Going out to places by yourself when you have no friends

[Wobblysausage]

Not things like shopping or day to day stuff but going to the cinema, going for something to eat etc. Does anyone do it by themselves and is it as scary as I’m thinking it will be?

I’m a single parent, no partner (no chance of ever meeting anyone either) and handful of friends who never invite me to do anything or want to spend time with me unless it’s convenient for them. I’m just sick of it and sick of asking them to do things to be told they’re busy or yeah we’ll arrange something basically just fobbing me off. I’ve got the message now loud and clear, I’m only here for them when they need something and not the other way around! It’s fine, I’m not going to dwell on it, I’m going to start doing things alone so I don’t miss out! I’m just so scared though! I do have social anxiety (properly diagnosed, not just saying it for effect) so it’s even more scary for someone like me!

I want to learn how to be comfortable being alone, not rely on other people for my happiness and I figure this is a logical step to doing that! Don’t want to see it as being lonely or having no one, I want to see it as I can be happy doing it alone! If that even makes sense.

Any tips or words of reassurance that it won’t be as awful as I’m imagining?

Even though I have a partner and lots of friends I love going into cafes on my own.
Especially after a shopping trip.
Don't worry about sitting in a cafe alone.
Lots of people do it! Do some shopping first so you have bags wirh you?
I read somewhere that people wirh social anxiety can feel more confident if they're carrying something. Would this help?

The only place I would battle is a pub.
You often see men popping in for a quick one of an evening.
But lone women (especially older) are seen as strange if they're sat in a pub on their own) it's not fair.
It's probably different in a big city. Hopefully times are changing.

Yes. It's fine. Maybe not as much fun. But if I didn't do it I'd go nowhere. Been on holiday on my own a few times.

None of my friends share my interests. So going away with them isn't an option.

Thanks for all the great advice! It’s made me feel much more positive about doing things alone.

I used to go shopping alone but Covid made that impossible and also pushed me back a few steps in terms of my social anxiety! I need to get used to doing that again. I just need to push myself to do it and get out there!

I got so fed up of my friends being crap and either impossible to pin down to a date to book something, or cancelling plans so it meant I missed something I wanted to do that I now just go on my own!

I often go to an exhibition on my own, then have either coffee and cake or lunch afterwards. I like going to the cinema on my own as well and that is generally the easiest as you just arrive for the film and leave afterwards. I do go to the ballet/ opera on my own as well - I find that one a little harder as if I arrive in time to have a drink before hand and there a couple of intervals, then there ends up being a bit of hanging around which I got bit fed up with, although you can always people watch or take a book.

I have been to cinema, theatres, museums, meals, hotels etc alone. I have to sometimes for work, but I also do it anyway. If it helps, for all anyone knows, you are doing it for work too.

When covid is over properly I'm going to take myself on a solo road trip to Scotland. I will love it. There's so little pressure and so much freedom doing things alone.

I've never been abroad alone, and I don't suppose I ever will.

I've always done this and not thought twice about it, I didn't realise till recently anyone considered it unusual. Even on holiday, my DH doesn't really like walking far so I'll often go for a wander on my own and pop into a cafe for a sit down and zone out.

I have a friend group and we’re all single parents, work the same shifts and seem to have child free days the same time. All similar interests but they all seem to spend time with each other in couples and do the nice things with each other and I’m just there for the boring mundane things. For advice when they’re upset or when they need help with something or if they don’t want to go shopping alone etc. I feel like I’m the friend who’s always there in the background, almost always available so they don’t need to make the effort with me. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain without me sounding pathetic.

Anyway I suppose that’s just the dynamics of the friend group, and I can’t do much about it. I can either feel hard done by, dwell on it and feel miserable or I can get out there and make my own happiness which is what I’m going to do!

Join your local Women’s Institute. They often go out on trips.

