How do your DCs address adults?

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

Let's say your neighbours are Sarah and Carl Smith. What would your DCs call them?

When I was a child, I would have used "Mrs. Smith" and "Mr. Smith" when talking both to and about them. Is that overly formal now? I was thinking maybe "Ms. Sarah" and "Mr. Carl". They're not close enough to be "Auntie Sarah" etc. Obviously, DD will copy what we model. I'd love to hear your opinions. Thanks!

Yes, I'm in my 50s and still feel slightly awkward calling my aunties by just their firstname.

I fully own I pretty much have gone with habit from the way I was taught. We use Mr / Mrs for the older generations (probably my age upwards) and I will generally ask if I don't know so for example we have just moved and the neighbours it sort of went Cheery greeting from them to DC , Me : Say hello to Mr or Mrs....I'm so sorry I don't know your surname?" As is usual I find they answered but then instantly said " Oh called first name ".

I think it shows a level of respect to do it that way and give the person the choice to say ( which I've found everyone says call me by my first name to DC ).

It's slightly tricky as DS1 is asd and has memory function trouble with names and faces (and putting his socks away but that's not his ASD that's him being 8 ). Soo however many times he hears it he either needs a prompt or he calls them a descriptive ( man neighbour , so and sos mum) fortunately after I've been able to quietly explain out of his earshot everyone is very happy to remind him.

I really think as long as its said in a respectful tone and appropriately it probably doesn't really matter the format.

Except Mate....25 years ago I remember my Dsis boyfriend rocking up at our house and calling DF mate . DF just shut the door on him turned his heel and from then on everyone was warned never ever to call my DF mate .

It's definitely a sign of getting old if people start calling you Ms something
All neighbours were called by their first names but I can't remember a single time when I had to call them by their name anyone. Don't you just say hi? Kids generally only say Miss... etc at school now.

As an adult I expect anyone who wished my children or me to address them with a title to address me in the same way. Teachers/Dr's etc. I will not countenance a Dr who introduces themselves as Dr Jones to call me Roses. It is Mrs Hellebores and it is an equality issue.

Interestingly though this has prompted a discussion with DP. We are both Welsh but different parts of Wales. He was heavily taught to use Aunties and uncles for everyone adult , especially adult friends of his DM whereas I was categorically taught not to unless they were actually my blood relative Aunt or Uncle. But in fairness my DM was somewhat of a frustrated social climber so she might have had odd beliefs about being common.

She has lots of those ranging from not leaving the milk bottle on the table to wearing jogging bottoms on public. Which pretty much guaranteed we would insist on doing all of those in our teens just to annoy her .

I hate being called anything other than my first name by anybody. OHs nieces and nephews call me auntie first name (we think his sister was born into the wrong generation - really v old fashioned in many ways). I actively don't like it. I've never said that as I think it would confuse the kids. I don't think respect is shown in this way and I don't think respect should just be from kids to adults.

My US friends' kids call me Miss Hannah - when I was at business school in the US that was common from the men too.

I used to call my parents' friends by their first names. My friends' parents I would call Mr / Mrs X until I was told otherwise.

Ms Sarah would be very weird! Do they have children because if they do they’ll forever be known as [Child’s name]’s mum/ dad and you won’t need to worry 😂.

@Nietzschethehiker - Cheery greeting from them to DC , Me : Say hello to Mr or Mrs....I'm so sorry I don't know your surname?" As is usual I find they answered but then instantly said " Oh called first name ".
I think it shows a level of respect to do it that way and give the person the choice to say ( which I've found everyone says call me by my first name to DC ).

Whereas I would consider it disrespectful of you to presume that I'm a Mrs just because I'm married/living with someone. And I would find it even more disrespectful if you, having previously found out dh's surname, went on to address me as Mrs DhSurname.

Respectful would be to ask how they would like to be addressed.

We do a mix of Aunty and first name. DD (nearly 4) has now decided for herself who the “aunties” are - basically the people she sees most frequently and likes best. Everyone else is nominally first name but actually she just goes up to them and starts every sentence with “Do you knooooow…” because that’s where we’re at just now.

Neighbours first names , close friends Aunty and Uncle.

Our current neighbours are all our own age so DD calls them by their first name. In the past I addressed an elderly neighbour (70+, so double my own age at that time) with Mrs Surname and expected DD to do this as well.

Parents of friends - normally first name as well unless she really doesn't know them (secondary) and then she tries her utmost to avoid any direct addressing.

Teacher are Miss and Sir in Secondary school here. In Primary it was Ms/Mr/Mrs Surname. Clubs like Scout/Dance/Riding lessons - however the leader/teacher introduced themselves.

Aunt/Uncle are for family only.

My Gdcs use first names, as did our dds, , with anyone we knew fairly well. If we didn’t, I dare say they’d have said Mrs/Mr, but I can’t recall any such cases, except for teachers.

Auntie and Uncle were strictly reserved for bona fide aunts and uncles.

Growing up, I was always taught to call neighbours Mr or Mrs, it was just respectful. This was in the 80s/90s. Nowadays though, I don't think there is the same level of respect for adults, so it would be 1st names.

Ms Sarah... nope
Aunty .. not unless person is
Definitely first name

Although now I’m in my very late 40s I wish I’d be called by strangers via the phone, when they ask is that Ms Firstname Surnane then proceed to call me by my first name, as Ms (Surnane) and not by my first name. I still refer to my nana neighbours as Mrs x they’ve been dead many many years

In some cultures it’s normal to address people you don’t know by sister, brother, auntie, uncle, etc. according to ages/sex.

When I was much younger and working in an Arabic speaking country, I was often addressed as ‘sister’ by random (young) people coming into the office. I really liked it.
Nowadays they’d call me grandmother.

@GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER but we are in the UK and it isn't our culture to call people who aren't relatives auntie

@RosesAndHellebores - but we are in the UK and it isn't our culture to call people who aren't relatives auntie

You may be in the UK but many other posters on here aren't.

@RosesAndHellebores, I wasn’t suggesting that anyone should, just stating a fact. In my pp I said that in this family, Auntie and Uncle have always been reserved for those family members.

If you are going to go with titles, teach them to use Ms for women unless you know for certain they use another title.

Usually by first names or "Evies mum", close friends are "Auntie Grace" etc.

DHs Filipino family friends are meant to be called lolo/lola/ate/kuyo etc. but we haven't seen anyone in ages due to Covid. DH is keen on the DC learning the proper terms of respect though as the DC aren't being taught any other Tagalog.

I disagree @ExtremelyDisorganised. Children should be taught to ask how both sexes wish to be addressed. I am not a Ms. Also many women and men are known by other title: Dr, Reverend, Captain, Lieut Cdr, Brigadier, Sir, Lady, Dame, Professor, etc, to name a few. One should never assume.

@rosesandhellebores you're obviously not from the South Wales valleys, everyone is an aunty here

@OchonAgusOchonOh if the female had introduced herself or is introduced as Ms Surname, then of course that is how she will be referred to.

Oh yes I absolutely hate it when I get "Mrs. Child'sSurname" aaaaaaargh.

What century are we in??

I notice all the male teachers at DS1's school do this. The female teachers don't. They wait until I introduce myself and avoid using my name until that point. If they need to identify my they call me "Mother of DS1" which is at least correct.

I do have the same surname as 2/3 DC but not the other one!