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Original poster

To wonder why people are like this

119 replies

DuckyMcDuck · 15/07/2021 19:24

DS2 (13) currently plays cricket at county level. He is the only squad member who doesn't go to a private school and all of his kit, bat, bag etc aren't one of the top brands and some comes from Sports Direct.

He's mentioned a few times that some of the boys make barbed comments about this and have teased him in the past about the fact he hasn't ever been skiing or hasn't got the newest trainers but we've always told him to ignore, that children can be mean etc and to Ds's credit, he hasn't seemed overly bothered.

So I went to collect him from training last night as DH was working and stood waiting with the other parents. As DS came out, two women and a man who, obviously not recognising me, were saying some really nasty things about him, along the lines of 'well here comes the charity case' and very obviously laughing at him.

They went very quiet when they realised who I was and did have the grace to look sheepish but I honestly don't understand why they feel the need to be so mean about a child. It's obvious they must say stuff at home which has been picked by by their children.

I'm not sure why I'm posting really as I'm not sure that anyone is going to admit being like that towards a child and so I won't get an answer my question.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/07/2021 20:26

Money can't buy class, can it?

crosshatching · 15/07/2021 20:28

I hope you do feel able to say something to the club. You aren't complaining about these entitled people, you're advocating for children of all different backgrounds who could really enjoy the sport. This is gatekeeping, making a place feel uncomfortable enough that no one who doesn't fit the private school mould feels unwelcome.

Original poster

DuckyMcDuck · 15/07/2021 20:30

Luckily, his club is nothing like this, it's very friendly and inclusive and they work really hard going around the local primary schools trying to drum up interest.

We were warned that this District/County squads were less 'friendly' and very cliquy. We'll think again about saying something but it's tricky as DS is adamant he doesn't want us to because it doesn't bother him and he doesn't want to give them the satisfaction of thinking they've got to him.

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Original poster

DuckyMcDuck · 15/07/2021 20:32

But you're right in that if we don't say anything, nothing is going to change and the next person they do it to might not feel the same way as DS.

OP posts:

NeepNeepNeep · 15/07/2021 20:32

You don't have to tell your son you said anything but the coach will want to be aware.

CrouchEndTiger12 · 15/07/2021 20:35

I would say they have the view that they feel threatened by your DS.

They can't comprehend that someone could be better than their privately educated brats children.

Hence their nasty comments as maybe they realise talent can't be bought.

I'd say you handled it perfectly with grace and dignity. Just blank them from now on.

Cam2020 · 15/07/2021 20:36

The ones making these comments are privileged entitled wankers and unfortunately this is rubbing off on their children.

I'd actually say the opposite and that they're nouveau riche who feel like they have something to prove.

Ill mannered idiots either way, though!

irresistibleoverwhelm · 15/07/2021 20:40

That is absolutely disgraceful. I'd report it to the head of the team, OP: it's outright bullying.

belimoo · 15/07/2021 20:43

Ugh, that must have been horrible to listen to op.

I agree with @Cam2020, this smacks of insecure people who are lacking in confidence and desperately trying to prove they belong in a wealthy world.

They're incapable of bonding with others in any meaningful way and have to rely on pathetic put downs to try to make friends and show they're worth something.

I would try to rise above it and smile knowingly to yourself if you ever hear anything more said (whilst screaming twaaats in my head)

AnneElliott · 15/07/2021 20:51

How nasty. Yes I agree with another poster that you can't buy class. I cannot understand how adults could ever take the mockery out of a child for goodness sake!

PoppyFern · 15/07/2021 20:51

I smell bullshit.

My child goes to private school, many many of us buy uniform and sports clothes either from the second hand uniform shop or sports direct etc.

Of course there are knobs who think money means something but they are very few and far between and we all know who they are and don't respect them.

Comedycook · 15/07/2021 20:52

Eugh, that is so vile.

BeenAsFarAsMercyAndGrand · 15/07/2021 20:56

I assume there is a coach, if it's county level. I would raise it with the coach. The coach needs to make clear to all the kids and parents that certain standards of behaviour are required, and that anyone who does not adhere to these is off the team. Bullying or mocking fellow team members for being less well off is not on.

How horrible for your son.

igivein · 15/07/2021 21:04

The phrase ‘all the gear, no idea’ might be a handy retort for your ds.

