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Original poster

Ever had to have a word with elderly parent about how much they complain during meals out?

178 replies

thefourgp · 11/08/2021 09:41

I was embarrassed….again and I’m really getting sick of it. There’s nothing wrong with complaining when it’s something genuine but it’s getting to the stage it’s every single time we go out for a meal and it’s petty crap. I take my elderly mum and her two best friends on a day out or for a meal every couple of months as a treat. None of them drive and they’re nice women in general but they seem to be constantly looking for something to complain about every single time now when we have something to eat. It’s getting to the stage I don’t want to take them out to eat any more. Last night the waitress offered to replace the meal or bring something else and one of them sat like a huffy toddler saying ‘you’ll just bring me another bad meal - I’ll just eat my chips. I’m not coming back here again.’. So what’s the point in complaining? She’s been polite, offered you a resolution and you’re still not happy. They took the meal off the cost of the bill but I was embarrassed about how rude she was to the waitress. It pisses me off. The other three of us had the exact same meal and there was nothing wrong with it. I’ve commented to them before about how much they complain and it goes in one ear and out the other.

OP posts:
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/08/2021 00:19

[quote MotherFuckerzzzz]@frangipani but it's still aliiiiiiiive!!!! I feel your pain 🤦🏻‍♀️.
I would never say to them how their food choices repel me, but it's fair game (no pun intended) for them to comment on anyone else's choices. [/quote]
As my mum says, just pull its horns off and wipe its arse, that'll do me Grin charcoaled steak is not only a tragic waste but absolutely foul to taste IMO, but yes I manage to internalise those thoughts!

Owl55 · 12/08/2021 17:35

My daughters ex does this! Complains about a perfectly good meal and either ends up getting it free or all the bill wiped off or a voucher for another meal. He goes to a different place each time and gets away with it😱

skodadoda · 12/08/2021 17:42

@RedElephants

To be fair ClemDanFango I wouldnt expect anyone, even a celebratory to be clicking their fingers at anyone, how bloody rude.
I think this too
Dilovescake21 · 12/08/2021 17:47

I've vowed not to be like that when I'm old. Mine like to interrogate the waitress where the fish/beef/lamb etc come from - as if that's going to make a big difference to their meal.

tiredofthisshit21 · 12/08/2021 17:56

My daughter waitresses and she said it's ALWAYS the elderly who complain.

I'd stop taking them. They clearly don't appreciate or enjoy it.

CallmeBadJanet · 12/08/2021 18:05

@thefourgp They're rude. You've gone to the effort to take them out. Jeez! I wouldn't take them out again, if they notice and then ask you, tell them why. Just cos you're elderly doesn't mean you can be in-ya-face rude.

Alleycat1 · 12/08/2021 18:26

A boyfriend's mother complained about the wine at a very highly regarded restaurant. She knew nothing about wine , it was perfectly fine and a well respected label. Ex bf and I wanted to crawl under the table as she carried on.
Another time she complained about a 'tough ' steak. It was mother's day and the restaurant was fu!l. She made a terrible scene. Steak wasn't tough, she hadn't put the grip stuff on her false teeth! The shame!

Wimowehwimowehwimowehwimoweh · 12/08/2021 18:29

After ‘Gammon-gate’ we started to only take PIL’s out to places we didn’t like to go to regularly ourselves, it was too embarrassing to return to places we had taken them to!

Staffy1 · 12/08/2021 18:30

I should have had a word with FIL but didn’t know him well enough at the time. So incredibly rude and condescending to the waiter, loudly complaining so that other people could hear, like he was proud of his behaviour. At the end he gave over the amount of the bill, so say it was 29.50, he gave 35, then called the waiter back and complained that he didn’t give change and how dare he just assume the rest was a tip. It was the logical thing for the waiter to think that as 30 would have covered it if there wasn’t a tip, but another 5 had been paid. I’ve never been so embarrassed.

PinkyDozza · 12/08/2021 18:31

My MIL Doesn’t necessarily complain but she always requires things to be different to how they are offered. The high/ low point was requesting that my husbands meal be presented in a special cast iron dish (that the restaurant no longer used) because SHE likes her meal to be piping hot for the duration. Note that this is what she likes, it was my husbands lunch and she didn’t even ask if he would prefer it that way! I really think it’s a power thing and that she gets a kick out of being waited on like she’s royalty.

TwinkleToesForever · 12/08/2021 18:49

My mum is like this. She’s been known to send a dish back in a very swanky London restaurant because “the plate wasn’t hot enough”. Literally wanted to die with embarrassment! I dread eating out with her, nothing is ever right

Morgysmum · 12/08/2021 19:24

It is frustrating, I have it with the FIL. He moans loads, if also eats really slow
Even the landlord of the local pub, got annoyed with him, he moaned about the beer tasting off, no one else complained then he moaned he only had 2 Yorkshire puddings. Most people only got 1,so the landlord had given him an extra pudding, but he still moaned he wanted more.
He is like it at home with his wife, he cannot get his head around the fact I don't drink, I can if I want, just choose not to, but ever time we a family meal, I get try this wine, you might like it. I explain no thanks I am fine with what I have. (also, I don't like wine, it tastes nasty.) it's got to the point where we avoid family meals, as he is a nightmare, even his brother gets annoyed with him, I do feel sorry for the MIL, as she would like more get togethers. We did have a meal together the other weekend, this was because the FIL, couldn't make it.
Is it all the lady's or just one? If its one, can you just take the others out and not her, I know that's cruel, but sometimes you need a break.

peppermintpat · 12/08/2021 20:16

@gamerchick

I wouldn't have let them comp the meal. I'd have made a point of apologising and paying anyway in front of the complainer.

