Bedroom too hot at night, husband doesn't care

[noairandstuffyatnight]

Been together 20 years and this is an ongoing problem. Dh insists that the bedroom door is closed overnight and that the place is in pitch black, so blackout blinds and curtains are up. The windows are open a crack, but can't open much more as the cat would climb out. If I shut the cat out overnight, she'll cry and scratch at the closed door. The room gets hot and stuffy quickly and I hate it. I'm menopausal and can't sleep and my sinuses get blocked as well. It's awful and I hate going to bed. I can't wake up in the mornings because there's no natural daylight coming in. He won't let me use a daylight alarm as he says it's too bright.

Dh says he can't have the door open because of noise from the other bedrooms, but the dcs are older teen/adult now and there is no real noise. Dh says he can hear buzzing and whatnot. I think he's over reacting. I can't put my mini fan on overnight because of the noise. What am I supposed to do? We have no spare bedrooms.

All I want is the bedroom door open a couple of feet and the en suite door open likewise so some throughput of air can take place.

I recommend these for your window to keep the cat out:

amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01N0X3XMJ/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Do you have a car?
Could you rig up a small bed with the seats down and sleep there if so? Could make it cozy and leave all the window open a crack for air flow and make some sort of blind/cover to go over the windows for privacy.

Sleeping in a car? Rather than the DH just wearing some ear plugs? Madness!

Ifitquacks my point was DH finds it too stuffy with a thick duvet and no window open. But he just puts up with it.

I can sympathise with the OP but also her DH.

Messed the link up sorry, just search for Window Restrictor.

He's not going to wear ear plugs though is he?

@WildfirePonie

He's not going to wear ear plugs though is he?

🤷🏻‍♀️ If my husband wouldn’t do something as simple as wear earplugs, I’d move out before I slept in the fucking car.

No suggestions op, but I totally understand.

We’ve recently moved from a teeny village, no overnight or early morning traffic, and little light pollution. We’re now in a house on the edge of a town, on one of the main roads in, and street lamps.

I’m post menopausal and overweight, DH has got used to the silence and dark. I literally cannot sleep at all if the windows are closed, DH wakes up with traffic and can’t go back to bed.

We’re lucky enough to have a spare room but have both been resisting making it the arrangement, but it seems it isn’t such a big deal? Feels a bit old and final, or is it mature and sensible?

At the mo he is trying to get used to earplugs

I couldn't sleep or keep my sinuses healthy without the window open either, so I'd concentrate all your efforts on making it cat proof. We have a sofa bed that one of us can escape to and keep an Argos topper rolled up behind it to make it extra comfortable.

He's being a total tear. Get him told. Fab on, door open & window open. He can sleep elsewhere if he doesn't like it.

I have to have silence and pitch dark to be able to sleep.

I have blackout blinds and blackout curtains over them. I wear an eye mask, since light still gets in around the corners of the curtains, and sleep facing away from the window.

I have doors and windows shut, and wear ear plugs every night.

I'm single, but whenever I'm in a relationship, darkness and quietness for sleep are my non-negotiables. I'm happy to sleep in separate rooms.

I used to live in Spain, and my apartment had metal shutters called "persianas" which were AMAZING - they block out every bit of light, even at midday. I'd love to get them installed in my house.

It sounds like you and your husband are incompatible for sleep. If I were your husband, I couldn't do the compromises you want, and you also can't do what he wants. Can you reconfigure your house to have separate bedrooms - Eg convert the attic/dining room etc?

OP, I cannot believe how inconsiderate your husband is being.

I think I would ask him why he gets to dictate what your bedroom is like? Why do his needs trump yours?
See what he says. If he has a man-child tantrum you know that you have to find the solution. I think as you are suffering menopausal symptoms your needs do trump his. Obviously this won’t suit him so maybe he needs to get the tent up again or invest in a sofa bed and sleep downstairs?

