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Original poster

Feeling shit about breakfast clubs

84 replies

Williesfillies · 01/08/2021 21:44

I’ve always done term time school hours. I’ve two children in Primary (year 5 and Year 2) and due to impending divorce and ex being a financial dick head I’ve had to take a different school job with more hours.

It’s still term time, they will still come home at the usual time and I will still be off for holidays etc, but it means that 5 days a week they will be going to breakfast club at 8am.

Jesus, I thought it would be simple, but the 9 year old will not let it go. I’ve had sulking, I’ve had sad faces, I’ve had brave faces and now I have tears because I’ve lost patience with it and told her if I can’t work then we won’t have anything and I’ve upset her, but she just will not stop.

I do feel shit. It’s always been a huge thing to me not to use the childcare and I know they don’t want to go, but I’m currently not in an ideal world, I’m in a world where their dad is sitting pretty watching them go without in order to punish me and someone (me) has to step up and earn the shortfall.

It’s only an hour a day isn’t it? They’ll enjoy it won’t they? I feel like a shit parent right now because the guilt tripping is huge.

I’m under loads of pressure to earn the money, whilst at the same time being “mum” and this just isn’t helping.

I’m not asking exh for help. It’s due to him I’m having to work more, all help comes at a huge high price.

OP posts:
Leftphalange · 01/08/2021 21:51

They will be absolutely fine. 5 hours a week childcare is nothing when they have every afternoon, evening and weekend.

Lou573 · 01/08/2021 21:53

Mine doesn’t need to go while we’re all working at home but without fail she chooses to! I’ve realised it’s because they feed her cereal I wouldn’t buy, have a tv on and her friends are way more exciting than me and her sister.

MsAwesomeDragon · 01/08/2021 21:54

They'll be fine. They'll moan and whine, then they'll get there and discover it's not the end of the world at all. They might even enjoy it.

Fwiw, both my dds were in childcare before and after school 5 days a week from reception to year 5 (in year 6 they walked home to an empty house for an hour each night). They're fine.

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FlowersinJune · 01/08/2021 21:55

They will be fine. Mine love breakfast club (but have gone it from the off). They hang out with friends, have a second breakfast and play with lego.

I suspect while your eldest is upset about this. It has probably more to do with the divorce and all changes then actually breakfast club.

Big hug tomorrow am. You get on with it as a matter of fact. Very calmly, “I have to work different hours like lots of parents now. You will be fine”.

MilkCereal · 01/08/2021 21:57

They will love it and it's nothing. My dc go to after school club, I felt so guilty at first. They love it and want to go now. I work term time so I balance my guilt with that all the time. You are working for them just remember that x

Original poster
Williesfillies · 01/08/2021 21:58

@Lou573 that’s what I think! I’ve told them there’s loads of crap cereal they don’t get here (and a selection) the whiteboard thing and they have the playground etc during good weather.

Part of me worries when my ex finds out it will be held up as another of my mothering failures that I’m “using childcare” despite him never having missed a second of work for the kids at all

OP posts:
ScrumptiousBears · 01/08/2021 21:58

Mine love breakfast club. I wfh now and we don't need it. They still beg to go. They will no doubt enjoy it. Choice of breakfast everyday time to play and chat to friends.

LonelyBut · 01/08/2021 21:59

My son goes to breakfast club 730am each school day. Please don’t feel guilty you’re doing your best x

Sprig1 · 01/08/2021 21:59

The 9yo old is absolutely old enough to understand that while you don't like it either that is what has to happen. I guess it's tough times for all of you so try not to fall out over it, maybe give a bit of leeway on sulky behaviour for a little while and hopefully before long it will just be the new normal.

bettybyebye · 01/08/2021 22:00

Please let go of the guilt. In reality you have been v lucky to not need before/after school clubs previously. Most children in my DCs primary attend some form of childcare through the week. Mine go to breakfast and after school club once a week (v lucky to have family help/ early finishes for me and DH otherwise). Towards the end of the summer term my DS8 announced that he didn’t want to go to after school club next year. My response “tough! Daddy and I are working so you have to go”. He’ll get over it, as will your DC. My kids have both made friends through club too.

MrsEko · 01/08/2021 22:01

My dd stopped wanting to go to breakfast club and after school club when she was in year four. It wasn't even every day! Just three days a week.

