At what age would you let your child travel independently to school by train?

[YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators]

DC1 is about to start Y7. School is three train stops away; the journey involves a 15 min walk from home to the station, boarding the train, buying a ticket from the conductor (no machine on platform), a 10 minute walk from station to school through a busy urban city centre. DC1 is adamant it is too scary, DP thinks we need to insist DC1 does it, and I can see both sides, feeling that, at just turned 11, DC1 who is a shy and anxious child is likely to find it a bit overwhelming. I'm not aware of anyone else coming from our direction, but know lots of kids get driven in by parents. DC1 would have to wait approx 50 mins at the station for return train home in the afternoons.
At what age would you expect your DC to crack on with it and travel independently in similar circumstances using public transport? Would you encourage independent travel, or just suck it up and drive them?

Year 7. Around here (suburban Manchester ) the majority of kids travel in on their own via public transport. M
Do a few practice trips with him to get
Him used to it

I would definitely drive them if they were anxious or scared. I feel it's more to do with the individual child than the age but I think 11 is young for that journey.

If you can't drive them then there is no option but the train.

If you are in a position to drive him then I would be doing that for now

Not quite as far, but since y7, Ds has done a 5 min walk to the train station, one train stop (although others were already on who had done several stops) and an 8 min walk to school. At that age, we would buy his tickets for the week on the Monday, to make it easier.
Have you done some practice journeys?

Ds was 11. He had 35 minute walk to the station with a pal. 15 minute train journey and then a 5-10 walk to school in a small town.

We did one practice journey and he was absolutely fine, loved it met some other lads on the train. But we also got him a train pass so no worries about buying a ticket every day.

DS travels by subway and started when he was 12. We did a couple of practice runs with him first.

He felt ready to though.

I’m thinking your son is also starting a new school. So maybe let him get settled and try starting after Christmas?

I’d start with driving until he’s got his head round school, timetables, friends and the rest. Then I’d go with him to the station, does he not have a travel card? I’d scaffold the support and remove sections as he got more confident. I’d expect him to accumulate friends, understanding and independence at his own pace.
Bit like swimming. You can just chuck him in the deep end and hope he surfaces. Or you can teach him.

I’d be happy that my same aged DS could manage it, though I agree with others re paying for tickets in advance etc to make that bit easier and doing a practice run.

But really it doesn’t matter what’s right for anyone else’s child, it’s what’s right for your child that matters. If they are very nervous then, at least for now, I think you have to somehow make the journey easier for them, perhaps by accompanying them or giving them a lift for part of it if possible? If you can’t do this could you use mobiles so that you were talking to them through the most stressful parts?

London friends have a child starting Y7 who will be catching two trains and a bus to go to school. I think a single journey 3 stops away is fine. Can you go with her the first few days?

It’s not babying him, it’s training him.
Children are inconvenient, but you know that.
If DP tries to ‘make a man of him’ by forcing him to cope, the consequences may be many, varied and significant.
He’s 11, the past year has been very stressful and he just needs your support facing lots of new things simultaneously.
Is your partner usually so pig-headed and inflexible?

Getting the train there and back is something to be working on with your DC but waiting 50 minutes for the train back for an 11 year is not acceptable in my view, arrange a homework club or to go to a friends house?

Yr 7 is the usual age to start travelling independently to school, and often involves buses, tubes, trains.

Have you done the journey with him?

A 50 min wait sounds miserable.

Yr7, but I would have been practising with them over the last year (in normal circumstances - with Covid, perhaps last few months) so they were used to traveling on the train, buying the ticket, passing various points on the route, so that the actual journey was very familiar to them, and I'd have sent them home on the train on their own when in the centre of town a couple of times too.

There will likely be others traveling the same way and feeling equally nervous that they will get together with and no doubt become friends with.

My dd is really good friends with a girl who she bumped into just after leaving the house on the first day of yr 7, who took the courage to say hi, and they walked off together. They are mid 20s now.

Thinking back to my school in the 70s - most people were friends with people they travelled home with / caught the same bus or train with.

I'd encourage independent travel but would have made sure we'd practised the journey together during the summer holiday so it was familiar. If there isn't time to do a trial journey before the first day, I'd probably put out a call on a local Facebook page asking if anyone has a friendly Y8/9 child doing the same journey who would be willing to take your DC under their wing for the first journey to school. I would also make sure my DC had a written down version of the route, train times etc. so they could check it on the way.

Is this your closest secondary school?

50 minutes at the station is way too long. Can they use the school library to do homework?
With an anxious child trying to settle into a new way of life at secondary school I'd drive them in until they were settled and likely to be confident in the journey. No point in making a difficult time more difficult. It could well be counter-productive.

This sounds very similar to a journey my friend at school had to do back between 2010-2017, I think a bus stop near the house or driven to school is more reasonable for the first week at least, not a long walk, train and another long walk at 11 years old that seems quite a lot for a child. As above said could you do the journey with them for the first day and drop them to the station for at least the first few weeks?

Just seen the 50 mins part, that is an awfully long day for such a young child were there no schools closer? like above has also said either arrange a collection most afternoons or after school til collection

He may surprise you.

I went to the station with DS and I went to buy a day return and asked him to go to the board and check what time the next train to X was and what platform it was on. When I got back he said its from platform Y in X minutes. Then I said how do you get to X platform can you lead the way. We did the same on the way back and he seemed so confident grown up and seemed to love it.

I was mainly driven to school in years 7-9 but in the few days that I had to take public transport, it was hideous. I'd had no practice, wasn't familiar with where I was going and so anxious.

I don't think 11 is too young to travel alone but to echo PPs, help your child adjust and don't make him take on too much at once, with a new school. Maybe car for the first (half) term and then move onto public transport, with practice runs with you in the holidays?

DC1 would have to wait approx 50 mins at the station for return train home in the afternoons.
That seems a long wait. Is there at least somewhere he can wait inside? Because standing outside that long in the dark/wind/rain is going to be seriously miserable.
As for the ticket, is there not a possibility to get an online ticket or buy in advance?

I'd buy a travel pass so he doesnt need to purchase a ticket every day.
And I think I'd collect him in the afternoons for now if you possibly can - the 50 min wait being the troublesome bit.
But yes, generally Y7 for walk/public transport/walk to and from school.
He is likely to find other kids from school on the train, I'd think. Even if you arent aware of them.

11. DS was getting the school bus at 9 (school children only but shared by other schools and no one to make sure he got on the right bus), he would have been getting a public bus then a train to secondary if we hadn't moved.

I would discretely do the journey with him and check whether there are other children at the school on the train, I am sure there will be unless someone kind of very small school? Mine do journeys like that and longer but it’s the mass of children that makes it doable once they get going.

Like you I can see both sides. Normally I'd expect a Y7 child to travel to school independently by public transport. But it may not be a good idea to force a particularly shy and anxious child.

Can you compromise? A mixture between driving him and him doing it until he gets used to it?

Age 11 - DC’s got the tube to school. Prior to that we’d taken them by tube from ages 5 upwards so by the time they did the journey on their own, it was very familiar.