Things you want to get off your chest but can't

[Neonorchid]

Spill it here...

I'll start! I love you to bits but my word you are spoiled. Every sentence does not have to start with I want.

You stupid woman! I don't have to deal with YOUR insecurity over my ex-husband. I divorced him not vice versa! Doesn't that tell you something?? As for contacting me via Facebook to make sweary demands that I 'explain myself' - who the hell do you think you are?? I was married to him for 17 years and I contacted him ONLY to ask if he wished to attend a family funeral not to have a sex fuelled reunion! I don't love him, I stopped loving him after he treated me so badly and I just couldn't live a lie anymore. He was gutted when I divorced him and kept asking me if I wanted to try again even though he was seeing you (and others on the side!). It was over for me. However that didn't stop you from calling my home at all hours asking where MY husband was in the last days of the marriage. You had no respect for me. You didn't care about my feelings. YOUR husband started writing back unsolicited after I gave the funeral information telling me he loved me, missed me and wanted me to meet up with him in friend's villas overseas for dirty weekends and how all his mates told him what a fool he was to let me go etc - the thought made my flesh crawl! I just stopped contact but then I get insulting messages from you making out that I have chased him despite literally only saying XXXX has died, if you would like to attend the funeral it will be on this date at this place. I know you are insecure, after all you got him whilst he was married to me and deep down, you know what he is. How you get them is how you lose them. The difference is that you weren't a naive 20 year old when you got married to him like I was, you were a seasoned woman in your 40's. I wouldn't have sex with/go back with him if he was the last man on earth. I feel nostalgia for some of the good times but it stops there. I might have felt differently about being nice and explaining this if you had treated me with respect. The irony about YOU complaining about ME and acting as though I am the 'other woman' is hilarious and ironic when you were quite happy to tell him to leave me with nothing (yes, I saw the text) and all the emails you sent, along with the emails he was sending to other women at the same time.... You want me to 'explain myself' and 'respect you and your marriage' - sorry love, I don't give a shit about you or him and you'll be waiting a long time for any validation or reassurance from me. I am the last woman you need to worry about. If I were you, I would be more worried about the women he meets whilst working overseas! Now F off and leave me alone!

A and R,
Your son is a monster.
How many lives has he ruined, how many homes destroyed? Yes, he is your son, but if you keep wiping his arse for him every time he fucks up, how will he ever see the consequences of his awful actions?
He is back on the drugs, and has been dealing for months. You helped him escape a sentence to let him go and do that?!

He will never change, and you should do the right thing, before it's too late.

Gosh, that felt good

@Zandra123

You were my big bro you should have been my protector not abuser, you took away my childhood and my decisions even in adulthood have been affected by the experiences. Bastard.

me too.

Please can you just leave me alone. Accept that the end has come. Do not monitor what I do, think you have any kind of hold over me, question me about my decisions. It's pointless and I can't stand sharing space with you. Grow a spine. Also, I'm so angry that I had to do all the talking. I had to explain to them with no fucking input from you.

Does she know that you still message me wanting to get back together? Did you tell her we had sex at Christmas when you lied to me and told me you weren't seeing anyone, only to tell me later you'd had a girlfriend for 6 months? Have you told her you say you'd drop her in an instant if I'd just take you back?

No, didn't think so.

I don't like your brother. He's a cold, calculating, selfish and cruel individual. I've never liked him. I hate the fact that he uses people mercilessly and has no concern for anyone other than himself. He's also stupid and has a violent and aggressive nature. I don't enjoy spending time in his company. It wouldn't bother me if I never saw him again.

The last time I visited you, I saw you in a new and unwelcome light. I think you need to get a fucking grip. Your actions are selfish and are harming your children. Stop thinking about yourself. Get a fucking job. Stop taking drugs. Tidy your house. Don't date complete losers. If your mother annoys you, keep it civil but have some fucking self-awareness for Christ's sake. The world doesn't revolve around you.

If I want to buy myself treats from Sainsbury's please stop commenting on them every time I eat them! It's really annoying!

I think about you both all the time. I love you both very very much and I hope you have happy, long lives. If I could forgo everything else in favour of this, I would.

I don't want to hear about your cruises anymore. They bore me to tears. Nor do I wish to look at photos of your cruises. Sorry! I care for you both very much indeed and I know you enjoy them but I'm just not interested. xx

You are both utterly selfish, unthinking and uncaring people. You have gotten everything you want out of life with no worries or hardships because I’m there in the background to sort it all out and yet somehow I’m still not enough of a dutiful daughter. My 20s and 30s were spent caring for your parents because you fucked off to the other side of the world, making it clear that caring duties would be too painful and stressful for you. Now you expect me to care for you as you get older. I feel I’ve never had a life of my own. My own fucking house is not my own because you arrive, with increasing frequency, unannounced and I just have to put you up for however many months you decide to stay on each occasion. This is massively disruptive to me, DH, our work, our plans, our mental health… And all you do is sit around moaning that the house isn’t big enough for us all, that I don’t do enough housework, that you don’t like the food I prepare… You break things, you cost us money that we don’t have and you never apologise nor offer to contribute. If I dare ask for some consultation and mutual arrangements to be put in place, I get the “after all we’ve done for you” speech. Well what, what exactly did you do for me. You fed, clothed and kept a roof over my head, granted. And I realise a lot of children do not have that luxury so yes, for this I am grateful but what else? You never once listened. You didn’t engage with my interests, didn’t even know my friends’ names or what I was doing at school. You never encouraged me in life. You taught me nothing. I was an inconvenience then and ironically just used as a convenience now. And the thing is, that the one time I snapped and actually said all of this to you; I actually felt worse in the months that we had no contact than I ever had when I spend time around you. So I apologised and I’ll never say this to you again but it doesn’t mean I don’t still feel angry and anxious around you.

