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Original poster

I thought this would be a lovely night out, but I ended up being 'picked on'🤔

153 replies

Wisteriabloom · 31/07/2021 22:05

I was looking forward to last night - a evening at an open-air theatre with two others (the 3 of us go out quite regularly), and one of them brought her friend along.

I already know this 'friend of friend', and was happy she'd been invited along. She's the sister of someone I went to school with, and my kids know her as 'lovely Mrs Osborne', she was a classroom helper at their primary school years ago! She lives near us and we regularly bump into each other and chat, I've never been out with her but always liked her🙂

My friend asked us all what we wanted to drink while queuing, and went to get them. At the interval I offered to get the next round (I know what the other two have anyway) and asked 'friend's friend' what she was drinking. (She was sat in the seat but one to me, so I hadn't seen what she was drinking). She burst out laughing and nudged her friend, saying 'Oh is she always this forgetful, does she have memory problems?!) with peals of laughter🤔 I replied I hadn't seen what she had the first time, and would rather not get the wrong thing, would she like a glass of Prosecco like us? She collapsed with laughter saying 'Oh for GOD'S SAKE no, you've got SUCH a bad memory!' Feeling miffed, I got our drinks and got her a cider, the other drink available, and said 'I hope that's right', she laughed and said thank you.

On the way home my friend commented on my hair colour, I've recently coloured it lighter, she said I always have a 'sun-kissed glow about me', even in the winter! I do tan easily all year round! Her friend nudged her and whispered 'Maybe she's 'glowing' because her husband's home more, mind you I'd be surprised, I see what he looks like at 7 am when he walks down my road!' She collapsed in giggles again and my friend laughed too, then they hurriedly changed the subject when they realised I could hear🤔

Btw, the '7 am reference' is she lives by the train station, dh commutes to London twice a week, (he used to every day, but like many places, his work has changed to working from home the majority of the week). He's pretty jovial most of the time, but he probably doesn't look his best at 7 am, he admits he doesn't wake up properly until he's on the train with a coffee! I'm sure he doesn't realise he's being watched though!!

She spoilt the evening for me tbh, (although the show was brilliant). I've debated today whether to text my friend and ask what the other woman's problem is with me, she clearly wanted to intimidate me and she's the last person I'd expect to do that, I've never seen this side of her!😲

It's weird behaviour, isn't it?

OP posts:
Wheresmybiscuit3 · 02/08/2021 00:39

I don’t think your friend sounds much like a friend. I wouldn’t have been happy with her response. F&ck her

stripedbananas · 02/08/2021 04:05

She sounds demented so you're right to stay away from her OP.

Addicted2LoveIsland · 02/08/2021 04:11

She sounds toxic and the "jokes" weren't even funny. Get new friends

MilesOfSand · 02/08/2021 04:49

I think I’d have gone along the lines of ‘I wondered if there’s something wrong, is she ill? It was just such weird behaviour - odd and not funny.’

faithfulbird20 · 02/08/2021 05:02

Weird. She's got a lot of time on her hands to be watching your husband?

I'd ignore the cow and not give her the satisfaction of seeing me upset or knowing I was. She sounds jealous. You're friend doesn't sound amazing either. Next time u go out ask what drink? Then before she answers say the bitter one right?

SureBorisKnowsWhatHesDoingNOT · 02/08/2021 05:54

I’m worrying I might do the sort of thing Mrs O does - trying to skip all the years of getting to know someone and getting to the point of teasing each other when I’m a bit nervous about going out with people who have an established friendship. BUT I wouldn’t be as rude as she was. Maybe she was just being ham-fisted about it? Did she ‘joke’ about anyone else?

What happens next will let you know what sort of person she is. If she’s mortified at having upset you, I’d give her a second chance. If she’s ‘I was only JOKING’ Hmmthen forget it. Fingers crossed it’s the former!

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 02/08/2021 07:04

Big fat raspberry to the 'It's just her humour . . . ' fuckery. How fucking tedious. I'd've said: 'Yes; it's odd how drink takes some people. My dad was a fucking nasty piece of work on cider, too . . . ' I wouldn't go out with either of them again.

ChaToilLeam · 02/08/2021 07:14

Sounds like your friend isn’t much of a friend. Sod her and Mrs O. Those kind of bitchy remarks aren’t humour, there is nothing funny about it.

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 02/08/2021 07:14

Was it maliciously intended?

I once had a situation a bit like this, and the friend-of-a-friend kept saying things like “LOL, what is Marlene like, eh?" And"haha, typical for Marlene to get that wrong" and "thay's so Marlene" when I had only ever met her twice before

In my case, I did not detect malice but just social weirdness, still made sure I never went out with her again. It was like she tried to have the banter you only have with an old friend, but with someone she barely knew

It was so weird

LunaNorth · 02/08/2021 07:28

I’m amazed that we’ve got to page 5 without anyone pointing out that Mrs Osbourne is a Wendy.

