Page 4 | Ever had to have a word with elderly parent about how much they complain during meals out?

MrsSlocombesPussy · 11/08/2021 15:10

A few. The main one is my mother is 'on a low fat diet' so kicks up a fuss if there's any dressing or mayonnaise on a salad. But then she'll eat cream cakes and have cappuccinos with full fat milk.
My sister told me about when she took mum and mum's friend out to lunch.
Friend complained that she didn't like the meal and wanted a refund. They refused on the grounds that she had managed to eat most of it.
Mum also complained very loudly that her cappuccino had no chocolate on top. She told the waitress that she had obviously never been to Italy, as that is how it's supposed to be served.
My poor sister wanted the ground to swallow her .

Hardbackwriter · 11/08/2021 15:11

@schnubbins

My mother is also quite difficult when it comes to eating out. She has never really enjoyed going out and has always refused to go to the pub but for the last few years bringing her out for a meal has become impossible.If any of the family suggest going out she will make all kinds of excuses not to do so and if we finally manage to get her out the door she sits at the table with a face as long as a mile .what usually happens then is that she will spend ages picking out what she wants to eat but inevitably will pick the cheapest and worse thing on the menu .She will then poke and prod at the food and eventually just shove it in front of her with a sort look of disgust on her face and then proclaim that 'someone' had told her that this restaurant was rubbish anyway .This is said about every restaurant in the town they live in. I have now stopped taking her out at all as she has spoiled so many family outings with this behaviour .Feel sorry for my dad who loves a meal out .My mother is other than this quite a reasonable person so i am baffled as to why going out for a meal causes such consternation.

I realise that family dynamics can make solutions like this not so simple, but is there really no way that you can take out your dad and not her?

WithASpider · 11/08/2021 15:20

My MIL is like this, has been for the 20ish years I've known her. We once almost walked out of her birthday dinner because her behaviour was that atrocious. She likes to say "Don't you know who he is??" pointing at FIL. FIL is lovely, but he hasn't been anything big in M&B for over 30 years - long before these poor staff were born!

Chickychickydodah · 11/08/2021 15:23

I had this problem and told her that I wasn’t taking her out any more because of this.
She sulked for a few weeks but apologised and has been good ever since.
You need to put your foot down and tell them truthfully, if they can give it out they can take it too.

BigWoollyJumpers · 11/08/2021 15:29

Every single time.......

Step Father wants service immediately, now, in fact, before he's asked. If the food isn't presented in a millisecond he is off checking where it is.

Mum just complains. Too hot, too cold, too hard, too soft. Worse still is that she comments on the staff. Too fat, too old, too slow, too stupid.

I always have to go and apologise to the staff, who I have to say are always amazingly polite about it, and seem to be used to old people treating them like shit. It's awful.

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/08/2021 15:38

@thefourgp

I was embarrassed….again and I’m really getting sick of it. There’s nothing wrong with complaining when it’s something genuine but it’s getting to the stage it’s every single time we go out for a meal and it’s petty crap. I take my elderly mum and her two best friends on a day out or for a meal every couple of months as a treat. None of them drive and they’re nice women in general but they seem to be constantly looking for something to complain about every single time now when we have something to eat. It’s getting to the stage I don’t want to take them out to eat any more. Last night the waitress offered to replace the meal or bring something else and one of them sat like a huffy toddler saying ‘you’ll just bring me another bad meal - I’ll just eat my chips. I’m not coming back here again.’. So what’s the point in complaining? She’s been polite, offered you a resolution and you’re still not happy. They took the meal off the cost of the bill but I was embarrassed about how rude she was to the waitress. It pisses me off. The other three of us had the exact same meal and there was nothing wrong with it. I’ve commented to them before about how much they complain and it goes in one ear and out the other.

I'd be pissed off with them too.

The easiest thing to do is - don't take them out, and tell them why. You've already raised their complaining with them and "it goes in one ear and out the other." At most I'd give them one last chance, but only after I'd had a good moan to all of them that any rudeness to staff would mean this would be the absolute last time I'd take them anywhere. And that toddler behaviour would result in them being treated as such by you.

MumofSpud · 11/08/2021 15:39

My DM is EXACTLY like this too - she has always been like this so it is not a age thing (not for her!) but as she is getting older she is speaking louder and that can be embarrassing - her favourite is she pointing out overweight people or (to her) badly dressed people.
I ignore her completely as I have tried to deal with this in the past but it doesn't help
She is sooooo fussy but always says that she doesn't mind where she eats as she likes everything then she will turn it to me - saying will they have anything vegetarian for you?

ferneytorro · 11/08/2021 15:43

My husband and I do the over compensating polite thing in restaurants as my mum is so blunt. “Salmon no sauce”. Would it kill her to say can I have the salmon please but I’d like it without the sauce if that’s possible. Just rude.

Zebracat · 11/08/2021 15:44

I had a friend who got like this. It was mortifying. Eventually I talked to her about it in advance, and asked what she thought was behind it. She started by blaming declining standards, but even she could hear how Daily Mail that was, and did come to an understanding that it was a habit she’d inherited from her toxic ex. We have lovely times again now.

