My toddler has terrible taste in books [lighthearted]

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

Come and rant about the books you hate to read to your toddler.

My worst offender at the moment is Peppa Goes to Playgroup. Terrible illustrations, meh storyline, hardly anything in the pictures to point at, and a huge percentage of the text is names. DD loves that book and has never even seen Peppa Pig (we got the book in a bundle of used books that I bought). We had to hide it for a while for our mental health, but I took pity on DD and put it back in the rotation.

Anyone else have an unreasonable hatred toward an innocent book?

@clickychicky they are all make animals too. "I sent him back" clearly the zoo is operating a Jurassic park single sex policy

Any book that goes on and on with more than four sentences of writing on the page. Mr men books drive me to distraction! Why do we need close to twenty pages full of writing to discover that the birthday Mr Birthday had forgotten was in fact his own! Fuck off Mr Birthday.

I really love dinosaurs love underpants. Quite amusing, not many sentences and can read it in a minute while it still feels like a substantial story.

@Spidergran this is true!

DD must secretly be on Mumsnet because today she gave me another book to moan about: In the Night Kitchen (same author as Where the Wild Things Are). The book was a gift and had sat quietly in the background until DD suddenly took a shine to it. The story is fine (but weird), but the bakers in the pictures are creepy bordering on terrifying. Mickey, the little boy, falls out of his clothes, and there are numerous full frontal images. I have mixed feelings about that. I do think it's good to show someone comfortable in his own skin, but after TEN readings, that was quite enough Mickey penises for one day.

Has anyone mentioned Spot the Dog yet? I can’t even articulate all the problems I have with the series; it’s like they all merge into a saccharine canine stew and choke me.

I'm in my forties and remember 'Night Kitchen'. I thought it was weird as a child.

I love the Dr suess books. Apart from one. Fox In Socks. Bastard fox. Hidden that. And we went through a Fireman Sam phase and in particular "Norman in Trouble" (can't quite remember the title, could be wrong) he basically gets stuck up an old tree house and the twins help him. So many things wrong with that story. But, we are still at a stage where I can skip sentences I will miss that...

@Testarossa44 - completely agree about Maisy Mouse!
IMO, the worst one is Maisy Takes a Bath. The plot sees Maisy getting her bath ready only for her friend Tallulah to ring the doorbell unannounced. Maisy dutifully goes downstairs and answers the door and explains it's her bath time. She then goes up and gets into her bubble bath for a good soak. Doorbell goes again, Maisy gets out of the bath and trudges downstairs to answer it. Tallulah pushes past her, goes upstairs and strips off. WTAF! She then gets in the bath with Maisy. I always feel so irritated by Tallulah's rudeness and fear it resembles the plot of a bad porn film. My DD adored it 🙄

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tuI89v4rEdk

[quote GinJeanie]@Testarossa44 - completely agree about Maisy Mouse!
IMO, the worst one is Maisy Takes a Bath. The plot sees Maisy getting her bath ready only for her friend Tallulah to ring the doorbell unannounced. Maisy dutifully goes downstairs and answers the door and explains it's her bath time. She then goes up and gets into her bubble bath for a good soak. Doorbell goes again, Maisy gets out of the bath and trudges downstairs to answer it. Tallulah pushes past her, goes upstairs and strips off. WTAF! She then gets in the bath with Maisy. I always feel so irritated by Tallulah's rudeness and fear it resembles the plot of a bad porn film. My DD adored it 🙄

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tuI89v4rEdk[/quote]
My DD loved this at about 3 and a half. We both found it hilarious and Tallulah would be so bizarre to strip off and get in someones bath. It was a good way to discuss what was appropriate and what wasn't on playdates!

@IndecentCakes

I'm in my forties and remember 'Night Kitchen'. I thought it was weird as a child.

It's definitely weird. I think it was a childhood favourite of the gift-giver (similar age).

@GinJeanie & @Tablow I don't know that one, but it sounds like Tallulah has some major boundary issues!

