Burn out - is anyone else's battery completely flat?

[BreathingDeep]

I know everyone has been through different degrees of hell during the past 18 months, but I think I'm starting to struggle. I feel exhausted, stressed and completely overwhelmed by life.

I have a full-on full-time job and there's little to no escape from it, plus I have a team to support. I've had three weeks off in total over the past 2 years and I know my adrenaline has pretty much burnt out. I know I need to take time off, but the buck stops with me and there's no-one to pick up work I don't do, so I have to keep trucking.

I have children who need me, especially right now as one is dealing with some mental health issues caused by Covid and lockdown. They're wonderful, but I'm so touched out and so over being needed so much that my beautiful kids are starting to feel like hard work.

I'm also fat. I loathe myself and the way I look and feel. Every day I'm determined to make changes, but every day I feel defeated before I begin. Small changes fall by the wayside and I seem paralysed to break free of crappy habits.

I find it impossible to put my needs first. I just can't do it. Everyone and everything comes first - my clients, my team, my children, my husband, even my pets. It's madness and yet, the pattern continues.

Things just don't bring me joy anymore - instead of something to look forward to, they feel like an extra pressure, which I know is madness. I adore books and magazines and yet I just look at them mounting up and feel like I'm even failing at the things I love. I love walking my dog listening to a book or a podcast but I just can't summon up the energy to do a thing.

I need to pull myself together I know that. Anyone got any tried and tested kicks up the bum?

I totally get this. I am just coming to the end of a 2 week break where I was pretty much burnt out before I went off. I promised myself I would not check emails and made sure everything was handed over so I didn't and was able to switch off from actual work quite well.

However, the time off has been awful. I am a proper 'sandwich' with kids a dh and a widowed mother who rely on me for emotional support and my dm has been very low a few times. Kids are going to secondary, we've had friendship traumas, worries about a new school and joy of joys, a first period!

My own health is shite - I have put in weight too and my bmi is now over 30 and like you have the best of intentions but they've gone by 11am. I have been ill on and off all holiday with d&v, severe headaches, a big filing has broken and I actually ended up spending the last 3 days in bed properly ill with a horrid virus (not covid according to lfts). Oh and sleep shite.

I have been feeling really bleak and empty - borderline depressed possibly which isn't like me. I worry about my future and the lack of joy in it. I ended up have a right proper sob on dh which was useful as he didn't realise quite how low I had got.

On the plus side, being so ill I've had to spend the last 3 days in bed has meant I have vegged out, read some books and rewatched the most amusing episodes of Downton Abbey. Not productive but the opposite of challenging which was much needed. I even realised being too ill to eat has been liberating as I have not beaten myself up for my food choices for a few days. A bit fucked up admittedly but a welcome break.

Completely understand the burnt out feeling OP. I also think this has been really exemplified during the Covid pandemic too, with many at the end of their tether. Making sure you take your Annual Leave is vital so you can rest. But also try and schedule in something for YOU at least once a week. Whether that's having have a pamper evening, reading a book, going for a swim, watching a movie, etc, it is so important to prioritise wellbeing. There is only so much that people can take before burn out occurs, so it may also mean re-assessing the job situation and /or looking at whether there are any areas at home that are a struggle and can be delegated or lowered on the to-do list. Alternatively, you may wish to chat to a therapist, GP, etc, if you feel everything is getting on top of you. Wishing you all the best.

I feel the same. Utterly exhausted, burnt out. Big lists of things to do. Can't be bothered to do anything other than sit around watching rubbish on Netflix. Work is relentlessly dull. I'm eating too much unhealthy food, drinking too much coffee etc etc.

I've decided to try to do one thing only: drink more water. Pathetic I know, and it's not going particularly well. I think if I drink more water and less coffee I will feel better. If I manage that, then I'll move onto something else.

Best of luck.

How are we all feeling today fellow burnouters?
I went to work and feel a little better for the routine

Hello. Joining the club.

I am beyond the end of the tether. I’ve had annual leave but spent the entire time shaking with fear about going back to work. And rationally, work isn’t too bad… but I’m just imagining a thousand things I might have done wrong.

I have had a few times recently when I’ve managed to read a book and concentrate on it and it transported me elsewhere (Hamnet was great for this). But mostly I’m being an idiot on my phone and doing everything badly.

I went into school today - it was ok.

Just felt like I was doing everything at a glacial pace.

Planning an early night with a new magazine ready for it all to start properly tomorrow.

roaring me too! Worked very slowly but hoping tomorrow will be better

Me too. But I’m too bleeeurgh to even summarise it

Like so many others it’s been head down full speed ahead throughout covid, for umpteen reasons, and I expected to feel….different now. and I’m just empty

How are you @BreathingDeep

First day back at work which was fine actually but I got told to log off as am still poorly. This week looks quite quiet as lots of my clients off this week so I think I am going to do a few hours each day to let myself get better. Appreciate I am super lucky to be able to.

Hope others are managing

I’m an RMN and feel exactly the same at the moment. Work has completely broken me and I don’t know how I can go on at the moment.
I do because there is no choice but I just feel miserable and on the verge of a complete breakdown all the time.

