My son is being bullied and I’m asking the bully to be moved class

[User090]

Is this unreasonable?

My son has started school after the summer holidays 2 weeks ago. We aren’t in England so our schools go back a little early. He is 9 and is in a composite class with 10 children in his age group and 20 of the other age group.

There is another class which has all of his age group. My son had 2 friends which left the school last year. Since then he’s been on the outskirts of a large friend group but has one friend in particular within this group and is in his class.

Also within this group is a boy who has continually picked on my son. In May I spoke to the head teacher as my son was choked for absolutely no reason by this boy in the playground. I emailed the head teacher who then called me and the boy was removed feom the school and warned.

The very next day my son was told to shut up otherwise he would be choked again.

The summer holidays started and all was well. My son started back school and came home everyday with minor tales on this boy, things like the boy telling him he can’t stand there go to the back of the line, drawing on his work, nipping his hand etc.

The other day I got a call feom the head teacher telling me there was an incident in class and my son was head butted. I said who was it? The head teacher said “I can’t really tell you”. I said was it ? (The known bully).

The head teacher totally down played the situation and said the boy is usually lovely and he just had an off moment. I went to meet the head teacher with the list of incidents that happened since starting school.

She recognised it was bullying. The boys mother came for a meeting. The head teacher suggested my son was moved into the other class. I said no as my sons only friend is in his class and rather the bully should move.

The head teacher said she would discuss with his parent and the other boy but the boy doesn’t want to move class.

My son says he’s nervous and worried as he didn’t expect it to happen. When I collected my son he had an ice pack and still had a red bump on his head.

I have a meeting tomorrow and want to insist the boy is removed as I don’t feel my son is safe given the head butt happened in a classroom.

Is this likely to happen or what are my options?

Removed from the class not the school**

Since returning to school my son has twitch caused by anxiety and this has increased and is really sad to watch.

Does the school have an anti-bullying policy? What does it say?

Unfortunately I don’t think they are likely to move the other child. I don’t think you can demand the other child is moved, much as I would want to in your shoes.

What you can do is insist the bullying is dealt with and ask how they plan to protect your son from further incidents. He shouldn’t have to move class if he doesn’t want to.

Perhaps ask the Head why they feel the bully’s wishes should trump those of your DS?

I’d be saying they need to guarantee your DS will be safeguarded while at school and there must be NO further incidents of bullying and ask how they plan to achieve this.

So sorry op. It's normally the way from my experience if the child has any additional needs or is vulnerable in another way. Perhaps this is the case.

My sons bully was moved to the other class after a weeks suspension. No way was my son being disadvantaged by the little sod.

To be honest if they have offered to move your son into a different class I don't know why you wouldn't have accepted. He will make more friends and you have already said that his dear of the bully is negatively affecting him. You need to prioritise his safety and if that means moving class to get away from the bully then I'd say it was necessary.

But if a child CAN be moved why shouldn't it be the child who physically assaulted another child. Transpose it on to adult life, you are attacked in your workplace by a colleague and you are removed, not them.

Go to your GP to report the twitch.

You ask for the policies and follow it to the letter, if there is no resolution out your issues in writing to the governors.

My dd was being harassed by another girl who ended up being moved, although to be fair she was a general pain in the arse to other children too by all accounts.

Because my son only has one close friend. He’s struggles with anxiety and confidence. I really worry if he were to move he would feel worse. I know the bully has friends in the other class, the head teacher admitted this. If the police arrested me and the consequence was jail, simply saying oh no I don’t want to go wont make a difference. I feel the bully is having zero consequences and it’s so unfair.

I would just move your dc. He can presumably play with his friend at breaks.
Ideally the other kid would move and so he would make other friends but schools dot seem to do that.
i would just see it as they need to be kept apart.
My.eldest had a bad mix with another dc (where he was encouraging her to do naughty stuff) an d so she was always in trouble. They got split in yr 1 and it was much better.
Also your dc could probably do with making more friends as if he only has 1 thats an issue and hopefully his new friends wont also be friends with bullies.o
If they are young then the other kid may well be possessive over his frie nd so.trying to get your dc to go away.
Ime schools are very bad at sorting playground stuff. The parents are expected to.fix it which is impossible from.home.

