Do people really get it

[Wish21]

I'm just wondering if people truly get it sometimes. For example if someone has been lucky enough to have been bought up in a home that was loving supportive was lucky enough to get a good education. Which enabled them to get a well paid job . Which means they can afford a nice home put food on the table afford nice holidays and nice things in general.

Then there are people who did not have that up bringing or a good childhood. They were sexually abused nothing was done about it. They went to a special needs school due to learning difficulties. They never even got to sit an exam. They do not have a standard education there for they will always be in a low paid job. If They are lucky enough to get one . Will always have to rely on some sort of benefit. They will never be able to have a proper home . There's always a risk of Them loosing their home due to landlord selling up or simlar they can't find another home as they rely on housing benefit or UC. So they end up homless in some type of hostel.

What do you mean by get it?
I had a lovely childhood, my parents are wonderful, own my own home etc. I work a lot with people who are homeless, drug addicts, from absolutely awful backgrounds etc.
So I understand often how they have ended up in the situations they are in, feel a lot of empathy for them, and do what I can to help them out. But I obviously don't know what it feels like, because I've never been in that situation, and am unlikely ever to be.

@MrsSchrute

What do you mean by get it? I had a lovely childhood, my parents are wonderful, own my own home etc. I work a lot with people who are homeless, drug addicts, from absolutely awful backgrounds etc. So I understand often how they have ended up in the situations they are in, feel a lot of empathy for them, and do what I can to help them out. But I obviously don't know what it feels like, because I've never been in that situation, and am unlikely ever to be.

Sorry by get it. I meant to truly understand.

I was just thinking about something abd I remembered a thread I can't remember if it was here or elsewhere. But someone has said about going to a smaller house so the rent was cheaper and they would use the dinning room as a bedroom and a reply she got was . "but where will you eat" and at that moment I just thought you really don't get it do you.

I don't mean that no one understands. Of course lots if people do. And there are people like yourself that are lovely and understand and give empathy. And do lots to help people in that situation. But you would also have an understanding of them People and their life.

But can you ever really ‘get’ something you have not personally experienced?
The obvious example is having a child. I had lots of friends who had children before me but didn’t really understand pregnancy/childbirth/bringing up children before I had my own.
Just imagine winning an Olympic medal. We can try and imagine what it’s like but I’m sure I would underestimate the sheer amount of dedication it would take.

No, I don't think that anyone can truly 'get it' even if they have been through similar to you, they will have differences that make your experiences not exactly the same.
Someone in a similar situation or with experience will probably understand better than someone who hasn't though. I have experienced some of the things detailed in your OP for example, so I have an idea, but not all of them, so while I know how some of it affects me, I don't know how it affects you. But, I am open minded enough to listen and empathise with the things I haven't personally experienced.

I don't think it's necessarily a problem though unless those people don't believe that others do live like that, or, blame them for their situation because the only way they could see themselves in that situation is by their own actions or inactions, as they've only ever had experience of their parents wanting the best for them for example and can't conceive that any parent wouldn't be like that.

No, just look at how many people on MN think women are financially able to leave their partners at the drop of a hat. Not everyone is fortunate enough to have family, support or money to fall back on. People on here think they're hard up if they need to stop over paying on the mortgage and cancel ballet class for the kids.

I get what you're saying - regarding do some people understand how fortunate they are with family financial support / education and thereby opportunities -
however you cannot group it that those people don't experience sexual assault, special schools, disabilities, mental health issues and sorrows...

Most of the time we view things through our own limited lens that is constructed by our experiences, feelings, nature, upbringing etc.

I get it now. When i was younger i would have said i got it but i really didn't.

You get it by being close to people who lived it, or working in a job related to the consequences of it, or by educating yourself about the world, being genuinely interested and listening to and believing what people say.

lucky enough to get a good education

Eveyone in the UK should get a good education

There are the occasional extreme circumstances when it doesn't happen, but a good education is on offer to almost everyone

Of course, not everyone engages in it

@54321nought

lucky enough to get a good education

Eveyone in the UK should get a good education

There are the occasional extreme circumstances when it doesn't happen, but a good education is on offer to almost everyone

Of course, not everyone engages in it

Not if you have learning difficulties. Yes it's on offer but if you have learning difficulties then you can't follow it.

@54321nought
You jest,surely??
'quality'..comparable to what exactly?

What a strange view.

