Does anyone mid forties feel like this?

[checkedcloth]

I’m 45 at Christmas. Suddenly I am starting to feel my age. I’m not sleeping, my skin looks sagging, I have multiple aches and pains that just won’t go away.

I’ve steadily gained weight, now weighing 11 and 1/2 stone.

I worked full time, 2 hours commuting a day and feel utterly exhausted. There is no option on this changing as I am the main earner.

Wasn’t sure if it’s menopause related - I don’t have periods due to a coil. Wouldn’t even be able to find the time for a drs appointment anyhow.

Is this just the mid forties and it’s usual to feel like this?

So many responses, I’m so sorry to hear that so many feel the same. It’s so bloody awful.

I just wish I could disappear. I’m not entirely sure what I bring to the table, I’m certainly not the support wife and mother I should be

According to Dr I am not peri menopausal but I feel rubbish

Get a new doctor

@Aquamarine1029 it wasn’t a criticism of my Dr. She’s a specialist and excellent. I’ve had all the tests and objectively I’m not peri.

I suspect this year has been a slog for most and that’s definitely had an impact. Im looking forward to school return and a more routine.

Oh yes overweight and aches and pains! Sleep has gone to pot. I’m fortunate to work part time but do work everyday so still have to be up and out.
Recently had my bloods done for a long term endocrine issue and they rang back saying the issue was all ok but I was Vit D deficient.
Advised me to take 1000iu per day I think it is.
I’m sure some of the issues are to do with this but some are probably the weight and peri menopause. I’ve decided I have to loose weight and do some regular easy exercise otherwise I will be old before my time.
Was on holiday and found it hard to get up from sitting on the beach which was horrifying as I sort of hauled myself up. I don’t want my young teen daughters to be worrying about me or not being fit enough to enjoy them.

I'm 46 and this is exactly how I feel.

Hi, exactly the same symptoms as you and had bloods requested by GP prior to HRT and been told I've Hashimoto disease so not producing enough thyroxine which slowed down my metabolism, leading to weight gain. Joints aching -especially when first getting out of bed. Exhaustion, brittle nails and dry hair.
Get your bloods done to check your thyroxine levels.

38 and I feel exactly the same!! I had a surprise first baby last year, and was in a fairly senior role and still work full time. My baby has been in and out of hospital so much last few months (of all the things I feared about motherhood, this one never crossed my mind), and I've realised my face looks hollow and old. Unless it's to comment on how tired/ill I look, I've become invisible to others. My hair has also fell out around the front, & my skin, nails & teeth are suffering. Prior to baby arrival, I looked very young and was very fit. I'm now 1.5 stone heavier than I was pre-pregnancy, and just exist.
I got on the scales today for the first time since falling pregnant, and I think that's the shock I needed to start trying to carve out a return to health. Might also just go and get some sodding Botox!

I started feeling like this about 18 months ago - I'm nearly 51. Definitely sounds like perimenopause to me. I've been on hrt patches for about 7 months now and feel a lot more normal but still not the same as I was. It's so hard trying to describe these feelings to people but I know exactly what you mean OP!

@PegasusReturns there isn't a set test or tests for peri. In fact age 45 and over NICE guidance says it should be diagnosed on symptoms alone. Under 45 they can do a blood test for FSH but this is notoriously unreliable anyway - hormones fluctuate so much that you could get a high or low reading.
I thought a was perimenopausal 3 years ago but the GP said I was too young. I did insist my FSH was tested - it was high but not super high. I've just been prescribed HRT and am certain I was correct 3 years ago - I'm still under 45.

@PegasusReturns

I’ve had all the tests and objectively I’m not peri.

There are no tests for peri menopause.

I fell into this trap too. However all tests do is show a snapshot in time. The whole problem with peri menopause is the fluctuations in hormone levels.

It's not to say that other tests shouldn't be done.

But diagnostically, GPs having ruled out the any other causes, need to take a history & just respond to the symptoms.

Sorry cross-posted with @Level75 🤦🏻‍♀️

Could you look into private nursing?

What you're doing is unsustainable

Level I had the same experience as you.

I accepted my doctor's guidance at the time. A few years later things had got so bad that I went back, this time following a national discussion that came about from a phone call to a radio show, that absolutely got menopause /peri discussed properly. My GP admitted she had no training & was struggling. I waited a few more months before starting HRT, she'd done some courses by then & was much better re symptoms.

I've started HRT now. Within days of taking oestrogen I felt better. Sleep quality, brain fog, but most especially, a stop to that sense of wanting to crawl out of my skin that was so alarming. (I'm struggling a bit with progesterone side effects, hoping that eases.)

But that feeling of 'not wanting to be here' seems v common with peri.

PLEASE do look up the menopause/ peri menopause.
Go to the menopause section on health, here on MN. See the attached NICE guideline for menopause too.
Watch the Davina McCall program on C4 - available on catch up.
Look up Dr Louise Newson - she has an app called Balance where you can check off your symptoms. They are things that you wouldn’t probably link! Eg, itchy, crawling skin, brain fog, poor memory, aching muscles/joints, headaches, hot flushes, night sweats, gastric acid, nausea, anxiety, depression & loss of sex drive. It makes you feel so dreadful with a huge lack of energy & loss of motivation/ability to do things. If you think it is menopause, do some reading then approach your GP to discuss. Good luck OP.

