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Original poster

Bedroom too hot at night, husband doesn't care

122 replies

noairandstuffyatnight · 11/07/2021 18:03

Been together 20 years and this is an ongoing problem. Dh insists that the bedroom door is closed overnight and that the place is in pitch black, so blackout blinds and curtains are up. The windows are open a crack, but can't open much more as the cat would climb out. If I shut the cat out overnight, she'll cry and scratch at the closed door. The room gets hot and stuffy quickly and I hate it. I'm menopausal and can't sleep and my sinuses get blocked as well. It's awful and I hate going to bed. I can't wake up in the mornings because there's no natural daylight coming in. He won't let me use a daylight alarm as he says it's too bright.

Dh says he can't have the door open because of noise from the other bedrooms, but the dcs are older teen/adult now and there is no real noise. Dh says he can hear buzzing and whatnot. I think he's over reacting. I can't put my mini fan on overnight because of the noise. What am I supposed to do? We have no spare bedrooms.

All I want is the bedroom door open a couple of feet and the en suite door open likewise so some throughput of air can take place.

OP posts:
Deadringer · 11/07/2021 20:24

I love a dark room and the door closed, can't have the window open due to noise, but unlike your dh i wouldn't object to a fan, even a noisy one, on a hot night. He is being pretty selfish imo.

RandomMess · 11/07/2021 20:30

Would you be cooler and sleep better out in the garden in a tent?

I need the pitch black and absolute quiet as I'm an incredibly light sleeper. Sleeping in a tent and even in a hotel fills me with dread as it impacts so much on my sleep.

So hot these days I only have a duvet cover most of the year cranking up to a 3 tog wool duvet in winter. Also have the coolest room in the house.

DH sleeps in a different room now as his snoring was making me suicidally sleep deprived!

Original poster
noairandstuffyatnight · 11/07/2021 20:32

I sometimes go out in the tent, but I don't think I could do it every night.

OP posts:

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Menopause Women's health
whychangethehabitofalifetime · 11/07/2021 20:33

I used to be a cold person and have always needed quiet and dark to sleep (I was a 13.5 tog duvet and socks person) but once I got pregnant with my first I was like a raging inferno at night. This didn't change after birth, or in my second pregnancy and I'm now 3 years past that and I'm still always hot at night!

We now have a 4.5 tog duvet all year round, and I have the windows open at night. DH sometimes finds it a bit chilly, so if he does he puts a t-shirt on and had a blanket his side!

Because we compromise! I wouldn't share a room with him if not, he'd have to go to the spare room (like he did when our babies were tiny and woke in the night a lot and I was BF them because he needed to be rested before a long drive to work while I stayed home). He slept in the spare room for ages when they were tiny! You just do what you need to do to ensure that everyone gets as much sleep as possible and if that means separate sleeping spaces if there can't be a compromise then so be it! I'd send him to to sofa OP!

RandomMess · 11/07/2021 20:40

I'd me getting a deluxe mattress out there, absolute comfort etc!

dopeyduck · 11/07/2021 20:42

Just sleep in the spare room? Don't understand this idea that you have to physically sleep in the same bed to have a relationship. Sleep isn't sex. Just go to your own room to sleep. Even better DH can cat sit.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 11/07/2021 20:46

I am just like your husband and I know IAU but I'm single so that's OK! In relationships I've had to compromise with earplugs and sleep masks
I know I could never share my space again
I feel so sorry for you OP it must be horrible having no control over your own sleep and good night's rest.
Is your husband selfish in other ways too?

Floralnomad · 11/07/2021 20:50

@dopeyduck they don’t have a spare room

kowari · 11/07/2021 20:50

@dopeyduck

Just sleep in the spare room? Don't understand this idea that you have to physically sleep in the same bed to have a relationship. Sleep isn't sex. Just go to your own room to sleep. Even better DH can cat sit.
The OP says in her first post that there are no spare rooms.
sansucre · 11/07/2021 20:52

Order yourself some melatonin online, it's a hormone that depletes in menopause. This will help you sleep. Invest in a cat guard so you can leave the window open.

You state ' I'm overweight so prone to getting too hot anyway, it's not just hot flushes.'

If you are menopausal, your vasomotor function is affected. Being too hot is a sign of this and isn't something just to attribute to being overweight.

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/07/2021 20:54

Do you have a spare bedroom? Failing that, he needs earplugs.

BlackeyedSusan · 11/07/2021 20:54

You need to lose some weight op. About 12 stone of selfish twat would help.

justasking111 · 11/07/2021 20:55

@FreezerBird

Get him ear plugs and open the door.
This
CrinkleCrankle · 11/07/2021 21:01

He's got tinnitus and pric-itus.... Sofa he goes!

amusedbush · 11/07/2021 21:04

DH and I have separate bedrooms because were totally incompatible when it comes to sleep. I need the window open, door closed, white noise playing and total darkness.

As you say you don’t have a spare bedroom, your DH needs a good eye mask and ear plugs. He can’t just stamp his feet and say ‘nope!’ when you’re suffering night in, night out.

MagentaRocks · 11/07/2021 21:04

I know this is a dh problem, but I suffer with heat in the night and I freeze a hot water bottle and take that to bed. I do also have a fan, but a frozen hot water bottle might help while you are battling with dh. I do think he needs to ear eye mask, ear plugs though.

NowEvenBetter · 11/07/2021 21:20

Does he control you in other ways? He should have sorted basic things like Manta eyemask, earplugs, etc. for himself long ago. Nasty prick thinks he’s a king.

Ifitquacks · 11/07/2021 21:23

I need silence and pitch dark to sleep, so I wear earplugs and an eye mask. As should he. Selfish twat.

Ifitquacks · 11/07/2021 21:24

@dopeyduck

Just sleep in the spare room? Don't understand this idea that you have to physically sleep in the same bed to have a relationship. Sleep isn't sex. Just go to your own room to sleep. Even better DH can cat sit.
Why would you assume they have a spare room? Especially when the OP has said they don’t have a spare room 🙄
BarbaraofSeville · 11/07/2021 21:30

We have these. Very secure against even determined moggies.

Dillydollydingdong · 11/07/2021 21:34

What about ear plugs for him? Or a ceiling fan?

fussygalore118 · 11/07/2021 21:37

Get him ear plugs and an eye mask! And open the doors..

HarrisMcCoo · 11/07/2021 21:44

Fan

HarrisMcCoo · 11/07/2021 21:45

I have different reasons for not opening my windows - hay fever. It's worse during the night. Windows open at night would make me so unwell.

Ifitquacks · 11/07/2021 21:45

@HarrisMcCoo

I have different reasons for not opening my windows - hay fever. It's worse during the night. Windows open at night would make me so unwell.
Irrelevant here though, as the OP hasn’t said her DH has hay fever.
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