What have you done out of politeness that you really didn't want to?

[BroccoliRob]

I phoned to make an appointment with the dentist today and they offered me a couple of appointments that weren't suitable. The third one she offered me I accepted. I realised as I was writing it down and while she was still on the phone that I can't make it as it will be too tight to collect kids. I could have spoken up and said at the time, but having already turned down two appointments I felt like she was going to think I was a pain in the arse.
I'm now going to have to phone back up and cancel.
Things like this have happened to me loads over the years (I really should grow a pair)
Anyone else have any tales of extreme politeness/Britishness?

I would be wondering a bit about what he wanted those photos for @SmileyClare

I learned my lesson pretty quickly not to agree to anything asked of me by the PTA at school even out of politeness. Turned up at one meeting just to see if I could help as and when and got elected Treasurer. (Worked in a bank at the time). Had to resign from a post I didn't even apply for because I didn't know what to say at the time.

I've been in a few committees and it's really annoying how they always try to get you to do more than you signed up for. I was the secretary for the scout committee but every meeting seemed to involve coercing me - or trying to - into spending my weekends helping out at fairs. I thought perhaps some of the DPs who didn't already have a role in the committee which took about 6-8 hrs per month, might like to do that instead.

I'm not thinking too much about that SparklingBrook it all felt rather sordid but one of those things I felt I couldn't get out of once I'd said yes!

And agree, I've spent many afternoons helping out in the rain with a hangover at the bloody school fair after being rail roaded into it by the PTA

@rookiemere

I've been in a few committees and it's really annoying how they always try to get you to do more than you signed up for. I was the secretary for the scout committee but every meeting seemed to involve coercing me - or trying to - into spending my weekends helping out at fairs. I thought perhaps some of the DPs who didn't already have a role in the committee which took about 6-8 hrs per month, might like to do that instead.

I was very naive. I was willing to help but didn't want a role as such. I thought that would be enough, I had an 18 month old and a PT job as well as Reception DS. I came out of the meeting having been elected wondering how it happened really. They were a forceful bunch and didn't seem to notice my reticence or read the 'I don't want to ' signals.

@SmileyClare

I'm not thinking too much about that SparklingBrook it all felt rather sordid but one of those things I felt I couldn't get out of once I'd said yes!

And agree, I've spent many afternoons helping out in the rain with a hangover at the bloody school fair after being rail roaded into it by the PTA

Yes, just pretend it never happened is probably best. I'd have probably done the same knowing me.

Absolutely loads the worst one is hosting Xmas every bloody year, despite the fact that my brother and sil could easily do it at theirs. Im realising that I'm a people pleaser and need to assert my boundaries otherwise people just take advantage!

I sat at the hairdressers looking on in horror as they cut odd choppy layers into my hair, agreed to a fringe I didn't want, thanked them profusely, tipped them and then gone home and cried.
I've definitely got issues with asserting myself.

Haircuts, yes!
My mum's best friend was a hairdresser but she only seemed capable of doing one type of cut (short perm favoured by 1980s women over 35).

When I was about 12 or 13 my mum persuaded me to "do something " with my very long very straight hair (which I quite liked btw).

I liked the idea of some soft long layers and a layered fringe to try and give it a bit of body and movement. I explained all this, hairdresser nodded along and then cut it all off short in a "Lady Diana " style which i hated!!!

Worse still she contacted my mum a few months later to say it would need trimming. I protested as I desperately wanted to grow it out but mum said I would hurt her friend's feelings if I said no. So I was shorn again. I had quite a "grown up" face despite my age and it made me look like, well, a middle aged housewife! Even the hairdresser's son (same age as me) whispered in horror afterwards "its awful isn't it?".

That was not the end ... Next time mum persuaded me that it would look better if I had it permed as well. I was not convinced and sure enough I looked like I was wearing one of those scouse wigs! I utterly refused to have my hair cut again snd as soon as it was long enough I scraped it back into a tiny ponytail to hide the horror.

Not long after this she gave my sister a pixie cut that made her look like a 10 year old boy! That was the last time she cut her hair too!

Nice lady but fucking awful hairdresser!

I'm now 47 and have very long very straight hair. Anything else seems traumatic!

Sorry Honeylulu but did your mum get coerced into a haircut too? I'm imagining your whole family sporting dreadful hairdos just so you didn't hurt this woman's feelings!

@LactoseTheIntolerant

Absolutely loads the worst one is hosting Xmas every bloody year, despite the fact that my brother and sil could easily do it at theirs. Im realising that I'm a people pleaser and need to assert my boundaries otherwise people just take advantage!

Just let them know in advance that you are not hosting this year. Simply say ‘I am not hosting Christmas this year’ . Don’t give any reasons.

I find it very easy to say no to something that I don’t want to do and that will massively inconvenience me.

I spent the first 40 years of my life doing things out of politeness and it got me nowhere.

I totally changed last year.

I’m no longer afraid of just saying no.

People don’t like that and not many speak to me now (i’m talking dh family who mainly just pretend I don’t exist).

But life is short and I’m going to spend the rest of mine making my life as easy and aa pleasureable as possible.

In 100 years we will all be dead abs forgotten and no one on earth will talk about the time that I pissed off my Sister in law by not doing something for her that would put me out just to be polite.