@checkedcloth

So many responses, I’m so sorry to hear that so many feel the same. It’s so bloody awful.

I just wish I could disappear. I’m not entirely sure what I bring to the table, I’m certainly not the support wife and mother I should be

This and the earlier comment about feeling like the DC are growing up without you (disconnected feelings? feeling like you have no life?), makes me wonder if you're depressed.

Another issue for me, is that I've no time to exercise.
I finish work at 6/6:30/7pm (depending on meetings), then at 7pm bath the babies, story and bottle at 7:30, bed at 8. I've the bad habit of staying with them till they're asleep (about 8:30pm). Then a few nights a week I'm straight into more meetings, otherwise have dinner about 9 and bed with a book and glass of wine at 10.

In the mornings, I'm doing stuff with the babies till my childminder arrives. There is no spare time between 6:30am and 10pm to exercise.

You could go for a half hour walk without the book & wine -- well, I would anyway.

Not clear what's happening 6:30am onwards.

I'm 43 this year and certainly starting to feel older, I'm knackered all the time. I have a teen dd who has struggled with her mental health and it's been a tough 18 months. I've also gained weight having been the same size 12 since I was 18yo I've now gone to a 14 😕

I work 30 hours a week and am a specialist nurse. I can't imagine doing the hours your doing op, it sounds awful.

I'm 44. Started feeling like this 2 years ago.

Crappy periods.
Can't lose weight
Aches and pains
My right hip hurts
I've got a bunion
My lower back hurts all the time
My hair is shit
Brain fog

Grief has made my symptoms worse. And I'm heading for depression.
My doctors are useless

I feel old, haggard, past it. I've lost my dh and my life is over.

My diet is not brilliant but I do try and exercise.

What's the deal with diets and supplements. Do they really help?

I am 44 and relating so much. I’m constantly exhausted, demotivated, foggy brained, have problems sleeping (for the first time in my life!), stiffening up, weird aches and pains and generally feel crap. I’m also inexplicably ‘thickening’ - I’ve always been slim, but although my diet hasn’t changed much I can’t fit into some clothes, am carrying more weight round my middle and seem to be developing a matronly bosom!!

Thanks to PP for the suggestion of the Balance app - I’ve downloaded it and will give it a go. I’m theoretically doing all the right things I think (don’t drink, do daily yoga and usually a walk, pretty healthy vegan diet, daily supplements including iron, vit D, agnus castus), but nothing seems to be helping, and I’m at my wits end. Fully agree with PPs’ desire to just disappear. I can’t use HRT due to migraine. Has anyone found anything else useful to try??

So sorry for your loss @blackheartsgirl
Peri on top of grief must be so bloody hard

It's fucking shit wizard. I was struggling with all these symptoms before and now it's much worse.

But I do recognise the importance of exercise. I did a six mile walk today and although I ache like a bastard my mind is eager. But I'm not sleeping.

Sigh. Lifes shit.

Eager..ffs I mean clearer lol

I'm 40 and I'm reading this and nodding. My symptoms are:

• sleep gone to shit, I'm awake until 1/2/3am and then can't get up in the morning
• heart palpitations, infrequently across the month but all the bloody time in the day or two around ovulation and in the 3-4 days before my period starts
• periods still fairly regular although a 25 day cycle now instead of 28 and with more symptoms. I now get PMS, cramps, and sore boobs, and I never used to have any of these things
• anxiety, oh my god the anxiety, particularly bad just before and just after shark week alongside thoughts of imminent doom thanks to overthinking everything
• random nausea
• everything annoys me, I reach a point where I want everyone to leave me alone, I have very little patience
• joint aches and pains, sore shoulders, achy arms and legs
• most of the time I'm either freezing or boiling
• I'm trying to shift half a stone of holiday weight and its like pulling teeth, half a pound here, half a pound there, time was I could shift half a stone in a week
• my shape is changing though, my jeans are snug on the waist but baggy/saggy on the backside
• itchy legs and dry skin on my shins
• heartburn if I eat shite food and if I have something overly cheesy or too rich then I pay for it later when the heartburn and/or tummy troubles kick in (no gallbladder)

Based on what I've been reading I think I might need to talk to the GP about perimenopause.

@checkedcloth @Clocktopus I feel like I want to run. I can't put my finger on why except that I feel overall useless and wldn't be missed. I say this as I experience a deep dark moment where my husband has, only this eve asked me if he needs an exit plan because my behaviour is so off that he thinks I'm not wanting to be in the family with him anymore. Is this peri? Is this because my life is wrong? My heart is hurting but I don't know why and I'm too scared to speak.

I’m 45 but pretty sure my face looks at least 55
I’m still a size 8 but I’m very wobbly and starting to get a belly.
I don’t sleep well, so my eye bags are awful.
My hair is 100% grey if left.
Something is always aching, usually my back or neck.
My periods, urgh, instead of becoming more irregular are now more frequent! And the ovulation pain I get every month is really awful.

So… I have started doing a 30 day exercise challenge each month which is really helping to tone my wobbly arms and thighs.
Started drinking more water, but only managing about 1.5 litres at the moment, I just love tea and coke too much!
I box dye my hair every month, and use the root sprays in between.
Not sure what to do about my face!
Getting older is a bit shite.