Then telling them if they pulled a stunt like that again, they can stay home next time.

Going to act like a kid, get treated like one.

Exactly this. Actions speak louder than words.
Fatredwitch · 12/08/2021 20:40

I am not sure that such rudeness is a result of getting old. I have known plenty of rude younger people. On the other hand, some people do seem to care less about other people's opinions when they are old, so maybe it's true that oldies are more likely to be moaners.

My auntie was kind and loving but a nightmare for complaining. When they were both widowed, she and my mum (her sister) would visit each other and also go on holiday together sometimes. Meals out were inevitably involved and mum used to tell me that she dreaded them. Auntie would always find something to complain about. She wasn't rude and she wasn't trying to get anything knocked off the bill, she was just incredibly fussy. Mum, who was (like me) too shy to complain even if things were genuinely bad, used to cringe with embarrassment whenever auntie fussed to the waitress over some trivial little thing. Mum said she always knew that there would be something to find fault with.

Now I come to think of it, maybe it did get worse when she was older and retired. Maybe it was a subconscious way of making herself feel a bit important. Tedious for waiting staff, though, and embarrassing for mum.

As a taxi driver, my husband also had customers who spoke to him as if he was theirs to command, but that tended to be young people.

Bertiebiscuit · 12/08/2021 21:46

Tell them that since they don't enjoy meals out you will take them out for a walk /just a drive/visit to a garden or park and will they bring a packed lunch and a flask - if they don't like the sound if this then tell them you will give trips with them a miss for a while as they aren't fun for anyone

riceuten · 12/08/2021 22:03

To be honest, with some older people, it's everything when they go out, not just to restaurants. Nothing is as good as it was, life is such a chore. Part of it is frustration with themselves, part of it is that life hasn't turned out how they wanted it. And yes, people have mild dementia as well, which doesn't help. If I had an elderly relative like this, I would berate them in front of the staff.

FictionalCharacter · 12/08/2021 22:18

@WingBingo

My mum liked a good old moan about everything.

Then afterwards tell everyone what a lovely time she had.

Mine too! She’d behave abominably when we were out, complaining, bitching about people, sulking, changing her mind, being “ill”, looking grumpy, generally spoiling the day for everyone else. Then afterwards she’d say what a lovely day it was and she was looking forward to doing it again!
DobbleBobble · 12/08/2021 22:25

If you're happy taking them for a day out then just carry on but change the lunch - take a picnic, byo or you take a cheese and tomato sandwich and packet of crisps for everyone (and wait for the complaints maybe) or install them somewhere for lunch and then tell them you will meet them outside in an hour when you have done your very important things as pp suggested.

allfurcoatnoknickers · 12/08/2021 22:30

@FictionalCharacter Oh god, the "ill" my Mum does this and it drives me round the bend.

TimeIhadaNameChange · 12/08/2021 22:53

Not quite the same, but my mum would moan about food I got, if it was something she wouldn't like. The worst was a chocolate pudding - she stuck her tongue out and went 'urgh!', then commented that she wouldn't like it.

I felt that was awful, and pointed it out. She said that whenever she has fish she'd think how I wouldn't like it. I agreed, but pointed out I'd never say it, and would actually say something complimentary. Why would I want to put someone off their meal?

Tigger1895 · 12/08/2021 23:11

I find the older people get the less tolerance they have. They also have fewer filters. I don’t think they realise they are being rude, which is why they fart indiscriminately.

MissLucyEyelesbarrow · 12/08/2021 23:21

@Tigger1895

I find the older people get the less tolerance they have. They also have fewer filters. I don’t think they realise they are being rude, which is why they fart indiscriminately.
WTF? The ageism on this thread is quite something.
FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/08/2021 23:24

How on Earth is that post ageist?!

Ikeameatballs · 12/08/2021 23:42

My DP complains when we do out for meals, often just to me but also to the waiting staff. Went we went out for lunch on Sunday I told him in advance that he had to stop complaining as it was actually stopping my enjoyment of dining out with him. I dread him becoming elderly if this happens!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 12/08/2021 23:44

Feel sorry for the women whose partners do this!
My exH started to get very racist and homophobic before the age of 40 and my mum pointed out that it's a little window into how they will be when he is older. Mae me feel sick. Not comparable to complaining about food of course, but I'd be refusing to go out for meals with a serial complainer, as they'll get worse with age before they get better.