I had to learn after all my mates had babies. I started with lunch in Pret sitting in! Then proper cafes. Then a matinee at the cinema. Then a lunchtime classical concert (if that’s your thing). Then did a couple of day trips to the Lakes. Then the odd night in the Lakes youth hosteling - have chatted to many awesome women of all ages that way. Lots of long walks too - I went on courses to learn navigation. Stayed in a lovely hotel in the Lakes (the Swan at Grasmere) which is awesome for single women and has a great female friendly bar where I had my tea. My piece de resistance was going to see a mate in Australia and deciding to stay a couple of nights in Singapore on the way - had a ball exploring and eating in the food markets.

Start small - I promise you won’t regret it.

I would love to go away by myself. A hotel room alone would be bliss! Maybe I’ll build up to that one and hopefully one day I will do it

Before I had dc, my friends were mainly into drinking and clubbing and I never seemed to know anyone who wanted to go to the theatre or to the kind of films I liked. I really regretted missing out on opportunities to just go by myself when I was tied down with babies and toddlers.

Like others evening dining is where I’d draw the line. But I love going for lunch by myself with a new book.

I did get the nerve up to do a bit of solo travelling before I met dh and I miss that. I haven’t the heart to leave him at home.

I haven't RTFT, so sorry if echoing others.
Am also single mum and most friends are married/work FT.

Cinema - I LOVE going alone. It's like a treat to me!

Lunch/dinner/coffee etc alone - I think a key aspect here is that other people don't care! No one knows you're there alone because you had no one to go with.
I take a book or a notepad and work through whatever I've got going on in my head. I quite enjoy it! (I order what I want/can afford and never have to worry about splitting a bill etc)

Museums/exhibitions. I do a lot of these alone. Mixture of choice or no one to go with.
Book a lot of these for during the working day and I find it quieter and tbh, having no one there with you means I focus on what I'm doing more.

I go to gigs alone because I have reached a point in my life where I don't want to miss out. I nearly always find people to talk to, dance with etc.

It's actually really liberating.
Start small - cinema is a great first. Vue are doing £5.99 tickets for all screenings so it's not even that expensive anymore!!
You're gonna love it!
I often hear my married friends saying they wish they could do what I do and it baffles me that they don't feel they have the freedom to do it without their partner!!

I used to go to places all the time by myself. Never for a meal, but cinema, theatre, museums, all sorts. Just start with something easier and work your way up.

If you're eating out, wear smart casual and pretend you're working away from home. It helps to have a bit of a persona/story

Travelling alone!!!
It's better then you think.
Stay where you want, eat where you want, want to walk? Do, don't want to, don't. It's so freeing!

I've done a loads of weekend breaks around the uk, and went to Paris alone for two nights a couple years ago. But I wasn't ready and it was a disaster
Spent the first night crying into my pillow and calling my mum.
But during the day I went where I wanted and enjoyed it.
Haven't gone abroad alone since then, but I'd do it again now, I'm stronger and more confidently.

(I might be at the point where if I had a partner I'd struggle to give up my freedom )

I do lunch and coffee on my own all the time and don't think twice about. The only time I do dinner out alone is when I'm away with work and then I tend to eat in the hotel where there's usually other people on business doing the same. Take a book or ipad so you're not sitting staring at the walls while waiting for your food.
I've never done the cinema but it does seem an obvious one to start with as it's not like you go for the chat with whoever you're with! I did a concert on my own because someone gave me their ticket but she had a season ticket and hence the people in the adjacent seats spoke to me asking how she was as they hadn't seen her for a few concerts.
I go on holiday on my own but tend to go self-catering.

I love doing this when I get a bit of rare child free time. Usually out for a meal or sometimes cinema, have been known to go into the next city and spend the day/evening there exploring.

I went to the theatre by myself before Covid. It was fully booked, sat next to a lovely lady who was there with her daughter. The daughter was only there because her Mum really wanted to see the show and didn't want to go on her own. During the interval the lady shared her box of chocolates with me and we had a lovely chat about the show whilst her bored daughter played with her phone.

