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Original poster

Husband is in denial that he has covid

57 replies

Halloaten · 23/07/2021 21:34

Husband has mentioned this week that X and Y are off work isolating, Z has been ill with covid etc. I don't really listen as our marriage is in tatters. He had a shower earlier ready to go out, mentioned that he thought his new aftershave was fake as it smelt of nothing. I was choking on it. Something clicked, I asked him to do an LFT. He did one, it was super positive instantly. He claimed he'd done it wrong. Repeated the test, very faint line ( I didn't watch him do the cotton bud but suspect he only did it slightly to try and make it negative) he's still saying the test was wrong and he has gone out.
He says restrictions have ended, its only a cold, he hasn't coughed, not feeling ill, hes been double jabbed etc etc. Complete denial.
We sleep in separate rooms, don't spend time together. Children are sleeping out and have been since Wednesday.
I don't know what to do.
I cant force him to follow the rules. I have nowhere to go to isolate away from him. I don't know what to do about the children. I don't want to bring them back into a house with a case when they have not previously been exposed but I can't expect anybody to have them for 10 days. I'm so mad.
I know I need to ultimately LTB and that is the long term plan but he is putting me in an awful position here. Don't jump on me, I can't think straight. I don't know what to do. He's almost convincing me that he's right and we ignore it. Said none of it would apply usually and I'm being dramatic.

OP posts:
AdaFuckingShelby · 23/07/2021 21:38

What an utter twat.

AdaFuckingShelby · 23/07/2021 21:39

Sorry I have no practical advice other than disinfect everywhere often. He is a prize specimen. Definitely LTB sooner rather than later.

trunumber · 23/07/2021 21:59

I don't think you can do anything about him, you'll just have to do whats right for you and the children. How old are they? Could you split their care so go and stay with someone else for 5 days or so?

I assume you have no where you could go to isolate away from him?

Then avoid him, as much as you can I would wear a mask when he's home. Open as many windows as you can. Are you double jabbed too?

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Covid-19 Relationship problems
AntiSocialDistancer · 23/07/2021 22:08

This is awful. Lock him out and if he causes a scene, the police will ask him to go back in to isolate and get a PCR.

Then, tell your partner if he continues to go in and out again you will report him. But if he buggers off for 10 days to an idio and doesnt come back you wont say a word. Your kids will be safe at home if he's not there as only you are a contact and you're symptom free. You need to isolate for 10 days.

You cant make your husband do anything as much as he needs to.

I'm not sure if that's helpful but its what I would be tempted to do.

Original poster
Halloaten · 23/07/2021 22:12

I am double jabbed, yes.
If I had somewhere to go, I'd have left him years ago Sad
I just don't feel it is for me to report to anybody and if I ask that the children remain where they are, it's obvious why.
We are supposed to be at a wedding next weekend. 😕
Fucked. Fuck fuck. Awful

OP posts:
SisterMonicaJoansHabit · 23/07/2021 22:15

I'd call the doctors and ask for their help. What he's doing is wrong. His actions while he's positive could kill someone.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/07/2021 22:16

Don’t worry about his actions- you isolate with the kids at home, stay out his way as best you can- cancel all joint plans explaining he has Covid/ he then can’t go or if he doesn’t he’ll have major explaining

Original poster
Halloaten · 23/07/2021 22:20

Is it the best thing to bring the children back when they've not been exposed to him? They last were together Tuesday tea time.

I will be emailing my manager tomorrow regarding his reluctance to do a test as they want positive certificates, negative certificates etc named and dated before returning and there will be nothing. I feel like such a twat having to do this. I could go in and keep Schtum though, I wouldn't buy just to highlight a flaw in their method

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/07/2021 22:23

Oh man, what a selfish twat he is. No advice, other than what has been suggested upthread.

SquishySquirmy · 23/07/2021 22:30

Sounds awful to deal with! What a twat.
You can't go to the wedding next weekend, and you will have to isolate (I am sure you know this already). I don't know how you can make him isolate, but do try to keep spelling it out to him "you have lost your sense of smell and keep testing positive..." etc.

If you know he will he seeing family or mutual friends, I think you should warn them in advance so they are not unwittingly exposed. It will make him look like a total twat in their eyes, too, and perhaps he needs to hear the truth from other people if he wont listen to you!
You have no obligation to cover for him or lie for him, and his actions are not your fault.

Original poster
Halloaten · 23/07/2021 22:33

How fast do positive pcr tests come back?
I'm thinking damage limitation to get him to do one tomorrow/ sunday. I know he'll never agree. I need to make this sound beneficial to HIM. He's so fucking selfish 😒

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/07/2021 22:34

If he can get a morning slot, they typically come back by 9am the day after. That's certainly how all of ours have been (taken a fair few across the family).

