Does anyone mid forties feel like this?

[checkedcloth]

I’m 45 at Christmas. Suddenly I am starting to feel my age. I’m not sleeping, my skin looks sagging, I have multiple aches and pains that just won’t go away.

I’ve steadily gained weight, now weighing 11 and 1/2 stone.

I worked full time, 2 hours commuting a day and feel utterly exhausted. There is no option on this changing as I am the main earner.

Wasn’t sure if it’s menopause related - I don’t have periods due to a coil. Wouldn’t even be able to find the time for a drs appointment anyhow.

Is this just the mid forties and it’s usual to feel like this?

Vitamin D could well help with the aches and pains. It does for me.

I know this is partly caused by age, because I have lots of friends who have really suffered with the menopause, from about mid-forties upwards, but it's also just having children and working and doing every bloody thing, plus the pandemic was exhausting as well.

I feel a lot better now my children are older teens, I can exercise more, I'm not as harassed, I don't shout as much, I can take more time for myself and it's an upwards cycle. When I was mid-forties, with two demanding kids who could never be left alone, I felt worse than I do now, and I was heavier and just ate crap to try to give myself some energy.

Plus, the pandemic has meant even those of us not at the mercy of our hormones or smaller children feel burned out.

I don't know anyone who is having an easy time. I don't have your commute, I have a much easier job, and I have older kids who allow me more time for myself and I still wouldn't say I have amazing energy.

All the advice here is great, Vit D and B, exercise, and so forth, but if you are working out of the home 12 hours a day, then your ability to exercise, to relax, to order and take supplements- it's all going to be affected, so I would say start with the work issue, as that's the key to everything. You can only make real lifestyle change if your actual day to day lifestyle allows it- and yours doesn't seem to, and mine didn't when I worked f/t plus had littler ones.

@checkedcloth

I am really stressed too. I’m a nurse, 27 years in the NHS (very senior sub board level post). There is zero room for anything in the week. I leave the house at 645 and home after 7pm.

Here is your problem, maybe alongside peri-menopause, maybe not.

You work long hours in a role that will be hugely stressful. The expectations on your shoulders at work will be massive. The past 18months have been like no other. And I bet you have to try and put on a brave face, smile and tell those you lead that you’ll get through it together, all the while you want to run off to a quiet corner and weep?

Meanwhile you have tweenage dc who go from needing you desperately to rejecting your loving cuddle or kiss on their brown in an instant, breaking your heart as you wish you’d had more moments with them.

I’d really evaluate your whole life. See your GP, consider some time off work, think about what will make you happy? Can you adjust your role/hours/commute? Do you need a new challenge at work? Could you move sideways into a different organisation, perhaps outside of an acute provider Trust if that’s where you are now? Look holistically at your health and lifestyle. I’m not dismissing the idea of peri being part of the problem here but I bet the bigger picture is more complex.

Good look in feeling happier and healthier.

I watched the Davina McCall program recently & it sums it up perfectly. Well worth a watch Menopause

Thank you to everyone who has responded and I’m so grateful for anyone’s advice and ideas.

Yes @ikeameatballs you are absolutely on the button. I am exhausted and the last 18 months has really taken its toll. The challenge of the politics during covid and organisational survival have had a significant impact on my wellbeing.

I do need some good headspace to think about what my next step might be, and also get some solid advice about how I go about it.

I will make the time for a GP appointment in the meantime though.

@checkedcloth, I would suggest having coaching through your workplace if it’s accessible. You could try to speak to your Director of Nursing and/HR to see what support is available. I know that a lot of people really find coaching helpful to work out what career path is right for you next. For me the key to being happy in the workplace has been ensuring variety, taking on roles for a few years then horizon scanning for the next step/something different.

I’d also suggest thinking about how you would manage if you quit work altogether. I worked out that I had enough equity to buy a small property mortgage free. I could ditch the car, holidays, etc etc and if I got a job outside of the NHS I could probably manage ok. Just knowing that it would be possible to walk away has actually really helped me to keep going!

I've been drinking three litres of water a day. Stopped having Botox. People keep saying my skin looks amazing. Drinking lots of water seems to help with a lot of things.

No,it is not usual.if you loose weight,eat non sugary food and do exersice outside for at least an hour a day,you will feel much better,less achey and less tired.all the best

@WizardHowl

Just wanted to say that HRT is generally not contraindicated if you suffer from migraines, so check that again. (I suffer from migraines, and take HRT).

It's not like with the pill - oestrogen used for HRT purposes is naturally derived & should be fine to take.

Your symptoms are so spot on for peri menopause, it would be a shame not to see if HRT could help.

Based on what I've been reading I think I might need to talk to the GP about perimenopause.

Clock you absolutely do!

