I can't live my life like this anymore........

[Toffeelatte10]

I'm 30 and suspected recently I have something about me that isn't the same as other people.
I thought I've had anxiety and depression and maybe i do but i also have other things and was wondering if anyone can relate? Would a doctor take me seriously if i were to tell them these things about me? The thing thats stopping me is being laughed at i guess.

So some of the things about me that i feel is different.

I procrastinate alot! To the point where i will do anything else possible to avoid doing it. Usually i do it when feeling overwhelmed. I have to do whatever it is at the last possible minute but it causes me a lot of stress.
I can also get bored very easily of things. I'll have a great idea in my mind but can't follow it through. Often i'll feel like i have so much potential but why can i just not follow it through and feel motivated to do it.

My parents have always called me lazy, I wouldn't say i was lazy as i am psychically active but I am a disorganised messy person. No matter how hard i try i can't organise anything. I want to be able to but i can't. As well as messy I am also very forgetful. I lose things a lot and forget where i put things. At college my time keeping was awful and everyday i was always late. Again i would faff around in the morning and put off as long as i could going to college.

I find eye contact hard and uncomfortable. I find it hard to make friends and I can be socially awkward. Although looking at me people assume the opposite. Which then makes it even more tough as people assume i'm stuck up.

I become obsessed with things. Eg. recently i got my DS a pet and i've been obsessed with researching about them, joined groups to find out as much as i can. When i was younger i would be obsessed with books or tv programmes and become totally engrossed in them. Like a form of escapism i guess. Last year i took up a craft hobby, started a shop and now i have no motivation to carry it on even though its done well.

I just feel i don't fit in. I want to do well in life but feel like im my own worst enemy and stopping myself from being who i want to be.

I know this might sound a bit muddled and crazy but had to put it down and see if anyone else felt like this?

I think with the way my brain works, I need to know how everything works or thought processes that's why I now study psychology funnily enough. So I think if I was to have anything it would help me in my life understand myself.
I do have low self esteem, I think because I want to do things but never have the get up and go so then feel rubbish about myself.

It sounds like you're just an academic

Would anyone have advise on a good starting point with going to the doctor's? I don't want to be taken unseriously

@Dollpiglet

It sounds like you're just an academic

What do you mean??

I just mean everything you have described is a typical academic. Procrastinates, imposter syndrome, researches obsessively etc.

Yep another vote for ADHD. You sound like a younger me.

You sound just like my son who was very recently diagnosed with ADD. Try an online quiz and see how you score, or just go to your doctor and tell him you think you might have it and would like to get assessed. My son is being treated with drugs and therapy, and is starting to find it helpful.

Reading your post and you sound a bit like me. I have dyspraxia!!

Other than the social anxiety/eye contact element this is exactly how I feel! And has got much worse for me since having children. I haven't sought out any formal diagnosis but I have read up on ADHD in women and I feel quite sure I have it. You're certainly not alone feeling this way

You sound very like me. I'm diagnosed with autism, but the more I read about ADHD I'm convinced I have that too.

Definitely Professor Tony Attwood’s books

@Dollpiglet

I just mean everything you have described is a typical academic. Procrastinates, imposter syndrome, researches obsessively etc.

It goes beyond just academic though eg. eye contact

You sound so much like me - apart from the time keeping, I'm obsessive about that and hate feeling rushed. Still leave things to the last minute but always make it with time to spare. It's an odd combination. I haven't followed anything up because I can't imagine I'd need medication so a diagnosis wouldn't help me any more than suspecting one.

Some of those traits could be anxiety/depression. I would suggest speaking to your GP.

I have inattentive adhd. Did great at school. Loads of thing that help. Books and vids on You Tube. Here's my list/what I've learned.

Cutting out sugar
Deal with it once policy
Caffeine
Decongestants (also a stimulant)
Adhd medication
Protein
Motivational music
Asd/adhd accountability facebook group
Focus Mate
Walking
HIIT, exercise bike, stepper
Lists
Post it notes
Weekly timetable
Setting short term deadlines
Reward planning
Just start
10 min timer
Pomodoro technique
Pick 3 jobs
Quick win first thing
Start early
Allow extra time
Simplify simplify simplify
Declutter
Intermittent fasting or low carb
Probiotic
B6, zinc, magnesium
Mediterranean diet
Omega 3
Recognise intrusive thoughts and feelings behind them i.e. helplessness, think of someone strong and how they deal with problems, positive self talk
Sleep
Eating more salt (my blood pressure can be low'ish)
Eat pure carb for energy
Limits on distractions
Recharge time
Block out planning time

I'm autistic and I'll share a few of my quirks here if that helps:

Plans panic me. The minute anyone makes a plan that involves me it's like a klaxon going off in my brain.

