Going out to places by yourself when you have no friends

[Wobblysausage]

Not things like shopping or day to day stuff but going to the cinema, going for something to eat etc. Does anyone do it by themselves and is it as scary as I’m thinking it will be?

I’m a single parent, no partner (no chance of ever meeting anyone either) and handful of friends who never invite me to do anything or want to spend time with me unless it’s convenient for them. I’m just sick of it and sick of asking them to do things to be told they’re busy or yeah we’ll arrange something basically just fobbing me off. I’ve got the message now loud and clear, I’m only here for them when they need something and not the other way around! It’s fine, I’m not going to dwell on it, I’m going to start doing things alone so I don’t miss out! I’m just so scared though! I do have social anxiety (properly diagnosed, not just saying it for effect) so it’s even more scary for someone like me!

I want to learn how to be comfortable being alone, not rely on other people for my happiness and I figure this is a logical step to doing that! Don’t want to see it as being lonely or having no one, I want to see it as I can be happy doing it alone! If that even makes sense.

Any tips or words of reassurance that it won’t be as awful as I’m imagining?

Also, liberating to not have to persuade someone to join you, wait for them to agree. Freedom though can feel a little intimating until you learn to own it. Good luck and enjoy.

Also, I have GAD and spend most of my time feeling very stupid in front of other people.

When I’m trying out by myself I find it much easier to strike up conversation with people (shop assistants, people doing crafts etc) because no one else is listening to me.

I go everywhere alone, have done for years. It doesn't matter where, I go to where I want to go. I don't like going out with groups of women, as too much waffle to contend with, with the added irritation.of them all glued to phones contstantly, all pointless and annoying.

Cinema is easy, arrive once adverts are on. Theatre and classical concerts I've done - always find someone is willing to chat in the interval whilst their companion is dispatched for ice creams. Eating out I would rather do at lunchtime alone and I'm not one to drink alone

she just said I was very brave.
I absolutely hate it when people say this when I'm out and about. I do my best not to roll my eyes. Brave because I go on holiday some where without someone else!!! I'm an adult. I dont need a chaperone!

Nothing wrong with going out on your own. I like a tea and cake after a dog walk and never feel strange about it. If you would like some company however, have you looked at local Meetup groups? I joined a couple - a social one and a walking one in my city which was great for me. I got a bit frustrated with the social group not organising the sort of events I enjoy and it was largely people younger than me, so I bit the bullet and set up my own Meetup group for women around my age. It was stressful at first as I'm quite socially anxious, but it has been a great way for me to get out there and do things I want to do with a bit of company.

I happily do these things alone.

I think my confidence came from working in hospitality and seeing just how many people are happy to eat alone.

I used to love going to a coffee shop, having a drink and cake and just people watching. I’d have a magazine open but in all honesty, time spent watching others was fascinating.

What about joining a meet up group for something you are really interested in?

I also take my knitting/crochet

@notacooldad

she just said I was very brave. I absolutely hate it when people say this when I'm out and about. I do my best not to roll my eyes. Brave because I go on holiday some where without someone else!!! I'm an adult. I dont need a chaperone!

Quite. I just tell myself it says more about them than me. This lady obviously feels she couldn’t/wouldn’t go on holiday by herself. She was with her partner so possibly has never had to consider trying it. In time to come she may find herself having to be “brave” or stay at home and not holiday. 🤷‍♀️ I know which I’d prefer.

I have a DH and DD but we all have different tastes in films so we will often arrive at the cinema together and then disappear into our own screen to watch our choice of film.

I've always had coffee or lunch if I'm out in town by myself. I probably wouldn't go out for an evening meal alone but during the day it's all good. Although I do go out with fried a sometimes I enjoy my own company and to just enjoy the meal with my own thoughts or a book and not have to worry about keeping up a conversation.

'restaurant on a whim and it was really enjoyable. I had just bought a book so I read a little bit but mainly people watched and planned things in my notebook.'

People watching is great from afar of passing commuters etc but not in a restaurant. We were quiet and sat away on our own and a older couple decided to sit right next to us (even though full restaurant of tables not next to anyone) and then proceeded to stare miserable the whole time we ate and it was really off putting. No idea why we had to be their entertainment for their meal...

*miserably

Hey op I'm a single parent and although I have lots of good friends I often end up doing stuff alone out of choice or circumstance. Try the cinema first , make sure it's a film you are really looking forward to seeing and enjoy !
On a side note those people are not your friends, they sound horrible and I'd ditch them if I were you and make way for meeting new people that appreciate you.

