I thought this would be a lovely night out, but I ended up being 'picked on'🤔

[Wisteriabloom]

I was looking forward to last night - a evening at an open-air theatre with two others (the 3 of us go out quite regularly), and one of them brought her friend along.

I already know this 'friend of friend', and was happy she'd been invited along. She's the sister of someone I went to school with, and my kids know her as 'lovely Mrs Osborne', she was a classroom helper at their primary school years ago! She lives near us and we regularly bump into each other and chat, I've never been out with her but always liked her🙂

My friend asked us all what we wanted to drink while queuing, and went to get them. At the interval I offered to get the next round (I know what the other two have anyway) and asked 'friend's friend' what she was drinking. (She was sat in the seat but one to me, so I hadn't seen what she was drinking). She burst out laughing and nudged her friend, saying 'Oh is she always this forgetful, does she have memory problems?!) with peals of laughter🤔 I replied I hadn't seen what she had the first time, and would rather not get the wrong thing, would she like a glass of Prosecco like us? She collapsed with laughter saying 'Oh for GOD'S SAKE no, you've got SUCH a bad memory!' Feeling miffed, I got our drinks and got her a cider, the other drink available, and said 'I hope that's right', she laughed and said thank you.

On the way home my friend commented on my hair colour, I've recently coloured it lighter, she said I always have a 'sun-kissed glow about me', even in the winter! I do tan easily all year round! Her friend nudged her and whispered 'Maybe she's 'glowing' because her husband's home more, mind you I'd be surprised, I see what he looks like at 7 am when he walks down my road!' She collapsed in giggles again and my friend laughed too, then they hurriedly changed the subject when they realised I could hear🤔

Btw, the '7 am reference' is she lives by the train station, dh commutes to London twice a week, (he used to every day, but like many places, his work has changed to working from home the majority of the week). He's pretty jovial most of the time, but he probably doesn't look his best at 7 am, he admits he doesn't wake up properly until he's on the train with a coffee! I'm sure he doesn't realise he's being watched though!!

She spoilt the evening for me tbh, (although the show was brilliant). I've debated today whether to text my friend and ask what the other woman's problem is with me, she clearly wanted to intimidate me and she's the last person I'd expect to do that, I've never seen this side of her!😲

It's weird behaviour, isn't it?

I think you've been carefully manoeuvred out of that friendship group. The "friend" didn't exactly put up a fight when you said you wouldn't come out again.

From the tone of the comments it's clear this isn't the first time Mrs O has been rude about you. They all feel like little nasty "in jokes" between her and your friend.

After I typed my first post, I did wonder if I’d got it wrong and the gobby person was just over compensating and misjudging the banter.

I didn’t get it wrong.

Your friend’s response, dismissing it all as a hoot and making on that she was nice really?

Neither of them are nice.

Up to you if you want to continue seeing them or not.

I wouldn’t be.

It sounds to me like there's been a fair bit of bitching behind your back between this woman and your "friend" beforehand. That's why Mrs O has felt comfortable with poking fun at you in front of your mutual friend and basically passive-aggressively slagging off your dh whilst you're sat right there.

I reckon their probably both a bit jealous of you and I agree with the pp who said insecure people often try to single out another, nicer person in order to become more "alpha" (in their eyes) in the group.

I wouldn't have anything to do with either of them - your friend is no friend IMO. And what's with the "your DH looks fine usually, honestly" comment WTF says things like that about someone's husband? SO passive-aggressive!

It sounds to me like there's been a fair bit of bitching behind your back between this woman and your "friend" beforehand. That's why Mrs O has felt comfortable with poking fun at you in front of your mutual friend and basically passive-aggressively slagging off your dh whilst you're sat right there.

This is what I thought as well. The original friend, let's call her Annie has taken a dislike to the OP and has been badmouthing her to this other friend, let's call her Clara. Annie isn't going to say this to the OPs face so she has brought Clara along with her 'zany' sense of 'humour' to make these comments and gang up on her. Basically Annie is an arse. It's Annie who is the passive aggressive, nasty one.

