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Original poster

Burn out - is anyone else's battery completely flat?

101 replies

BreathingDeep · 30/08/2021 14:30

I know everyone has been through different degrees of hell during the past 18 months, but I think I'm starting to struggle. I feel exhausted, stressed and completely overwhelmed by life.

I have a full-on full-time job and there's little to no escape from it, plus I have a team to support. I've had three weeks off in total over the past 2 years and I know my adrenaline has pretty much burnt out. I know I need to take time off, but the buck stops with me and there's no-one to pick up work I don't do, so I have to keep trucking.

I have children who need me, especially right now as one is dealing with some mental health issues caused by Covid and lockdown. They're wonderful, but I'm so touched out and so over being needed so much that my beautiful kids are starting to feel like hard work.

I'm also fat. I loathe myself and the way I look and feel. Every day I'm determined to make changes, but every day I feel defeated before I begin. Small changes fall by the wayside and I seem paralysed to break free of crappy habits.

I find it impossible to put my needs first. I just can't do it. Everyone and everything comes first - my clients, my team, my children, my husband, even my pets. It's madness and yet, the pattern continues.

Things just don't bring me joy anymore - instead of something to look forward to, they feel like an extra pressure, which I know is madness. I adore books and magazines and yet I just look at them mounting up and feel like I'm even failing at the things I love. I love walking my dog listening to a book or a podcast but I just can't summon up the energy to do a thing.

I need to pull myself together I know that. Anyone got any tried and tested kicks up the bum?

OP posts:
Sierra259 · 30/08/2021 18:13

I feel exactly the same. I'm only part time at work, but sometimes I think that makes things worse as I have to get stuff done in less time, and catch up on things after my days off. There's so much stuff to do around the house that bothers me and I just don't know where to start, or ever seem to have the motivation to get on with it. I feel like I can't be bothered to do stuff with the kids (6 & 8) and feel guilty about that. I'm the heaviest I've ever been, none of my clothes look nice on and that makes me miserable. I have managed to start doing some exercise daily and cut back on sugary things, so it's a start, but it barely seems to make any difference. I wake up anxious every morning (though this fades when I get going). I just feel like I need 6 months off to get my head straight. Sending Flowers to everyone here also struggling x

Sarahlou63 · 30/08/2021 18:35

I find it impossible to put my needs first.

Think of the safety drill on an airplane - always put your own mask on first.

I loathe myself and the way I look and feel.

Well, you're not going to look after something you loathe, are you? How about being nice to the body you inhabit and feed it nutritious food so it can serve you better. Think of it as an employee - it needs encouragement and good feedback, not snide comments.

ssd · 30/08/2021 18:37

Me

TheWayTheLightFalls · 30/08/2021 19:06

I presume the kids are back at school soon? What would happen if you booked a day or two off that first week, and more or less stayed in bed with a book?

SoLongFurlough · 30/08/2021 19:35

@KintsugiCat thank you for posting your holiday breakdown
You have inspired me to look at my calendar too Flowers

SoLongFurlough · 30/08/2021 19:43

I adore books and magazines and yet I just look at them mounting up and feel like I'm even failing at the things I love
I also feel like this sometimes OP so every so often I ditch them!
I clear out everything that’s been sitting unread for the last few months as there’s no point in it stressing you out if it’s meant to be fun. Same with the podcasts / watchlists - you can always add them back into your library later.
It feels like a fresh start & you can always buy them back again if you want.

opalescent · 30/08/2021 19:44

Yes. I feel exactly the same OP

pecanmix · 30/08/2021 19:52

Op I could have written this as well

batmanladybird · 30/08/2021 19:58

Yes me

allofthecheese · 30/08/2021 20:03

Yep, same here. Spent most of the day teary as I know I'm not giving my toddler enough but I am so so so exhausted all the time. He's unwell right now so it's just been extra hard but I really feel your post and feel somewhat seen.

shadypines · 30/08/2021 20:12

I sympathise OP, I have no great answers except don't try to be everything to everyone. Perhaps pause and right down what you could either do less, stop doing or delegate for a start is all I can think of at the moment. I hope your DC is feeling better soon, that must be so difficult.
Also, just think of simple ways to recharge yourself for now, even just one simple way. I find having lots of things to want to do can start to feel overwhelming eg TV, book, magazine, hobby etc etc just pause and pick one you feel like at that moment in time.I hope you feel a bit better soon.