TillyTopper · 11/08/2021 16:15

I know what you mean OP and I feel for you because it's so embarrassing. You think you are doing something lovely but it's ruined by horrible comments and complaining. My Mum is the same (she's 88) and will loudly comment on food not being up to standard, on people's personal appearance, honestly some of the stuff she says is so bad it's racist and I've warned her people could really turn on her for it. I've actually stopped taking her out to places now - the most she gets is sandwiches/cake in the car with a flask of tea!

igelkott2021 · 11/08/2021 16:22

@ClemDanFango

Sounds like my dad. I left him in a restaurant once because he was treating the staff like utter shit, clicking his fingers at them and demanding they do this and that, nothing was good enough etc. I don’t know who he thinks he is?! He’s a working class London cabbie not a fucking celeb!

And even if he were a celeb I'd tell him to jog on. Who you are does not matter.

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 11/08/2021 16:30

I'd honestly stop taking them out for anything more than a cup of coffee

It's annoying when things aren't up to scratch but the waitress rectified the problem perfectly so what more do people ACTUALLY want. Can't believe she just sat there and passively aggressively ate her chips 😂

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 11/08/2021 16:32

@CaptainMyCaptain

My MiL is like this. We took her out a dew weeks ago and while we were eating a rather large woman in a skimpy outfit walked in. Mil exclaimed 'Oh my God!' at the top of her voice causing heads to turn and look. She is very ill but it's not dementia.

I point blank told my mum that i refuse to step out in public with her any more after she loudly exclaimed "Look at all these fat people". She was only 57 at the time! She lives abroad and it infuriates me as she comes to the town I have to live in and embarrasses us both, but she'll have left before long and I have to stick around. So rude!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 11/08/2021 16:34

@Pissinthepottyplease

I’ve come to realise my Mum’s hobby is complaining not necessarily to the staff because that would be constructive but just whinging.

🤣🤣🤣 yea my mum is like this but she never actually speaks up to change anything as she "doesn't like to make a fuss"

no you just like to think my fat with your incessant whingeing because someone with a 2yo walked in.

Movinghouseatlast · 11/08/2021 16:37

Oh god, yes, taking your mum out when she's getting on a bit is hard.

My mum once, in a very small dining room, asked me if I had seen a certain programme on the TV the night before. I said no and she literally bellowed, turning her head round toward the other tables as she did so, "It was disgusting. Three in a bed sex? No thank you!".

I was mortified.

Chesneyhawkes1 · 11/08/2021 16:39

My old Nan was like this. We all went to a really posh, expensive restaurant for my Mums 60th.

Nan said really loudly she preferred the ham, egg and chips for £6 down the local pub 😂

LanaDelBoy · 11/08/2021 16:43

She goes into a shop and asks where the Marathons and Opal fruits are then talks to the staff like idiots when they wonder WTF she's asking for
@jerima this is either some weird genius way of patronising people or actual early onset dementia!

AlexCabot · 11/08/2021 16:45

We have an element of this with MIL and SFIL but it's more of an insecurity issue with them.

They very very rarely eat out. DH was 19 the first time he went to a restaurant and I would guess that MIL has eaten in a restaurant maybe 15 times in her whole life.

So when we insist on going out to eat (we always pay) they are completely out of their depth and just don't know how to behave which can result in impatience and rudeness.

They are also very fussy, we actually reduced MIL to tears (accidentally!) by taking them to a steakhouse on a Sunday. Sunday is for a roast dinner and nothing else apparently.....

Anordinarymum · 11/08/2021 16:53

OP Why don't you say something along the lines of.. we were going to suggest going to :- (whatever it is meal etc) but since none of you seem to enjoy yourselves we are thinking of stopping asking you.

And see what the reaction is...........

And then respond accordingly that they complain all of the time !

thevelvetcurtain · 11/08/2021 16:54

My gran is like this and I know it's an age thing because my mum and my grandad say she was never like this. She is SO RUDE and I don't know why! It's horrible to witness and I always apologise and tip extra when eating out with her (and I try to avoid it in the first place).

ActonSquirrel · 11/08/2021 17:01

I don't take my mother out for meals because she wouldn't like anything. She is one of those.

Please watch this clip from motherland...start at time index 4:15

Classic behaviour in a restaurant from parents

peoplewatching · 11/08/2021 17:08

@ClemDanFango Brilliant!

FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop · 11/08/2021 17:09

I really do wish people would stop diagnosing strangers with dementia. Some people are just rude bastards, nothing more nothing less

honeybuns007 · 11/08/2021 17:10

We were at a lovely and very popular pub the other day. 2 older women next to us ordered the lamb. They soon complained that it wasn't nice and requested something else. The one with the most bitter slapped arse face HAD EATEN 4/5 of her meal and ALL the lamb. Such cheek. It was their bitter entitled faces that got me the most.

LanaDelBoy · 11/08/2021 17:11

@FrangipaniDeLaSqueegeeMop

I really do wish people would stop diagnosing strangers with dementia. Some people are just rude bastards, nothing more nothing less

If that was re my post, that was a joke which would have been understood in context. (ie a 45 year old asking for Marathons/ Opal Fruits)