At what age would you let your child travel independently to school by train?

[YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators]

DC1 is about to start Y7. School is three train stops away; the journey involves a 15 min walk from home to the station, boarding the train, buying a ticket from the conductor (no machine on platform), a 10 minute walk from station to school through a busy urban city centre. DC1 is adamant it is too scary, DP thinks we need to insist DC1 does it, and I can see both sides, feeling that, at just turned 11, DC1 who is a shy and anxious child is likely to find it a bit overwhelming. I'm not aware of anyone else coming from our direction, but know lots of kids get driven in by parents. DC1 would have to wait approx 50 mins at the station for return train home in the afternoons.
At what age would you expect your DC to crack on with it and travel independently in similar circumstances using public transport? Would you encourage independent travel, or just suck it up and drive them?

At age 7 and 9 my sister and I got a bus, a train, and a 2 mile walk to get home. Different world!

My son started getting the bus to school in Y6, and from Y7 he walked both ways. But he was happy with it, and your son isn't: I'd drive him for now and review after half term.

Echoing the 'Is this the allocated school or the one you as parents have chosen for him?' questions.

Mine had to do a longer journey to secondary school. I couldn’t drive them. So. Year 7.

(And yes that was the closest school - two buses and if they missed the first one home in the evening there wasn’t another one and they were stuck in the town til I could get them after work)

I would say year 7 but would have been building up to it in the year before and not just addressing it as they are starting school. I would also have considered suitable transport when applying for schools and encouraging the child to find friends who might be doing a similar route in the run up.

I'd say from year 7, but as your DC is nervous, tell then you'll accompany for the first week to help them settle in. Look out for how many others in the same uniform are using the trains so you can remind them that they are not alone. And be ready to fade in to the background rapidly and completely as soon as DC starts greets fellow pupils

And yes, school library/homework club (or cafe) to fill the afternoon waiting time. If lots of pupils get the train, then there will be some sort of homework club, and it'll be great that it's partly (or even wholly) done before they get home

Do you have the option to drive them or accompany them @YouWereGr8InLittleMenstruators

It is so nerve wracking starting secondary. I would let him get used to that first. Then I would catch the train with him few times so he knows what train he is catching and where to stand etc. Good Luck for him and you!

Can you go with him the first few times?

My main issue would be the 50 minute wait to be collected, that's quite a long time to sit on a train platform by yourself. Hopefully he will get used to it or make some friends.

It's normal in London. I took two buses changing in the town centre myself but plenty of friends went by train. My DD's took the bus from year 6 alone (we change schools then) but no walk

Normally I'd have said year 7 is fine. However I have a new year 7 child myself and they've just not had the life experience over the last 18 months to develop their independence properly (due to Covid / lockdowns). We've barely been on public transport as a family (pre-Covid, we travelled by train weekly) and it would be hard for her to manage alone at the moment.
If you're able to, I'd try and support him at least for the first term. Practice the journey at weekends, drop him off and pick him up at the station so he's just doing the train bit himself for now. Can you buy a flexi season ticket or an e-ticket daily so that he doesn't have to stress about buying a ticket on the train (if the latter, make sure he knows to ensure he has sufficient battery on his phone to show it for the return journey!)? The 50 minute wait after school would be miserable through the winter months, if there's no inside waiting room / ticket office. That said, by the time he's dawdled out of school, possibly been to the shop with some mates and then walked up to the station, it probably won't be all that long.

From year 7 I walked a mile to the bus stop, got a public bus (40 minute journey) then changed onto another public bus (5 minute journey) buying a ticket on that one.

On the way home I had an hour wait every day for the second bus.
There were several of us and we hung around together eating sweets & drinking fizzy drinks...

First time my mum came too and then I did it alone until I made friends with other people on the bus. (Older kids from different schools)

Teach your DC how to do it. Talk through what to do if the train isn't running/gets delayed. I was travelling alone on trains across the country to go and see friends from age 11 and no mobile phones then.

