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Original poster

My mum just died

82 replies

Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 04:53

She died about 11pm. I can't sleep. I can't believe this has happened. I've never really posted on mumsnet quite like this, but I'm lying in bed and it feels like the longest night. I don't know whether to keep trying to sleep or give up and get up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 06:06

Thank you. I really do appreciate you taking the time to chat. It feels a bit better now it's the morning and I don't have to pretend to try to sleep now Grin

OP posts:
Dontsayfuckorbugger · 22/08/2021 06:07

Oh I'm so sorry what an awful shock. Please be kind to yourself. Take it minute by minute, day by day. You are going to feel a whole host of emotions over the next few days, even months. Let others help you, spend time with her friends and your family. I really feel for you. Keep your memories of her as a comfort and know that she will always live on through you, your daughter, dad and brother. You are allowed to feel all the emotions OP. Hugs x

ImAddictedToMyPhone · 22/08/2021 06:07

Im so sorry. Your mum sounded like an amazing person ❤

NOTANUM · 22/08/2021 06:08

I'm so sorry for your lose Flowers. The dawn seems particularly cruel in these circumstances.

When everyone is up, it will feel more bearable.

Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 06:08

Its OK. People have virtually held my hand via MN a couple of times too.

How's your DDad coping?

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 06:10

He is very sad but he is a very measured, calm sort of person. He just feels terrible that we couldn't be with her and probably in shock as it was all so sudden. She was a fit and active woman a few weeks ago.

OP posts:
Airpit · 22/08/2021 06:13

Your mum sounds adorable and loved!
It sounds like it was all a bit sudden and unexpected.
I'm so sorry.

A lot of decisions will need to be made by a handful of grieving people in the next few hours or days.

I've never had to live through this yet so I don't know if this is the right advice but I'd have said: don't sweat the small stuff.

if you feel like doing something, try it out. If you feel like pulling out of stuff last minute then just do it. Most people will understand. Don't agonise over who needs to pick up the burden. You already have your head full... maybe take comfort in the thought that you can pay them back another time or that you'd do the same for them in a heart beat.

Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 06:14

The shock is a big one. Sometimes I think a quick death is better for the person but horrendously hard on people left behind. Trying to pick up the pieces and get on with life.

MrsDThomas · 22/08/2021 06:21

So sorry.

I think one of the hardest things is the shock of it. I knew my mum was going. The night before i knew that would be the last time I was to see her. But when that call came my body went into shock.

Do what you feel best. No one can tell you what is right or wrong. You want to work, go on Monday. But remember, you need time to process it, esp as it is so sudden. Be kind to yourself

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 06:22

Thank you all for your kindness. I'm so sorry to those of you who have also had bereavements.
It is true that it is better for the person who died to go suddenly. She just went in an instant. That's better than a struggle.

OP posts:
Voicefancier · 22/08/2021 06:22

I remember getting my dad's glasses from the hospital after he died unexpectedly. For some reason the sight of them got to me the most and even now I tear up when I think of them. I'm very sorry. It sounds like she was a genuinely kind and much loved lady who will be missed. How lovely and comforting to know that she meant so much to so many people.

Original poster
Kitkatchunkyplease · 22/08/2021 06:27

I feel bad that I have her glasses as she can't see without them!
How ridiculous.

OP posts:
Lockdownbear · 22/08/2021 06:27

I think initially you'll get carried along on a wave, telling people, people visiting, arranging the funeral, etc. And then it will slowly sink in.
Does your Dad work or have hobbies to keep him going?

BirdyBee · 22/08/2021 06:28

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely mum xx

TacCat49 · 22/08/2021 06:37

I'm so sorry to hear that your mum has died. I am sending you my kind thoughts and some big hugs from NZ. What a great testiment to her that you are mourning her passing. Please remember all the good times and nurturing she put your way. You wouldn't be the person you are without her. I know the feeling from when my mum died 5 years ago but i can assure you that the bad pain will leave you and you will be left with the most wonderful memories. All the best.

user1493494961 · 22/08/2021 06:46

So sorry for your loss xx

olidora63 · 22/08/2021 06:56

Am so sorry to read this OP .Your Mum sounded just my kind of person and similar to my wonderful Mum . They are unique and irreplaceable but the wonderful memories you will always have ,pics and videos will be a beautiful reminder of what a great Mum she was/is .
Loosing someone you love is so absolutely heartbreaking .I hope your little girl will bring you lots of comfort 💐💕💐

Voicefancier · 22/08/2021 06:59

Where grief's concerned, there's nothing ridiculous. You can't predict what will make you cry, or what will make you laugh. My dad's been gone 6 years and I miss him every day. I still cry - like I just did over the thought of his glasses - I have no idea why they make me so sad. A sign of his lack of invincibility maybe? But I have wonderful memories too. I know I'm lucky to feel so much grief and you will too, but it's too early yet for you to appreciate that. I'm so sorry for your and your father's loss.

toomuchfaster · 22/08/2021 07:00

So sorry for your loss. Just take it one step at a time, there are no rules to grieving.

Mollymalone123 · 22/08/2021 07:01

I’m so sorry for your loss- I was lucky in that I had a day in hospital with my mum to say goodbye.It’s been two years and. I still do t think she’s gone but she had a long life-it sounds like your mum was fairly young-
I think you will need the week-it’s surprising how much you have to organise and the funeral will probably need to get going with on Monday.Start that process as death certificate takes a while to get hold of-my mum died unexpectedly in hospital under 24hrs of admission so it went to coroner.It was all ok in the end but it was all extra phone calls etc that took up time.
As for your mum’s glasses-it’s not silly at all. When the time comes you can put them with her if you like.
It sounds like you are in shock still-not surprising really but I would not go in for inset day-you’ll be tired and it will hit you eventually.once again so sorry for your loss xx

moonlight1705 · 22/08/2021 07:04

I'm so sorry about your mum. She sounds like such a fab lady.

In terms of working, I went back two days after my mum died as I only had another week to go before maternity leave was to start. It was good for me as lots of people were very sympathetic and let me take it easy, however, I did have an end date in sight.

lifehappened · 22/08/2021 07:07

Goodness me, I'm so very sorry. You sound like a lovely family and you'll get through this together. Good luck tell her friends, it will be a hard day but you'll do your Mum proud

lifehappened · 22/08/2021 07:07

#telling

Justilou1 · 22/08/2021 07:07

I am so sorry for your loss. You are so blessed to have had such a lovely, loving mother. I know it sounds trite at the moment, but try to carry those feelings with you. Not all of us are so lucky. I hope my children can say similar things about me as you did about your mother. I know it’s such a shock for you. I am so pleased that she wasn’t alone and was with someone who loved her.

coodawoodashooda · 22/08/2021 07:08

I am so sorry.