[quote GinJeanie]@Testarossa44 - completely agree about Maisy Mouse!
IMO, the worst one is Maisy Takes a Bath. The plot sees Maisy getting her bath ready only for her friend Tallulah to ring the doorbell unannounced. Maisy dutifully goes downstairs and answers the door and explains it's her bath time. She then goes up and gets into her bubble bath for a good soak. Doorbell goes again, Maisy gets out of the bath and trudges downstairs to answer it. Tallulah pushes past her, goes upstairs and strips off. WTAF! She then gets in the bath with Maisy. I always feel so irritated by Tallulah's rudeness and fear it resembles the plot of a bad porn film. My DD adored it 🙄

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tuI89v4rEdk[/quote]
Clearly Maisie didn’t get the MN memo of never answering the door to unannounced visitors

Maisie goes camping annoys me, they all go in the teeny tiny tent one by one until Eddie (THE ELEPHANT) goes in and everyone pops out. Eddie gets the tent and everyone else has to sleep outside. Eddie is such an ‘entitled ‘elephant, gets lost in the snow in Maisie’s Christmas, he just sits there covered in snow while everyone else fannies around trying to figure out how to get him out, involves a tractor in the end. FFS Eddie you’re an ELEPHANT, try getting out yourself!!

@CliffsofMohair - so true! 😆 I can just imagine the MN thread Maisy would start about how to get out of her friendship with her "frenemy", Tallulah. All the posts would be advising her that it's the height of CFuckery, her friend sounds "batshit" and she should walk away.
Eddie the elephant sounds like a right tosspot 🤨

@Greenandcabbagelooking towel has two syllables. It rhymes with trowel and dowel and bowel, none of which rhymes with owl and fowl and cowl and howl.

You're obviously from nearer H's home than I am.

[quote merryhouse]@Greenandcabbagelooking towel has two syllables. It rhymes with trowel and dowel and bowel, none of which rhymes with owl and fowl and cowl and howl.

You're obviously from nearer H's home than I am.[/quote]
Yes. Owl and Towel have assonance. But they don't rhyme.

My 1 year olds favourite is 'owl babies'. The 3 owl babies are the whiniest birds In the entire world. And bill the youngest baby is useless. But God forbid we read a different book

I might have to get some Maisy books just to see this CF-ery.

Ignore my name change issues...

Rumplestiltskin really pisses me off.

1. Ok, so a miller might want to show off in front of the king and claim his daughter can spin straw into gold - stupid but almost believable - but why would he then take his daughter to the king’s palace when he was only going to get found out?

1. Rumpleatiltskin spins two rooms of straw into gold in return for a ring and a necklace. This is a man who can SPIN STRAW INTO GOLD. Why would he want jewellery?

1. In one move, he escalates from jewellery to a baby. Weird negotiating but ok.

1. The king then marries the miller’s daughter and a year later she has a baby. Are we really supposed to believe that he just stops asking her to spin straw into gold after they’re married?

1. The miller’s daughter owes Rumplestiltskin the baby. But when he comes to collect, he’s just like ‘ok, I’ll give you another chance to get out of this…’ Why would he do that?

Tyrannosaurus Drip. Terrible book. And also because 'Plant' and 'Can't' do not rhyme.

We're going on a bear hunt. I just hate it but I've somehow ended up with 3 copies.

Any Charlie & Lola book, they are an abomination. They should be cast into the fires of Mordor.

Has anyone ever tried to read this?? 😱 It requires you to say the word "huuug" in lots of different, creative ways. Not sure there are ANY other words in it. I always felt I was missing something...

On a similar forum to this, someone once posted a “free children’s book, just go to this website, fill in your details and they will send you a children’s book”.

I did that.

It was a children’s book promoting Bosch Worcester hot water boilers. It was a massive pile of mince about hot water and heating for the under 3’s.

My dad completely adores his grandchildren but distances and his disabilities mean he sees them very rarely, but he always had very simple dreams - take DD1 a walk in her pram, read them a bedtime story. So the 1 visit to our house he has managed in dd3’s life he wanted to read them all a bedtime story like the great Granda he is.

What book did they pick - yes the spend £4K on a boiler one. After they had gone to bed he did ask me what sort of story that was…