You worship the ground your dad walks on and I know that part of this is cultural but you are blinded to his faults. I know that you are intolerant to the same opinions from others yet somehow you cannot see that he is simply a hateful bigot. His racist commentary is absolutely foul and he is the biggest misogynist I’ve ever met. I love you though and will stay quiet when he spouts such utter hate because I realise I cannot and will not drive a wedge through our marriage and through your family like your brother’s wife has. By god, I admire the very bones of that woman though – even though I barely know her and I have to pretend to be shocked that she refuses to visit and withholds access to his grandchildren, I feel guilty every day that I do not have the guts to stand up to him the way she did. I am also glad every day that we didn’t not have children because exposing either a son or daughter to his damaging view on women would have been devastating. Still though – he’s not doing so well right now and at least there’s a decent inheritance to come which I absolutely see as a pay-off for putting up with him.

Also

Why the fuck did you marry her? I’ve lost you as my best friend and confidant and I don’t just mean that we rarely see each other. That I can cope with but the fact you have changed your entire personality and rewritten your own history is a huge red flag. If you can’t be yourself around the person you love, I question whether she is right for you at all. I know you’ve had difficulties in life but she isn’t helping you – she’s sucking you back into a spiral or destruction and I can’t stand to watch it. I miss you so much.

I love you but i find you suffocating and emotionally demanding. Please put more effort into building your own life and relationships, and not tell me i'm the most important person in your life. I don't want that responsibility, and i can't return it either - my kids are mine. You are caring and thoughtful but you have a massive blindspot in your expectations of others.
I'm dreading telling you I don't know if i want to spend christmas together when I know you've already assumed we are, and you'll make me feel bad about it. I should be able to decide what i want to do based on my needs, not yours.

Even though you dumped me in an unforgivable way and took the cowards way out ,I will always love you more than I've ever loved anyone .

Your son is a fucking disgrace and it’s your fault. He is spoilt and whingy and if you bloody talked to him AT ALL then he might be better off than you plugging him in to screens all the time. If I have to call him out for his disgraceful behaviour one more time, I might drop kick you both. Stop using me as a walking medical dictionary because you can’t be arsed to use your common sense. Stop imposing yourself on my life. You are smothering. You are 40 years old and you act like a pathetic teenager. Get a grip.

I will NEVER EVER FORGIVE YOU. The day you die will be like winning the lottery.

Mil get off your arse and see your grandson.You live 2 mins Away yet expect people to come to you everytime.It doesn't work like that.

I am struggling to cope and I can't carry on being the strong one who supports everyone else.

You ruined my childhood, my adult life and my time with my children and destroyed my first marriage. I wish you would just die but you’ll probably outlive me and i’ll never know what it’s like to be free. The only reason i’m in contact with you is that the money you’ll leave is my payoff for a wasted life because of you.

I’m not sure if we have a future together and I wish sometimes that I had not rushed to marry you but had waited instead for someone to come along…

The fact penis-havers expect females to make way for them and their feelings, despite past sexual trauma. Fuck you.

-You have a drink problem, and are very selfish.

• I'm so glad we aren't friends anymore, I just wished I hadn't hung on for so long. I don't know why I did.
• I'm relieved to not be in contact with my mother's toxic family anymore.

I've never felt like this about anyone else, ever. I feel so nervous around you, like I have a belly full of snakes. My mouth goes dry and I become incoherent. I can't even look at you for fear of giving myself away.
But when it's just the 2 of us I can relax because I don't think you have much of a clue about how I feel.
I usually find it hard to look people in the eye unless I know them well but I've looked in your eyes and looked at your face more than is good for me.
I've not met a man so comfortable with himself before and who talks so openly. By the time we part ways, the snakes have disappeared and I feel warmed to my bones.
I don't know where to go with all this.

I'm really sorry that your wife's uncle is dying. But the fact all you've talked about is what you're going to do with the inheritance tells me all you need to know. And phoning me telling me how you're expecting to get enough to put down a house deposit, and how you can't keep it in the bank because you'll lose your benefits is a real case of "read the fucking room" when you know how much I struggle.

Part of me still loves you dearly, but I can't forgive the past. You seem incapable of changing your shitty behaviour, and you wonder why all of your partners have left you.

You aren't a bad person, but you're beyond weak. I hope you can eventually examine your behaviours and work to improve them, I really do.

Writing that made me cry for the first time in ages. I needed to let that out!

If I have to listen to you banging on about everyone I have a crush is gay, I’ll fucking scream, I don’t dream about bum sex, nor do I want it, sick of hearing about your ex who was a scrounger always money for drink, and yes male. Sick of my programs being called crap, you watch your crap leave me to my stuff, same with my music it’s crap according to you, I don’t care about motor sport rugby,etc.

I know you find it hard to believe, but you really do make the world a better place. I know you've been through a lot, and I know your life is slightly unconventional and, well, unusual, and I know that this in itself causes problems for you because of other people's attitudes. But you bring something to people's lives, you make people smile. I love you in an unusual, unconventional way which I never expected to experience. Call it life experience if you want, it's a new one on me. I still love you.

I loathe you, I hear your name and bile raises in my throat.
I want to scream obscenities at you for the way you treat your family. I want to disown you and leave you to wallow in the bitter self pitying world you inhabit.
The time is coming when I will release my wrath then I will be at peace.