My DS in Y6 was doing 5 min walk to station, two stops on train, swap at busy bus station for 15 min bus ride to school gate. In the evening he had the option of a 10 min walk from the bus ride to a different bus if he'd missed the train. That was in South London through a busy town centre.

mine started to go tk school independently in y6. (2 trains & 10 walk)
then we moved and from y7 they cycled (cycling is very common here). they could take a bus but cycling is much quicker.

11 seems very young to me! Starting high school can be very daunting without an extra worry. If you can I’d take him. He will probably make some friends who travel (even if not in the same direction!) which would give him someone to wait with after school or meet at the station in the morning. There might also be clubs etc after school when things settle down which would reduce the wait at the end of the day. I can totally see why he’d be apprehensive especially after all the disruption over the last couple of years.

you need to practice the route with dc, practice some 'what if's':

• what if there is no train
• what if I miss the changeover
• what if I get off a station early or late bh mistake
• what if there are seedy people in my carriage

etc

and yes to a travel pass if that's available

Mine went at the beginning of year 7 - less than 2 months after her 11th birthday.

The walks at either end were shorter than for the OP's child and we bought her a season ticket so she didn't have to worry about buying tickets, but she did have the complication of having to change train (the second train didn't always leave from the same platform). One train journey was only one stop. The other was between one and five, depending on whether it was a fast train or not.

It was fine. Trains were reasonably frequent though. Could the child stay on at school for 50 minutes - at a club or doing homework in the library - rather than having to hang around at the station?

If you have practiced the journey with them multiple times over the summer, you're setting them up for failure. I also agree that waiting nearly an hour for the train home every day sounds miserable. And you need to buy a railcard.

Right now, you're setting them up for failure and I'm not surprised they're anxious. I would be too.

If you haven't practised the journey!

50 mins isn’t that long by the time they get out of class, go to their locker (if they have one), fanny about chatting to their mates and walk to the train via the station shop for sweets and fizzy drinks.

@NovemberWitch

It’s not babying him, it’s training him. Children are inconvenient, but you know that. If DP tries to ‘make a man of him’ by forcing him to cope, the consequences may be many, varied and significant. He’s 11, the past year has been very stressful and he just needs your support facing lots of new things simultaneously. Is your partner usually so pig-headed and inflexible?

I agree with this.

The child is afraid. Parents who ignore that risk regretting it if it worsens.

The journey there isn't too bad, get your son a travel card though, why make him buy a ticket every day.

50 minutes waiting for the train back , that is too much, even for an adult? What about the winter 🥶 I think you need to pick him up.

Is this the closest school, where are all his friends going?

My sons travelled to school on the tube from year 6 but they were happy to do so. My only concern was the couple of roads they need to cross and there's no crossing or lights.

The 50 minute wait isn't ideal. Mine can wait 30 minutes on occasions but I suspect they're buried in their phones and don't notice. For all the things that can go awry, surely that's what mobile phones are for. I drive my kids when they have cricket bags and the like, as they're heavy to carry up and down the steps at the station.

Driving them to school until they settle down is a seriously bad idea. It will remove an important social opportunity. Meeting fellow pupils on the journey is another way to help settle in and get to know people.

If you don't have the opportunity to practice the route with the dm beforehand, accompany your dc to school for a day or two, using the route you expect them to take, and actively teach them what to do. If they're still unconfident, then for the next couple of days just follow them as they do it all by themselves. But, unless there are reasons you haven't mentioned, by the second week of ten they need to be doing this journey by themselves.

The 50min wait in the afternoon is another issue. Not a good one. Until your dc finds friends to travel with, it is a time when they could be targeted. Far better for them to stay at school - club, homework in the library - until they need to leave to be in time for their train.

Y6-7. Mine were taking tubes, buses and trains independently at 10-11. But they had grown up using public transport - we don’t have a car. Have you been practising the journey in the summer? Can’t you buy a travel card? I wouldn’t like the idea of a 50-min wait on the return journey, though.

If my 11 year old said he was scared I would accompany him, most of the way there at first then just to the station. He’ll probably find a friend doing the same journey at some point then be happy to do it with the friend.

The 50 minute wait before he can come home sounds like the worst part.