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Original poster

I thought this would be a lovely night out, but I ended up being 'picked on'🤔

153 replies

Wisteriabloom · 31/07/2021 22:05

I was looking forward to last night - a evening at an open-air theatre with two others (the 3 of us go out quite regularly), and one of them brought her friend along.

I already know this 'friend of friend', and was happy she'd been invited along. She's the sister of someone I went to school with, and my kids know her as 'lovely Mrs Osborne', she was a classroom helper at their primary school years ago! She lives near us and we regularly bump into each other and chat, I've never been out with her but always liked her🙂

My friend asked us all what we wanted to drink while queuing, and went to get them. At the interval I offered to get the next round (I know what the other two have anyway) and asked 'friend's friend' what she was drinking. (She was sat in the seat but one to me, so I hadn't seen what she was drinking). She burst out laughing and nudged her friend, saying 'Oh is she always this forgetful, does she have memory problems?!) with peals of laughter🤔 I replied I hadn't seen what she had the first time, and would rather not get the wrong thing, would she like a glass of Prosecco like us? She collapsed with laughter saying 'Oh for GOD'S SAKE no, you've got SUCH a bad memory!' Feeling miffed, I got our drinks and got her a cider, the other drink available, and said 'I hope that's right', she laughed and said thank you.

On the way home my friend commented on my hair colour, I've recently coloured it lighter, she said I always have a 'sun-kissed glow about me', even in the winter! I do tan easily all year round! Her friend nudged her and whispered 'Maybe she's 'glowing' because her husband's home more, mind you I'd be surprised, I see what he looks like at 7 am when he walks down my road!' She collapsed in giggles again and my friend laughed too, then they hurriedly changed the subject when they realised I could hear🤔

Btw, the '7 am reference' is she lives by the train station, dh commutes to London twice a week, (he used to every day, but like many places, his work has changed to working from home the majority of the week). He's pretty jovial most of the time, but he probably doesn't look his best at 7 am, he admits he doesn't wake up properly until he's on the train with a coffee! I'm sure he doesn't realise he's being watched though!!

She spoilt the evening for me tbh, (although the show was brilliant). I've debated today whether to text my friend and ask what the other woman's problem is with me, she clearly wanted to intimidate me and she's the last person I'd expect to do that, I've never seen this side of her!😲

It's weird behaviour, isn't it?

OP posts:
MakkaPakkas · 31/07/2021 22:59

Sounds very weird. Personally I'd ignore a first offence, but I wouldn't be in a hurry to invite her out again.
I'm quite an odd person myself and sometimes not sure if something was meant as mean or just a bit of a joke and likewise do put my foot in it sometimes too. Therefore I always try to assume best intentions while having a reasonable guard around myself.

Hope you have a better night out next time x

Original poster
Wisteriabloom · 31/07/2021 23:01

Thank you all, I'll message her tomorrow, tried not to think about it all day but I more or less have!

Dh doesn't know her, but thinks she can't have much going on in her life if she's watching him out the window at 7 am!🤣 He did ask though why on earth I bought her a drink. He says if someone was treating him like that he'd tell them to sort themselves out and just buy his own (& friends). I wish I could be more like him in that way, I don't know why I bought her a drink either!🤔

I do wonder if she'd maybe been drinking before she met us, which affected her (normally lovely) nature, or maybe if she was nervous as she didn't know the other person at all, and only knows me in passing. I'd be surprised, she's very used to nights out!

Does anyone else find if it's someone you don't expect to turn on you it upsets you more? I kept thinking last night 'But she's the lovely Mrs Osborne, my kids have such fond memories of her!) Not so lovely last night though🤔
I hope my (friend) can shed some light on it. Using brackets as I'm rather upset she went along with it and didn't stick up for me.☹ I won't be going again, if she's joining us that's for sure!

OP posts:
FatCatThinCat · 31/07/2021 23:03

She sounds awful but your 'friend' doesn't sound much better. Why was she laughing along at such nastiness?

MuseumGardens · 31/07/2021 23:07

She sounds rude and annoying with a crap sense of humour

RumJerrySailorRum · 31/07/2021 23:07

I'd be asking your friend if 'Mrs Osbourne' is always a weird bitch or if she just saves it for a night out/when she's had a drink.

And wait for her reply.

impossible · 31/07/2021 23:13

That sounds stressful and annoying. Perhaps she is insecure... Do mention to your friend.

TooManyAnimals94 · 31/07/2021 23:13

Sounds like she can't hold her cider...or she just has no social skills. Shame on your friend for joining in.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 31/07/2021 23:13

I agree with your DH that you shouldn’t have bought her a drink seeing as she refused to tell you what she wanted. If she said anything, you could blame it on your memory and just laugh.

She sounds bizarre. I’m all for mild teasing but I only do it with my closest friends and family and can 100% take it when they do it to me. They also know I’m joking and my teasing is actually a sign that I like them and am comfortable with them.

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 31/07/2021 23:15

Personally I wouldn’t text your friend. People like that love knowing that they’ve struck a nerve whilst simultaneously implying that you are the one who is being dramatic. Just don’t go out if you know she’s going to be there. Or if you do have to see her just casually ask her to clarify what she is saying like ‘are you calling my husband ugly?’ With a bemused look.