I do this all the time. Afternoon drinks and a meal with a book. I'm about to go into a class I've just joined but I've come for a cheeky glass of wine first tonstaesy my nerves.
I quite like my own company as I talk to people all the time at work and my kids are full on.
I have friends but they work and have kids too so can be a challenge to get date son the diary.
Get out and just do what you fancy. It's not sad at all

I’m definitely going to go to the cinema! There’s a film I want to see and don’t want to wait for it to come out on DVD. And for a coffee at a lovely tea room down the road from me with my book. I usually go in with Dd for afternoon tea and the owner is so nice and welcoming. I’ve seen a few people in their alone and not given it much thought so I guess people wouldn’t about me either.

I’m really glad I posted this thread as it’s made me feel so much better!

Single parent here also. Some days it’s quite hard going out as I’m acutely aware of the groups of people, families, and couples out and about. On other days, it’s much easier to handle. A lot depends on how I’m feeling. I went to a beautiful concert at the weekend (took my DS) and there were many people there alone.
It’s important to do activities in a group - I feel better doing it. I attend daily yoga classes and it’s so lovely to chat to the regulars. It also helps me feel great.
Start with cinema and theatre. I’ve found music concerts where I stand instead of sit to be quite intense but got chatting to people. Great advice above re finding a regular activity.

I have friends, but still I always preferred to do most things alone. For example I still think cinema/theater is much better alone. I have time to enjoy and digest at my own pace.

@Wobblysausage

I’m definitely going to go to the cinema! There’s a film I want to see and don’t want to wait for it to come out on DVD. And for a coffee at a lovely tea room down the road from me with my book. I usually go in with Dd for afternoon tea and the owner is so nice and welcoming. I’ve seen a few people in their alone and not given it much thought so I guess people wouldn’t about me either.

I’m really glad I posted this thread as it’s made me feel so much better!

Please come back and let us know how it goes OP!

Have a look at the single parent app Frolo.lots of single parents there who you can chat with and have meet ups with.

I absolutely love doing things by myself. DH works on a Saturday and friends work various shift patterns and, actually, I quite enjoy my own company. Pre Covid, my absolute favourite thing to do was to jump on a train to London and go to a museum for the day, where if I wanted to sit down and stare at an exhibit for half an hour, nobody minded. Lunch in a nice restaurant and lots of stops for a drink and some people watching.

Absolutely go for it. I’ve eaten out alone a few times when I’ve worked away. DH did it regularly until Covid hit. We both love it! I like to take my kindle and sit quietly - it’s bliss.

One of best friends from years ago loved the cinema and movies and she had a cinema pass so she went to the cinema herself 2-3 times per week. She was one of those people who wouldn’t ever go into a bar herself but she always said there were often people alone in the cinema. Again, utter bliss.

I’m sorry your friends are so shit. Meeting new ones is hard too but not impossible. What are the school mums like? Could you connect with any of them?

Do it!

DH has always gone to the cinema on his own (we’ve been together for 20 years and I literally don’t think I’ve ever been to the cinema with him). He has a lot of random days off, and he likes seeing art house stuff/re-releases at all he BFI etc. Not stuff any of our friends are going to take a day’s annual leave to see with him.

I have always gone on skiing holidays solo and absolutely love it - prefer it over going with friends or family. If I do go with people, I try to squeeze a solo trip in as well later in the year.

I go around museums and galleries on my own, and actually I think most adults do (obviously the Natural History Museum etc are all family groups, but most people at the British Museum and Tate seem to be by themselves).

Staying in a hotel by yourself is totally fine - loads of people are travelling with work etc so it’s completely normal to have people at breakfast or in the hotel bar by themselves.

I’m not a huge fan of going to restaurants by myself, but that’s because I’d rather get a takeaway and eat it in the hotel room watching trashy tv, if I have the option. I have never found it awkward though.

@Wobblysausage so glad to see you are going to do it. I love it. Cinema is easy, especially in the day. Second book/kindle for eating out, or phone with earphones.

Hotels alone, my only experience so far is with work for business trips but I'm looking for one to do by myself in half term, can't wait.

Don't miss out on anything you want to do, just cause you will be alone!!!

Few people will even notice you're alone and, considering your social anxiety, it might be less stressful than meeting up with someone.