How do your DCs address adults?

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

Let's say your neighbours are Sarah and Carl Smith. What would your DCs call them?

When I was a child, I would have used "Mrs. Smith" and "Mr. Smith" when talking both to and about them. Is that overly formal now? I was thinking maybe "Ms. Sarah" and "Mr. Carl". They're not close enough to be "Auntie Sarah" etc. Obviously, DD will copy what we model. I'd love to hear your opinions. Thanks!

If you don't know the person well enough to know their preference, then you ask.
FWIW DCs school insist on calling me Mrs Surname. I actually really dislike it as it was my DM's, DGM's and MiL's names. I associate it with them (particularly DGM), and being called it weirds me out. Insisting on continuing to use a version of a name when the person has corrected you/explained their preference is really quite rude.

I was brought up to say 'Mrs smith' etc and long after Mrs smith said call me Mary, I still called her Mrs Smith as that was habit. But really, why shouldn't we just call 'older' people by their first names. Surely that's what they are for!

In my culture we call adults ms/mr surname until they say we can use their first name

When I was a small child in the 1960s we never called adults by their first name. I tell everyone we meet to use my first name. Attitudes have changed a lot in British culture.

However, our Indian friends insist that their DC call me Auntie RampantIvy, and my cousin's Chinese GF insists that her DC also call me Auntie RampantIvy, so it is very much a cultural thing.

I always ask people how they prefer to be addressed.

My children call people the same name I do - why should they call them any different? Doesn't make any sense.

My pet hate these days is being called "Zack's Mum", not only by kids, but their parents refer to me as that in front of them when they know my name!

Our neighbours kids call us by our first names, would find it weird if they called me Mrs Pie. When I was a kid though we called one side Mr & Mrs X (they were older) but the other by their first names.

I do think it's a shame there isn't a halfway house for children to use with the friends and neighbours of parents. When I was a child we used to call my grandparents friends auntie or uncle firstname but this started to die out and we didn't do it with my parents friends, or parents of our schoolfriends.

But this means if you want to be polite you have to use Mrs Surname which seems so formal with a friend or neighbour, but just telling your dc to use first names can seem a bit disrespectful unless you know the person prefers that.

Most of our kids’ friends called us Mr and Mrs, until we asked them to call us by our first names (in England, our youngest is 18). One never would and continues to call us Mr/Mrs S.

[quote UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]**@WunWun, @Zarene I thought "Ms. Sarah" might be a good compromise (still trying to mark some form of respect), but obviously it sounds weird to people. I'm glad I started this thread![/quote]
Yes, because it has connotations of black slaves/ house staff in the 1900's. They would address white people as "Ms Sarah, Mr Richard" etc. if not by their surnames. So no, I definitely wouldn't recommend going for that.

I would find it incredibly formal for children to call me anything other than my first name and maybe Aunty if they were close friends/family kids.

Whatever we called them, whether that be Mr and Mrs or first names.

First names! Anything else would be really odd!

Unless the couple themselves wanted to be called mrs and mr whatever, I guess.

We are just not that close to the neighbours that we call them anything. A smile and a nod/wave/polite hello is the best they are going to get from me. I didn't encourage my children to be over familiar with them either.

@onelittlefrog I guess I was thinking more the teaching assistant thing, but I'm really glad you pointed that out. That option is definitely off the table.

As a child in the 60s I was expected to call my grandparents farmworkers and their wives Mr and Mrs - always. My friends' parents always said "call me Pat or Barbara" as did mine to them. Neighbours were Mr and Mrs as were shopkeepers.

When our DC were younger they called the elderly side (army title) and Mrs, as did we, even when they became very close to us, and the younger side their first names.

When we moved to our current house the sellers (children of the prevous owners) referred to our neighbour (she's 90 now) as Mrs xxxx. The gardeners/window cleaner always call her Mrs xxxxxxxx. Yet she introduced herself to us as, let's say, Claire, and is known as Claire by the other neighbours who moved here post 1999.

She has clearly moved with the times and some of those around her have stuck with a habit.

I cannot Comprehend addressing someone as Auntie Joan when they are neither your mother's or father's sister nor married to their brother.

I had lots of Aunties and Uncles growing up that all lived nearby! I think that is perfect for small DC to address them .First names OW.I think calling them Mr and Mrs So and So would be extremely weird!

I hate first names. I work in a school and cringe when the kids call the teachers by their names (but I accept I'm old fashioned). I'm ok with Auntie.
I feel the same way about it for anyone-I'd like to be Mrs Mop to strangers .

Outside of school it would never enter my head to call anybody by anything other than their first name whether it's me or my kids.

First names here too. We have a lovely elderly neighbour and she has always been first name, my parents are in their 70’s and would hate to be called Mrs x. It’s very aging!

@merrymelody

Surnames as a mark of respect until asked to do otherwise.

She doesn't know at least one of the surnames!

You can be respectful without using surnames.

@OhGiveUp

Mr and Mrs Surname and that includes their friends parents, except for when saying Jack/Jane mum/dad.

@OhGiveUp - I would be amazed if all the women are Mrs Surname. Surely some have retained their surnames and some use Ms?Presumably you check their preferred title and their surname rather than assuming Mrs Hisname? I get really pissed off being referred to as Mrs. DHSurname. It's Ms. MySurname but first name is fine.

Growing up it was Mr/Mrs/Miss Surname (I don't think Ms was a thing in Ireland in the 70's) for neighbours, unless they were also friends of my parents. We called parents' friends by their first names. We moved house in the mid-70's and all the neighbours were first names only. It was a younger neighbourhood though.

My kids are all adults and their friends and neighbours' kids all called me by first name. My kids did the same with friends' parents and neighbours.

Lots of Aunties and Uncles when my kids were young. But we did call our elderly neighbour Mrs Kathleen as it seemed more respectful.

Yes, that's another thing, it's bad enough when adults assume I'm Mrs DCsurname when I'm Ms Ownsurname, I really don't want the next generation starting it too. Definitely firstnames all round here.

First names unless the adult is DCs teacher. Parents siblings are "Auntie X"/ "Uncle X"

First names, although we did call our next door neighbour in her 90s Mrs Jones when we moved in, but I think that's because we didn't know her first name. But it did seem appropriate.

My DC just call people what ever I do(apart from grandparents) We don't even bother with aunty and uncle.

As a child (I’m late 40s) it was mostly eg Mrs Jones for friends’ parents, Auntie Sue for my parents’ close friends. I spent a lot of time at my best friend’s house so her mum became Mrs J as less formal. But now my kids use first names for everyone including lots of older people we know at church and their friends use my first name (except the one who always just calls me eg Bob’s Mum!) I also insisted my nieces/nephews just use my first name rather than Auntie X as I remember how awkward it was when I was an older teenager / young adult as felt too old to still say that but awkward to drop the auntie bit.