Ever had to have a word with elderly parent about how much they complain during meals out?

[thefourgp]

I was embarrassed….again and I’m really getting sick of it. There’s nothing wrong with complaining when it’s something genuine but it’s getting to the stage it’s every single time we go out for a meal and it’s petty crap. I take my elderly mum and her two best friends on a day out or for a meal every couple of months as a treat. None of them drive and they’re nice women in general but they seem to be constantly looking for something to complain about every single time now when we have something to eat. It’s getting to the stage I don’t want to take them out to eat any more. Last night the waitress offered to replace the meal or bring something else and one of them sat like a huffy toddler saying ‘you’ll just bring me another bad meal - I’ll just eat my chips. I’m not coming back here again.’. So what’s the point in complaining? She’s been polite, offered you a resolution and you’re still not happy. They took the meal off the cost of the bill but I was embarrassed about how rude she was to the waitress. It pisses me off. The other three of us had the exact same meal and there was nothing wrong with it. I’ve commented to them before about how much they complain and it goes in one ear and out the other.

My mother used to have what we (her kids) called her "wobblers". In fact we now realise they were panic attacks. Every time there was a family gathering, day out, or occasion of any kind it would be spoiled by my mother having a wobbler. I can distinctly remember them happening when I was about 10. She would only have been in her 30s so it was clearly not a product of old age. One of my aunts expressed the view that it had been the stress of living through the bombing during WWII - we lived in a city which was badly damaged during the blitz. As she became older it got worse and you could not take her anywhere. She even did it at weddings and funerals. All the aunts and cousins would be buzzing around her and I think that was part of the attraction.

Nowadays You would probably assume it was Munchausens.

I work in hospitality - and these posts are soooo familiar to me!!
I’ve worked in the same place for many years and the rudeness and moaning really seems to worsen with age.
We have a couple who holiday for a week at a time at our place (that won’t be cheap!) and when I first met them, they were jolly and cheerful, chatting with all of us, everything we did was appreciated etc. They were here several weeks ago - and were thoroughly horrible😱
Moaning, carping, shouting across the restaurant, huffing and puffing, just horrible!!
Wonder what happens?🤔
It’s certainly not an unusual occurance, sadly.
Anyone who clicks fingers, whistles, claps for attention, or yells ‘Oi’ is ignored - or called out on it. Unacceptable anywhere, by anyone😡 Happens more often than you’d think….

Some people complain as a hobby. it is mortifying to be around. I would explain there will be no more trips if it continues and then follow up. Perhaps wait til they bring it up and ask when they are going out again?

Yes. I avoid eating out with this relative at all costs. It ruins the atmosphere for everyone else.

Next time, invite mum on her own. When she asks why, tell her .

My mum is like this. Hates everything, complains about everything. I live abroad and DH and I have paid for her and DF to stay in some really posh 4/5 hotels when we visit them or they visit us and she always moans about them - we put her up in a 5 in NYC and she wrote a nasty trip advisor review because they didn't have anywhere for her to hang a washing line :s.

The last 2 visits, we let her book her own hotels, and she booked absolute shitholes and then complained ceaselessly that they were crap and that she deserved better.

Similarly every time we go to a restaurant, she complains and is really combative and will often sulk through a meal. It's mortifying.

There was one memorable visit where she refused to eat anywhere except Pret a Manger, and another where she demanded to be taken to a restaurant in a museum, only to then refuse to eat there so we had to leave the museum to go somewhere else , then she hated the second place and picked at her food complaining that they must have hidden dairy in it, as she didn't believe it was dairy free.

@honeybuns007

We were at a lovely and very popular pub the other day. 2 older women next to us ordered the lamb. They soon complained that it wasn't nice and requested something else. The one with the most bitter slapped arse face HAD EATEN 4/5 of her meal and ALL the lamb. Such cheek. It was their bitter entitled faces that got me the most.

Should've said no because they'd eaten their meal

My PIL's booked their Golden Wedding Anniversary Party in a Greek Restaurant and proceeded to moan about "all the foreign muck on the menu"! When I ordered a Moussaka and my BIL ordered Kleftikon we were told off as we should be eating English food!! They brought a cake knife and cook's knife to the restaurant in a lidl carrier bag as the "restaurant probably didn't have such things!" Then the pair of them had a fight because FIL ordered plain vanilla ice cream for dessert instead of "something fancy like the gateaux!

@WithASpider

My MIL is like this, has been for the 20ish years I've known her. We once almost walked out of her birthday dinner because her behaviour was that atrocious. She likes to say "Don't you know who he is??" pointing at FIL. FIL is lovely, but he hasn't been anything big in M&B for over 30 years - long before these poor staff were born!

He was big in Mills & Boon... oh my 😂

Interesting point about the "cabbie clicking fingers" a PP mentioned earlier.

A family member was very working class growing up but ended up having quite a bit of money through hard work. In shops and restaurants thereafter, they had overly high expectations of service and were overly critical if those expectations weren't met. (but were prepared to be mollified if enough fawning/grovelling took place).

I think it's because this person had unresolved issues over never having enough money growing up, so when they did have the money eventually they wanted more than just the standard level of perfectly acceptable service and products that everyone else received, because they still had something to prove to themselves, so they would create the personal service or recognition they feel they wanted or deserved from staff via fussy requests or complaints.

Stop taking them out. You won’t change their ways.

Order them afternoon tea and leave them to it. Dont sit there listening to the witches.

What a collection of dreadful old people over the 5 pages of this thread. Just awful moany old bastards.

