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Original poster

What have you done out of politeness that you really didn't want to?

121 replies

BroccoliRob · 12/07/2021 23:28

I phoned to make an appointment with the dentist today and they offered me a couple of appointments that weren't suitable. The third one she offered me I accepted. I realised as I was writing it down and while she was still on the phone that I can't make it as it will be too tight to collect kids. I could have spoken up and said at the time, but having already turned down two appointments I felt like she was going to think I was a pain in the arse.
I'm now going to have to phone back up and cancel.
Things like this have happened to me loads over the years (I really should grow a pair)
Anyone else have any tales of extreme politeness/Britishness? Grin

OP posts:
ALongHardWinter · 12/07/2021 23:35

I feel for you OP! I've had a similar experience quite a few times when I've had to make appointments. By the time they get to their third offer which isn't convenient for me,I'm beginning to feel like a right pain in the arse!

Hellocatshome · 13/07/2021 00:00

I once got up two hours earlier than I had to for work so I could drive an acquaintance to work. She asked if I could give her a lift as she was really stuck I said yes as I thought I knew where she worked, turns out I didnt. So even though I knew well in advance how far out of my way it would be I was too polite to say actually I cant do it thats too far and did it anyway.

IdblowJonSnow · 13/07/2021 00:02

No! Nothing. Not saying I've never done anything like this in the past but it's been years.
The receptionist doesn't know you, does it matter if they think you're a pita?!

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FaceyRomford · 13/07/2021 00:14

Gone to more weddings than I can count.

FizzyPink · 13/07/2021 00:18

Oh god probably so many things! Now I think about it, I really should get better at saying no.

EmergencyHydrangea · 13/07/2021 00:20

Bugger all.

HereLiveIAmNotACat · 13/07/2021 00:21

Sex Blush

supermodel · 13/07/2021 00:28

That’s the sort of thing I would do @BroccoliRob!

memberofthewedding · 13/07/2021 00:53

In the distant past Ive gone to social functions out of politeness (weddings, funerals, parties etc) but I no longer do so. One of the great things about getting old is that you no longer feel the inclination to please or fit in with other people and dont have to give a toss about what they think.

I dont go out of my way to be rude to people. I just go out of my way to avoid meeting them unless they are close friends or family.

MaliceOrgan · 13/07/2021 01:19

hen nights

Parttimemostofthetime · 13/07/2021 06:10

Gone to way more social events then i would have wanted to. I'm going to start trying to say no, not having to attend things over covid has be great. I told DH I dont want to attend Dniece's christening at the end of this month and he says I have to go. Its close family so not sure how much I should push this one

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 13/07/2021 06:19

Awful social events like hen nights at male strip clubs and horrible expensive noisy bars with nowhere to sit
Ugh thank god that will never happen again now I'm over 40! Can't imagine knowing anyone who would choose something like that at our age!!

imaginethemdragons · 13/07/2021 06:22

Things like appointments yes, driving people places yes, but nowadays, social events absolutely not.
It’s a straight no always.
I’m old. My time is limited.

EssentialHummus · 13/07/2021 06:37

So, so many meetings. I work in the community/voluntary sector and there are just tonnes of network/new initiative/collaboration type meetings that achieve nothing, and their likelihood of achieving nothing is visible from space at the outset. They always start with 20 minutes of "Oh, shall we just wait for John?", tech issues ("Debbie you're on mute") and always last an hour or more for no good reason. I've resigned myself to just having them on in the background while I get on with stuff to show face / because I don't want my projects to get forgotten about / because I buy into the underlying cause and want to show support, but my god they are a waste of time and the content if any could be shared and agreed via email/Whatsapp in 20 minutes tops.

speakout · 13/07/2021 06:45

I have gne to a few weddings- I dislike them, but have attended because it was expected of me.

I always make sure appointments are suitable for me though- and usually take the lead when booking over the phone- so I will say something like - " I'd like an appointment between 9am and 12 any morning except Friday", receptionists can then quickly scan their appointment system to find a fit. They seem more than happy to do that and saves us all time, raher than having staff rattle off lots of appointments and having to decline and then look again.
I think it is easier and more polite to staff to take the lead yourself in a situation like that- you are saving a staff member time and effort- and means fewer follow up calls, changes and cancellations.

Accepting an appointment that isn't going to fit isn't really polite at all.

HumunaHey · 13/07/2021 06:45

@BroccoliRob

I phoned to make an appointment with the dentist today and they offered me a couple of appointments that weren't suitable. The third one she offered me I accepted. I realised as I was writing it down and while she was still on the phone that I can't make it as it will be too tight to collect kids. I could have spoken up and said at the time, but having already turned down two appointments I felt like she was going to think I was a pain in the arse. I'm now going to have to phone back up and cancel. Things like this have happened to me loads over the years (I really should grow a pair) Anyone else have any tales of extreme politeness/Britishness? Grin
It's better to offer a time frame upfront (e.g. anytime between 4-6pm) instead having people take a stab in the dark.