I get exactly what you mean op about nothing bringing joy, I crochet and normally that is my relaxation but that is a joyless chore at the moment, walks just feel like too much effort and I have no energy.

I’m also overweight and unfit and can’t change anything right now.

In the midst of this I’m trying to get my eldest to university and deal with all the stressors that go along with preparing an anxious perfectionist for Oxbridge😱

I want to a month off work but reality is I’ll be lucky to have a week off!

I’m in
I’m totally burnt out I lost 3 businesses in Covid completely unrelated had to do home schooling GCSEs but first lockdown I did loads of exercise I was calm and felt great lost a stone but then I had to take a bogus public sector job commute 3 hrs a day my two friend were diagnosed with MND one has since died my partner was diagnosed with young onset dementia we split up and my sons dad relapsed on drugs after 20 years clean. I have bought a horse as something just for me and he is total joy but jeez the rest can do one I have no motivation to eat well I have gained weight I hate how I am I am so meh
In

Take fat off that list - self loathing and disordered eating won’t help you here so my strong advice is to forget dieting completely —as it’s bullshit— and only do things to your body that truly nourish you

Remember what they tell you on planes, put your own oxygen mask on before you help others to do it, or at the risk of another cliche, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
You need to prioritise yourself, when you are under intense pressure you grab foods to help you get through it - there’s a reason nurses have a reputation for eating chocolate, drinking coffee and smoking! When you have space to breathe you will naturally eat better.
Your body is constantly under attack at the moment due to the stress response (flight, fight or freeze). Make time each day to do something you enjoy, even if it’s just five minutes a day to reassure your body that it’s okay. When you are running on empty everything is harder, takes longer, becomes more of a challenge. It’s like trying to run marathons back to back, the longer you do it, the harder it gets and the more it takes over. Talking a rest between them or even during them allows your body to recover and recharge. Right now your battery is on zero and you’re still trying to get power out of it. You are important and worthy of taking a break. None of us are superhuman.

@GoodbyePorpoiseSpit

Take fat off that list - self loathing and disordered eating won’t help you here so my strong advice is to forget dieting completely —as it’s bullshit— and only do things to your body that truly nourish you

I think I'll start here as its awful to just have my own head nagging me all the time about things I'm not doing or doing wrong!

@Afonavon

I could have written this too. It’s a fucking uphill struggle just keeping going with the normal stuff. I am spent, completely drained of ability to climb out of this hole. My wellbeing is so intrinsically entwined with my children’s that I can only be happy when they are (all three of the have mental health problem which I feel shit about). I worry that they will realise this and feel even more pressure. I want a break from thinking and worrying, I need to get on top and be strong, but I need to be hugged and looked after while I just lie down and just breathe.

Totally get this. A friend once used the quote 'as a mother, you can only ever be as happy as your unhappiest child'. V depressing but so true!!

This was me until a month ago.
I went on holiday somewhere with guaranteed sun. Yes I know that's a luxury not available to all and a risk we took in current circumstances. Still. I feel put back together.
The first week I still checked work email but the second week I totally switched off.
I got sleep.
I kicked my caffeine and sugar habits and have managed to maintain my new healthier habits at home. This wasn't deliberate, it was just natural when I got off the treadmill. I no longer needed the crutch. Then on return it was a deliberate choice to keep up those new routines around meals and caffeine intake.
I am more effective now when working because I'm not strung out and making hard work of everything.
I'm not snapping at colleagues (and DH) any more. Well, a lot less anyway! I am managing my frustration. I didn't even realise how hideous I had become because of stress.

You need a break.
I know it's not easy to get one. I really do. But it has to become a priority before you break.

Good luck

Count me in.

Burnt to a crisp from WFH long hours 6-7 days a week. My assistants keep going on serial maternity leave leaving me to find cover, train, re-train, re-structure, basically hold the operation together with me as the sticky tape. Crushing workload, personal liability, lack of resources. Children are teenagers coming up to crucial exams.

I am hanging in there because this job is well paid and I am building a war chest for my dd (various issues). I fantasise about retiring or taking a job one rung lower but paid 50% less.

Sympathies to fellow burn outs.

I could have written this…my sympathies OP, I know exactly how you’re feeling

Me too. I'm feeling utterly exhausted.

I'm in the same place but have started to try to put myself first. I find taking everything on us connected to wanting to be liked and in some cases actually avoiding intimacy since I don't want to open up and be supported. When I feel guilty I try to channel DH who can put himself first without a seconds thought. Think about the types of communication that you have and see if you can be more open and honest about your needs even if they can't be met right now

Oh God @Parsley1234 that's so many traumatic things in such a short space of time. Sending you good energies.

@BigGreen I know I don’t think I have assimilated all of it yet. I’m in Greece on holiday this week and next trying to put a plan in place for my return xx

Glad to know I'm not the only one. I just don't seem to be able to shake this feeling off.

This is me as well although I dont have dependent children. Working all through a pandemic, dealing with awful neighbors, selling and moving and now trying to find somewhere else has worn me out.

I've started exercising again and cutting calories and I'm determined to get on top of sleep. We all need rest. It has been a brutal time.