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Original poster

How to deal with friends who want to bring their teenage children along to everything?

130 replies

JustMeAndWheatley · 07/08/2021 17:48

I’m struggling with a friendship situation and don’t know how best to handle it without causing offence.

I have two friends that I got to know well through an exercise class that we did several times a week before Covid. There were others at the class who came and went but the three of us were the constants in the class over several years, and got on well. Last year, once restrictions eased, we met for walks or coffees maybe once every week or two and it was nice.

Recently we’ve arranged to meet for walks, pub lunches etc, and they bring their teenage children along. I too have teenagers and they’ve been invited but don’t want to come. The teenagers are nice enough but really dominate conversation and are actually quite annoying for any length of time. It has changed the dynamic totally and we don’t get to have the same ‘adult’ conversations that we used to have.

I’ve tried making excuses for not going when they meet up but they won’t take no for an answer. Instead of saying, shall we do X on Wednesday, it will be ‘which days and times are you free?’ so it’s harder to make excuses. They give me a hard time for not bringing my children too.

OP posts:
PresidentJoey · 07/08/2021 18:39

Can you write a poem in the 'no gifts' at weddings-style?

Oh Nicola I so love darling Chloe and Rex
Next time leave them home then we can talk about sex

Grin
Branleuse · 07/08/2021 18:42

reply "would you mind if its just us this time. Id love some adult time, and im not bringing my kids"

Mattsmum2 · 07/08/2021 18:43

@JustMeAndWheatley

You’re all right. I need to speak up and try and take control of organising events.

Final straw today was me texting one to see if she’d like to meet for a walk on Monday (other one is on holiday). Her reply was ‘yes, great. I’ll bring X too if he’s awake’.

Reply and say can it be just the two of us, was hoping for a girlie catch up?

If you get a response you don’t like then you know x

IHaveBrilloHair · 07/08/2021 18:45

Gosh yes, you have to make it clear that you don't want to hang around with teens.
I wouldn't either and I have one.

atlastifoundit · 07/08/2021 18:54

@ZeroFuchsGiven

My teens would rather gouge their own eyes out than come out for mum lunch.
OP, next time they ask you why your dc don't come with you, say this.
ssd · 07/08/2021 18:59

Sorry i know its all lovely and super and everything but teens that want to hang out with mum and mums who cant let the teens get a life without them always in it are just fucking weird.
End of.

BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 07/08/2021 19:00

Just say

ssd · 07/08/2021 19:01

Also I've usually found teens that always hang out with mum do so because they have no friends of their own and they have no friends for a reason.

TheLovelinessOfDemons · 07/08/2021 19:07

Nearly 14 year old only comes to things like a big picnic with the Tolkien Society, why would she want to hang out with her mum? I find teens who want to a bit weird, tbh.

Newmum110 · 07/08/2021 19:08

Would drive me mad. I love my teen but need me time too. I also couldn't imagine my teen wanting to come with me.
Could you organise a meet up "anyone fancy a coffee Saturday morning, dying to have a teen free couple of hours?"

30degreesandmeltinghere · 07/08/2021 19:08

We used to meet other couples for an evening meal out. We used to follow the car of whoever's turn it was to choose... One couple pulled up at a Mr Twister type place. Dh was mortified I refused to get out of the car!!
Why can't people appreciate some dc - free time out when the chance arises??

TheWayTheLightFalls · 07/08/2021 19:11

Final straw today was me texting one to see if she’d like to meet for a walk on Monday (other one is on holiday). Her reply was ‘yes, great. I’ll bring X too if he’s awake’.

I think you need to word it more narrowly in future. But yes to replying as PP have said.

ittakes2 · 07/08/2021 19:13

I think I would suggest a compromise and say something about having an adult catchup and see how they respond to this.

Puffalicious · 07/08/2021 19:15

I have sympathy here OP. This was/ is my sister. She has a much longed for only one and her entire life she has been taken everywhere with my sister/ BIL. It was ridiculously annoying for years,now she's 19 and an adult herself it's much better. She's off to Uni next month, God knows how they'll cope without her (niece will be fine!). It was awful when she was younger as you couldn't have adult chat.

girlmom21 · 07/08/2021 19:16

Is this only happening during the school holidays?

PragmaticWench · 07/08/2021 19:20

Next time they comment on your teens not wanting to come, say 'well it's pretty limiting conversation wise with teens around, does rather spoil the dynamic'.

Kite22 · 07/08/2021 19:22

Well just say you were hoping to meet them alone for a good gossip without the kids around! Why's that so hard?

This ^latest text

In response to the latest text, just say - "Oh, I was hoping it would just be adults so we can chat, maybe another time."
If she gets offended / goes in a huff you haven't really lost anything as you aren't enjoying yourself anyway.

As others have said, it isn't you. It is flipping weird for teens to want to drag along for a walk (or even lunch) with their Mum and her friends.

LaurieFairyCake · 07/08/2021 19:24

"Don't bring X I want to talk about husbands cock"

LaurieFairyCake · 07/08/2021 19:25

I mean, not really Grin but I would be blunt with "Fuck no, I'm sick of my own teenagers without hanging out with anyone else's"

Oblomov21 · 07/08/2021 19:26

Just talk to them, say you want to arrange a time when it's just them.

Elouera · 07/08/2021 19:26

I've had this many times and its utterly infuriating. I don't bother anymore inviting certain people out, or expecting to have any time to talk.

Times when I wrongly assumed it would be just friend and I or cousin and I, turned into all their kids coming along. I've had 3 MC's over the years, 2 rounds of IVF and neither my own cousin or 2 'friends' know any of this, because they never allowed a time when the kids weren't coming along too.

Nohomemadecandles · 07/08/2021 19:27

"You two go on without me. I was hoping for some teen free time. Next time maybe"

Badgersdrift · 07/08/2021 19:43

We must be very odd and so must our teens (according to this thread anyway). Our best friends have always brought their DC to us and vice versa. And we've just continued that now they are teens. We tend to eat together and then the teens go off together, they don't linger at the table. It works well and all teens are polite and well adjusted, have their own social lives etc. We don't live in the UK though, so maybe the culture is different here.

lljkk · 07/08/2021 19:47

How old are the teenagers, how old is X?

I'm baffled at idea of teens that want to dominate adult conversation.

What do the teens talk about?

DietrichandDiMaggio · 07/08/2021 20:05

@Badgersdrift

We must be very odd and so must our teens (according to this thread anyway). Our best friends have always brought their DC to us and vice versa. And we've just continued that now they are teens. We tend to eat together and then the teens go off together, they don't linger at the table. It works well and all teens are polite and well adjusted, have their own social lives etc. We don't live in the UK though, so maybe the culture is different here.
But you say we, so presumably mean your partner and you, meet with another couple, and you say have always brought their kids, so your family have got together with another family since the children were young - totally different situation.
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