My toddler has terrible taste in books [lighthearted]

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

Come and rant about the books you hate to read to your toddler.

My worst offender at the moment is Peppa Goes to Playgroup. Terrible illustrations, meh storyline, hardly anything in the pictures to point at, and a huge percentage of the text is names. DD loves that book and has never even seen Peppa Pig (we got the book in a bundle of used books that I bought). We had to hide it for a while for our mental health, but I took pity on DD and put it back in the rotation.

Anyone else have an unreasonable hatred toward an innocent book?

I hate the Mr Men. I can't abide the constant "FOR INSTANCE".

Also stupid plot recycling about getting a job or going for a walk....gahhhh. Hate.

I hated reading We’re Going on a Bear Hunt. I realise I’m going to hell for it, but I just found it really boring and cringeworthy to say out loud.

@UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa

My children have a book with multiple Beatrix Potter stories in. It's a lovely looking book but I can't stand the stories.

@BendingSpoons, does it have Jemima Puddleduck in it? DD often wants to read that one but then wants to skip pages.

Yes Jemima Puddleduck is in there, which is more tolerable, but we're not allowed to skip any pages

Fucking Julia Donaldson. All of them (except Paper Dolls). For crimes against scanning, rhythm, rhyme.

DD also adores an educational “starting nursery” book with no plot that’s so hard to read, because she wants a story but there is none. And a self-published piece of crap about the planets that’s basically a literally war crime.

I inexplicably hate 5 minutes peace. Reading it just annoys me.

I love most Julia Donaldson however in stick man I'm forced to say 'larf' instead of 'laff' when it's rhymes with scarf and it really winds me up.

But like a PP, I'm pretty good now at removing my brain from books now and can read out loud while thinking about anything else. Thank god.

Aaw I love the Julia Donaldson books and I had forgotten about Not Now Bernard .My grandchildren loved Captain Pike looks after the baby and Be Good Gordon. Years ago I had a DP whose mother had never read to him . When I read traditional fairy tales to my children he was fascinated as he did not know any of them.

I also HATE Paper Dolls. It’s just bizarre.

And “Oh the places you’ll go”

Oh paper dolls! I love it so much. Especially Jack the Backy, who reminds me of a very old deliciously creepy episode of Sapphire and Steel 😊

Dear Zoo,

"I wrote to the zoo to send me a pet"

There's a word missing there surely.

And don't be so ungrateful for the random pets they send you or at least specify your requirements and what was a dog doing living at the zoo?

My DD has this book called the greatest mummy of all. It has lots of reasons why I’m a great mummy but the line that says you’re never ever cross, even when I tickle your toes just gives me mum guilt.

Current favourites are Dear Santa and Peppa's Christmas. I really need to hide those for a few months.

They've been said already but both Maisie books and Mr Men books are fecking awful. The Mr Men books are deceptively long as well.

Giraffes Can't Dance was a favourite here for ages. It's not an awful book per se, the story just didn't quite stand up to being read 6+ times per day!

I have to say DC and I like most of the Julia Donaldson books - I find it helps when kids books rhyme.

@Nifedipine

Haha, You Choose is well loved here by 2.5 year old and us alike, but we don't read it but use it as who can spot a particular item first.

What does "not scan" mean? (Sorry, non-native speaker here.)

If a poem doesn't scan, it means the rhythm is wrong.

So
Roses are red
Violets are blue
I like tea
And I like coffee too

scans, when you say it out loud, the rhythm works. But

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I like coffee
And I like hot chocolate too

doe not scan, because hot chocolate has too many syllables.

It's really annoying when poems or rhyming books do not scan. I usually make them by adding, removing or changing words.

@Nifedipine If a poem/book "doesn't scan" it means the words don't fit into the established rhythm/stress of the poem. So maybe most of the lines are like "duh DUHN duh DUHN duh DUHN duh DUHN duh DUHN", but then you suddenly get one that's different because the author was too lazy to open a thesaurus for some reason.

Actually, I used it wrong in my last post, as I was talking more about finishing the line of the song. In my defense, it was 5:22 a.m.

Julia Donaldson is generally ok, except the ones that expect giraffe/scarf/laugh to rhyme - I’m northern and cannot make myself say larf

Oh, x post with Greenandcabbagelooking.

Maybe you could wear a "scahf" instead?

Ha!

For me it's the tiger who came to tea. It's hidden and will hopefully stay hidden. I HATE it. The only way I get through it is by making significant changes, I hate everything about it.

Bear hunt winds me right up because all I think of when I read it is how Michael Rosen is considered an acclaimed writer based largely off the back it despite it being a popular song/chant well before he wrote it. In my mind it's the illustrator who should get the praise.

@Bendingsooons Yes Jemima Puddleduck is in there, which is more tolerable, but we're not allowed to skip any pages

Maybe I shouldn't allow page skipping. Once DD hears my shocked tone that Jemima DIDN'T KNOW THE HERBS WERE USED FOR MAKING ROAST DUCK, she's ready to move on to another book, and the foxy gentleman rarely meets his demise.

My disabled DD2, despite being 17, recently discovered a love for the Paddington books.

I stupidly bought her the compendium for Christmas.

WHAT WAS I THINKING??!!

Oh my fucking god they are dull. The first couple of stories are quite endearing. But by the time you get to book 10, chapter 6 (each chapter is a separate story, about 20 pages long) you’re losing the will to live.

So dated, so repetitive, so tedious. Paddington is an annoying, sticky little bastard. Why everyone adores him so much I don’t know. I’d have sent him back to Darkest Peru long ago.

I quite like the Tiger Who Came to Tea, purely because it gives me joy to imagine that Sophie’s mummy has had some kind of Valium/afternoon gin based episode where she couldn’t be arsed making Daddy’s tea so she’s invented some elaborate cover story about a tiger. And Sophie’s Daddy is obviously so used to this he just sighs inwardly and takes them out to the cafe

@BadgertheBodger when I read the alternative version it certainly involves gin!

I've just hidden since of the worst offenders in a box for the charity shop.

My DH is a southerner, I am not, so when I refuse to pronounce it girarhfe in a rhyme I get "say it properly like Daddy"

The worst book in the world has appeared in our house (I blame Granny) and my 4 year old LOVES it: Felicity Wishes by Emma Thompson. It is absolute HORSESHIT. Fairies fannying around making wishes to have nice hair and flowers in their bedroom, god help me, but it has pop-up bits which are a cynical gateway drug to shit writing. (And her acting is shit.)