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Original poster

I thought this would be a lovely night out, but I ended up being 'picked on'🤔

153 replies

Wisteriabloom · 31/07/2021 22:05

I was looking forward to last night - a evening at an open-air theatre with two others (the 3 of us go out quite regularly), and one of them brought her friend along.

I already know this 'friend of friend', and was happy she'd been invited along. She's the sister of someone I went to school with, and my kids know her as 'lovely Mrs Osborne', she was a classroom helper at their primary school years ago! She lives near us and we regularly bump into each other and chat, I've never been out with her but always liked her🙂

My friend asked us all what we wanted to drink while queuing, and went to get them. At the interval I offered to get the next round (I know what the other two have anyway) and asked 'friend's friend' what she was drinking. (She was sat in the seat but one to me, so I hadn't seen what she was drinking). She burst out laughing and nudged her friend, saying 'Oh is she always this forgetful, does she have memory problems?!) with peals of laughter🤔 I replied I hadn't seen what she had the first time, and would rather not get the wrong thing, would she like a glass of Prosecco like us? She collapsed with laughter saying 'Oh for GOD'S SAKE no, you've got SUCH a bad memory!' Feeling miffed, I got our drinks and got her a cider, the other drink available, and said 'I hope that's right', she laughed and said thank you.

On the way home my friend commented on my hair colour, I've recently coloured it lighter, she said I always have a 'sun-kissed glow about me', even in the winter! I do tan easily all year round! Her friend nudged her and whispered 'Maybe she's 'glowing' because her husband's home more, mind you I'd be surprised, I see what he looks like at 7 am when he walks down my road!' She collapsed in giggles again and my friend laughed too, then they hurriedly changed the subject when they realised I could hear🤔

Btw, the '7 am reference' is she lives by the train station, dh commutes to London twice a week, (he used to every day, but like many places, his work has changed to working from home the majority of the week). He's pretty jovial most of the time, but he probably doesn't look his best at 7 am, he admits he doesn't wake up properly until he's on the train with a coffee! I'm sure he doesn't realise he's being watched though!!

She spoilt the evening for me tbh, (although the show was brilliant). I've debated today whether to text my friend and ask what the other woman's problem is with me, she clearly wanted to intimidate me and she's the last person I'd expect to do that, I've never seen this side of her!😲

It's weird behaviour, isn't it?

OP posts:

Novelusername · 01/08/2021 00:53

Sorry, just realised there were four of you, but the principle still applies.

Novelusername · 01/08/2021 00:57

Also, she sounds like a bit of a narc and testing what your boundaries are and who she can have as an ally in your bullying. People like this get a real kick out of singling someone out to bully and turning other people against them, to the point where they're ousted from the group. It's all a game to them.

JulieChastened · 01/08/2021 01:06

@boogiewithasuitcase

It sounds a bit like she fancies your husband!

This.

Why's she craning out of the window to watch your DH walk by? Very suspicious!

EmeraldShamrock · 01/08/2021 01:12

Oh how annoyingly rude. You are very polite I'd have been very mean if she laughed in my face insulting my memory.

stellaisabella · 01/08/2021 01:20

She sounds like a prize bellend.

pollyglot · 01/08/2021 01:50

The "sun-kissed glow" comment gives it all away. You are much prettier and much nicer than them, so you are an easy target for jealousy and bullying. Just like Year 6 girls. Pathetic and nasty.

1forAll74 · 01/08/2021 01:59

I have been around a long time, and am not affected by silly people, with their slapdash, and unfunny comments. just ignore those types.

Topseyt · 01/08/2021 02:17

She sounds like an arse.

I have to say that I am with your DH in that I certainly wouldn't have persevered with trying to buy her a drink after such insulting comments regarding your memory. My only response would have been "There's nothing wrong with my memory thank you very much, but as you seem unable to tell me what you are drinking then I'll assume you don't want another one and won't get you anything."

Or, I probably simply wouldn't have bought her one at all. When she inevitably commented about that I would have informed her that I had no intention of buying a drink for someone who spoke to me like dirt, and who had seemed incapable of remembering what she was drinking when I had asked her.

LanisHouseLot · 01/08/2021 02:19

Possible that your friend was just as taken aback as you and handled it badly when put on the spot. It'd find out what she thinks and then go from there.

headlock · 01/08/2021 14:16

What happened OP? Did you message your friend?

MumDad1958 · 01/08/2021 14:20

Definitely speak to your friend about it.

CoraPirbright · 01/08/2021 15:34

I am not sure that you will get any joy out of your friend regarding this nasty woman especially since she seemed to ‘laugh along’ with her.

However, I think I would still message her...something along the lines of:
“Hi . Great to see you the other night and I think the play we saw was great fun/thought provoking/moving (delete as appropriate). However, I just wanted to highlight that I will definitely not be open to meeting up with X again. She was weird, rude and unpleasant all evening and seemed to be trying to get some sort of reaction from me all night! Not sure what her problem is but life really is too short for that kind of nonsense. Look forward to seeing you again/next Saturday/for our next event (delete as appropriate). Much love, Wisteriabloom”

Thus horrible divide-and-conquer woman’s card is marked and you show your friend that she didnt cover herself in glory either. And you are no push-over.

oneglassandpuzzled · 01/08/2021 15:38

@Newbabynewhouse

Almost sounds jealous of you.. like she has some self esteem issues and that's her way of making herself feel better... how odd

^ Agree with this.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 01/08/2021 15:41

I no longer tolerate this kind of shite though I did for years.