I joined my road's WhatsApp group through politeness at the peak of covid. If I were more like DH, I would have ignored the good natured but very cheesy and OTT written invitation posted through our door.

speakout · 13/07/2021 06:48

I am with those of sovial events too- a straight no, certainly to a hen night or a noisy bar.
Some things are more difficult to get out of though- my OHs sister was married recently I felt under obligation to attend. But we went for the ceremony and the wedding breakfast- left before the evening reception.

FrontRowSeat · 13/07/2021 06:48

God SO many including smoking. I’m mortified about that one. Too many social events to count. Putting in money I didn’t have to colleague’s collections when I hadn’t even met the person the collection was for. Accepting junk other were giving away only to throw it out myself immediately. Buying an item of clothing from a friend - didn’t want the item and it didn’t even come close to fitting. That went in the charity bag immediately. Giving someone a lift home even though I was only 5 minutes from my house and they lived about 30 minutes away (mind you she was always a CF). Buying a lipstick from a makeup counter that I knew I hated, knowing I’d be returning it an hour later. Some of these happened very recently Blush

Too many more to list here. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. You’d laugh if you knew what my job is as it involves a high level of robustness.

Sawyersfishbiscuits · 13/07/2021 06:58

Invited work colleagues to my wedding - some were rude at the wedding, some didn't turn up!

Loaned something to a CF friend which I really needed and never got back.

Looked after child - even though suddenly his Mum was home and could've looked after LO... then LO developed tummy bug and made my kids ill!!!!

Didn't respond to rude person and stand up for myself x 1000000

Helped friends out with child care, lifts etc and never ask for the same in return...

LouLou789 · 13/07/2021 06:59

@EssentialHummus

So, so many meetings. I work in the community/voluntary sector and there are just tonnes of network/new initiative/collaboration type meetings that achieve nothing, and their likelihood of achieving nothing is visible from space at the outset. They always start with 20 minutes of "Oh, shall we just wait for John?", tech issues ("Debbie you're on mute") and always last an hour or more for no good reason. I've resigned myself to just having them on in the background while I get on with stuff to show face / because I don't want my projects to get forgotten about / because I buy into the underlying cause and want to show support, but my god they are a waste of time and the content if any could be shared and agreed via email/Whatsapp in 20 minutes tops.
This. Have been involved with the voluntary sector for many years and often wondered whether anyone whatsoever gets anything out of these meetings.

The worst example for me was being expected to drive over an hour each way on a freezing winter’s night for a 20 min briefing on a legally required annual topic. Luckily, the box has been ticked this year by a 10 min guest slot in a Zoom meeting. One of the few benefits of lockdown!

I’ve definitely found it easier to say “no” since I’ve got older. Especially to people who just liked using me for free chauffeuring/counselling/brain-picking without any genuine two-way friendship or support.

TheSunShinesBrighter · 13/07/2021 07:03

I always tell the receptionist when I want an appointment (eg. Thursday between 10 and 1 or after 4pm any day - that kind of thing.)
Otherwise we’d be there forever with me rejecting every offer of a time!

Divebar2021 · 13/07/2021 07:05

Having my make up done at Mac and buying the products even though I hated the look… maroon eye shadow anyone. Buying overpriced household products I don’t need from young lads selling at the door ( in the hopes that they then won’t burgle my house)

TheSunShinesBrighter · 13/07/2021 07:13

@Divebar2021

Having my make up done at Mac and buying the products even though I hated the look… maroon eye shadow anyone. Buying overpriced household products I don’t need from young lads selling at the door ( in the hopes that they then won’t burgle my house)
Ugh. Makeup counters. Thankfully nobody has suggested I sit down at one of their awful counters for a long time (the beauty of getting old). I was always collared when I was younger. I always felt guilty saying no and after sitting there having my face painted felt obliged to buy the products. I hate the way they pounce on people. The only time it still happens nowadays for me is at perfume counters.
Original poster
BroccoliRob · 13/07/2021 08:00

@FrontRowSeat

God SO many including smoking. I’m mortified about that one. Too many social events to count. Putting in money I didn’t have to colleague’s collections when I hadn’t even met the person the collection was for. Accepting junk other were giving away only to throw it out myself immediately. Buying an item of clothing from a friend - didn’t want the item and it didn’t even come close to fitting. That went in the charity bag immediately. Giving someone a lift home even though I was only 5 minutes from my house and they lived about 30 minutes away (mind you she was always a CF). Buying a lipstick from a makeup counter that I knew I hated, knowing I’d be returning it an hour later. Some of these happened very recently Blush

Too many more to list here. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. You’d laugh if you knew what my job is as it involves a high level of robustness.

Pretty sure I've done all of these too. The dental appointment was just yesterday's example. Others include agreeing to split the bill when you know you've had way less than the others and agreeing when someone says, "do you mind if x joins us?" when you actually do mind!
OP posts:
SweatyBetty20 · 13/07/2021 09:51

I'm really bad at eating food I can't stand that I've been served up, just so as not to hurt someone's feelings. Started with beans on toast (boke) when I went to a friend's for tea when I was in primary school. I used to be a chef so I appreciate being cooked for, but I find it so hard to say "I don't like tuna/sweetcorn/chinese food/fried eggs/thai....".

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