For those telling the OP to cling on for dear life to these ghastly people, with friends like these, who needs enemies...

@MichelleScarn

Anyway, I messaged my friend, said how much I enjoyed the show and thanked her for booking, but mentioned i thought her friend had something against me and I found her comments offensive. She replied 'OMG is that about what she wanted to drink? She was JOKING, it's just her humour!' I said I didn't find it funny, and also overheard the comments about dh. She said 'OMG we were just laughing about how tired he looks in the mornings, he looks fine the rest of the time, honest! She'd be mortified if she thought she'd upset anyone, she's lovely!' I said I'd always thought she was, too, but saw a different side of her on Friday.

Nope, it obviously wasn't just a throwaway joke or laught for your friend to know exactly what you meant and be so OMG! about it. She is clearly attempting to 'Wendy' you, and l wouldn't be surprised if the next step is Wendy to now be the injured party as she's so upset you think badly of her when it's JUST A JOKE (sob!).
Speaking from almost exact experience, albeit at 14!

This is why she should never have contacted the friend in the 1st place. I ignoring someone like that is a far better strategy. Or politely sticking up for yourself. It forces the person to either get more obvious with their bitchiness and maybe bring more people around to your side. Or it makes them back off.

I don’t think mumsnet helped the op in this situation.

You handled it perfectly op. You let her know without a fuss or any drama.
You are the better person here.

I'd of said. Yes my memory is awful. I remembered you being lovely but you're actually quite a c**t

I wouldn't add any more than what you've already said, it's seems like they both like gossip and drama. I agree with others, it sounds like they've been gossiping about you and these are 'in-jokes' between them. They sound thick and annoying, ignore and spend your time with people who don't pull this sh*t.

Sounds as though either she fancies your husband and is jealous of you, or doesn’t want you in the friendship group, because…she’s jealous of you..?

@Topofthepopicles

Some people when they themselves are nervous try to create “I’m in the in crowd and you’re not” senario. They usually choose the nicest person as they are less likely to tell them to get stuffed. I don’t really have any advice other than to avoid her in future and try not to take it personally.

Do they?

Don't let Wendy take both friends. Arrange to have a coffee with friend 3, and see if you can establish a twosome friendship. Let Wendy and her sidekick fuck right off.

Clearly your friend was well aware what they were saying was uncalled for because she manage to pick out exactly what had upset you.

A friend who joins in with the bitchy mean girl is not a friend. I'd be avoiding both in future. It's a shame but they not only insulted you but saw your husband who wasn't even there to defend himself or laugh along with their "hilarious" comments about him, as fair game for the bitchiness too.

@justloveyourselfalittle Yes! 😅

I have a friend a bit like this. I introduced her to another close friend of mine and now whenever we’re all together she assumes a bit of an air of superiority and condescension. Thankfully my other friend is great and doesn’t take any notice of it and always plays fair and includes me. I can’t be bothered with it, I don’t take any notice any more. I know she’s incredibly anxious and self conscious so I make allowances and don’t take it personally but I know she does it because she knows I won’t call her out on it. I’m too nice. 🙄

Thanks so much for all your supportive messages! Yes, I do wonder now if my 'friend' & Mrs O regularly make digs about me & dh behind my back.

I'd forgotten about this, but there was one time last summer when this same friend invited me to a BBQ at her house. There were several people there (not Mrs O this time)! Dh couldn't come as was away for the weekend. At one point I was aware of my friend's dh nudging her and commenting on how 'happy' I looked, saying maybe I'm enjoying having a break from dh🤔 My friend laughed, they didn't realise I could hear. I wish I'd said something!

One thing - I feel I normally look happy (yes I'm quiet by nature but so are lots of people)! And I wasn't particularly 'enjoying' the break from dh, he'd been working away, I'd had various commitments and we hadn't spent nearly enough time together lately!

I get the feeling perhaps her, her dh AND Mrs O like to mock our relationship, I find that hurtful🤔 Different scenario I know, but yes, maybe my friend is secretly mocking me to people, which is why Mrs O felt comfortable doing the same.

