To wonder why people are like this

[DuckyMcDuck]

DS2 (13) currently plays cricket at county level. He is the only squad member who doesn't go to a private school and all of his kit, bat, bag etc aren't one of the top brands and some comes from Sports Direct.

He's mentioned a few times that some of the boys make barbed comments about this and have teased him in the past about the fact he hasn't ever been skiing or hasn't got the newest trainers but we've always told him to ignore, that children can be mean etc and to Ds's credit, he hasn't seemed overly bothered.

So I went to collect him from training last night as DH was working and stood waiting with the other parents. As DS came out, two women and a man who, obviously not recognising me, were saying some really nasty things about him, along the lines of 'well here comes the charity case' and very obviously laughing at him.

They went very quiet when they realised who I was and did have the grace to look sheepish but I honestly don't understand why they feel the need to be so mean about a child. It's obvious they must say stuff at home which has been picked by by their children.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really as I'm not sure that anyone is going to admit being like that towards a child and so I won't get an answer my question.

What thoroughly nasty people. Well done for remaining silent. You have had an insight into what your son is going through and you should be praising his brilliant and mature attitude.
How you handle this will guide him. He is obviously talented and has a future in the sport. With support and guidance through this he will become a strong character who ultimately may teach these ignorant people a thing or two. It won’t happen overnight but by teaching him strength of character and not changing who he is will ultimately be a testament to your son and your family. Discuss it and help him understand that these comments stem from ignorance and an entitlement that is unattractive and unmerited.

@GlencoraP

My ds is at an independent school they would get short shrift behaving like that. For the record no one has brand new kit , second hand is the way to go, brand new rather frowned on. My ds has been skiing once with school on the exact same trip as the local state schools do. We don’t have flash cars either and my ds1’s best friend was on a full bursary and lived on the local council estate, his friends could not care less . The cricket club should be clamping down on this .

This is exactly what it's like at our independent school.

It's an attitude problem, not a school problem.

Gosh this makes me so sad. How bloody dare they? I bet the people who run the team (well I sincerely hope) work hard at team building and you get wankers like that looking for difference.

Your son sounds lovely OP. He's being stoic, showing resilience. I really, honestly wouldn't say anything because he's growing up, deciding what kind of person he's going to be. He has specifically asked you not and in the end, you can't eradicate people like this.

I've seen it and held my head above the parapet and it just made them much, much nastier. Positively vindictive in fact.

@MaMelon

I agree with others who have said that a quiet word with the coach is appropriate here. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a formal complaint naming people but more feedback to say ‘look, this is the reality for my child - from other players and their parents alike. I hope this isn’t representative of the Club’s ethos. You may want to think about what message it sends out to other families considering taking up cricket or playing at this level and how it can be addressed constructively’.

I would say exactly this to the coach and also let whoever runs the club know. My DS plays football and we have a 'safeguarding lead' - she is fab and helps the coaches deal with all the poor behaviour from parents and kids as they are just volunteers and sometimes need the help.

It's not right that your son (and other young cricketers) will be subject to these vile comments for years to come.

They get it from their parents. Insecure fuckers.

I just wonder who these people are .. I cannot imagine standing in a group and listening to a comment like that without walking away or expressing disapproval somehow.

I think I must give off the vibe of "don't say it front of her" because I'm shocked.

.. but the last week, with all the virulence about Rashford & co, just makes me wonder what kind of hatred people are walking around hiding beneath a veneer of civility. No one admits to it out loud, but clearly it is all there.

It's depressing.

They're exhibiting a prejudice like any other. It's so hateful.

It's shocking that people think let alone speak like this.

I can't imagine why anyone like this would feel able to look down on anybody.

Actually I'm re-thinking my "don't say anything" stance .. if it's done carefully and you know you can trust the club not to make it obvious you've spoken to them, then perhaps what MaMelon suggests would work.

Interestingly, OP, I witnessed a top cricketer from a very working class background having to fight off the old Etonians making a bee-line for him at gatherings.

These people have no idea who your son will turn out to be .. it shouldn't matter at all of course which way his future lies .. as human beings we all have equal value.

.. but if there's any justice in the world you will have your Pretty Woman on Rodeo Drive moment.

That makes me feel really sick.....I would be incandescent with rage in your shoes. Well done for not weighing in - I do not think I could have had that much forbearance.