I recently have had to stop speaking to a local mum who constantly made weird comments like this to me. So strange as she really seems to hate me, but is very intent on keeping up a ‘friendship’. I know sooner or later I’ll see her in the street and I feel so awkward about it. Best to stay away from people like this.

Topofthepopicles · 31/07/2021 23:24

@Hadenoughofthisbullshit

Personally I wouldn’t text your friend. People like that love knowing that they’ve struck a nerve whilst simultaneously implying that you are the one who is being dramatic. Just don’t go out if you know she’s going to be there. Or if you do have to see her just casually ask her to clarify what she is saying like ‘are you calling my husband ugly?’ With a bemused look.

I recently have had to stop speaking to a local mum who constantly made weird comments like this to me. So strange as she really seems to hate me, but is very intent on keeping up a ‘friendship’. I know sooner or later I’ll see her in the street and I feel so awkward about it. Best to stay away from people like this.

Totally agree
Forstarters · 31/07/2021 23:36

Could he be having an affair with her?

FortunesFave · 31/07/2021 23:41

I hope my (friend) can shed some light on it.

She can't. Nobody can. It's because there's no meaning behind it other than the woman is an insecure and unhappy person.

That's genuinely it. Nothing to learn and nothing to waste time over.

Forget it but think of some comebacks and things you could say in similar situations. DON'T let people take the piss out of you and wonder what you did or why they're doing it.

They're like animals...really they are, very basic emotions and not much upstairs. Just basic things like jealousy, spite, fear...they're not people you need to think about.

Thewinterofdiscontent · 31/07/2021 23:45

She was just feeling awkward and trying to be funny and overly casual.

boogiewithasuitcase · 31/07/2021 23:50

It sounds a bit like she fancies your husband!

MorriseysGladioli · 31/07/2021 23:59

I reckon she'd had a couple of drinks before coming out.
Perhaps your friend felt awkward so tried to jolly her way out of the awkwardness of it all.

Enough4me · 01/08/2021 00:00

She was trying to be funny, but was being a bitch. If I had her direct contact details I'd send her a message "What was up with you last night?" If she does the nothing/can't remember nonsence I'd say "I was referring to your weird comments" and then do not reply again unless she apologises. I'd still not bother with her again, but I'd want to unsettle her back.

IdblowJonSnow · 01/08/2021 00:01

I would either text your mate, or maybe speak to her directly and tell her how rude you thought this woman was and that you're annoyed she didn't back you up/and joined in.

Don't ask her opinion, you know what it was. If you ask she'll probably try to weasel out of it.

Anyway she was a nob and she was rude. You don't deserve that no matter what her issues are so try not to give it too much head space.

paisley256 · 01/08/2021 00:05

She's got many an issue. They aren't your issues. Try not to internalise them and question yourself, it's not you it's her. Your friend wasn't much better tho.

Mydogmylife · 01/08/2021 00:16

@Forstarters

Could he be having an affair with her?
WTAF!!!!!
PickAChew · 01/08/2021 00:22

I'd have said forget it as soon as she started being rude about you asking her what she was drinking.

I'd also be wondering if friend who invited her has a tendency to be bitchy about you behind your back.

HunkyPunk · 01/08/2021 00:27

Nasty piece of work. My guess is she is jealous of you, and was staking her claim on your mutual friend by involving her in having a go at you. Typical bully tactics.

If you want to go out with the original two again, you organise it and if there's a suggestion that the other one comes along, tell your friend that under no circumstances will you be going out with her friend again, as she was so unpleasant to you.

Ginandplatonic · 01/08/2021 00:28

Could he be having an affair with her?

😂 Gotta love MN!!

My guess is she felt like an outsider and it was her attempt to get on the “inside” by making someone else the outsider.

Bythemillpond · 01/08/2021 00:45

She either thinks because she got invited out once she has decided that this is her new friendship group and is trying to Wendy you out by getting the other 2 to side with her nastiness dressed up as a jokes

Otherwise if she watched your Dh walking down the street at 7am she obviously hadn’t got a lot going on and maybe lockdown has made it worse and she has turned to alcohol to get her through the day.

Or more than likely a bit of both scenarios

Dancingonmoonlight · 01/08/2021 00:46

Sounds a bit jealous of you OP - light hair and all year tan, dogs about yourself sex life.
Very strange and your friend was bitchy to laugh along.

Novelusername · 01/08/2021 00:48

She sounds absolutely awful and your 'friend' was being a cow as well. I think this happens in groups of 3 sometimes, two gang up on one. Sounds like she was trying to assert her status by being a twat, making sure she wouldn't be the one to be odd one out by ganging up on you with your 'friend', trying to make herself popular at your expense. Very juvenile. I agree with FortunesFave that there's no mystery to be solved here, she's just a spiteful unhappy person, nothing to do with you. I'd wait for your friend to get in contact with you again, then just very coolly make her explain herself. Let it be very clear that her behaviour was odd and not in any way acceptable. If she doesn't apologise, tell her that you're not prepared to be spoken to like that, that dealing with someone else's weird and intrusive takes on your cognitive abilities (quite like gaslighting) and personal life doesn't do much for you so you won't be going out with them again.