[DueyCheatemAndHow]

She's 11 months. We have some good (ish) nights but I can't remember the last time I had more than 3 hours in a row. I've spent upwards of 2.5 hours today getting her to sleep. It was bedtime an hour and ahalf ago, she slept for 20 mins and then woke up and nothing I can do gets her to back.

We have no evening. We have no way of having an evening out together as I can't risk her being unsettled for someone else.

Hours upon hours every day are spent trying to get her to sleep.

I'm broken. I'm absolutely broken. I'm trying to night wean but she just screams for hours with DH.

I hate my life. I feel like I'm living underwater watching everyone else live.

I feel your pain op as ds has always been a terrible sleeper , no advice but just want to offer a handhold.
I know you said you have a nanny and it's not for everyone but the best nights ds has are the nights he's been to nursery and has been non stop all day x

@Indecisivelurcher yes, though sadly I feel more like 'maim and kill the monkey'...

Why don't you try a later bedtime for her?

Tried that, she's then just hysterically overtired.

You don't have to wean before sleep training, however could she have silent reflux? If she's able to self settle but then disturbs it could be silent reflux or she wants to be attached to the breast. Sometimes the breast also offers comfort from silent reflux.

We've had a tough 5 weeks with illness and sleep affecting our two. We had to talk about something important tonight a s our eldest has only just settled and we need to go to the shop.

Things will change, well done for seeking help. Enjoy the birthday with whatever cake you can get.

Dr says it isn't reflux. It's never consistent which makes it harder.

Gah.

There is hope! If I’d read this 2 months ago I would have given a pretty pessimistic response but at 25 months we’re now on week 5 of DD pretty much sleeping through!

Hang on in there- it’s shit- but I promise there’s hope!

PS - I don’t actually believe it’s anything you have or haven’t done. We’ve ‘done’ nothing differently to the others but this little one just wasn’t a sleeper!

Can dad go in with a bottle of soya milk? Mine was allergic too but not to soya so I got the soya toddler milk in a carton and got him on that from 10 months. Three months of upping that got him off the boob at night and sleeping through. The soys stuff is sweet so my son went for it! Worth a try? Massively feel for you, damned sleep stealing demons, sent to drive parents insane!

Actually I think me trying to get him back to sleep in the night was feeding the issue and I needed to ignore him much more.

Same here. We discovered the reason she didn’t go back to sleep was that we were keeping her awake!

Same! Mine wakes up & then screams at me as though it's my fault! Wanted to be held but didn't want to be held!? Waking up at 5am but still tired so needed to cry about it for 2 hours then doze back off when everyone else started to get up. Every time I moaned to someone about it it was always met with 'it'll pass' which doesn't help when you're in the thick of it.
Anyway I don't know what happened but they randomly slept a long stint one night then again & again & now they wake at 6am, still tired & ratty but I force them to stay awake until the lunchtime nap to not encourage more early waking. They do still wake in the night & very vocal about it but I can't fix it. You're not the only one & if anyone ever tells you their child sleeps through just pretend they don't!!

Mine was allergic too but not to soya so I got the soya toddler milk in a carton and got him on that from 10 months.

Our dietician advised no soya before 12 months, has this changed now?

Sending solidarity hugs! 2 DC and neither slept through till age 3. I night weaned at 18mths with both. With DC1 it went well, with DC2 was a massive screaming fest for a few weeks and contributed to increased anxiety and other issues. I had to do it for my sanity but it is still causing issues now. No answers, lack of sleep is the hardest thing about parenting small children.

I would get back in touch with a sleep trainer as they will adapt it to you current child and situation. They might need a different strategy/approach to your older child. Good luck!

Sadly they no longer do the job. Pity.

Baby is nearly a year old - is there a dairy free follow up milk you could give in a sippy cup ? Honestly cut the breast out- babies cry (as long as healthy and safe) because they are resistant to change but you need to be persistent. Babies don’t starve to death if they aren’t breastfed and offered other “milk”, also your baby is presumably on decent meals.

What sort of a cry is it? Is she in pain? Might she be cutting her back teeth or have earache?

for you op, it’s been a long, long time since mine were that age but I remember how utterly soul destroying sleep deprivation was.

She's had a virus. I don't THINK she is in pain but 2bh I'm so tired of thinking.

Could you ask the nanny to help night train with DH help and you go elsewhere for a week with the older DC??

www.happylittledreamers.co.uk

This lady is great btw - helped me with my son. My son was having night feeds still when we started working with her and she helped me to reduce these and that helped his sleep. Good luck OP I know how crap it is when they don't sleep x

OP I've been there.

I had a hellish sleeper. He also had CMPA. He was also breastfed.

He had reflux. The GP is talking out his behind.

Have you eliminated dairy?

No sleep method will help if it's reflux.

With my DC I paid £300 for a sleep consultant which did not help because he had reflux which she told me he would have grown out of by 6 months.
He was 14+ months.

And he wasn't the one with CMPA.

My CMPA son was a whooooole other kettle of fish with regards to sleep hell.
Which also wasn't consistent. Which I also only recognise as reflux now after it all happened.

I lacked so just knowledge back then.

I’ve not read all the responses but my firm advice is sleep train OR get a sleep consultant if you want a professional to tell you what to do.
I nearly lost the plot with my ten month old waking every hour to feed to sleep. Then Andrea Grace saved me. Google her and just get her advice and your sanity will be resumed within a week I promise!

If she has cmpa is there a chance she’s reacting to other foods? This would explain the inconsistency and inability to sleep. What is your diet like? Are you avoiding the top offenders (wheat, eggs, nuts) etc?

I totally relate because my DC didn’t seem to go longer then 45 minutes for at least the first year, possibly 1.5yrs. I stopped the night feeding and it didn’t help. It just took one more tool away from me. In the end a whole series of blood tests found a load of allergies we didn’t know of that I had been passing through my milk. No wonder the poor kid couldn’t sleep!

Good news is, once we made a few changes and tried a new way of sleep training (shush and pat) he finally managed to extend his sleep cycles.

Mine was like this, also bf and cmpa. Woke every 2 hours until 2yrs, then 3-4 times a night until she was 3 and a half. She finally slept through until 4. It does get better. We used audiobooks which allowed us to have our evenings back as she would listen to those and allow us to leave.

We now have ds who is 2, also bf and cmpa and wakes 3-4 times a night unless he's in with us.

Can you express milk and get your husband it give it to your daughter in a bottle?