I am coolly scathing now.

Oh. And your friend is an arse for joining in.

PegasusReturns · 01/08/2021 15:48

This is classic trying to be with the in crowd behaviour. Unless she has form for being a bitch I think she was nervous and desperately trying to be “one of the gang”.

If you’ve previously enjoyed her company I’d send a quick text asking if everything was ok last night and see where it goes from there.

Nancydrawn · 01/08/2021 16:16

It's such weird behaviour.

Her first insult isn't even that insulting. I mean it's obvious that it was meant as such, and you weren't wrong to be taken aback, but who says, "HaHA you can't remember what I like to drink!"

The second insult (your husband is ugly; also you have sex with your husband) is half typical but fucking rude, and half also very weird.

Which is to say, she's not only rude, she's weird and rude. If she was just awful about your appearance/class/education/children/whatever, she'd be appalling but run-of-the-mill. Instead, you have a strange, creative-but-it-doesn't-really-work rude person on your hands. Very strange.

Mamette · 01/08/2021 16:37

I wouldn’t have bought her a drink if she said that to me. Just left her out of the round and not spoken to her afterwards, stayed busy talking to others.

She sounds weird and insecure, who cares what is wrong with her really. I would be hurt by a friend going along with it though.

Candleabra · 01/08/2021 17:05

She sounds awful, as does your friend for joining in. The problem with calling out this behaviour after the event is it sounds so petty when you say it out loud. That's what bullies do, it's subtle. Had she said, you're a total dick and I'm going to make this evening awful for you, then that's easy to deal with. Everything you say can now just be batted away - you misheard, you misunderstood, I didn't say that, I didn't hear you, I was only joking....
You know what happened, you can feel it more than hear it - the sense of things being not quite right.
Trust that instinct. No need to say anything, but I'd be giving them a wide berth from now on.

Muchmorethan · 01/08/2021 17:31

What did your other friend say about it?

quizqueen · 01/08/2021 17:34

Even if you knew what her first drink was, it didn't mean she wouldn't want something different for her second. I would have said, 'I am asking you politely and expect a polite answer!' and I would have definitely pulled her up about the husband comment. However, I take no prisoners and suffer no fools.

SmudgeButt · 01/08/2021 17:35

Sounds like me when I'm drunk - thinking I'm funny when I really am just rude.

CandidaAlbicans2 · 01/08/2021 17:51

She sounds bizarre. I’m all for mild teasing but I only do it with my closest friends and family and can 100% take it when they do it to me. They also know I’m joking and my teasing is actually a sign that I like them and am comfortable with them

I’m wondering if she was trying so hard to be chummy, like one of “the girls”, that she behaved as though she was an established part of the group, and because she doesn’t know OP it backfired. This sort of joking and teasing could’ve been “Mrs Osborne’s” way of trying desperately to fit in, but it came over as awkward and rude.

tothelakes · 01/08/2021 18:09

One of my closest friends does this sometimes. Usually when she's pissed and thinks she's funny. It's hurtful and childish and I really should say something but I never do.
She's upset a couple of my friends too so at least I know it's not personal, she just has a mean sense of humour.

Original poster

Wisteriabloom · 01/08/2021 18:20

Thank you for all your supportive replies!

Anyway, I messaged my friend, said how much I enjoyed the show and thanked her for booking, but mentioned i thought her friend had something against me and I found her comments offensive. She replied 'OMG is that about what she wanted to drink? She was JOKING, it's just her humour!' I said I didn't find it funny, and also overheard the comments about dh. She said 'OMG we were just laughing about how tired he looks in the mornings, he looks fine the rest of the time, honest! She'd be mortified if she thought she'd upset anyone, she's lovely!' I said I'd always thought she was, too, but saw a different side of her on Friday.

She said she'll message her, and hopefully we can sort things our between us all. I said I won't be coming along on any meet-ups she's at again, I wouldn't feel comfortable. She just replied with a sad face.

I hope I don't bump into "Mrs Osborne' along the road in the week, I'll want to hide as I hate confrontation!😳 I suppose I'm the quietest of the group, I enjoy myself, am sociable but haven't got a 'loud' personality, which is probably why she thought I was a safe one to pick on!🤔

I'll let you know if she says anything more, I too think she was trying too hard to be 'in with the group' and went too far. She was nice as pie to the other two though!

OP posts:

Tiddleztheelephant · 01/08/2021 18:45

@Wisteriabloom

Thank you for all your supportive replies!

I'll let you know if she says anything more, I too think she was trying too hard to be 'in with the group' and went too far. She was nice as pie to the other two though!

Actually I hope you do bump into her and find the courage to let her know that you weren't ok. I hate "banter" when it singles out one person and makes them uncomfortable. From her response I think I might be creating a bit of distance with your friend too.

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