Moving your son teaches him and the other children that if you are bullies then you need to slink away without making a fuss!

The bully will then think if anyone gets in his way they will be moved not him!

Why should your son have to make new friends in the new class?

Why can’t the bully be moved and made to feel the newcomer?

He head butted your son! That’s a horrible assault. Imagine if you went in to work and was head butted?

The school have consistently acted poorly in allowing the bully to continue.

I would want the boy expelled for the physical assault of head butting.

I have no idea what the ages have to be to report to the police as I’ve never encountered bullying but if this has happened to my son I would report it and expect it to be taken seriously.

So sorry this is happening to your son, please make sure you write a formal letter of complaint and request their responses/plan of action in writing as well.

I's not normally done so the troublemaker has been the one to be moved except in extreme circumstances*. That's not saying it doesn't happen, nor that it isn't what would happen in the ideal world, but unfortunately it tends to be the victim that is moved.

I don't know whether that is because of not upsetting the bully though. I would wonder if actually it could cause it's own issues with the bully then able to play the "he made poor little me move" card and keep bullying through proxy.

*The times I have known this apparently happen, one was a known bully who had had several victims over many years and a couple of stronger characters in the form decided (and told her) that they weren't going to continue and they would be protecting the victim. She (and mum) accused half the form of bullying and requested she moved.
The other time wasn't bullying, but various problem behaviour, and I think it was presented as giving the character a fresh start in a new class.

Perhaps tell the head (to tell the other parents) that you will go to the police about any other incidents.
So school/other parents may want to.move the other kids class

Thanks for the responses I feel so alone in this. I will take all of your advice to my meeting tomorrow.

We had this for years. The bully was never dealt with because his mummy worked at the school and her colleagues were friends who many grew up with her. I swear to God that his mother could watch her son kick a newborn baby and the only thing she would say was the baby started it or that it was normal child behaviour.
I went in to the school repeatedly for years. Other parents went into the school too. Nothing ever changed. Once I told the head that my son would get into the car upset and tell me immediately what way A had hurt him that day or spat on his dinner, scribbled on his work or whatever. The head told me that I needed to stop discussing A then. Cos obviously talking about it was the issue?!?!?!

In the end a new head teacher arrived and the boy moved schools (where he's still at it according to friends who's kids now have to deal with him)

DS still has the pleasure of being harassed (and strangled) by him outside playing so I have told DS that if he attacks DS again, DS is to hit him fucking hard and don't stop hitting til he's on the ground. The only way to deal with bullies sometimes is fighting back and kicking the absolute shit out of them. Funnily enough, the bully's mum was not pleased that I had told my child to hit hers back now and was at my door.

OP I really hope he is ok.

Is this two different boys or is it the same one?

No he should not be moved but if its a second boy that's head butted him after the first one was removed from the school, your son maybe seen as an easy target to bully.

I'd ask for a whole class approach. Yes it is biting in to the school day but your son has been physically assaulted twice now and it isn't typical school yard pushing about. By taking a whole class approach it enables other children to stand up to bullying behaviours or report it to a teacher, it lets the entire class know what the repercussions of bullying is and how it makes other people feel. They will absolutely know why there are having that discussion and most 9 year olds will take heed.

I would be raging if one of my kids had been strangled and head butted in school where they are supposed to be safe.

I wouldn't accept that he had to move class either, why should he have to hide in another class so he doesn't get attacked.

Speak to the school.

Raise a complaint.

Keep a record of incidents and report each one and note the response. A follow up email going over what you said and what they said after every meeting is a good idea. Record it on your phone for accuracy. This is allowed as long as you don't share the recording.

Write to the governors.

Call the police

and if all that fails, teach your son how to hit really fucking well.

Yes I’ve also told my son to hit him back but unfortunately I feel this causes him more anxiety as he feels pressure to do this to make me happy even though he doesn’t want to. And so I don’t even want him to be in this position. I am considering moving school but it’s dependent on me moving house which isn’t easy in the current market.

How old is the bully? If he is 10 he is of legal age and you can report the bullying to the police if the school is not doing enough.