Burn out - is anyone else's battery completely flat?

[BreathingDeep]

I know everyone has been through different degrees of hell during the past 18 months, but I think I'm starting to struggle. I feel exhausted, stressed and completely overwhelmed by life.

I have a full-on full-time job and there's little to no escape from it, plus I have a team to support. I've had three weeks off in total over the past 2 years and I know my adrenaline has pretty much burnt out. I know I need to take time off, but the buck stops with me and there's no-one to pick up work I don't do, so I have to keep trucking.

I have children who need me, especially right now as one is dealing with some mental health issues caused by Covid and lockdown. They're wonderful, but I'm so touched out and so over being needed so much that my beautiful kids are starting to feel like hard work.

I'm also fat. I loathe myself and the way I look and feel. Every day I'm determined to make changes, but every day I feel defeated before I begin. Small changes fall by the wayside and I seem paralysed to break free of crappy habits.

I find it impossible to put my needs first. I just can't do it. Everyone and everything comes first - my clients, my team, my children, my husband, even my pets. It's madness and yet, the pattern continues.

Things just don't bring me joy anymore - instead of something to look forward to, they feel like an extra pressure, which I know is madness. I adore books and magazines and yet I just look at them mounting up and feel like I'm even failing at the things I love. I love walking my dog listening to a book or a podcast but I just can't summon up the energy to do a thing.

I need to pull myself together I know that. Anyone got any tried and tested kicks up the bum?

How many pets have you got ? You need to share the load of those. I know so many families that have bought animals for kids sake but it's always mum dealing with them when the novelty wears off
Also are you spending a large amount of time ferrying kids to clubs and hobbies? If so stop , once a week each child
Sorry if I sound harsh but I work full time and single parent and I have to know my limits
I so know what you mean that everyone and everything else comes first, but your needs are paramount
Sounds like you are at the bottom of the pyramid here ...when that collapses everyone is in trouble!

I'm another one who's burnt out and knackered, I work for myself so dont take a lot of time off, but I'm lucky to have some flexibility. Obviously the pandemic to deal with like everyone else, we also moved house in the middle of it. Problems with DS's girlfriend moving away, my Dad nearly died of a liver anyeurism 7 weeks ago, several trips to see him, he lives 200 miles away. Have felt guilty cause the burden falls on my Sister. Prior to that had him to stay with us for 2 5 week periods, which both times has meant me and my partner sharing a bedroom with my youngest DS. Dad's partner went into a care home cause she has dementia, a year ago. Dad now in sheltered accommodation. Bad history because of his difficult partner, so he has had no real relationship with his grandsons, was a nightmare when he was down. Periods all over the place, started HRT a couple of months after having a blood test done, I'm 46. Trying to finish a course which I hope will lead to more work for me. I travel around a lot for work, on public transport and on foot, on the plus side that keeps me fit. DH fed up with his work. Youngest DS started high school today, going to be hard getting him to organise himself. I hurt my back and have felt rubbish and run down all week, all negative lateral flow tests luckily. Sorry for brain dump. On the plus side have lost half a stone since the beginning of June, but my eating habits are not healthy, its just been a fluke cause of the stress.

Realise none of my stuff sounds like very much, hats off to those of you who work full time and have their own businesses. Sorry to everyone else who is feeling burnt out.

How is everyone today? I hit a wall over the weekend which culminated in a massive bawling session which initially felt cathartic but now appears to have just opened the flood gates and I keep crying at the most inopportune moments.

The weight of life just feels so damned heavy. Work has gone through the roof which we're grateful for, but the reality is that it's hard to manage. Everyone - colleagues, friends, family, clients - all come to me with their issues and I take them on, and I'm feeling utterly weighed down with everyone's shit. Then I try and solve them, which I can't, and so I add my guilt shit onto the pile. So much shit. Shit everywhere.

I genuinely feel one tiny inch away from cracking, but I know I can't - too many people need me to stay strong and in control. And as Dontforgetyourbrolly says, I'm the bottom of the pyramid I know that if that collapses, so does everything else.

I just want to freeze time so I can go to bed, sleep, read, watch mindless TV and life-affirming movies and rest, and then I'll come back to the world when I feel better equipped... Anyone want to join me?

I know how you feel too. I don't have work worries as I'm retired, which makes me feel I have no excuse. However, the lack of things to do due to Covid restrictions, lack of emotional support, problems with adult children and their mental health struggles, elderly mother who is isolated and lonely but who makes me feel utterly shit whenever I see her. Feeling I want to move but don't know where to go, friendships which have tanked during lockdown.. I could go on. Some days I just want to give up and stay in bed all the time. Every task seems utterly exhausting. When we have managed to get away for a 'holiday', i.e. a week in self catering somewhere, all I do is sleep, and i dread going home.