I went on a one day coach trip from Edinburgh to Inverness by myself. That was fully booked, sat next a young woman. She was there with her parents who had come over from Australia. She was happy to spend the day talking to somebody else other than Mum and Dad.

Been to the cinema on my own loads of times, if you look around you won't be the only one there alone.

Eat out on my own lots too, it's absolutely fine. Don't sit by yourself on a large table in a busy place unless you're happy for some Ito join you though!

Go for it, you'll really enjoy it.

Definitely start with the cinema @Wobblysausage - I absolutely love going on my own, during the day when it's lovely and quiet. I can watch whatever I want to - it's bliss!!
If you want to go for coffee and cake do take a book like other pp's have suggested, you could also take a notebook and jot down things you want to do, shopping etc. I used to do that because it was a good time to clear my head - and actually it looked as though I was working which, at the time, made me feel less conspicuous.
Take it slowly and you'll soon build up your confidence. Honestly it's so much easier than you imagine - go for it!

I used to get terrible anxiety and still get milder bouts now so I understand how debilitating that can be. However in recent years, I have travelled abroad several times alone, eaten out at cafes etc (though not proper restaurants as still a bit nervous of this), cinema, concert at Wembley, several art or museum exhibits etc. I am going away for a few days holiday in September on my own so might brave the restaurant thing then.
Not all of these things have been comfortable and I have experienced some anxiety but they have all been worth it and enjoyable. I have a lovely husband but still love my breaks away alone - it’s a different vibe and I love a hotel room all to myself. Cinema is also great as we don’t always have the same tastes and whilst he would be willing to come along, I don’t see the point if he isn’t going to enjoy the film. Trips to a cafe for a coffee and cake, or lunch is one of the nicest things in the world… I don’t even need a book, I just disappear into my own little world. I would go to cafes much more frequently if it wasn’t for the fact that I am already overweight and just the sight of a cake is enough to have me piling on the pounds!
Try something small, see how you go and don’t worry if it feels uncomfortable. It probably will at first, but you will feel proud of yourself for trying and next time will be easier. The first time I went to the cinema on my own I bought my ticket and popcorn, sat down and by the time the film started I had worked myself into such a ball of anxiety that I got up and walked out. The next time I went, I stayed for the whole film but still felt uncomfortable. After that I was fine

@wobblysausage remember nobody knows (or cares) why you are out alone. I'm also a single parent and the first time I went to the theatre alone it was because I was in London for a work course and had free time in the evening so got tickets for Billy Elliot, the second time I went alone I was in London with Dmum and DD and they had had enough sight seeing and wanted to stay near the hotel and chill so I got a ticket to see Les Mis. The experience far outweighed being on my own, by the time you've nipped to the loo, got a drink, flicked through the programme the show has started again. During Les Mis I was sat next to a man who was with a group but they were spread out throughout the theatre as they had got last minute tickets.

The first time I went to the cinema alone I was in our nearest city and Dd had dance rehearsals(10-4) so I had several hours to kill, lots of other parents drove the 45 mins home only to have to make another 90 min round trip later. I went to the cinema, had lunch and went to a museum anthen pottered around the shops. I alway carry a book in my bag so read that whilst sat alone.

So remember nobody knows if you are out alone as you don't have many friends, whether you are visiting on business or just killing a few hours.

OP I love going to places on my own! My favourite is to go to the cinema on a weekday morning when it's empty, pure bliss. I love travelling on my own and going for lunches too. I agree that taking headphones will ease you into it and definitely have a book in your bag. Enjoy it!

I love doing those things on my own, sometimes it can be a bit draining having to make conversation for hours and I don’t have to make any compromises on where to eat or what time to do things. As others have said take a prop like a book or newspaper with you if you feel uncomfortable on your own. Good luck.

My tip is to look professional. For many years I worked away from home, staying in hotels around the country. I often had to dine alone. I always had some paperwork to read through or my laptop out, people just assumed I was on business (which I was) and didn't bat an eyelid.

Do the same when you go to the cinema, print something out, take a book and make notes. Look engrossed in something (before the film starts of course).