Ever had to have a word with elderly parent about how much they complain during meals out?

[thefourgp]

I was embarrassed….again and I’m really getting sick of it. There’s nothing wrong with complaining when it’s something genuine but it’s getting to the stage it’s every single time we go out for a meal and it’s petty crap. I take my elderly mum and her two best friends on a day out or for a meal every couple of months as a treat. None of them drive and they’re nice women in general but they seem to be constantly looking for something to complain about every single time now when we have something to eat. It’s getting to the stage I don’t want to take them out to eat any more. Last night the waitress offered to replace the meal or bring something else and one of them sat like a huffy toddler saying ‘you’ll just bring me another bad meal - I’ll just eat my chips. I’m not coming back here again.’. So what’s the point in complaining? She’s been polite, offered you a resolution and you’re still not happy. They took the meal off the cost of the bill but I was embarrassed about how rude she was to the waitress. It pisses me off. The other three of us had the exact same meal and there was nothing wrong with it. I’ve commented to them before about how much they complain and it goes in one ear and out the other.

Just stop taking them OP. They’re not going to change.

I had a relative like this. I just refused to go put to eat with them. No pleasure in it for me as I was always wary. Not going to waste my time .

I gradually withdrew from a friendship with a woman who was only early 40s because of behaviour like this. I was sick of feeling embarrassed by her every single time we ate out.

It really isn't an age thing. It's an inability to be assertive without being rude and whiney / petulant.

My mum died at 85, prior to this i used to take her out for lunch quite a lot. She never once complained.
But she never was a complainer.

I have got a SIL like this, she complains about something everytime. She complained about a meal once, as soon as the plate was put in front of her, even my brother said 'you haven't even tasted it yet, how do you know it's not very nice?'

I have just refused to go out with them now.

Mine are the opposite my own 70 ish parents and my grandparents now long gone. Everything is “marvellous”. My mum writes letters of praise rather than complaint to schools and other places. Feel very lucky!

I have a sister who has always done this she's currently 45. What's worse is she makes weird and unusual demands of what she would like to eat. So let's say it is a pizza. Hers has to have "not so much tomato puree but more cheese and mushrooms only down one side." She's then rude and talks to the staff like idiots if one of the specifications are incorrect. EVERY item if food she orders from a menu is adapted by her in one way or another, she even ordered an ice cream once that was the cone, wafers and all the toppings but not the ice cream.

She goes into a shop and asks where the Marathons and Opal fruits are then talks to the staff like idiots when they wonder WTF she's asking for and if a workman from the council comes to her house she is totally rude to them talking to them like they are completely stupid.

She dies this everywhere, even did at my wedding and TBH I don't go anywhere with her. I dread her coming over so I always say I'm busy but then she turns up and if I'm not home will wait three hours on the doorstep. When I get home she complains how uncomfortable it was and what idiots my neighbours are if any of them spoke to her it was always, according to her, something stupid that they said.

Another post said people get worse with age... God help us!

As you’re not paying, next time would ask them in advance where they’d like to go/what they’d like to do and suggest you just drop them off and pick up, perhaps have a drink with them. And explain to your Mum that you haven’t enjoyed being present in the group when they’ve complained to the waiting staff.

You need to be blunt with them. I'm actually feeling really sorry for the poor staff. I'd be saying to them that you're very embarrassed at the behaviour and if it continues then you don't feel that you can take them out again.

I have a friend like this...not complaints so much as being really overly picky about everything...sending her egg back because it's not cooked to her precise requirements. Quibbling over the bill. I avoid going out with her now.

@ClemDanFango

Sounds like my dad. I left him in a restaurant once because he was treating the staff like utter shit, clicking his fingers at them and demanding they do this and that, nothing was good enough etc. I don’t know who he thinks he is?! He’s a working class London cabbie not a fucking celeb!

Even a celeb shouldn't be like that!

I hate this sort of thing. I've walked out on a date where my date was rude to the waiter. I think she was doing it to impress me.
It didn't, it made me think she was a twat.

How horribly embarrassing - I'm just thinking I must keep an eye on myself that I don't do this (I'd never be rude to staff but possibly do tend to grumble about food)

My mum liked a good old moan about everything.

Then afterwards tell everyone what a lovely time she had.

I hope you tipped the waitress well.

I now refuse to go to restaurants with DHs grandparents due to the constant, unjustified complaints ruining it.

Last time, there were 11 of us, we were seated not even a minute before a group of 4 sat down at a table next to us. We all ordered drinks, starters, mains and several sides and different bottles of wine. The other table ordered cokes and jacket potatoes, so their food arrived before ours. Grandad majorly kicked off, insisted on seeing the manager, complained we were here first, we were waiting. They shouldn't have been served first and so on. We were all gobsmacked and hadn't even noticed the other tables because we were all talking and having a nice time. Atmosphere was completely ruined.
The manager took the drinks off the bill and then whizzed though all the courses in record time, the desserts were bought out while we were still eating the mains, then the bill appeared and we were thanked for coming and given coats.