SorryHoneylulubutdid your mum get coerced into a haircut too? I'm imagining your whole family sporting dreadful hairdos just so you didn't hurt this woman's feelings

Yes my mums hair looked like a scouse wig too. Though she thought it was the only acceptable hairstyle for an older married woman as it was practical and sensible!

It's like when they do your lashes and brows then show you the mirror. You feel compelled to say 'that's great' whatever they look like. There was one time I thought my brows could be a bit darker but the lady was so nice i didn't say in case she was upset.

Go to see the in-laws. It's the only thing I do that I really don't want to.

@SmileyClare

My quite elderly neighbour stopped me outside wanting to show me an original 60's coat of his late wife that he'd discovered in the loft. He asked would I model it so he could take some photos?

I'm far too polite to say No so offered to put the coat on. He whipped out his diary and negotiated a Saturday afternoon when I was free whilst mentioning he had more 60's gear for me to model and could I turn up in 60s make up? What?! of course I smiled and nodded along.

It was the most cringe worthy 2 hours of my life, putting on different mini skirts, a wig, knee high boots and posing awkwardly for photos. I hate having my photo taken anyway. I'm shuddering just remembering it.

😱😱😱🤣🤣🤣

@Arsebucket

I spent the first 40 years of my life doing things out of politeness and it got me nowhere.

I totally changed last year.

I’m no longer afraid of just saying no.

People don’t like that and not many speak to me now (i’m talking dh family who mainly just pretend I don’t exist).

But life is short and I’m going to spend the rest of mine making my life as easy and aa pleasureable as possible.

In 100 years we will all be dead abs forgotten and no one on earth will talk about the time that I pissed off my Sister in law by not doing something for her that would put me out just to be polite.

This is true and I am definitely more assertive than I used to be. I do still have a smidgen of people pleasing about me though...

Sadly this thread shows how much females are encouraged to be peacekeepers and not say what they want.

I'm not the most assertive person but I've started to put myself first, as no one else will and I'm sick of regretting "why didn't I say/do that"

🤣 How long for? How did you end it?

I know, crazy right. A couple of months, and how I ended it was not my finest moment... I got with someone else. sheepish Not proud of anything about that little debacle really, but it was right at the start of my dating life and it taught me a few lessons.

I turned 40 this year and am trying very hard to be more assertive and assured when people try to walk all over me. It's really hard!

I've ended up in dodgy places with creepy strangers because a "friend" wanted to go home with someone she met in a club and didn't want to go back herself. So I'd spend an hour fending off being felt up while they had some fun.

I went to London 3 years ago with my sister and our kids, if she didn't want to go to see a particular sight, we didn't go. Why I didn't just say what I wanted to do, I don't know.

I've lent money I've not got back, I've let hairdressers butcher my hair, I've let people talk to me just to be a people pleaser.

I think I feel like I'd be judged if I didn't do what people wanted. But other people can be assertive, why can't we?

I enjoy photography as a hobby, when dc started primary I took my camera along to things like nativity, sports day etc

After a couple of months I was asked by a parent to take photos of their dog, I really didn't want to give up my free time doing it at it meant finding someone to have my kids but they said they'd pay me for my time so I agreed.
I spent 2 hours with this wild, out of control dog trying to get a decent photo, the owners were useless at handling it and did nothing to help.
I then spent another couple of hours at home going through them, editing them and ordering the prints.
They then complained that the postage and packing was too high (£5 which is what the company charge and I only asked them to pay per photo what the company charged which was less than £1 each print)

When they arrived they were really pleased with them and handed me a cheap bottle of wine as payment.

Going to a wedding. Booked a hairdo at a new hairdressers. This was big for me as I don't generally have money for this kind of thing. They asked if a trainee could do it. Sure I said. They need to learn etc. I asked for soft ringlet curls in my long straight hair. It ended up looking like a poodle perm with tons of hairspray and majorly frizzy. It was awful. I said it was lovely and left. I went straight home and washed it out!

@SnipSnipMrBurgess

I turned 40 this year and am trying very hard to be more assertive and assured when people try to walk all over me. It's really hard!

I've ended up in dodgy places with creepy strangers because a "friend" wanted to go home with someone she met in a club and didn't want to go back herself. So I'd spend an hour fending off being felt up while they had some fun.

I went to London 3 years ago with my sister and our kids, if she didn't want to go to see a particular sight, we didn't go. Why I didn't just say what I wanted to do, I don't know.

I've lent money I've not got back, I've let hairdressers butcher my hair, I've let people talk to me just to be a people pleaser.

I think I feel like I'd be judged if I didn't do what people wanted. But other people can be assertive, why can't we?

That’s the point though - you need to let go of the fear of being judged.

The only people on earth who’s opinion of me I care about are my children. I want to do my best for them.

But everyone else? They can think what they like about me. They don’t have to like me or what I do and that’s fine.

@Murraytheskull

I got married! I knew it was a mistake by the time the day came but was too embarrassed to back out.

I've spent the last 13 years paying for that mistake.

Yep. Thankfully managed to escape before 13 years.

It's a long road to recovery @Arsebucket but I totally agree with you there!

"I've ended up in dodgy places with creepy strangers because a "friend" wanted to go home with someone she met in a club and didn't want to go back herself. So I'd spend an hour fending off being felt up while they had some fun."

Yep been there many times too sadly