Americans, men and the ‘pumping of gas’

[RubyFakeLips]

Despite being over 40, I’ve become more and more into TikTok of late (I have a tween). The algorithm has obviously gone all fucked up for me and my feed has lots of country Americans, a plethora of ride on mowers, big trucks and actual cowboy hats. Not really my cup of tea but I’m obviously gripped.

Weirdly, lots of them seem to demonstrate being a gentleman (their phrasing) by “pumping their woman’s gas”, which it turns out is not a euphemism. Also lots of criticising men they’ve seen not pumping the gas and allowing a woman to fill up her own petrol.

Is this a thing?! Is it really seen as chivalrous to do your wife’s petrol? This is not a thing in the UK as far as I know, or is it?

It’s about chivalry really. My dh is American and works hard to do things so I don’t have to. However I can and do them too.
It’s the same way they are polite calling everyone sir and Mam. It’s caring for others.

He sees it as taking care of his family which he is very big on. He was born and raised on farms in the mid west. However it’s not a sexist thing. His mum is in a top position in her career and is fiercely independent. She can kill snakes, mow the acres of land herself and would never ask a man for help. However her husband will do these things for her when he can as he sees it is his job.

Hard to explain but I see it as an act of love rather than control. I guess it’s about the intention?

But in my area of the U.S., encouraging gentlemanly manners is more important than showing off my independence.

I don’t know a single woman who shows off her independence. They just are independent.

Most mothers I know - including my own, approaching elderly, mother - are independent AND have gentlemanly husbands and have raised gentlemanly sons. These things aren’t mutually exclusive. Rely on a man to pump your gas for you and goodness, oooof, who knows what he might expect to rely on you for in return….

Seriously, it’s lovely when it’s done out of thoughtfulness and care, like dropping off a peach cobbler at a friend’s house because you were thinking of them and you know how much they love peaches in the summer; or your DH bringing you tea in bed on a Sunday morning when he knows you’ve been awake with a poorly one all night. My DH brings in the groceries for me if he’s around, always holds the umbrella (then again, he’s taller than me), always walks closest to the road etc. These are the little things that enrich our lives and make us feel warm and fuzzy inside. I really can’t say that a man pumping my gas for me makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside (no sniggering in the back please).

@HeronLanyon

That’s reassuring harebright I was worried about underage pumping.

Snigger.

Can everyone please stop talking about "what happens in the USA"? There are 50+ states and they all have their own laws! It's not like being in England or even like being in the UK

This! Generalizations about the whole US/all Americans are ridiculous. It's a country of 330 million people and most states are the size of entire countries with their own laws and governments.

If I pump your gas, then where I come from that means your my woman!

Ma'am.

What batshittery is this?! I commute a long way, so fill up my own car about once a week. If I'm driving with DH, usually whoever isn't driving will get out and do the pumping. It's neither rocket science nor remotely physically demanding.

DH, despite passing his test aged 17, went over 10 years before learning how to pump gas. Didn't own a car, then I mostly did it. One day I was driving and asked him to get out and do it, and he admitted he didn't know how!

Hate putting petrol in the car, phobic about the car wash, so DH on occasion takes my car and does both of those tasks. It’s much more appreciated by me than a random bunch of flowers I can tell you!
He also carries the shopping in for me (after I’ve thought about the list, gone round the supermarket and paid for it that is).
He does most house and car admin too because I steadfastly refuse to engage with that sort of stuff (CBA) and he always says “fgs JdeB, pay attention, you’ll have to do this when I die” .

In the South, "ma'am" is age-neutral.

I disagree. You are a miss until you get older or are seen with children. Then you are addressed as ma’am.

Back in the day This mine field was avoided by men simply calling women “darling.” I don’t think they meant any harm, but enough women found it condescending that everyone has stopped.

Lots of chivalry being bundled with expectations here. Helping out once in a while is thoughtful. Someone else filling up your car consistently or doing everything else about it for you is just plain lack of independence...

Fascinating. When we learned to drive my df ensured that all of his dc, in turn, knew how to change tyres, lights and check oil levels. We indulged the mansplaining despite my dm having already shown us these things, in practice, as children. But even my df would have thought us dunderheads if we didn’t know how to fill the tank.

@YesIReallyDoLikeRootBeer

I'm American, and my DH pumps my gas for me. I can do it, and do when I'm alone but in general he pumps it for me. Men here also will "start the car" for their DW or Partner in the cold weather. I remember a thread here a while back where people were shocked that men in America did that. So yes it is a thing here, but also women CAN pump our own gas. As for states where you cant I believe there are only 1 or 2 where it is not allowed.

Not allowed???! WTF.

I live in the US and I know you can’t pump your own gas in New Jersey, apparently gas station owners lobbied their politicians to ban self-service- they can charge more and of course, Americans generally tip the attendant as well.

Where I live, it’s all self-service and my DH has never offered to do it for me….I made a real fool of myself when I first moved here from the UK as the pumps are different and I couldn’t work it the first time I filled up. I had to go inside and ask for help.😂

Thought this would be about helium or nitrous oxide!

@Hen2018 in those two states where it’s not allowed….it’s not allowed for anyone. It isn’t just women who aren’t allowed. Has to be a gas station employee who does it.

@RubyFakeLips

Really?! Maybe to protect the existing gas station worker rights?

Who knew getting petrol could be so loaded.

I’ve just watch a TikTok where a woman is showing how great her dad is because he takes his wife, daughters and mother to a gas station, does all the filling up and then pays. The payment part I get but my dad would laugh in my face if I suggested this.

This explains a lot, I just recently watched a video of some young American girls taking their tesla to a gas station and trying to figure out where the petrol goes....

Our nearest garage in my home town is a wee family run two pump garage, the wee bloke sits out in his shed all day and pumps for you. Quite handy though as it's in the middle of the countryside, between miles of flat fields and just up from the sea so it's always bloody freezing and windy.

"I live in the US and I know you can’t pump your own gas in New Jersey, apparently gas station owners lobbied their politicians to ban self-service- they can charge more and of course, Americans generally tip the attendant as well."
I grew up in NJ and have never tipped a gas station attendant and have never seen anyone do it. Maybe if they helped you out with something outside their normal remit? My mum asks them to do stuff like put antifreeze in, she'd possibly offer a tip, but it's not usual.

@crispinglovershighkick

"I live in the US and I know you can’t pump your own gas in New Jersey, apparently gas station owners lobbied their politicians to ban self-service- they can charge more and of course, Americans generally tip the attendant as well." I grew up in NJ and have never tipped a gas station attendant and have never seen anyone do it. Maybe if they helped you out with something outside their normal remit? My mum asks them to do stuff like put antifreeze in, she'd possibly offer a tip, but it's not usual.

Ah, OK, I assumed you would as tipping is so common here. I don’t think I’ve ever filled up with gas in NJ, I’m usually driving through. I just knew it was one of the states with full service gas stations.

I was born and raised in Los Angeles. I suppose there's a world of difference between L.A. and say, Jackson, Mississippi. I don't know though. I've driven across the whole of the U.S. Been up North, been down South, spent my summers in Maine, lived in New York, wintered in Florida.
I've never had a man pump my gas, not because I'm opposed to 'good manners' or whatever. I just drove my car, washed my car, changed my tires, pumped my own gas, did it all myself like a good little red hen.