My mum had a friend like this. He would reduce staff to tears in places with his demands and complaining. Really petty things too sometimes such as cutlery placement on the table, number of ice cubes in a drink etc. Thank goodness we only holidayed with him once, my mum was so mortified she ended up falling out with him. Apparently though it was quite lucrative even before the days of trip advisor as places would offer vouchers and freebies to avoid bad publicity. So you complain even though you would and plan to actually go back and then you get upgraded to first class, free drinks, extra months on your membership or whatever as well.

I used to stick to garden centres for trips out with elderly relatives. We didn't stay too long, it was usually tea or coffee with a sandwich or cake and there was plenty to distract them. Actually I've noticed that round here garden centres are really developing their catering options, seem very poplular.

If that wasn't an option or didn't keep the complaints to a bare minimum, then it'd demote to fish and chips in the wild, bring your own picnic lunch or sorry, no can do.

My in-laws are always exceedingly polite to restaurant staff,I've never heard a single complaint about a meal they've had. My MiL has dementia but is still polite. Not everyone who is old is obnoxious.

My old nan was like this. Just a wet weekend about almost everything. She moaned at my other grandads funeral that it wasn’t her that had died!

@LanaDelBoy my apologies, it happens so often on here it's hard to tell who's joking

I still call them marathon and Opal fruits but only to myself!

@memberofthewedding

My mother used to have what we (her kids) called her "wobblers". In fact we now realise they were panic attacks. Every time there was a family gathering, day out, or occasion of any kind it would be spoiled by my mother having a wobbler. I can distinctly remember them happening when I was about 10. She would only have been in her 30s so it was clearly not a product of old age. One of my aunts expressed the view that it had been the stress of living through the bombing during WWII - we lived in a city which was badly damaged during the blitz. As she became older it got worse and you could not take her anywhere. She even did it at weddings and funerals. All the aunts and cousins would be buzzing around her and I think that was part of the attraction.

Nowadays You would probably assume it was Munchausens.

That's so so sad.

My nanna suffered with 'nerves' (what we I guess would now call anxiety) due to similar reasons and looking back she definitely had panic attacks especially when breaking news was in the TV and it was a IRA bomb or a natural disaster

@Flutteringwings

Interesting point about the "cabbie clicking fingers" a PP mentioned earlier.

A family member was very working class growing up but ended up having quite a bit of money through hard work. In shops and restaurants thereafter, they had overly high expectations of service and were overly critical if those expectations weren't met. (but were prepared to be mollified if enough fawning/grovelling took place).

I think it's because this person had unresolved issues over never having enough money growing up, so when they did have the money eventually they wanted more than just the standard level of perfectly acceptable service and products that everyone else received, because they still had something to prove to themselves, so they would create the personal service or recognition they feel they wanted or deserved from staff via fussy requests or complaints.

This is very true IME.

I work in a private school and there's a distinct difference in manners between the 'working class done good' parents and the upper class parents. The former are by far the most demanding and willing to talk about all the money they pay.

Ugh

MIL & SIL are both like this. They only care that their food is blistering hot, ie their roast dinner has to go into the microwave after it's been dished up otherwise it's not hot enough. No matter that if your food is too hot you can't actually taste it.
They both have their steak cremated, else they 'can't eat it'.
MIL turned her nose up at an apple tart after one bite during a Sunday lunch in a lovely restaurant as "they've used cooking apples, I use Granny Smith's".

Some people are only happy when they're complaining as I think it makes them feel better about themselves.

@MotherFuckerzzzz I once worked with someone who likes their steak burnt to a crisp. Our work nights out always took place in this lovely local steak restaurant . I once had what was afterwards called a 'tantrum' (and was reminded of this by very amused colleagues until I left that job 🙄) because I have my steaks blue and this colleague would just bang on about how disgusting my steak was and how could I eat it. She said it again one day saying "look at it, it's revolting, how can you stand it even looking at it makes me feel sick" and I said "oh fucking pipe down Janice and turn your head the other way then"

Janice cried 🙄 sat in tears saying how i was picking on her when she did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG and I should respect my elders

Of course the next day Chinese whispers resulted in people asking me if I'd screamed at Janice to fuck off and it was often referred to as the time Frangi had a tantrum over a lamb chop and told Janice to go fuck herself.

@frangipani but it's still aliiiiiiiive!!!! I feel your pain 🤦🏻‍♀️.
I would never say to them how their food choices repel me, but it's fair game (no pun intended) for them to comment on anyone else's choices.

@AlexCabot

We have an element of this with MIL and SFIL but it's more of an insecurity issue with them.

They very very rarely eat out. DH was 19 the first time he went to a restaurant and I would guess that MIL has eaten in a restaurant maybe 15 times in her whole life.

So when we insist on going out to eat (we always pay) they are completely out of their depth and just don't know how to behave which can result in impatience and rudeness.

They are also very fussy, we actually reduced MIL to tears (accidentally!) by taking them to a steakhouse on a Sunday. Sunday is for a roast dinner and nothing else apparently.....

Yes, I think being out of their depth in restaurants is a definite factor in some people’s complaints. My MIL doesn’t know how to behave in the most ordinary places, but thinks that covering her untasted food in salt, clicking her fingers at waiting staff and endless complaints show her sophistication and savoir-faire.

I wish people would stop inflicting these abusive people on poverty wage labourers. There’s no excuse for it. No one wants to work in hospitality anymore because the shit pay, awful conditions and vile customers are simply not worth it. If the badly behaved people have dementia which makes them behave abusively to staff, simply take them to places where there is no one for them to abuse. It’s not a dilemma, ffs.

How embarrassing for the poster who said her husband is aggressive and violent to members of staff and public, and she ‘walks off every time’. Yeah..that doesn’t sound like it’s working mate. Try raising your standards in life.