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 23/07/2021 22:36

@Halloaten

How fast do positive pcr tests come back? I'm thinking damage limitation to get him to do one tomorrow/ sunday. I know he'll never agree. I need to make this sound beneficial to HIM. He's so fucking selfish 😒
Two staff at my DC school got positives on LFT so we were told to isolate the DC til the PCR results came in - both negative.

It's possible he doesnt have it.

But it's really essential that he takes the test (not putting the onus on him testing on you here).

Original poster
Halloaten · 23/07/2021 22:39

I'd agree that a LF test alone isn't conclusive but the fact he's been in contact with positive cases, has no sense of smell and 2 tests both are positive, I'm inclined to think he has it. I am having really evil thoughts of him being so ill that he has no choice but to isolate.

OP posts:
bradshawine · 23/07/2021 22:40

I’m sorry that you’re having to cope with this. As someone who is currently undergoing chemotherapy it’s distressing to know that he is behaving in this way.

Original poster
Halloaten · 23/07/2021 22:43

Toothbrushes. I need to change them and keep them all apart. I've not put his washing in with ours. Dishwasher I'll put on intense. Clean like a maniac..😔

OP posts:
Original poster
Halloaten · 23/07/2021 22:45

I said that to him before he went out..what if there is an obvious poorly child/cancer patient/ elderly person. He said he's going in the beer garden.
I get that certain restrictions are ending and we have to learn to live with it but I still believe positive cases should isolate.

OP posts:
JanFebAnyMonth · 23/07/2021 22:46

Less than 70 % of PCR results are coming back within 24 hrs atm, just to warn you.

Really difficult position to be in.

Would he get sick pay?

Original poster
Halloaten · 23/07/2021 22:51

No he wouldn't get sick pay. This is part of what is driving it but also the fact he has stuck to it 100% and still lost his job/ Children never in school/ can't see his mum/go abroad/ his dds wedding has been cancelled 3 times..he'll have to.miss mk4 next weekend

OP posts:
AnotherEmma · 23/07/2021 22:51

I suppose he might possibly agree to a PCR test in order to get a covid pass (assuming it'll be positive) but only after the self-isolation period. And if he's double jabbed (?) he can get a covid pass anyway.

From www.gov.uk/guidance/nhs-covid-pass
For domestic purposes, those 18 and over can obtain an NHS COVID Pass if one of the following applies:
2 weeks after completing a full course of vaccination, whether that requires 2 doses or one dose (that is, 2 doses of the Moderna, AstraZeneca or Pfizer vaccine, or 1 dose of the Janssen vaccine) (according to the Medicines and Healthcare products Regulatory Agency authorised schedule).
with evidence of a negative polymerase chain reaction (PCR) or rapid lateral flow test taken within 48 hours of entry to a venue, with both at-home and on-site (where available) being accepted. A lateral flow test taken at home will need to be reported into the public reporting system
with proof of natural immunity shown by a positive PCR test result for COVID-19, lasting for 180 days from the date of the positive test and following completion of the self-isolation period

Bellyrumble · 23/07/2021 23:08

See this is exactly why at 31 weeks pregnant I’m concerned to even leave the house anymore. Your husband won’t be the only one doing this kind of thing and you recognise what a selfish twat he is being!

Sadly not a lot you can do but I would definitely contact whoever he is with to warn them. I’d also be tempted to post it on his social media page (if he has one) so it’s public knowledge and others who he attempts to see are aware, and tell his workplace too.

Or you could threaten the above pending him doing a PCR test. Might sway him to going and having one.

Sounds like I’m being over the top but perhaps it’ll make him think twice!

And it’s crap you’ll have to isolate too now and miss the wedding :( so sorry that is absolutely rubbish

I hope things work out and you get to LTB soon as you sound very unhappy with him and as if you are stuck :(

Northernlurker · 23/07/2021 23:16

It's his daughter's wedding next weekend? Oh dear! You have to tell her.

Original poster
Halloaten · 23/07/2021 23:26

He has social media but we're not friends on there. As I say,we're frosty at best. I have no doubt he'll be getting his end away tonight with some poor unsuspecting girl.
SDD gets married next saturday, we were all part of the wedding party....not now. She will be heartbroken all over again. That is where my dds are now. I cant ask her to keep them any longer, she's got lots to do. Now this

OP posts:
BackAwayFatty · 23/07/2021 23:35

Can you deep clean the house & lock him out? Kids can at least come home safely

SquishySquirmy · 23/07/2021 23:36

Thing is, while its rough for him missing out on stuff because of Covid, by acting the way he is he's just making it worse for everyone else ...
Those friends he sees in the pub while symptomatic? They will have to isolate.
If he goes to work, he will spread it there and set off new chains of isolations.
If his friends come down with symptoms, their families and contacts will have to isolate.
And on and on it goes...

If he goes to his daughter's wedding, he could be responsible for a super spreading event at the wedding!
What a great wedding gift eh? A honeymoon in quarantine, and all the guests self isolating.

And that's the BEST case.
Worst case is people die.

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