How do your DCs address adults?

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

Let's say your neighbours are Sarah and Carl Smith. What would your DCs call them?

When I was a child, I would have used "Mrs. Smith" and "Mr. Smith" when talking both to and about them. Is that overly formal now? I was thinking maybe "Ms. Sarah" and "Mr. Carl". They're not close enough to be "Auntie Sarah" etc. Obviously, DD will copy what we model. I'd love to hear your opinions. Thanks!

When DC were at primary it was very much Mrs X, Mr C, Miss Y and their teachers called me Mrs Hellebores which for me wasn't an issue and I'd have been a bit surprised if they'd used my first name whilst expecting me to address them by title. I don't recall any of the teachers being Ms but am going back to the early 00's.

Funnily enough the older they got and the more we paid the more informal it became. By the time they were in 6th form their head teachers called us Roses and DH first name and we called them Andrew and Jane!

@OhGiveUp - if the female had introduced herself or is introduced as Ms Surname, then of course that is how she will be referred to.

And if she hasn't, do you ask or make assumptions? The post I was replying appeared to make assumptions that it was Mrs.

First names. Unless you know it's a(n elderly) person who likes Title Surname.

I used to tie myself in knots as a late teen/twentysomething about what to call older people. And I really disliked Auntie X even as a child. I cue my kids to use first names with anyone that I would use first names with. I make sure to introduce myself as Jenny to any visiting children too.

My mum called my Granny, her MIL, 'mum', which I thought was strange. But my Uncle's wife referred to her as 'Mrs Smith', which I thought was even stranger. First names all the way for me!!

I cannot imagine calling MIL mum. My mother had a moment where she sought my children were going to refer to my step father as Grandad Gerry (not real name). For as long as he isn't my father, it won't be happening because it isn't true. And I was upset for ages that I'd had to spell it out to her.

@OchonAgusOchonOh
Then I would refer to her as Mrs if she is a grown woman.
She can of course use her mouth to correct me if necessary.

@OhGiveUp - Then I would refer to her as Mrs if she is a grown woman.

Why would you assume she's a) married and b) likes to broadcast the fact? Surely using Ms as the default would be more appropriate as a Ms can be either married or not?

She can of course use her mouth to correct me if necessary.

She can but I would consider it disrespectful of you to make assumptions of that nature.

I much prefer the French/German approach where they just use madame/frau for all adult women.

First names.

I was watching a random YouTube video about a black American woman married to an Icelander and living in Iceland, and how she finds life there. She said one thing she struggled quite a bit with was coming from a place in the US, where its quite formal and people use some kind of title all the time to Iceland where they hardly ever do and children always call adults by first names (I believe this is also the case in school).

@OchonAgusOchonOh Being German, so do I.

@OhGiveUp - Being German, so do I.

So is why you default to Mrs rather than Ms, as there is no equivalent to Ms in German. Or rather Frau is the equivalent to Ms but is originally equivalent to Mrs?

I don't know any one of my generation or younger (late 50's) who uses Mrs. The default on our office doors is Ms/Mr or Dr. The teachers in the kids school are all Ms or Mr on all official documentation/interactions , although some may use Mrs in private life.

To me, Mrs is very old fashioned and only used by my mother's generation. Judging by comments on here, it does seem to be a bit more common in the UK (I'm in Ireland).

@OchonAgusOchonOh
Frau is traditionally the way you address a married woman. An unmarried one was called Fräulein, so like Miss.

When I started work in the early Nineties my paperwork still said Fräulein until a 1-2 years later and the title was silently changed and only Frau was used. I don't think anyone still uses Fräulein in Germany anymore. Frau is the universal way to address any female.

I use Ms if I don't know how a woman prefers to be addressed. It feels safer. But I also know that some insists on the Mrs. I personally don't care and I think Mrs will die out in a generation or two.

@reluctantbrit - I use Ms if I don't know how a woman prefers to be addressed. It feels safer. But I also know that some insists on the Mrs. I personally don't care and I think Mrs will die out in a generation or two.

It certainly seems to be dying out in Ireland but there do seem to be a lot of women on here who prefer Mrs. That said, even I got married nearly 30 years ago, I presumed that by now no woman would change her name on marriage. It amazes how many still do. If anything, I'd say more do now than then as the vast majority of my peers kept their names.

First name is fine.