I do try to do things for myself sometimes but I feel I need a year on a desert island alone. I felt like this before lockdown, and feel even worse now. I don't feel any joy in anything either, can't concentrate on reading, find everything on TV and the news utterly depressing. The world just doesn't seem like the same place at all. OH has chronic insomnia which compounds the issue ..
To everyone out there who is feeling similarly, you are not alone. Counselling services are swamped for a reason.

It is also so so true about only being able to be as happy as your unhappiest child. I have a very unhappy adult child and that takes up so much head space.

OP, I also could have written your original post. Im an nhs clinician in mental health services and work is just unlike anything I have ever know just now. Add to that teenage kids and uni students all somewhat affected by the last 2 years and I am just about ready to explode. Not helped by the fact I am also perimenopausal with some awful symptoms going on. I hope you find a way to get through this.

OP your original post could be me except I don't have a dog! I'm still working this evening...on a conference call and mumsnet.... placemarking for later to read the whole thread in case anyone has great suggestions ...

i have an illness that makes me tired. If i'm burnt out i go to bed and not get up stay in my pj's. I find that more effective than soldiering on. A rest day usually works.

Yes to all of this. Tea and hugs for you all. It's the weirdest time. Some bits of life have resumed with a bang and it's a lot to process.

Dh is working away and the logistics of daily life as the dcs resume school/college/clubs/jobs are utterly painful. I am exhausted and have no concentration.

I am doing nothing whatsoever for myself other than a quick mn in the evening.

I would say as someone who's a bit knackered, a bit anemic, a bit overworked and putting themselves last to take care of yourselves. I was admitted into hospital this week and I'm sure it could of been avoided had I been taking better care of myself over the last six months or so.

I am. I have been signed off work for two weeks and honestly I'm dreading going back because I still don't feel rested.
I seem to have re-ocurring sinusitis for some reason, and I'm 28 weeks pregnant so can't take anything. I have a 2yr old who obviously has a lot of energy.

I am sooo tired

I’m going to hop on and say me too, OP. The last 18 months have ruined me physically and emotionally and I am running on empty.

I work full time in a pressured job, study for a very academic course on the side. Have a 2 year old that has been ill with a cough/cold/virus every couple of weeks since she started nursery last year. Because of this my sleep is rubbish, I’m stuck in a cycle of reaching for sugary snacks to perk me up and drinking a lot of coffee. I’m chronically ill and got so run down a few months ago I came down with an awful bout of tonsillitis. Now I’m being investigated for PVS because I basically haven’t recovered and feel like I’ve fallen off a small building every day.

Sorry didn’t mean to go off on one about myself and no great suggestions bar taking high strength vitamin D and going to bed at a sensible time. It’s all too much isn’t it

Could have written most of your post, OP. I feel burnt out too. Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. It’s been a rough 18 months of the pandemic and it’s not over yet.

The least thing causes me huge stress and I don’t feel able to cope at all. I just hope I have it in me to stay sane over the next 6 months with unvaccinated kids in school and both me and DH in full-on, intense jobs. My big stumbling block is insomnia which I go through bouts of. When I sleep I feel a lot better and able to cope.

All I’ve found that is useful is calm-down yoga workouts I can do at home, the Calm app for meditation and trying to know my limits. I feel like the only way I’ll hold it together this winter is by giving up my job but I don’t want to be a SAHM! I love my job and worked hard to get to the position I’m in but it’s just a lot to juggle with primary school aged kids and everything else.

I hope we all find a way to cope and stay strong. Feels like women have borne the brunt of school closures, work changes and all the stress of care work in this pandemic.

Been on the brink of this for weeks but fully crashed today. Cried twice during a work day (mercifully without witnesses). I just have nothing left but there's no end in sight.

If I were my own friend I'd advise me to find something to look forward to, but I can't see my way through the crushing exhaustion.
"Ruined" is sadly a perfect word to describe this @Realyorkshiretea

I have been lucky enough to get a break and am in Greece right now what I realised I’d that lockdown 1 gave me space to just be and I’ve been full on working since lockdown 2 not looking after myself atall just on the treadmill I’m not having it I’m putting me first the rest can fuck to the far side

It's so sad to hear about how many of us are feeling totally wrecked.

I have made the somewhat financially reckless decision to drop hours at work.

Have been a workaholic all my life (after seeing my mum do it, 'have it all', 3 young kids full time job and then completely burn out to the point of illness and early death (I'm serious).

I caught COVID at a point of burn out and my body couldn't fight it effectively. Had to rethink everything.

So I'm determined to do things differently now.

Cut our cloth accordingly with our low earnings.

I feel guilt (inbuilt Protestant work ethic) at having these days off but feel it will do the world of good once I get through my current stress/exhaustion phase.

Going to the gym and swimming to try and get out of the house - which is a renovation bomb site and I mostly WFH so I just want to be somewhere else.

I hate the corny 'self care' talk but there's absolutely a case for it in pandemic times. It's just an unsustainable level of stress and something has to give.

Me. Me too.