You tied all positives in one paragraph.

And all negatives in a second.

Do dc with learning disabilities only come from single parent, benefit claiming. Child abusers??

Do dc who go on to succeed only do so because they are borne into it?

I really don't get your point. Paths between the two paragraphs cross more than you think.

Are you asking if people appreciate what they have?

Not if you have learning difficulties. Yes it's on offer but if you have learning difficulties then you can't follow it.

That child should have an education suitable to them - what sort of learning difficulties?

I agree that children with moderate learning difficulties have a hard time getting reasonable qualifications and finding a job - this is because in the past we had loads of jobs suitable for young people with poor literacy skills - however, these days there is actually more competition for jobs at that level than there is for university places, however hard working, sensible and reliable the young person is

But even so, the education should be suitable for the child - when is it not?

[quote CornishPastyDownUnder]@54321nought
You jest,surely??
'quality'..comparable to what exactly?[/quote]
no, I don't jest, and I get pretty sick of hearing local adults complain about their lack of educational opportunities, when I remember very clearly the excellent teachers they had, and how hard those teachers worked to give them every opportunity..

Almost everyone in the UK is offered an excellent education.

Most people who complain that they didn't, actually did, but chose not to participate in it

It is true that some didn't, but very few

People often don't get it because when we do get it we feel guilty about what we have and angry about what we don't.

I shared a home with foster children for a while, I saw clearly how much some of them had to deal with.

Life is really unfair.

Almost everyone in the UK is offered an excellent education. This is extremely simplistic - being in the right frame of mind is not easy when life is shit.

Empathy not judgment is very important.

I have taught for 30 years

I have seen the internal working of probably 50 schools, in one context or another

I have known 2 schools where I would say that a student who was prepared to learn and willing to learn was actively prevented from learning, long term, by other students.

I mean long term, the odd disrupted lesson can happen in any school.

Two school, one was closed down. The other is still open, and probably no better than it was when I was last there

And 48+ schools where any lack of education would have been the child's own choice.

Which is why these horror stories of children not learning during lock down made me laugh, as it was basically the same children that didn't learn when the school was open, except now the parents could see their attitude for themselves.

Almost everyone in the UK is offered an excellent education. This is extremely simplistic - being in the right frame of mind is not easy when life is shit

that is true, which is why there are million and millions of pounds worth of support and resources for children who are not "in the right frame of mind"

@54321nought

Almost everyone in the UK is offered an excellent education. This is extremely simplistic - being in the right frame of mind is not easy when life is shit

that is true, which is why there are million and millions of pounds worth of support and resources for children who are not "in the right frame of mind"

If you are an education professional, you will know that the support is pitiful compared to the need.

You are genuinely offending me now, there are children I know who have had very complex and traumatic experiences and receive very limited support.

You are blaming children for the effects of the situations they find themselve sin through no fault of their own.

@Wish21

You must be a teacher.

Cross-post

In my experience it’s rare for someone to have reached middle age without trauma of some sort or another.

@54321nought

I have taught for 30 years

I have seen the internal working of probably 50 schools, in one context or another

I have known 2 schools where I would say that a student who was prepared to learn and willing to learn was actively prevented from learning, long term, by other students.

I mean long term, the odd disrupted lesson can happen in any school.

Two school, one was closed down. The other is still open, and probably no better than it was when I was last there

And 48+ schools where any lack of education would have been the child's own choice.

Which is why these horror stories of children not learning during lock down made me laugh, as it was basically the same children that didn't learn when the school was open, except now the parents could see their attitude for themselves.

I will share my own situation. I have learning difficulties. But I had no control over my education. I could not write my own name till I was 9 years old. I went to a special needs school . 2 different ones due to moving home . One was called Parkside it was in Norwich. You could possibly look it up. But its probably changed. Also I think people were treaded differently back then as well.

I'm empathetic but I don't get it as I haven't lived it. The Olympic medal analogy is a good one.

Likewise people who I'm have lived might not 'get' other situations.

My partner had an awful upbringing but went to school, worked hard, got a degree, has a good career he was determined to not be like them.

A poor start isn't an excuse to make it a revolving door it doesn't have to be like that but people have to work hard at it

Your parents could be loaded and given you a private education but if you aren't academic and are more artistic for example you aren't about to go on mastermind and there's nothing wrong with that.

Where do you find yourself @Wish21