We started letting her walk to and from school when she was in year five which was something to look forward to but in the meantime I told her that this was her contribution to the household. I needed to go to work for money and she needed to go to breakfast club so I could go to,work to make money. She didn't have to like it. But she did have to go.

Original poster
Williesfillies · 01/08/2021 22:01

I think just so much is going on for them.
I’ve kind of always been their anchor and now they feel like I’m dumping them off.

OP posts:
Teaandakitkat · 01/08/2021 22:01

Mine hate breakfast club but I have to work so that's that. Kids have to put up with a whole lot worse.

icklekid · 01/08/2021 22:02

If that’s a mothering failure the rest of us are doomed!!! Mine are in childcare from 7.30 - start of school day and until 5.30 after school. Have been since they were 9 months old. I have to work (in education) and often end up sorting breakfast club/ after school care for others at my school. It is what it is, they are fine. Your will adjust and will appreciate in the future you doing the best for them. Don’t give it any more headspace!

Hercisback · 01/08/2021 22:02

It's not about the breakfast club, it's everything the breakfast club means to her (divorce, life changes, less time with mum). You're doing the right thing. You're doing the best for your kids and you know that.

It’s always been a huge thing to me not to use the childcare
This phrase also gives an insight. If she's picked up on your deliberate avoidance of childcare then her impression of it won't be positive.

Sparklingbrook · 01/08/2021 22:03

They will be absolutely fine. And they will one day look back and realise you did what you needed to.
Mine are grown up now but at that age children that didn't need to go to Breakfast Club wanted to go as well, and if there were spaces left they would opt for it.

ChocolateRiver · 01/08/2021 22:03

They’ll be totally fine. Loads of kids do it. It’s only mornings. 3 days a week mine are in school from 7:45-5:30 or sometimes later and they’re younger than yours. They actually really like breakfast and after school club. I’m sure yours will too once they get used to it.

lastcall · 01/08/2021 22:04

They'll adjust..

I know several mothers in your position, OP. They'll adjust.

MrsEko · 01/08/2021 22:04

Another thing you could do is speak to the people running it to see if she could get some responsibility while she was there. Toasting crumpets or listening to readers and writing in their reading diary.

Comedycook · 01/08/2021 22:04

They'll be absolutely fine. Not quite the same thing but my youngest has sn and had lots of hospital appointments. I put my eldest in breakfast club on these days so I could get to the hospital on time. He used to moan endlessly.. he was absolutely fine though and didn't mind it. Sometimes they just find the idea worse than the reality.

Figgygal · 01/08/2021 22:05

Jesus some kids are in childcare before and after school with no option
I think you were right to give her some perspective
My ds loves breakfast club he’s been gutted we’ve not needed him to go this year
Youngest starts school and bf club is the thing he’s looking forward to most

Original poster
Williesfillies · 01/08/2021 22:08

I think they will enjoy it once it gets going.

I do agree, it’s probably not breakfast club, it’s what it represents, the fact everything is changing, the knowledge that I have to work extra because of their dads meanness (not said this to them but they aren’t daft) and their lives just changing in ways they don’t want it to.

OP posts:
TicTac80 · 01/08/2021 22:09

Please don’t feel guilty (easier said than done!), they will be ok at Breakfast Club. My 7yr old loves it (and the after school club she goes to). I have to have her in wraparound care, otherwise I’ll not be able to work FT. She understands that. My son understood it too. Before I split with XH, I was the breadwinner and the kids still needed to go into childcare. As a single parent not, it’s even more important to me.

In an ideal world, I’d be able to work around school hours, during term time only AND earn enough to keep us going. But there’s no such job (well, there probably is, but I’m a nurse so no such thing for me!). Using childcare isn’t a mothering failure. Please be kind to yourself xx

leafinthewind · 01/08/2021 22:09

Yep, brisk and business-like - and make sure their dad gets equal blame. "Your dad and I work, so you have to go to breakfast club. There isn't another option, so try to enjoy the cereals." It's horrible when their bottom lip wobbles, but breakfast club is not dangerous or nasty and you're not being mean. It's more like clearing the table or emptying the dishwasher - necessary for the good functioning of the family unit.

BackforGood · 01/08/2021 22:11

They'll be fine.
Kids whinge. Parents have to parent.
I mean, mine were lucky they had a great breakfast club and loved it there, but even if it were mediocre, it is what it is.

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