Bedroom too hot at night, husband doesn't care

[noairandstuffyatnight]

Been together 20 years and this is an ongoing problem. Dh insists that the bedroom door is closed overnight and that the place is in pitch black, so blackout blinds and curtains are up. The windows are open a crack, but can't open much more as the cat would climb out. If I shut the cat out overnight, she'll cry and scratch at the closed door. The room gets hot and stuffy quickly and I hate it. I'm menopausal and can't sleep and my sinuses get blocked as well. It's awful and I hate going to bed. I can't wake up in the mornings because there's no natural daylight coming in. He won't let me use a daylight alarm as he says it's too bright.

Dh says he can't have the door open because of noise from the other bedrooms, but the dcs are older teen/adult now and there is no real noise. Dh says he can hear buzzing and whatnot. I think he's over reacting. I can't put my mini fan on overnight because of the noise. What am I supposed to do? We have no spare bedrooms.

All I want is the bedroom door open a couple of feet and the en suite door open likewise so some throughput of air can take place.

@SchrodingersMat

Not sure the solution here is the OP taking medication, her husband just needs to take a good long look at himself

Obviously, but it could be that OP will feel too hot and struggle to sleep regardless, which HRT could help with. No need to be arsey about it, I’m hardly recommending she start knocking herself out with smack

Fair point

I’m just annoyed that a woman is being asked to compromise over a medical issue

He does sometimes sleep out in the garden in the tent. It's light and noisy out there though, so I think he's being melodramatic about these so called noises.

Why don't you sleep out in the garden in a tent? Better for your hot flushes

We're lucky, we have a spare bedroom that is now mine. DH can sleep with the door shut, blackout lined curtains that stop any air flow, under a ceiling fan with an additional upright fan, and still moan about being hot and stuff. I sleep next door with light curtains, an open door and open window - my room is blissful

Flat cat window protectors are what you need, we’ve got them here and it’s bliss for my longhair cat.

Compromise and take turns.

He’s had the first twenty years his way, now it’s your turn and he can have his fortress bedroom back in 2041.

I dont know why you and others are dismissing his noise problems.
You cant cope with it being too hot. He cant manage the noise.

I dont know why you and others are dismissing his noise problems.

I don’t think anyone is. They are simply pointIng out his “issues” are not bigger than the OPs. He is the one refusing to even discuss finding a compromise.

You also cant wake up properly.
Easy to think the DH is the only one with problems over all of this.

I would google daylight alarms.
Can you put a cloth over one?

I have the same sort of problems as your husband, but probably not as bad as him.
We went to a hotel recently. DH thought I would be able to sleep through a bathroom fan. I couldnt. Managed to get to sleep 3 times, and woke about 10 mins later, each time. Was then wide awake for 1 hour. It had fully woken me up.

Fan for you and ear plugs for him. It's more than dh's life is worth to turn my fan off #menopausal

I'm very sensitive to noise and light at nighttime, and also have blackout blinds and the door shut, so I do feel for your husband. But being too hot is horrible too and for me it's a conundrum in the summer. I have the door shut for different reasons, but if the issue for your husband is noise then the obvious answer is he wear ear plugs. I've found some cheap comfy foam ones that work wonders. Then the blackouts could probably stay up as the doors being open would avoid the humid heat build up.

If with the black outs it's still too hot, then a soft eye mask could help. That's less of a solution as they slip at night.

Could the cat be shut in the kitchen or something at night? We have to do that otherwise we're woken up with scratching at 4am. They can access outside through the cat flap.

He is learning though!
He is now a lighter sleeper, so when I am awake, it is impacting on him. He used to just be able to roll over and fall asleep. Now he cant!

@Jenala
What is the name of the earplugs please?

My husband gets too hot - he has a fan, I have a hot water bottle. Compromise is necessary.

Jesus, I sleep with a Dyson fan on all year round on my side of the bed, and we have the windows open. DH would love to moan about it, but he's got restless legs so knows better.

We both have to compromise to share a bed.

Have the cat in another room, then you can open the window.

He needs to learn that having a tantrum doesn't mean he gets his way. Let him tantrum, but insist that some of your needs are met. Let him go on about it if he wants. He doesn't listen to you, so why are you letting him to dictate to you to the extent that you're in enormous discomfort?

And uncover your feet. Mine are always poking out the end of the folded back duvet. No more nightsweats.

I know he's dictating. I've started to argue back as I've got older. Sometimes I haven't got the energy.

We have separate bedding and I just sleep with a light comforter over me and he has a duvet. The cat claws her way at the blind and manages to slide between the blind and the glass, so I'm convinced she'll end up on the garage roof overhang.

Buy a Meaco fan, so quiet, the one we have is Which approved, it was £99 with free delivery, best purchase ever.

Get yourself one of those cube fans that you fill with water, I have the JML one & have it on every night, it's no bigger than a CD player, I have mine on the lowest setting all night & on full all day, it sits on my bedside table, isn't noisy & all you need is a plug socket & water.

@Corrag

Highly recommend a cooling pad. This one is excellent. I put it in the freezer for 5-10 mins before bed so it's extra cool...

]]

Yep I love mine, couldn't sleep without it!

I think a new fan is in order and I'm going to suggest earplugs for him. I've told him this evening to measure up the windows and he has to buy some cat mesh for the windows. I can't have the blind up much because the streetlight is opposite the bedroom window, but if the windows are open then the fresh air might get in.

I'm doubting he is sensitive to light and sound because he can sleep in the garden and it's not quiet out there, plus the dawn is very early.

Ear plugs as the poster above said and also Get him to wear an eye mask, saves the need for blinds

This!
There needs to be a compromise. It can’t be all that he wants and none of what you wants.

My husband and I sound a bit like the OP and her husband. He likes lots of heavy bedclothes. I don't. He likes it pitch black. I like the curtains open. I like a window open. He doesn't.

We now sleep in separate rooms and both sleep much better.

I got a fan when I was pregnant and DH moaned about it every night for a week saying he couldn't sleep. Dc is now two and fan is still going every night and DH has long since gotten used to it, if it's ever off he puts it on and we both sleep worlds better.

Just buy a fan and use it, he'll get used to it eventually.

Ear plugs for him , a Dyson fan ( they really are quiet) and fly screens for you . We have midge screens on all of our windows , they are roller type from Newblinds , very easy to fit .