My son is being bullied and I’m asking the bully to be moved class

[User090]

Is this unreasonable?

My son has started school after the summer holidays 2 weeks ago. We aren’t in England so our schools go back a little early. He is 9 and is in a composite class with 10 children in his age group and 20 of the other age group.

There is another class which has all of his age group. My son had 2 friends which left the school last year. Since then he’s been on the outskirts of a large friend group but has one friend in particular within this group and is in his class.

Also within this group is a boy who has continually picked on my son. In May I spoke to the head teacher as my son was choked for absolutely no reason by this boy in the playground. I emailed the head teacher who then called me and the boy was removed feom the school and warned.

The very next day my son was told to shut up otherwise he would be choked again.

The summer holidays started and all was well. My son started back school and came home everyday with minor tales on this boy, things like the boy telling him he can’t stand there go to the back of the line, drawing on his work, nipping his hand etc.

The other day I got a call feom the head teacher telling me there was an incident in class and my son was head butted. I said who was it? The head teacher said “I can’t really tell you”. I said was it ? (The known bully).

The head teacher totally down played the situation and said the boy is usually lovely and he just had an off moment. I went to meet the head teacher with the list of incidents that happened since starting school.

She recognised it was bullying. The boys mother came for a meeting. The head teacher suggested my son was moved into the other class. I said no as my sons only friend is in his class and rather the bully should move.

The head teacher said she would discuss with his parent and the other boy but the boy doesn’t want to move class.

My son says he’s nervous and worried as he didn’t expect it to happen. When I collected my son he had an ice pack and still had a red bump on his head.

I have a meeting tomorrow and want to insist the boy is removed as I don’t feel my son is safe given the head butt happened in a classroom.

Is this likely to happen or what are my options?

So this kid chokes and headbutts at the age of 9?

You need to go higher than the Head for this.

I think I’d actually go as far as calling the local police for advice.

I would go in and read them the riot act

Parentline Scotland
Tel: 08000 28 22 33 (Mon - Fri 9am - 10pm, Sat - Sun 12noon - 8pm)
If you're a parent you can call this free, confidential helpline about any parenting issues, including advice about bullying.

respectme.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/RESPECT-FOR-ALL-FINAL.pdf

Your school will have a policy for bullying on their website. It's good practise that it is up to date and signed by the chair of governors. Go to their website and click on documents or something like that or policies and procedures.

Print out their policy, highlight any parts you feel they have breached or failed to adhere to. Raise this in the meeting.

A choking and biting 9 year old is not normal by any stretch. I would tell the child's mum I would be going to the police. It's red flags all over for me if someone chokes, aged 9? Does that bully have some sort of a behavioural issue which makes the teachers and HT feel conflicted?

Has she got an action plan and how she is going to go up the scale?

to add

It's not your problem what this child's problems are regardless of any child protection plan

It could be an explanation but it doesn't mitigate bullying

Child needs to move class or schools as it hasn't been addressed. I would give one more chance after using the links to find relevant policy to your case. I would give her my own action plan too. I would ask her to make a contract or agreement up on how the school will handle this going forward. I'm tired of teachers not being able to name a kid. When they are 2 and at nursery it's infuriating because they can't tell you what happened. From the age of 3-4 they are able to tell you who did something so it defeats the purpose of not naming and also protecting a repeat offender for bullying.

Im sad about this it's really struck a chord.

You are so brilliant for being so proactive with your son, heaps of love xxx

No way would my child be moving classes. He's done nothing wrong.

We had something like this happen with my DS who is asd and talks little at school and he told me he had been attacked by another boy repeatedly and one time around the head with a fallen branch from a tree. Sorry your DS has been through this, its horrible and horrible as a mother.

You cannot specify what happens to other boy but you can make suggestions like he has full time supervision, another class probably does not work as an overall solution as it could just shift the issue. In our case I suggested boy was moved to a specialist school as school said it was one of a long list. They said they could not tell me but he disappeared and never saw him again. Obviously could be underlying issues but that is for school to deal with not your child to be victim of. The child may have been abused so i never used the word bully as I dont know what the boy that hurt mine has been through.

Would an entirely new school be an option? The reason I ask is that clearly they’re not going to move the bully and your son will be anxious about him even if your son moves classes.
Although he’d be leaving his friend behind, he could see him outside school and potentially make new friends via a fresh start,

You need to get angry with school, he on to them every day, asking what they plan to do and how they are going to make sure your child is SAFE at school. I think in 2021 allowing bullies to continue (once known) is an absolute failure by schools.

I was bullied relentlessly as a child, it was horrific it affects your self esteem your confidence, other friends stayed away from me as the bullies started on them too. I was a shell by high school and then it just got worse and worse. My mum was very proactive but schools are so meh and non commital about doing much at all. There needs to be strict bullying policies which are followed through, bullies need consequences and deterrents but still they are protected and mollycoddled whilst their victims are left terrified. Children have mulled themselves because of bullying. I thought about it many a time but obviously didn’t but I can see why kids/teens feel there is no way our and they aren’t listened to or protected. It’s very sad and I can’t believe things have changed so little in the 25/30 years since I left school. I’m in Scotland too op, I find the schools to be very passive generally unless your kid is exceptional at sports etc or parents are involved in the pta. I’ve had lots of issues with my second and youngest sons and you just need to constantly phone and email and annoy them for anything to be done. Support your son, be there for him and I hope school get their act together soon!!!

