Bedroom too hot at night, husband doesn't care

[noairandstuffyatnight]

Been together 20 years and this is an ongoing problem. Dh insists that the bedroom door is closed overnight and that the place is in pitch black, so blackout blinds and curtains are up. The windows are open a crack, but can't open much more as the cat would climb out. If I shut the cat out overnight, she'll cry and scratch at the closed door. The room gets hot and stuffy quickly and I hate it. I'm menopausal and can't sleep and my sinuses get blocked as well. It's awful and I hate going to bed. I can't wake up in the mornings because there's no natural daylight coming in. He won't let me use a daylight alarm as he says it's too bright.

Dh says he can't have the door open because of noise from the other bedrooms, but the dcs are older teen/adult now and there is no real noise. Dh says he can hear buzzing and whatnot. I think he's over reacting. I can't put my mini fan on overnight because of the noise. What am I supposed to do? We have no spare bedrooms.

All I want is the bedroom door open a couple of feet and the en suite door open likewise so some throughput of air can take place.

Why does he get to decide he gets it his temp and totally dark? There has to be give and take. He could wear an eye mask and you have wake up light. Easy to solve and easy win. Temperature wise 50/50 one night you choose temp fans windows etc next night him. Or he wears a jumper to bed and you have a fan. I’d be more upset he thought he was 100% to have things his way and you know dread going to sleep.

Put him in something like this?

I'm not on hrt, I feel okay generally so haven't bothered. I'm overweight so prone to getting too hot anyway, it's not just hot flushes.

If I don't do as I'm told he has a tantrum and goes on and on about it. He does sometimes sleep out in the garden in the tent. It's light and noisy out there though, so I think he's being melodramatic about these so called noises.

Like your DH, mine would prefer window closed (except on v hot nights), door closed, curtains closed, fan off. I cannot sleep like that so he has gradually compromised and got to the stage where it doesn't bother him that much anymore. We now leave the door open, curtains open, window open (except on v cold nights) and occasionally use the fan. Daytimes are still a battle though, if he had his way we'd never have any fresh air in the house.

He can wear earplugs , and an eye mask. Switch to two smaller duvets on the bed...he can have a warm one to pull over his head, and you can have a light one with the window open.

@SchrodingersMat

Are you on HRT? Might help too.

Not sure the solution here is the OP taking medication, her husband just needs to take a good long look at himself

I couldn’t be married to such an inconsiderate man child. Hope he has some redeeming features for your sake.

A grown man having tantrums??
Maybe he's going through the menopause too?

You shouldn't put up with that OP, I couldn't abide a man child, sorry

Not sure the solution here is the OP taking medication, her husband just needs to take a good long look at himself

Obviously, but it could be that OP will feel too hot and struggle to sleep regardless, which HRT could help with. No need to be arsey about it, I’m hardly recommending she start knocking herself out with smack

Highly recommend a cooling pad. This one is excellent. I put it in the freezer for 5-10 mins before bed so it's extra cool...

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B074CKJDR2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_glt_fabc_STB6R1DSKHGBA9BGPP44?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

If you've got a decent blind and curtains the cat won't get through them both.

I got a single futon seat from the futon company many moons ago to get away from a snoring partner. It made me feel less panicky to know I could escape to the living room if the noise became unbearable. Could you get something like that? But he does sound very inflexible/selfish.

He needs to be the one sleeping elsewhere as he's the one being stubborn and selfish!

I just bought from Asda chill Max pillows which are still on offer for 2 for £15 which may help you I'm loving them.

He could also use an eye mask and ear plugs as per pps

He's being an arse!

All these suggestions for OP, when it's DH who should grow up and show some respect and consideration for his wife's needs.!!

That is quite s dilemma, and I get the need to sleep in a really dark room, but with a breeze. I bought this fan and it really, really is quiet and easy to direct just on me.
www.amazon.co.uk/Iris-Ohyama-PCF-SC15T-Swings-Remote/dp/B07TC59P3J/ref=asc_df_B07TC59P3J/?hvlocphy=9050373&hvlocphy=9050373&linkCode=df0&hvptwo&hvptwo&psc=1&psc=1&hvnetw=g&hvnetw=g&hvadid=375505861622&hvadid=375505861622&hvpone&hvpone&hvlocint&hvlocint&ref&th=1&hvpos&hvpos&hvdev=t&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl&hvdvcmdl&hvqmt&hvqmt&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&hvtargid=pla-817531653578&hvtargid=pla-817531653578&hvrand=17369798847195913816&hvrand=17369798847195913816&adgrpid=83648335584

I can’t sleep with the door open - I’ve never been able to. But I’d compromise on anything else, and if DH really needed me too, I’d try and sleep with the door open.

There has to be a compromise here. If there’s not, you can’t sleep together; and you’ll need to find a different solution… but I’d also wonder who I was married to, that was happy to see me miserable.

Also recommend an eye mask for your DH

Ohh I feel for you OP! I'm almost 8 months pregnant and the heat and the bump make me so uncomfortable! My husband snores so loudly! He's tried lots of thing but nothing seems to work. I wear earplugs but they don't actually help any so I sneak off to my DD room sometimes she's only 4 but she is a cuddler and she is like a hot water bottle I just can't win

Why do his wants trump yours?! Compromise is key here so tell him to sod off! My husband likes a fan, I am not keen on the noise so I wear earplugs, problem solved.

but I’d also wonder who I was married to, that was happy to see me miserable
This. His wants do not trump yours.

On a practical note though, I can not recommend this duvet enough for helping control temperatures at night
simbasleep.com/products/hybrid-duvet-with-stratos

All windows open in the house during the day to get a breeze, don't have synthetic bedding, sleep under a sheet if it will help you (he can have a duvet) and freeze a filled up hot water bottle and take it to bed.

I agree with others, he can get ear plugs and an eye mask or another house with his own bedroom.
Is he always such a dictator?

I really couldn't cope with that. I would wake up with a major headache. I have Windows open most of the year round and now a fan too. I overheat quickly. My poor DH is tolerant. He wraps himself up in the duvet and would absolutely prefer no fan etc. We also have door open 🤣 You should absolutely have a say in this too. Maybe ear plugs for him for the noise and a quiet fan for you xx

DH insists that the bedroom door is closed overnight
He won't let me use a daylight alarm
DH says he can't have the door open
DH says he can hear buzzing and whatnot
I can't put my minifan on overnight

Can you see the main problem OP?

I think we need to swap partners.
I'm basically the same as your husband - I can't sleep with any light coming into the room or with noise from outside.
My husband hates it and would probably much rather share a room with you!