I find small talk almost physically painful. The whole time someone is talking to me I am just thinking 'How can I end this? What should I do now? Should I be making eye contact? Don't be weird!'

I can't stand noisy places, so gigs and clubs etc are really hard work for me. The worst thing about these places is the layers of different noise, so the music, the many conversations, the sound of the hand dryer going off in the loo, the squeak of shoes on the floor, the clink of glasses etc etc. My brain can't compute all those noises at the same time.

Years and years and years of 'failed' therapy whereby they tried to expose me to certain things and I just couldn't deal.

As a child my happiest play was alone, in my room, reading or creating entire towns from Lego. I never played with the Lego. I just liked building it. I would be up there for HOURS.

Absolutely enormous imagination, I know distinctly what is real and what is in my head, but tbh I prefer the in my own head version.

I have never liked stiff fabrics, embellishments, bows, ribbons etc. I live in t shirts and stretchy trousers.

When I was a child I couldn't handle sleepovers. Hated them. The houses smelled different. My pillow wasn't there. My things weren't there. Everyone in my class was going mad for them and I was trying to work out how to get out of them.

I have a quirky sense of humour, I watched Reeves and Mortimer as a child and something clicked and that's the sort of thing I find really funny.

I could write more but I think that'll do for now. OP you sound a little bit like me, but the spectrum is wiiiiide so your triggers etc will be a bit different. I hope you find the answers you need to move on and be happy. I am married, two kids, secure. I am happy.

OP you sound very similar to me and recently my mum was diagnosed with ADHD (having received treatments for depression/anxiety for years, not in this country though) - apparently it often runs in families. Despite doing well at school I am convinced I also have it. Before I hadn’t daughter I was managing, but since then not so much. I initially thought it was post partum anxiety, then peri-meno, general life stress, but after DM told me about her diagnosis I read a little more and had a bit of a lightbulb moment, recognising myself!
Those of you who are diagnosed, how does the diagnosis help if you don’t want to take medication? I suspect I will never approach a Dr with this.

MistySkies thank you for your list, I would be so grateful to hear more about which YouTubes/websites/strategies you would recommend.

You sound very much like me!

I’m bipolar type 2 but high functioning ADD as well, in particular what you have described sound ADD like. Can be difficult at times but you learn to live with the way you are! I feel it’s very common too

@duckyla I needed to know quickly so I went fully private and got a diagnosis in about two weeks (cost about £360). Not doing the meds route rn as ttc. These guys were recommended to me in ADHD FB groups and were very professional and compassionate.

psychiatry-uk.com/

Btw, not something I ever thought I’d have as I am very far from hyperactive - but actually women often do have the more dreamy inattentive form (or combination). My restlessness is in my thoughts

Anyone who thinks they might have ADHD, highly recommend looking for FB groups or other similar because the peer support stuff is amazing. Possibly the friendliest groups I am in actually! Also the youtube ‘How to ADHD’ channel.

@Battenburg1978

OP you sound very similar to me and recently my mum was diagnosed with ADHD (having received treatments for depression/anxiety for years, not in this country though) - apparently it often runs in families. Despite doing well at school I am convinced I also have it. Before I hadn’t daughter I was managing, but since then not so much. I initially thought it was post partum anxiety, then peri-meno, general life stress, but after DM told me about her diagnosis I read a little more and had a bit of a lightbulb moment, recognising myself! Those of you who are diagnosed, how does the diagnosis help if you don’t want to take medication? I suspect I will never approach a Dr with this. MistySkies thank you for your list, I would be so grateful to hear more about which YouTubes/websites/strategies you would recommend.

Dr Russell Berkeley ADHD essentials for parents How to ADHD Make a colour coded weekly timetable. I use a variation of this on my phone with Color Note, I bloody love coloured post its.

