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Original poster

My mum just died

82 replies

Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 04:53

She died about 11pm. I can't sleep. I can't believe this has happened. I've never really posted on mumsnet quite like this, but I'm lying in bed and it feels like the longest night. I don't know whether to keep trying to sleep or give up and get up.

OP posts:
Goshitstricky · 22/08/2021 04:54

I'm so sorry for your loss. May your Mum's memory live on with you and your family. ThanksThanks

IHateCoronavirus · 22/08/2021 04:54

Oh darling I’m so sorry. Here to listen if you want to talk about her. Flowers

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 04:56

Thank you. I thought we had forever left but I suppose life doesn't work quite like that does it. She was such an active, generous, fun woman. It feels a bit like a very strange dream

OP posts:
Airpit · 22/08/2021 04:56

I'm so sorry! What a tragedy for you. I wouldn't know what to do either...

Do you want to talk about her while you decide? Were you close for example?

wheresthehope · 22/08/2021 05:01

I am so very sorry for your loss.
The night my dad died I remember trying to sleep but I kept having very vivid dreams about him, it was like he was actually there.
It was kinder nice to get that last bit of time to say goodbye albeit just in a dream

BlackAlys · 22/08/2021 05:02

Sending you love @Kitkatchunkyplease. I'm terribly sorry for your loss Thanks.

It sounds like you and your Mam had a beautiful relationship.

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 05:04

We were very close. She looked after my little girl a few days a week and they had a lovely relationship. She is only 3.
She spent a lot of time working for the local food bank and for refugee groups. She really cares about other people. Tomorrow I will have to ring all her friends and it is so sad because it is so sudden.

I feel sorry she died alone on a hospital ward. I wish visiting had been allowed as I've not seen her for a couple of weeks.

Added to which, I have work on Monday and I really want to go. Which probably sounds ridiculous. My husband went straight back when his mum died but most people don't do that, so maybe it's the wrong choice.

I've got her glasses next to me as I didn't like to leave them in the hospital. I went in to see her body after she had gone but I didn't find it comforting.

She was a good mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 05:05

I've just read my posts back and they are so rambly aren't they! I always wondered what it might feel like to lose a parent and now here I am, but I didn't think it would be yet.

OP posts:
fliss444 · 22/08/2021 05:18

I'm so sorry for your loss. This happened to me in 2006 and it was such a shock. I was a Zombie for some time and found it very difficult to come to terms with.
Sending heartfelt thoughts your way. It took a while for it to accept what had happened but I came to some kind of peace eventually and I hope for the same for you.
Keep posting and lean on anyone who can help you xx

IHateCoronavirus · 22/08/2021 05:23

The people we live are never truly gone. They shape us in such a way that they live on in us , making us the people we are. Quieten your mind from time to time and you’ll hear her in your heart, guiding you as she always has.

She sounded like an amazing woman Flowers

Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 05:23

Bless you, she sounds like a gem Flowers

Is it a group of friends, could you call one and let them take the burden of calling the others?

Do you have siblings?

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 05:33

I've got one brother who lives away. I think I can let some people be told by others. Her best friend lives down the road and I'm going to go round in the morning as she won't be expecting this at all.
I made the decision to get up and make a cup of tea. No good lying next to snoring dh not getting any sleep! Dd will be awake in an hour too I imagine.

OP posts:
6079SmithW · 22/08/2021 05:34

@Kitkatchunkyplease

Do you have someone with you? I'm so very sorry for your loss.

6079SmithW · 22/08/2021 05:35

Apologies - cross post.

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 05:36

Yes, thank you, I've got snorey husband. My dad lives down the street, he wanted to go back to his own bed last night but I bet he is awake like me.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 22/08/2021 05:41

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like it was pretty unexpected? Look after yourself. There are no rules. See how you feel tomorrow about work on Monday. You could always go in and then leave if you need to. You've had a big shock - do things that comfort you, give yourself time.

Backofthenet20 · 22/08/2021 05:41

I am so sorry for your loss. You might be a bit in shock but not realize it. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the room you need to tell your friends and family

Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 05:41

Tea sounds like a plan.
Yip your Dad and brother are both probably lying awake like you.

The next few days will be hard going. Take your time there is no rush for anything.

Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 05:44

I'm in Scotland so funerals are normally within about a week. I wouldn't expect to see you until after the funeral.

Truthfully I went back just after my dad's funeral and really I'd have been better with an extra week off. My head wasn't with it. I made so many mistakes that I found later.

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 05:45

Yes I probably am in shock. I just watched a few videos of her on my phone and thought - gulp- that's the only way to see her now. I took her phone home from the hospital and it keeps buzzing with messages from friends asking how she is. It's comforting really to know other people will miss her too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 05:46

@Lockdownbear

I'm in Scotland so funerals are normally within about a week. I wouldn't expect to see you until after the funeral.

Truthfully I went back just after my dad's funeral and really I'd have been better with an extra week off. My head wasn't with it. I made so many mistakes that I found later.

You might be right, I don't want to be selfish returning to work and actually make my colleagues' lives more difficult. The problem with teaching is the knowledge that when you're off, someone else has to plan your lessons.
OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 05:52

I know nothing about teaching, could you help someone else plan your lessons but let them do the classroom bit?

Are you in Scotland- ie schools back?

bookishtartlet · 22/08/2021 05:56

Very sorry for your loss. Just focus on getting through each hour for now. I'd consider contacting your manager tomorrow and taking the time off. I'm a teacher too, and two colleagues this year have lost a parent and I have never, ever minded covering their work whilst off. Take care, be good to yourself xxx

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 06:00

@Lockdownbear

I know nothing about teaching, could you help someone else plan your lessons but let them do the classroom bit?

Are you in Scotland- ie schools back?

I'm not in Scotland but we have a funny term in our area so we are back on Mon. I'm considering maybe going in for the inset day and then taking the rest of the week. I don't want to miss the key information and there won't be a lot to do Monday morning yet as we won't yet have the death certificate. If my brother comes then it will help as I won't feel as though I'm leaving my dad.

What a sad thing it is, to lose a parent.

OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 06:06

That sounds like a plan. I certainly don't think you should, or would be expected to push yourself to stand up in front of a class full of kids next week.

There will be stuff needing done next week and your DDad is going to need you around too.