Come try and top this phrase/saying

[standingbymylover]

I've just read someone say 'tight as a gnat's Arse' and haven't laughed so much in ages

Are there any other goodies I'm missing out in?

I like 'rough as a bear's arse' for hungover.

My favourite is…
The morning after - “Urgh my mouth is as dry as a witches armpit”

I love it! 😂

As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.

Cold as a witch’s tit
Dry as a nun’s chuff

As tight as two coats of paint

Been rogered more times than a police radio

Face like a dropped lasagne

“Sweating as much as a glass blower’s arse” to suggest one is hot.

He's so tight that if you shoved a piece of coal up his arse, it'd come out a diamond

Does the Pope shit in the woods? (In response to someone asking a very obvious question)

You are said to have “the creeping death” when you have a hangover which grows worse as the day progresses.

Face like a smacked arse

"If you were a dog, I'd have ye put down! "

up and down like a bride's nighty

@AbsolutelyPatsy

up and down like a bride's nighty

one of the old ladies i used to help for bed used that expression, love her

Dry as a buzzards crutch.

All that and a bag of chips.

Fur coat, no knickers.

Dry as a leper’s flip flop
Sweating like a Marine in a maths exam
Rough as a badger’s arse
Tighter than an otter’s pocket
In and out like a dog with two dicks
Sucks like a Dyson!

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.....

I saw on here yesterday in response to an idiot "come on, who put 50p in the dickhead?" made my day

Slack as a wizard's sleeve

Rough as a badger's arse

As much use as a chocolate fireguard

@JovialNickname

He's so tight that if you shoved a piece of coal up his arse, it'd come out a diamond

Does the Pope shit in the woods? (In response to someone asking a very obvious question)

🤣🤣 Is it not do bears shit in the woods?

“A look on her face as though I’d broken into her house at Christmas and pissed on her kids”, was a recent one from my friend about the really salty woman who works at the coffee booth outside our gym.

A face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

A fanny like a roven pocket.

They've choked more chickens than Bernard Matthews.

"Fanny like a stamped bat" and "fanny like a shocked hippo" are a couple of my favourites.

My late best friend had the shits once, he described the sound of it as "like a load of old shoes falling out the loft" 😁😁

There's a poster on here called Marzipan Dildo and that always makes me laugh.