Diagnosis helps with self acceptance. When I was first DX I ignored it, even though I sought it myself! I decided to 'beat' adhd myself with diet and the new knowledge. I went clean eating so my focus improved, but I went on a massive hyperfocus for months! The the weather changed and I felt more tired and went on a sugar binge then tried meds, to be honest I'd fixed the sugar binge by the time I had the meds appointment, but I think I had Fear Of Missing Out about trying meds. They did help but the insomnia and the suppressing appetite didn't work for me, my job involves a lot of focus so that was counter productive. I live alone so don't have a partner for accountability. Also was not exercising much in lockdown so anxiety went up. Stopped all the ADHD meds and am managing myself. However have been on Citalopram 10mg which is an anti depressant that is known to be good for focus and motivation. Now cut down to 7.5mg. Gradually gone back to the tried and tested things we know work- sleep routine, avoiding overstimulatiom etc. etc.

Back to the original question, there is a LOT of shame associated with ADHD. Shame and guilt that you have not reached potential, let people down, can't do things, make the same mistakes. Realising that you are not alone in the ADHD struggles helps, and getting support - getting reasonable adjustments at work from my employer, Access to Work provide on the job coaching with ADHD strategies and addressing the things you find challenging.

I also learned I have to figure out bespoke strategies (hence list I posted, everytime something works I write it down!). Also look at what has worked in the past. Realistic goal setting is a big one.

I'd naturally gone towards finding work that fits my ADHD, its not perfect and there could be a better fit, but its work and I'm challenged and using my strengths.

I'm at the point now where I think I'm breaking the negative cycle of thoughts e.g. I'm crap, worthless, look its happened again and I know how it's going to play out, everytime, why am I like this etc.

This has very much came from 1. small behaviour changes first 2. along with therapeutic conversations (I say that as I've dipped in and out of different therapy - cbt, compassiom focused, plus conversations with trusted friends, support groups online).

Can I ask which FB groups you find good, @berkeys?

I should add the idea of 'beating' adhd is funny now, it needs accepting, so it doesn't define you, not beating.

I can list a few

Adult ADHD UK
UK Women with ADHD
Accountability for asd/add/adhders

^Facebook groups

@Toffeelatte10

I'm 30 and suspected recently I have something about me that isn't the same as other people. I thought I've had anxiety and depression and maybe i do but i also have other things and was wondering if anyone can relate? Would a doctor take me seriously if i were to tell them these things about me? The thing thats stopping me is being laughed at i guess.

So some of the things about me that i feel is different.

I procrastinate alot! To the point where i will do anything else possible to avoid doing it. Usually i do it when feeling overwhelmed. I have to do whatever it is at the last possible minute but it causes me a lot of stress.
I can also get bored very easily of things. I'll have a great idea in my mind but can't follow it through. Often i'll feel like i have so much potential but why can i just not follow it through and feel motivated to do it.

My parents have always called me lazy, I wouldn't say i was lazy as i am psychically active but I am a disorganised messy person. No matter how hard i try i can't organise anything. I want to be able to but i can't. As well as messy I am also very forgetful. I lose things a lot and forget where i put things. At college my time keeping was awful and everyday i was always late. Again i would faff around in the morning and put off as long as i could going to college.

I find eye contact hard and uncomfortable. I find it hard to make friends and I can be socially awkward. Although looking at me people assume the opposite. Which then makes it even more tough as people assume i'm stuck up.

I become obsessed with things. Eg. recently i got my DS a pet and i've been obsessed with researching about them, joined groups to find out as much as i can. When i was younger i would be obsessed with books or tv programmes and become totally engrossed in them. Like a form of escapism i guess. Last year i took up a craft hobby, started a shop and now i have no motivation to carry it on even though its done well.

I just feel i don't fit in. I want to do well in life but feel like im my own worst enemy and stopping myself from being who i want to be.

I know this might sound a bit muddled and crazy but had to put it down and see if anyone else felt like this?

You sound like me and also like you might have ADHD (though I do not). Extreme focus can be a great thing, but you have to rein it in (which I've learned to do) else you'll start 50 things and never finish them. I think most of what you experience is normal to an extent also. Procrastination in the face of stress is a normal response, as is some level of feeling a bit anxious socially, as is giving up after starting a project (it takes iron will and clear - but boring - strategies and graft to often turn an exciting initial idea into reality).