I've been signed off twice since the pandemic begun and felt unable to take the time off each time. Have ADs I'm meant to start taking in a drawer waiting for me. I work p/t with primary school aged DC and my life has felt increasingly bleak since Covid began. Lost my aunt last year, major health scare with elderly DDad, bullying in both mine and DHs job. Eldest DC has suspected SEN and on diagnostic pathway.

I have a chronic pain condition, migraines, the lot. Nothing helps - physio, massage, acupuncture, therapy etc. I know what I need is a proper, uninterrupted rest from my whole family, job, life - a sort of mini Gap Year. A sabbatical, I think. But then I'd have to come back.

I think we need to start recognising Covid burnout as a proper thing, and address the huge societal cost of the emotional load stuff that has gotten out of control during lockdown(s).

Does anyone else have post viral syndrome? Or probable PVS?

Yup. Beyond exhausted. I need to go to bed early and get more sleep. But it’s almost like my brain won’t slow down. I’ve forgotten how to rest.

@TiddleTaddleTat

It's so sad to hear about how many of us are feeling totally wrecked.

I have made the somewhat financially reckless decision to drop hours at work.

Have been a workaholic all my life (after seeing my mum do it, 'have it all', 3 young kids full time job and then completely burn out to the point of illness and early death (I'm serious).

I caught COVID at a point of burn out and my body couldn't fight it effectively. Had to rethink everything.

So I'm determined to do things differently now.

Cut our cloth accordingly with our low earnings.

I feel guilt (inbuilt Protestant work ethic) at having these days off but feel it will do the world of good once I get through my current stress/exhaustion phase.

Going to the gym and swimming to try and get out of the house - which is a renovation bomb site and I mostly WFH so I just want to be somewhere else.

I hate the corny 'self care' talk but there's absolutely a case for it in pandemic times. It's just an unsustainable level of stress and something has to give.

Actually I do wonder if in general immunity is much lower because of the stress people are under. So if they get Covid they are more likely to become seriously unwell.

Fellow burnouters I am back I have deleted my emails so far so good however the piece de resistance is that I have been tasked with getting 20 homeless people into work however not your street homeless oh no sofa surfers so homeless but not that homeless fuck me you cdnt make it up which is indeed what I said when I was told this nonsense. The government knee jerk at every opportunity we are tasked with nonsense it is indeed the emporers new clothes

Haven’t RTFT but I could have written the OP. Will now read the advice on the thread. Good luck to you OP and take care of yourself.

I’m burnt out. I lost my husband and went straight into lockdown and homeschooling 3 kids and working full time. Then my father in law mother in law and grandmother died and a friend committed suicide. By Easter I couldn’t do it any more and I’ve taken 3-6 months off to decompress and find my mojo. I’m in a financial position to do it and have a sabbatical from my job. It’s the best thing ive done. I was on the verge of total mental exhaustion

@Rummikubfan sending you strength you’ve been through a nightmare ♥️

Like so many on this thread I’m another at the end of my tether. I live overseas and got pregnant following years of TTC at the very start of this pandemic. We went into one of the world’s toughest lockdowns and it was incredibly stressful. I gave birth at the peak of the pandemic in November and still haven’t seen my family, I’m only working part time from home than goodness but my husband regularly pulls 100 hour weeks (runnning his own business, he did this even when I was working full time) so I’m with baby 24/7 - I haven’t left her for more than an hour since she was born and she’s now 10 and a half months. The house is a cluttered mess and I feel so guilty about that as I’m at home so surely I should be on top of it... my dog is sick, my grandmother is not doing well, my dad nearly died of Covid when my daughter was a month old, I’m unfit and overweight when I used to be an athlete (competitive swimmer and long distance runner). I can’t remember the last time I read a book, and I feel like I’m failing my baby girl because sometimes I just can’t and I lay on the couch and watch her play with some stupid podcast running in the background and I feel like I should be interacting with her instead but she doesn’t nap unless it’s on me and I’ve reached the point of needing a break even if it’s in her presence. She doesn’t seem too bothered by it but I feel guilty all the same. I also feel guilty that I’m scared to fly out to see my grandmother, feel guilty I’m not pulling in more money, feel guilt my poor old lady dog isn’t well and is t getting the same doting attention she used to before my daughter was born, guilty I haven’t been able to do more for my friends who are struggling, guilty that my MIL lives alone but I just CANNOT take responsibility for her happiness too... I’m fried. Sorry OP, I guess I’m just grateful for this thread as an opportunity to vent, hence the stream of consciousness style verbal diarrhea

@ThatScottishLass... You really are expecting a lot of yourself.

From where I am looking you have done amazingly given the circumstances: healthy happy baby, and you are aware of the fact that you need to rest.

You should be immensely proud of you.

If your DH is working then spend some money and see whether having someone to help around the house might be useful/beneficial even in the short term to get things caught up.

Keep up the good work. But REST and try to RELAX. You are doing the best given everything you have been through