ssd · 30/08/2021 20:51

@Afonavon

I could have written this too. It’s a fucking uphill struggle just keeping going with the normal stuff. I am spent, completely drained of ability to climb out of this hole. My wellbeing is so intrinsically entwined with my children’s that I can only be happy when they are (all three of the have mental health problem which I feel shit about). I worry that they will realise this and feel even more pressure. I want a break from thinking and worrying, I need to get on top and be strong, but I need to be hugged and looked after while I just lie down and just breathe.
This, a million percent
roaringwater · 30/08/2021 21:08

I've just started a thread because I feel exactly the same. I'm in a senior leadership position in a primary school so as you can imagine, it's been a tough year. Granted, I am coming to the end of the long holiday but unfortunately I got COVID right at the start of it and it wiped me out. I feel like I am going back into a new school year without having recharged my batteries and I'm terrified about being unable to cope. I have literally no one in RL to talk to about this.

crochetmonkey74 · 30/08/2021 21:12

@roaringwater

I've just started a thread because I feel exactly the same. I'm in a senior leadership position in a primary school so as you can imagine, it's been a tough year. Granted, I am coming to the end of the long holiday but unfortunately I got COVID right at the start of it and it wiped me out. I feel like I am going back into a new school year without having recharged my batteries and I'm terrified about being unable to cope. I have literally no one in RL to talk to about this.
I'm the same, leadership in a school, I'm single with no kids so have had a long holiday but spent every day of the holiday low and unmotivated and now am going back hoping routine and normality will help or at least keep me busy for several hours a day
roaringwater · 30/08/2021 21:18

@crochetmonkey74
I think I read that the horrible demotivated feeling is a sign of burnout.

TiddleTaddleTat · 30/08/2021 21:22

I guess this is the brunt of the pandemic, it's been upon women's shoulders.

GoodnightGrandma · 30/08/2021 21:29

I’m hoping that my kids going back to school/Uni will help me back into a routine, and give me a kick up the jacksie.
I know that I’m better with routine.

crochetmonkey74 · 30/08/2021 21:35

roaring I feel a bit guilty as I feel like I dont have responsibility or stress enough to have burnout , but I've suffered 4 large bereavements or losses in the last 10 months so maybe that can also cause it?

Sloth66 · 30/08/2021 21:35

I work part time, but haven’t had much holiday for the last 8 months. Since last year I have been working extra to cover people off isolating or ill. Just feel tired and run down now. I’ve got my nursing pin for another 8 months, think I’ll let it lapse this time.

roaringwater · 30/08/2021 21:38

@crochetmonkey74

roaring I feel a bit guilty as I feel like I dont have responsibility or stress enough to have burnout , but I've suffered 4 large bereavements or losses in the last 10 months so maybe that can also cause it?
Without doubt. And I do agree with previous posters who said it's just now we're starting to see the effects of the lengthy pandemic on people's capacity to keep pushing on.

It must be really difficult for people in the OP's position who are dependent on their own business to make a living - the stress must be enormous.

DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2021 21:39

@roaringwater I go back tomorrow as a rank and file teacher after mat leave. Because of covid I haven't been in for 18 months and I haven't slept through the night since the baby was born 10 months ago. And I'm ill.

I feel exactly the same as you.

SellFridges · 30/08/2021 21:41

This thread is so comforting and there’s some great advice.

I feel like I have post traumatic stress from the past 18 months, I’m running on empty, and the first germs I pick up are going to floor me. I haven’t been for a run in months, I eat crap, I hate looking in the mirror, and I get less joy from the things I hold dear every day.

Im constantly waiting for the next disaster and it’s exhausting.

roaringwater · 30/08/2021 21:44

[quote DueyCheatemAndHow]@roaringwater I go back tomorrow as a rank and file teacher after mat leave. Because of covid I haven't been in for 18 months and I haven't slept through the night since the baby was born 10 months ago. And I'm ill.

I feel exactly the same as you.[/quote]
I hope you have a very supportive SLT - I take my hat off to people with young babies who go out to work too. Good luck this week 💐

DueyCheatemAndHow · 30/08/2021 21:50

@roaringwater thank you lovely. I don't think they are going to be particularly kind. I'm hoping to move this year but who wants a PT secondary teacher....

Good luck to you too xxx

megletthesecond · 30/08/2021 21:54

Yes. My DD is starting to crank up the violent meltdown level as she doesn't want to go back to school. And my washing machine is broken for at least 10 days. I keep crying (no one to tell or to help me though) and am this close to calling in sick next week so I can start to get organised without the dcs in the house.