Feeling shit about breakfast clubs

[Williesfillies]

I’ve always done term time school hours. I’ve two children in Primary (year 5 and Year 2) and due to impending divorce and ex being a financial dick head I’ve had to take a different school job with more hours.

It’s still term time, they will still come home at the usual time and I will still be off for holidays etc, but it means that 5 days a week they will be going to breakfast club at 8am.

Jesus, I thought it would be simple, but the 9 year old will not let it go. I’ve had sulking, I’ve had sad faces, I’ve had brave faces and now I have tears because I’ve lost patience with it and told her if I can’t work then we won’t have anything and I’ve upset her, but she just will not stop.

I do feel shit. It’s always been a huge thing to me not to use the childcare and I know they don’t want to go, but I’m currently not in an ideal world, I’m in a world where their dad is sitting pretty watching them go without in order to punish me and someone (me) has to step up and earn the shortfall.

It’s only an hour a day isn’t it? They’ll enjoy it won’t they? I feel like a shit parent right now because the guilt tripping is huge.

I’m under loads of pressure to earn the money, whilst at the same time being “mum” and this just isn’t helping.

I’m not asking exh for help. It’s due to him I’m having to work more, all help comes at a huge high price.

Ugh it's an hour! Her reaction would wind me up! When I was in primary I was dropped off every day at 7.30am to sit in the playground until school started at 9am! No breakfast clubs in my days! Lol.

Maybe you have been negative about it so they think it's a bad thing? It's not a bad thing. This last year we've not had to use breakfast and after school clubs as my husband has been working from home. My son misses his breakfast and after school club and is desperate to go back! He loved it. It was his favourite part of school!

I’ve not been negative about it.

As I’ve said, there is a massive acrimonious divorce going on in the middle of this and it’s just proving to be one thing too many for get I think

Ok your last point about your dd struggling after lockdown and not enjoying being back at school/preferring home paints things in a different light. Lots of reassurance and can you replace the "lost" morning time with a weekend or evening treat/games night/family walk/anything really until she adjusts?

My ds used to go 4 days a week from 7.30.
He kind of liked it. But wasn't fussed.
But then again he knew he had no choice and it wasn't up for negotiation. If I didn't work. We wouldn't survive.

To add, I think your eldest is probably old enough for you to speak to her a bit about approaching things with a positive mindset Vs a negative mindset and how you can control your own approach. At the end of her first week in breakfast club, regardless of how she's actually responded, I'd make a huge fuss of how well she's done and how brave or whatever she's been, and then do something special the two of you at home - maybe even something that costs a bit of money, and you can gently point out that money comes from the work which her being brave at breakfast club enables you to do.

I remember one day my own dd saying she was happy she didn’t have to go to breakfast club. We had a conversation that yes, I was glad we had managed to arrange our lives that she only had to go to school during school hours, but someday that might change and she would just have to do her part by going to breakfast club because parents have to earn money. It was a pretty easy conversation because there was no big life change happening at the time, so she accepted it very easily.

Change is hard. Long days at school may be more tiring. It’s ok to acknowledge that. However you don’t need to feel guilty for providing for your children. Even if worst case scenario breakfast club remains hated all year, it’s still a perfectly reasonable expectation.

Honestly I think it's really important that you stay firm with your 9yo and whilst being super empathic to her feelings emphasise that it's not a choice and don't show any guilt.

Whilst there's a complicated back story it's not all that different from being told to go to bed at a decent time and any whiff that this will cause a split with your ex is not good for her or you.

Stay strong you are coping amazingly getting a new job!

My son goes to before and after school club as I work in a profession that requires I’m here and reliable. I have zero guilt - it’s just a fact and not up for discussion. She will be fine or she will get used to it - don’t pander

It is hard, and it's always upsetting to see your DC sad. It's your role as mum to fix whatever it is that makes them sad, and not being able to do so and in some way being the cause of their sadness is awful.

But - needs must and all that jazz. Honestly, at the end of the day it's a valuable life lesson that everyone has to learn at some point. To earn money you have to work, to work children might have to go into wrap around care and/or holiday clubs.

She may never be happy about it. She may absolutely love it. Regardless of which way she goes, she has to go because you have to earn a living.