Failing that, tell him to fuck off to the far side of fuck! His selfishness would mean I couldn’t bear to be in the same room as him let alone sleep in the same bed as him.

I don't understand why he gets to dictate all the conditions in the bedroom. One way he can't sleep, the other way you can't sleep. Why does his need to sleep outweigh yours? Sounds like the correct solution is to alternate the sleeping conditions so that you can each get decent sleep at least some nights. Losing sleep over long periods like this, especially during menopause, is not good for your brain health.

There has to be some compromise - at the moment he's getting everything he wants (quiet and dark) and you're not getting anything you want (airflow and cool).

I'd let him keep the blackout blinds but you get one of those sunlight alarms and a decent fan or personal air con unit. If the noise bothers him - earplugs, if he wants to wake up later than you - eyemask.

Get a silent fan ?

This is a source of friction for us too. In my case I like all the windows closed as I get cold. OH wants all the windows open and this horrific fan on that makes me feel like I'm sleeping in an MRI machine.

Luckily we have a spare room so I can abscond there when I want my nice, dark cosy nest and leave him to all his flapping and whirring in the other room.

@noairandstuffyatnight some councils will fit a shield to one side of the light on a lamp post if the light is shining directly into your window .Though with all the cut backs this might be one of the things that it will be hard to get them to do .

Worth a try .My local authority kindly relocated the entire lamppost that was outside my mothers window . It was on a very narrow pavement and inches from the window ,so quite extreme .

Could you get a portable air conditioning unit and run it for a couple of hours before bed? Then the room will be cold when you go up.

We have a massive ceiling fan and it’s so quiet but really keeps the room cool.

I wouldn’t be without one now.

@Ifitquacks

Yeah - i'd boot him out actually.
Doesn't sound like OP will do either, that's why I suggested her car if she has one. Plenty of people live in their cars or vans so it's nothing new.

Sleeping in the car beats sleeping in a tent in the garden imo.

I hope you get the issue resolved OP.

@noairandstuffyatnight

Been together 20 years and this is an ongoing problem. Dh insists that the bedroom door is closed overnight and that the place is in pitch black, so blackout blinds and curtains are up. The windows are open a crack, but can't open much more as the cat would climb out. If I shut the cat out overnight, she'll cry and scratch at the closed door. The room gets hot and stuffy quickly and I hate it. I'm menopausal and can't sleep and my sinuses get blocked as well. It's awful and I hate going to bed. I can't wake up in the mornings because there's no natural daylight coming in. He won't let me use a daylight alarm as he says it's too bright.

Dh says he can't have the door open because of noise from the other bedrooms, but the dcs are older teen/adult now and there is no real noise. Dh says he can hear buzzing and whatnot. I think he's over reacting. I can't put my mini fan on overnight because of the noise. What am I supposed to do? We have no spare bedrooms.

All I want is the bedroom door open a couple of feet and the en suite door open likewise so some throughput of air can take place.

@noairandstuffyatnight

Your oh sounds like me! And I've always struggled to sleep with someone else, because on top of the issues he's alluded to, I find the noise and heat of the other person as much of an issue.

I struggle to sleep with noises such as fans, electric clocks, ticking clocks, fridges etc. The central heating always wakes me up no matter what time it kicks in. Any light, even from a non-buzzing clock will wake me or prevent me from sleeping so has to be covered.

I appreciate that some would find this an extreme, but I'm already sleep deprived enough with a child with ASD who barely sleeps that these are non negotiable!

Equally the cat would be gone lol. I would have the window open, accepting that I'd probably have a disturbed night. So tend to leave all of the other windows open in the upstairs for air flow.

I don't think that he's unreasonable for saying the above. In the same way yanbu for saying they're not an issue to you but hear is. If one of you is arsey over it then they're unreasonable. Ultimately, your sleep needs are incompatible and you need to find some way of working around this is compromising. And maybe the cat issue is key to this.