Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Going out to places by yourself when you have no friends

117 replies

Wobblysausage · 17/08/2021 10:40

Not things like shopping or day to day stuff but going to the cinema, going for something to eat etc. Does anyone do it by themselves and is it as scary as I’m thinking it will be?

I’m a single parent, no partner (no chance of ever meeting anyone either) and handful of friends who never invite me to do anything or want to spend time with me unless it’s convenient for them. I’m just sick of it and sick of asking them to do things to be told they’re busy or yeah we’ll arrange something basically just fobbing me off. I’ve got the message now loud and clear, I’m only here for them when they need something and not the other way around! It’s fine, I’m not going to dwell on it, I’m going to start doing things alone so I don’t miss out! I’m just so scared though! I do have social anxiety (properly diagnosed, not just saying it for effect) so it’s even more scary for someone like me!

I want to learn how to be comfortable being alone, not rely on other people for my happiness and I figure this is a logical step to doing that! Don’t want to see it as being lonely or having no one, I want to see it as I can be happy doing it alone! If that even makes sense.

Any tips or words of reassurance that it won’t be as awful as I’m imagining?

OP posts:
Girasole02 · 17/08/2021 22:36

I do most of the activities mentioned in this thread alone and love it. You can come and go as you please without waiting for anyone, don't have to put up with flakey friends cancelling last minute or faffing about. It really is liberating. Just take that first step and you really won't look back. Remember that everyone else is worrying about what they look like to notice what you are doing! Enjoy.

deeplyambivalent · 18/08/2021 07:09

More power to you, OP. And re the title of this thread: over time, try to re-frame it so that it's not a) going out by yourself and it's not b) because you have no friends. It's going out and doing things. Because that's what you want to do and you're fabulous.

lifehappened · 18/08/2021 08:15

I make a point of doing this every week. I do a lot with others also but do love my own company. Sorry I sound like anyway there, I know it's a different feeling if you feel you don't have anyone to go with rather than making a choice to go alone. But I guess my point is that not once have I ever felt weird or like people are looking at me. You can do it!

SweatyBetty20 · 18/08/2021 09:17

Deeplyambivalent has it spot on. Spinning it round positively is how it should be seen. Now I’m doing stuff, I do get comments from colleagues etc saying “you’re so brave”, or “I’d love to do that but haven’t got the nerve”. Not once has anyone said it’s because I have no friends. I do, but only a small number, and they don’t always want to do what I want to do. Sometimes I compromise but it’s also amazing to just do stuff on my own, because, as deeplyambivalent has said, we’re fabulous!

Newestname001 · 18/08/2021 12:09

@DDIJ

Flowers Start with the cinema. It's the easiest one to do by yourself. Then have coffee and cake alone. Work up to going for a meal alone. This is the hardest one but you can make it easier by booking an early time to start with and building from there. Take something to read and don't rush your food, which is easy to do in this situation.

Yes - this! I enjoy going to the cinema alone sometimes, maybe tacking it on to a shopping trip/lunch and just deciding pretty last minute what I want to watch. That means I don't have to negotiate what film to watch either. I try for an early screening though then head home to have a relaxed evening, have a light dinner, feet up and a glass of 🍷 maybe? Enjoy OP. 🌹

deeplyambivalent · 18/08/2021 12:22

I like the pp's suggestion of pretending to be a tourist. I'm fine with everything except really high end restaurants in London although I'm 100% happy doing them alone on a business trip. I reckon I might invest in a London guide book as a smokescreen.

OhWhyNot · 18/08/2021 12:25

You will soon start to enjoy it and be less self conscious

Always have a book with you

I love it but always have and holidays on my own are bliss (not had one since had ds, also a single parent)

Brimorion · 18/08/2021 13:25

I have loads of friends, a DH and a DS and still often choose to do things alone, especially galleries, cinema, theatre, classical concerts, all of which I prefer to do solo.

Pea22ches · 20/10/2021 18:14

I feel like this sometimes too.since having DC I have got used to being alone. Debating weather to do London alone as its a busy place. My ticket is booked so I think I probably will go for it this week.

Egghead68 · 20/10/2021 18:15

It’s fine. Just do it. Or join a meetup group of you want company.

NigellasMicrowave · 20/10/2021 18:17

For me, going to the cinema on my own is a luxury - a glass of wine or a nice snack with no pressure or whether the person I’m with is enjoying themselves. It’s great and I tried to do it whenever DH was away (pre-pandemic).

My top tip for being out on your own is to have a book or magazine in your handbag so you have something to “do” purposefully whilst you sit with a coffee or whatever. I really don’t think of anything when I see someone at a restaurant by themselves other than they must be living life well!

bibbidybobbidyboo · 20/10/2021 21:39

I've eaten out on my own several times when I've been travelling away and I've always found that it's a really relaxing experience - waiters are so attentive to you and you can watch the whole world go by.

UnholyStramash · 20/10/2021 22:14

Going for a coffee and cake alone is very common. And the cinema works well - lots of people do that alone. I’ve done lone stuff for years, even ‘holidays’ alone. There are always other people on their own too - once you’ve settled into it you realise how common it is. Have fun, OP.

Scarby9 · 20/10/2021 22:20

Incidentally, a friend, then early 40s and perpetually single, challenged herself to go to the local theatre alone. Sitting next to her turned out to be a perpetually single man in his early 40s.
Reader, she married him.
Now in their 70s and still together.

Egghead68 · 20/10/2021 23:14

@Scarby9

Incidentally, a friend, then early 40s and perpetually single, challenged herself to go to the local theatre alone. Sitting next to her turned out to be a perpetually single man in his early 40s. Reader, she married him. Now in their 70s and still together.
That’s lovely!
Deathraystare · 21/10/2021 17:36

I regularly used to go to the cinema on my own. I have also eaten out on my own but I choose not to go to fancy places simply because they are not me.

By the way, I do have friends but if they don't want to come I go by myself! Same with holidays.

Notdoingthis · 21/10/2021 17:48

Yes I have done this a lot. Didn't occur to me to miss out just because I didn't know anyone. I moved around a lot in my early 20s and if I fancied a film or a club night I just went.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page