You’ve been Wendied, OP. She’ll wangle herself into future meet-ups, and if you don’t go you’ll be phased out.

surreygirl1987 · 02/08/2021 07:34

...what is a Wendy?

LunaNorth · 02/08/2021 07:35

It’s old MN parlance for someone who enters a group of friends and pushes one out to make room for herself.

I’ve been here since it was all fields…

mdh2020 · 02/08/2021 07:38

I an one of three sisters and I never, ever , go out in a threesome. Enough said.

forrestgreen · 02/08/2021 07:41

Of she worked at a school it's safe to say that she should know that it's only joking if everyone finds it funny, other than that it's the start of bullying.

MichelleScarn · 02/08/2021 07:47

Anyway, I messaged my friend, said how much I enjoyed the show and thanked her for booking, but mentioned i thought her friend had something against me and I found her comments offensive. She replied 'OMG is that about what she wanted to drink? She was JOKING, it's just her humour!' I said I didn't find it funny, and also overheard the comments about dh. She said 'OMG we were just laughing about how tired he looks in the mornings, he looks fine the rest of the time, honest! She'd be mortified if she thought she'd upset anyone, she's lovely!' I said I'd always thought she was, too, but saw a different side of her on Friday.

Nope, it obviously wasn't just a throwaway joke or laught for your friend to know exactly what you meant and be so OMG! about it. She is clearly attempting to 'Wendy' you, and l wouldn't be surprised if the next step is Wendy to now be the injured party as she's so upset you think badly of her when it's JUST A JOKE (sob!).
Speaking from almost exact experience, albeit at 14!

happinessischocolate · 02/08/2021 07:48

@mdh2020

I an one of three sisters and I never, ever , go out in a threesome. Enough said.
There was 4 people there, they normally go out as 3 until Wendy got invited
Duvetflower · 02/08/2021 07:53

You need to have a line prepared for when you next bump into her and she comments on your lack of a sense of humour or over sensitiveness.

I'd suggest a momentary pause like you can't quite remember what she's on about, followed by, 'Oh, when we went to see Play, yes I mentioned to Friend that you seemed a bit odd , I thought maybe you'd been drinking beforehand/were nervous about going out with us.'

surreygirl1987 · 02/08/2021 08:00

^ yes - 'I assumed you were just drunk, you were saying such weird stuff!'

RampantIvy · 02/08/2021 08:02

I hate it when bullies dress up nastiness as "only joking"

I would want to respond with "well, I'm not laughing, so it clearly isn't a joke, is it?"

Pipsqueakpopsqueak · 02/08/2021 08:04

My mother in law can be a little like this, particularly after a few drinks, and I know she’s lost a few friends over it - could it be an attempt to be your pal by ribbing you, but she’s misjudged your level of friendship?

SpiderinaWingMirror · 02/08/2021 08:20

I would just message your mate and say "I am clearly not Mrs Osbournes cup of tea, nor is she mine, please don't invite me in future"

AhNowTed · 02/08/2021 08:32

Some of the advice here is terrible.

Why should the OP allow herself to be seen as the one who can't take a "joke" and be phased out.

OP just let it go or you could lose your 2 friends.

You arrange to see your 2 friends and reinforce the threesome.

ChaToilLeam · 02/08/2021 08:40

@SpiderinaWingMirror

I would just message your mate and say "I am clearly not Mrs Osbournes cup of tea, nor is she mine, please don't invite me in future"
This might be Mrs O’s strategy.

I’d say “Please don’t invite her in future.” And if you want to go out with the other two friends again, make sure you organise the meet up. Maybe at your house, so that Mrs O can’t just tag along?

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 02/08/2021 08:46

I mean, it's actually only a joke if everyone finds it funny.

If it's funny to some in a group, about one of the group and at that person's expense then it's definitely not a joke

WimpoleHat · 02/08/2021 09:04

could it be an attempt to be your pal by ribbing you, but she’s misjudged your level of friendship?

This was my thought too - and your other friend’s response adds grist to the mill. Mrs O maybe is a “banterer” who can’t see that not everyone likes it/you need to judge it carefully, especially with people you don’t know well. She’s a bit socially inept, basically. Your friend is her friend, so takes it differently. She knows her better, so sees it in a different context. Ultimately, though, what matters is that you didn’t like it and you don’t want to see her again. No need for any great drama, but I’d just pass on future events she was at/wouldn’t invite her myself.