I am only on HRT a month. The difference is incredible. Especially re anxiety, brain fog, vacillating emotions ... it's been transformative. I am finding the progesterone a bit harder to tolerate but the oestrogen patches took effect within days.

I can hardly believe the difference.

@Megameg56

No,it is not usual.if you loose weight,eat non sugary food and do exersice outside for at least an hour a day,you will feel much better,less achey and less tired.all the best

It's a bit more complicated than that 😐

@Ikeameatballs I have coaching in place. I think part of the issue I have is that I’ve always worked on the assumption that I’d be working for a director of nursing role. I feel a bit bereft that I may not do - as I recognise my health is more important.

Sadly I cannot afford to earn any less - we live in an expense part of the south east with a big mortgage. It’s the norm in order to get the DCs into decent schools here.

@Megameg56 I’d love to be doing thoughts things and know that I should. It’s just hard to slot it in in my current life at the moment.

I will 100% make the GP appointed tomorrow

Great about the GP appointment.

You may find it's a combination of things. For example, some could be peri menopause which exacerbates your stress & tiredness from your long working day.

I have a really busy life too, single parent, 3 DC, senior-ish job in academic sector. My kids are v sporty & train / matches every night of the week, so it's work, dinner, training, showers & bed x 5. Their training all overlaps so it's absolutely hectic running between locations. At weekends we have a minimum of 4 matches & 2 training sessions. I also love exercise so am up at 5 to train between 550 & 630.

A combination of greater flexibility in work since Covid plus HRT has really helped. I can see things more clearly since being on HRT & make better decisions.

Good luck. 💐

Ah, thank you @EarringsandLipstick - that’s really interesting. It was my GP who told me that, so I will do a bit of reading around and then go back to her. I was feeling fairly desperate about not even having the HRT option to try, with peri possibly lasting for up to ten years, so this could be very good news!

I’m so pleased you’re being proactive about this @checkedcloth. As a nurse, you know how much pressure women put on themselves and each other to keep soldiering on until they either explode or break. The impact on our physical and mental health is enormous at this time of our lives because we are last on our own list. (Kids, teens, aging parents, in-laws, extended families, etc…). If you’re interested, there is a great fb group that I pop in and out of called “The Hot Flush.” You will see how very universal this really is. (Nobody’s selling anything it’s just support, and if there’s any hint of bullying or weirdness, those people get quietly removed. The two moderators have a podcast of the same name. It is currently on hiatus because of life things, but you could hear some old ones and get a feel for them too.)

I'm 43, my GP was utterly useless said I wasn't peri here have a coil so instead I went to a Hormone Dr I had all my blood tests done and now she's put me on Utrogestan I feel like a whole new person. Get yourself checked. I hope your GP has more of a clue than most.

@WizardHowl

Perhaps it depends on the nature or type of migraine but I still would be confident it's a possibility? Especially as migraine is so frequently a symptom of peri menopause.

Definitely talk to GP again & see. Often GPs aren't well informed about HRT overall, or menopause (it's not part of their training).

Here's a useful article thebms.org.uk/publications/tools-for-clinicians/migraine-and-hrt/

WildFlower a lot of GPs still rely on blood tests, age and / or regular/irregular periods to decide if a woman is perimenopausal which is outdated.

They just haven't had the training, and it's not discussed enough.

In Ireland there was a massive national conversation via a call-in radio show. It was amazing, hearing women document their peri menopause symptoms. Even though I'd previously raised it with my GP, I'd been told I wasn't peri menopausal - regular periods, early 40s, bloods normal, which I expected.

This time round the GP was honest she just didn't know, subsequently the GP training body set up training programmes & diagnostic / prescribing advice was provided. She listened to my symptoms & was happy to prescribe HRT which has changed my life. Literally.

It's amazing to think it really came about as a result of a radio programme - GPs were inundated with women looking for HRT / treatment & just had to respond.

My GP was great, honest about the situation & listened to me.

✋🏻

Im 47 next week. Heavy, 3-weekly periods so i went on the mini pill. Also on daily iron tablet and a B12 jab every 8 weeks. Still often feel like shit. I like walking, do it daily, also run but im seriously falling out if love with it.

My waistline is expanding but i only weigh 8st 8lb. Im quite petite. My skin is ok, i use hyaluronic acid every night. Drink more water at work than at home so i need to uptake that.

If you take Vogel Menopause Support give it two months the fatigue will clear.

When I was about that age I was exhausted. It didn't go fast but like I sa after 60 days.

I still take the supplement until two years after my periods have stopped. It has magnesium and soya in it amongst other ingredients.

I am just ressurecting this thread as I am still feeling meh

Feel like shit
World is passing me by & kids are growing up
Have recently been looking at the pension - this is stressing me out beyond belief I cant save enough to make a retirement, my salary is just not big enough