I have met people over the years who are in the personal bodyguard type wealthy class, ones who own country estates. Even heard of a major rock stars wife who was dying her hair in the kitchen with a dye pack from Superdrug (it was cheaper than Boots).
They wouldn’t dream of saying anything as they are the ones who have come from the bottom and worked their way up.

Their is a type of middle class dick head who think they are a cut above everyone else because they went to uni and got a nice office job and under the surface of skiing holidays and designer gear are drowning in debt and are one step away from repossession who have to put other people down to make them feel good about themselves.

That's outrageous I would have pulled them up it. Honestly I would ask them in front of a crowd maybe at a tournament or whatever they do in cricket why they would say those things.

And yes speak to the coach

I think when he moves on I will though because the English Cricket Board often bemoan the fact they don't get many state school players. A big part of that is a lack of space and facilities in many state schools and so cricket isn't played but I'm sure snobbery and similar bullying will be a factor too.

You could highlight it on social media or similar. Organisations will not want to be associated with that behaviour.

I would have called over to my DS "GREETINGS SHOCKINGLY TALENTED ONE" but I am petty like that

They have money to get them through life true, but, money only gets you so far in many things and it doesn't make you a nice person

I have to agree with PP's that not all private school parents have this mentality. DC are at private school, and all DS's cricket squad have kit from Sports Direct/Decathlon. A couple have expensive bats because they are talented players, but the pads/helmets/bags/gloves are all Sports Direct/Decathlon. Kit gets lost/outgrown so it's ridiculous to spend a fortune on that sort of kit...in fact we all send messages on the year group Whatsapp when we spot kit on sale or have kit a player has outgrown and happy to pass on. There is gratitude for these sorts of messages rather than snobbery.

It's insecurity OP, try and feel sorry for them if they truly believe they are better than you, because they are daft enough to unnecessarily spend a fortune on kit. And your DS sounds incredibly mature with his attitude, you must be very proud of him.

This is shocking and should be reported as bullying. You can see where the children get it from - a terrible example from their parents.

My analysis would be that the mothers concerned are not the most secure themselves, and are putting him and you down (and buying ridiculously expensive kit) to feel better about their own status. DH is from an upper class background (actual stately homes) and he and all his friends happily get much of their sailing, skiing, and other sports gear from decathlon, rather than expensive brands. They've got some weird upper class habits but I can not imagine them putting someone down like this.

Perhaps they are jealous that your son is so successful despite maybe lacking some of the expensive coaching and facilities their own children presumably got from an early age.

Wankers.

@drpet49

I would alert the club to these comments. That is disgusting behaviour from the parents.

I would too. Cricket has a real image /accessibility proble. Nasty behaviour and as you say it’s obvious where the lads get their opinions from. Irrelevant anecdote: 6 year old dd once said to me (out of earshot and half disingenuously half slightly saltily) ‘gosh that boy really loves cricket’ about a lad sat on mounds of branded equipment at pick up, every inch of him logoed, several bats- ‘that’ll be because his Dad’s the Pakistan cricket captain.’

You should have confronted them. They are disgusting people who are raising their children to grow up and be horrible just like them.

You should speak to the coach about the despicable behaviour of the parents and the children. They need to be ashamed of themselves.

How childish. Sadly, many adults are like this whether they are well off or not.

If they do it again when you're there, ask them if Freddie Flintoff or Jimmy Anderson were charity cases. Both went to state school and came from normal families, they got to play at the top level because of hard work and talent, not because their parents splashed the cash on expensive kit. Your DS plays at county level, he's earned his spot, I hope he's proud of that!

Money doesn’t buy class!

OP I assume you are aware of the ECB chance to shine programme - the behaviour at your county setup are totally at odds with the principles of the programme. I'd certainly have a think about talking to someone about it. Good for your DS and good luck to him.

I'd tell the club and coach personally. I think they'd want to tackle this themselves.

Your son sounds very mature and level headed - well done!

It's a shame that money can't buy these parents manners, eh?

If this was happening in the cricket club I help run, I would have no problem giving them a talking to, children or parents. It is not in the spirit of the game, and should not be tolerated. I would have a quiet word with the coach, to tell them your DC doesn't want you to say anything, but ask them to put a stop to this if they hear anything.
We are very lucky we have a good mix of private and state educated children, the difference is not really noticeable.