Your son was assaulted so stand your ground and insist the bully gets moved and not your son the victim ☹️
Your well within your rights to involve the police which is what I would do if I thought the school were not willing to safeguard my child!

I’m also in Scotland, for the info of others, we do not have school governors.

I’m sorry your son is going through this OP, we had a similar experience with my son at secondary level when he was about 13. It was getting the police involved that made the school take notice. Unfortunately in your case, in Scotland the age of criminal responsibility is being raised to 12.

Is GIRFEC still on the go? If so, ask the headteacher what they’re doing to get it right for YOUR child and keep pushing it….make it as uncomfortable as hell for her, as that seems to be the only way to get any action.

@JudgeRindersMinder wow that's surprising

Have you got a board of directors or trustees? Who helps them to provide the best level of education and best practise if they aren't being questioned by independent people? What do they have instead of governors

www.kidscape.org.uk/

This charity might help you and your son

[quote cultkid]@JudgeRindersMinder wow that's surprising

Have you got a board of directors or trustees? Who helps them to provide the best level of education and best practise if they aren't being questioned by independent people? What do they have instead of governors [/quote]
It’s just a totally different system here and always has been. The school are answerable to the local authority (council). Never any issue about conflict of interest/favouritism etc as I’ve often read about on MN

@judgerindersminder

That's very interesting thanks for that info, I will look more into it out of curiosity

I would therefore raise it with the LA and the police at the same time as escalating with the HT so it all runs parallel and there isn't a delay in getting actions taken

Tell the school to enforce their anti-bullying policy, they are legally required to do so. If there is another violent incident then call the police, they are legally required to deal with the issue and will involve social services to deal with the bully child and the bully child's parents.

Point out to the school that if there is another incident the police will be called and it will be dealt with as assault, the school will have caused the issue and will likely be subject to an Ofsted investigation. They will buck their ideas up as the last thing they want is the police outside the school and Ofsted poking around inside the school.

I always found most effective way of getting action is to have everything in writing so I did by e mail. Include the impact on your son and photos of any injuries if possible. Then go through complaints procedure. I found mentioning solutions that worked from a safeguarding point of view helped and mentioning keeping children safe so child is always supervised or children always seperated or child sent to more appropriate school. Police wouldnt get involved at that age here and your system maybe different. LA can be helpful if get nowhere though best to follow official process.

So sorry this is happening to your poor son.

@JudgeRindersMinder that's a good point, I'd forgotten that OP said she was here in Scotland. Maybe the Parent council then and then education board at the council.

Completely agree about printing out their bullying policy and seeing what it says and how they address any issues. It will help to guide you as to what they should be doing and when. Follow up any meeting in writing ie email so that there is a paper trial of everything that has happened and what school have suggested or implemented. This is for your own record to in case this goes further.

The key word here is safeguarding. They need to safeguard your child in school. If they say your son needs to move class then can his friend go with him? Explain he would feel isolated if he moved alone plus it tells the bully that he has won, the child has been removed from his vicinity.

Choking and headbutting are serious offences in a primary. Mostly it is just shoving. I know I am in England so it is different but they do internal "isolation" which actually means staying with SLT (senior leader team) members all day. I personally think this goes either two ways, one they love being one on one with a senior team member of staff or two they miss their friends. Usually it is option one for the novelty value.

I am so sorry your son is going through this.

I would threaten to complain to the LA, the police and Ofsted.

Parent councils in Scotland have absolutely no power beyond fundraising. It would be escalated to the local authorities.

So I went to the meeting and the headteacher was reluctant to do anything as she said she wants to take a wait-and-see approach. She didn’t suspended the child and she doesn’t think that actually teaches them anything and she is going to check in with my child once a day and we will have a weekly meeting. I said that I’m not happy to see my child back he’s developed a twitch from anxiety and is very nervous to return. He’s been off sick this week.

I said I don’t want them playing together and I want them separated I want him to move class and teacher refused and say that wouldn’t be possible but would be possible on the next occasion.

I said I wasn’t happy to wait and see and Threatened to go above her to the council at that point she changed her tune and said she would contact their sons their boys parent to suggest a move class for his own good and benefit. So I’m waiting for a call with the answer.

She did say that the boy has sensitive personal family issues that they also need to consider in work around although I’m not sure what they are.

OP

Go to the police for the choking! and head butting! to be noted.

They will call around to bully child’s house I expect.

Please record all your dealings with the head. The wait and see approach is ludicrous, wait and see how he injures your son next? They have a duty of care to your child to keep him from harm and they have not demonstrated how they will fulfill this. Your child should not go back to school until his safety from this other child is guaranteed. My daughter was bullied in yr 7 and the school responded quickly and appropriately, several years later, the chief bullier apologised to her. Good luck.