Yes, I've heard the phrase 'Wendying' and that is definitely what happened on Friday! The other friend (to her credit) didn't laugh along with Mrs O, she was quieter than normal. I want to ask her what she thought of her.

Yes, I've heard the phrase 'Wendying' and that is definitely what happened on Friday! The other friend (to her credit) didn't laugh along with Mrs O, she was quieter than normal. I want to ask her what she thought of her.

That's good news, hopefully you can maintain a friendship with the two of you and leave your other friend and "the lovely Mrs. O" to enjoy one another's company.

She's a bitch, that would pee me off too, especially my actual friends joining in & not pulling her up on i,no excuse fir that either t. Friends should have your back

Your first mistake though was actually buying her a drink. If I'd have got that response from anyone when offering to buy them a drink. They would have waited a long time & if they complained "oh, I didn't think you wanted one as you couldn't just tell me what you wanted"

From that response, your friend is a bitch too. Both sound jealous of you & your friend thinks bitching about your DH is funny

You need new friends

After reading your latest update it sounds like its friend 1 who is the problem not Mrs O. Sounds like she enjoys slagging you off to her DH and her friends.

I think the term is frenemy

I had one of those, we had been mates for years and got on well, but every now and then I catch these digs, and snide remarks especially when other people were around. We eventually fell out when I found out she's been telling people I was having an affair with a mutual male friend. When I asked her why she said "well I thought you were" I've never spoken to her since.

Honestly, on hearing the comment about your dh, I have looked her in the eye and told her to fuck off.

No doubt she’s the sort who would’ve collapsed in tears and played the victim, but I’ve no time for people like that. Just nasty and rude and you need to cut it off immediately and show they can’t speak to you like that.

I'd avoid them like the plague, it gets worse with your update. Don't give them any fuel for their fire, just cut them out. Let us know what the other quiet friend thinks, sounds like she might be more on your side.

She probably has low confidence and acts in a way to invite rejection.

I've read the entire thread and I'm sorry to say that your friend who minimised Mrs O's behaviour, is no friend to you. She takes the piss out of you behind your back. She lacks respect for you and doesn't care about your feelings. It is subtle, so it's easy to miss, but she is a bit of a bully.

I think you can find better friends than this.

@Wisteriabloom Have you spoken to your 3rd companion who didn't laugh along with these two bitches?

I had a situation where one friend seemed off with me around our friendship group. There were things said that made me think she was bitching behind my back. When I was alone, having a coffee with one of the group I gently spoke about my concerns. Friend didn't say much but hinted about people needing to be careful what they confide in others in case they're using it against them. I pushed a bit and friend took the cue from me and basically confirmed that other friend was talking badly about me and what I'd said in private. Friend hadn't wanted to just come out and tell me as they didn't want to cause a friendship rift in the group but they weren't happy with what had been going on.

Sorry for delay in responding, been away for a few days.

OhRene, that's awful of your 'friend', people can be so nasty☹

I have seen my other friend since, and asked her what she thought of Mrs O, and her attitude towards me. She said she felt uncomfortable, she'd never met her before, but said something was 'off' about her from the start.

What really hurt me is she said (only because she feels I should know), my friend sometimes makes fun of the fact I'm 'so nice'🤔 about dh when we get together. We (that's me & the lady who brought Mrs O along), sometimes meet up with two other neighbours for drinks/catch-ups.

They all, tbh, run their dh's down a fair bit, ie, (he can't do this/takes forever to do that/makes no effort/doesn't want to go anywhere) etc.

I'm not saying dh is perfect but I don't tend to do this. We're happy, and if there are issues we deal with them between us. I might mention the odd mood he has (normally when he's tired from work), but that's it!

I enjoy my catch-ups with them, but didn't realise it was supposed to be a 'bitch-fest' about our partners!😲 It's upsetting to feel she obviously mocks me behind my back☹ She's obviously v different to who I thought she was🤔