Rainbowsew · 16/07/2021 08:21

I understand why you wouldn't want to go against what your son wants but I still think a word to the coach on the quiet is in order.

You are raising awareness of unacceptable behaviour of parents (and possibly kids) to the team so they can address it in terms of recruitment of players. There should be something in their publications denouncing such attitudes, they may not be aware if the actual coaches and teammates are not prejudiced in this way.

They're are vile, I'd like to think I d have had a snappy retort but reality is I'd probably have been too slow as I'm astounded grown adults can be like that still. Hold your head high and look them in the eye in future but remain polite and friendly. You have the measure of them now...

Think of it as advocating for the next generation.

MaMelon · 16/07/2021 08:28

I agree with others who have said that a quiet word with the coach is appropriate here. It doesn’t necessarily need to be a formal complaint naming people but more feedback to say ‘look, this is the reality for my child - from other players and their parents alike. I hope this isn’t representative of the Club’s ethos. You may want to think about what message it sends out to other families considering taking up cricket or playing at this level and how it can be addressed constructively’.

Youdiditanyway · 16/07/2021 10:05

This is very sad but doesn’t surprise me, it’s quite a common mentality amongst private school kids. My DH went to a very expensive private school but he was one of the least wealthy kids there, his parents scraped every penny together to send him so he didn’t have the latest expensive things and he was regularly mocked. Some people were dropped off at school in a fucking helicopter and he used to ask his Dad to drop him a mile away so nobody knew they didn’t have a fancy car…

You should report this though, I can’t believe even the adults are bullying him. Can you imagine being such a lowlife you stand bullying and mocking a child? Abhorrent.

PoppyFern · 16/07/2021 10:10

@Youdiditanyway

You should report this though, I can’t believe even the adults are bullying him. Can you imagine being such a lowlife you stand bullying and mocking a child? Abhorrent.

Christ, must have been a shit school.

My child goes to a private school and we have none of that.

Most people are like us, we prioritise education over fancy holidays and new cars - our only car is over 15 years old.

We have a thriving used uniform shop which also sells sports stuff that - guess what- gets snapped up.

And no bloody helicopters.

Not saying you're husband is lying but it's just not the case for most private schools at all.

I went to a state school and was embarrassed my parents couldn't afford a branded tennis racket, I got a shit wooden one from Woolworths while classmates had slazenger etc.

It happens everywhere.

allycat4 · 16/07/2021 10:18

@PoppyFern there's a particular mentality in many private schools, though. That's the main reason I wouldn't send my kids privately where we live. The irony is that the parents seem to think bragging about house prices etc makes them somehow posh.

OP - these particular people sound like complete dickheads.

PoppyFern · 16/07/2021 10:22

[quote allycat4]@PoppyFern there's a particular mentality in many private schools, though. That's the main reason I wouldn't send my kids privately where we live. The irony is that the parents seem to think bragging about house prices etc makes them somehow posh.

OP - these particular people sound like complete dickheads. [/quote]
Ok, glad it's not prevalent at our school.

Yes of course there are stupidly wealthy people but generally they're like us.

I do steer clear of the few nouveau riche types though as your are right, they can be extremely obnoxious

SilverOak · 16/07/2021 10:23

The bullies are not wealthy people. They’ve only just managed to afford private school and they feel the need to put others down to make themselves feel better. The genuinely rich couldn’t care less what anyone else has got and don’t feel the need to put anyone down. In fact the richest person I ever met used to wear shoes with holes in because he liked them and he was too busy to go out shopping for new shoes.

SilverOak · 16/07/2021 10:24

I do steer clear of the few nouveau riche types
Noveau riche, that’s exactly what I mean. No class or respect for others.

GlencoraP · 16/07/2021 10:26

My ds is at an independent school they would get short shrift behaving like that. For the record no one has brand new kit , second hand is the way to go, brand new rather frowned on. My ds has been skiing once with school on the exact same trip as the local state schools do. We don’t have flash cars either and my ds1’s best friend was on a full bursary and lived on the local council estate, his friends could not care less . The cricket club should be clamping down on this .

Phyllis321 · 16/07/2021 10:26

I’m so cross on your behalf. Such behaviour is baffling to me, absolutely disgusting. Agree that a quiet word with a coach is a good idea.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 16/07/2021 10:30

Some people are so very poor - all they have is money.

Or not even that, but a foolishly stretched line of credit.

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