Mils birthday was completely ruined and we didn't get to catch up properly with everyone.

To make it worst, grandad then said what a nice afternoon it was and wasn't we lucky he got the drinks for free for us all.

My mum has had her last fancy meal out at the same table as me.

She has no filter- constantly grumbling, huffing and passing comment in a ‘too-loud’ voice. Strangely, she was raised in an ultra polite/manners culture. It’s astounding how far she’s fallen. No brain or physical issues at all. She’s just lost the ability to think her thoughts inside her head, then judge which to speak. Plus she now has the patience of a toddler.

Last family birthday, I booked a big table at a Chinese restaurant and put her between a 3yo and a 10yo kid (her beloved DGC). Far away from me. I ordered shared food, of all kinds. This way she had a few of the classic avenues of complaint cut off to her.

I’m done with the running commentary of negativity and tactlessness and impatience. She doesn’t want to solve issues, or have a good time, or contribute to anyone else’s good time. So she can moan out of my earshot.

Just stop taking them out. You don’t enjoy it and they don’t seem to either. Why bother?

I'd stop taking them to any cafe/restaurant at all.

You could try 'I'm going to drive to the XYZ look out, seafront, hill top park etc, and sit on the bench have my lunch there. If anyone wants to come along, please bring your own packed lunch and drinks'. Of let them choose the location, but only if they each bring their own lunch. If you then get the complaints from that, then don't bother anymore and explain why.

My granda was a bit like this but to be fair,he hated restaurants, was a fussy eater and generally just didn't get the point of it. He was much happier in an old school cafe or with a fish supper instead as a treat. He'd never say no to going if invited though as that was rude!

My in laws love going out and about and always want to eat out when we visit etc..except they think because they are paying for it they should be treated like kings. To be fair, they don't often complain to the waitress unless it's justified but they will ask for specific things/scrutinise the bill and tell everyone and anyone their view of the place..sometimes trying to strike up conversation with the next table about how long the food takes etc. It's tiring and takes the fun out of it for me, giving apologetic smiles to the staff all the time etc.

Suggest they bring a packed lunch with them as they won't be disappointed then with the food!

GROAN my DH is a bit like this sometimes.... not always.... He can get a bit moany at cafes and restaurants etc..... Also, I have had occasions when I have just walked away from him, as he sometimes seems to be spoiling for a fight. He is in his mid 50s, and has only been like this really for the last 4 or 5 years.

When he DOES complain, he thinks he comes across as assertive, and clever, and authoritative. But he doesn't, he comes across as obnoxious, and rude, and aggressive. I have been so embarrassed by his behaviour a few times, that I have just walked off.

I have actually gone off on one at him a few times (when we get back to the car,) and told him his behaviour is out of order! When I do this, he doesn't behave like this for a while, but then the rude curmudgeon behaviour creeps back in after a few months.

One chap accidentally caught our trolley about 9 months ago (in Sainsburys,) and DH went mad, and started yelling at him. A member of staff witnessed it, and pulled my DH aside, and told him in no uncertain terms, that he would be banned from the store, if he behaves like that again.

I stormed off back to the car, and said 'if you keep getting into trouble, and even if you get into trouble with the police for being an aggressive arsehole, don't expect ME to be on your side and in your corner, because I WON'T be!' I think it shook him up, and he knew I meant it, because since then, he hasn't behaved like that. Whether he will again time will tell....

I don't know why some people are like this. My BFF's older brother is the same. Moany and shouty and aggressive. WTF? It's like they're angry with life! I literally never, and I mean NEVER behave like this.

My mother has long been like this.

We take her out for lunch every week. She was reminiscing fondly about a lovely meal we’d had a couple of months ago, so this week we took her back to the same place. She looked at the menu and scowled, and said that she hadn’t remembered that the menu was so limited. She’s often surly to cafe (and shop) staff. It sucks all the pleasure out of the occasion and these meals become a chore.

There’s no pleasing some people. If there’s a next time and their complaints and moaning are unjustified I’d just tell them that you won’t be taking them anywhere again and explain why.

I wouldn't take them again. If asked I'd say that they clearly don't enjoy it so you don't see the point.

I had a few years of this when my mother and friends were getting older and I somehow turned into the designated family chauffeur.

Think tactically. As someone suggested above let them chose the venue. Drop them there and spend some time doing something you enjoy (shops/reading in car/short walk whatever).

You're removed from the meal itself which will keep you chilled. When you pick them up they'll have had a lovely time having an enjoyable carp about the service/food/decor etc. They'll probably repeat the highlights to you but - crucially - you won't have been involved.