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DH doesn't recognise this as racism

124 replies

Lira91 · 11/07/2021 13:58

DH and I passed a stall on the way home selling England goodies for the final. DH decided to buy a few things to take in to work for him and his co workers since he'd be at the workplace during the match. He asked if he could get a deal since he was buying quite a few things for about 7 people (CF I know but it's the Asian in us Blush ). The guy running the stall said "you wouldn't see me walking into your restaurant and asking for a discount on a lamb bhuna, would you?" DH agreed brushed it off but I said to the guy that he was being racist for assuming that because we're South Asian (should add that DH has an accent), it means he would work at a restaurant. DH thinks I'm over reacting but it always starts with small things like this and I just get fed up around football season when these kind of "you're not really one of us" comments roll around.

OP posts:
IllForTooLong · 11/07/2021 15:36

And yet the OP’s DH who was the one on the receiving end of the comment didn’t think it was racist…

Who am I as a white person to assume something is not racist/racist when that person doesn’t think it was?

warmfluffytowels · 11/07/2021 15:41

Interesting that everyone is assuming the stall-holder is white. I don't see that anywhere in the OP?

Gilead · 11/07/2021 15:42

This reply has been deleted

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Gilead · 11/07/2021 15:43

Why has my post been hidden?

roguetomato · 11/07/2021 15:43

@IllForTooLong

And yet the OP’s DH who was the one on the receiving end of the comment didn’t think it was racist…

Who am I as a white person to assume something is not racist/racist when that person doesn’t think it was?

But it's always the case on MN. If us receiving end didn't feel it was racist but someone else does, we are the uneducated ones who doesn't understand what the racist means.
dworky · 11/07/2021 15:48

Yes, it was deliberately racist.

toocold54 · 11/07/2021 15:50

Yes it was racist!
I would have told him I don’t work in a restaurant and not brought anything from him. How dare he!

Peoniesandpeaches · 11/07/2021 15:52

@sykadelic

I dont consider it racism but then you'd know better than me. I'd just think he picked a random example where asking for a deal wouldn't be tolerated.
A lamb bhuna is hardly random though is it? It relies on the stereotype of all Indian people working in a restaurant/takeaway. If he had said “I wouldn’t expect my taxi driver to give me a discount” or “my post office to throw in a free stamp” then that would’ve been random.
dworky · 11/07/2021 15:53

@IllForTooLong

And yet the OP’s DH who was the one on the receiving end of the comment didn’t think it was racist…

Who am I as a white person to assume something is not racist/racist when that person doesn’t think it was?

Because just as some women have internalised misogyny, some people of colour have internalised racism.
I think you know very well that the person making that comment was making deliberately racist assumptions.
Diverseopinions · 11/07/2021 15:57

It is racist, you're right, and upsetting. If it upsets you, then it's insensitive and wrong. That is the test, for all right-thinking people, of whether something is offensive.

However, the stall holder was probably clumsily struggling for a parallel. He might have picked another one, not focusing on your DH, but on cab rides, for instance or fruit and veg. But he's wrong anyway, as lots of retail does give discounts.

But actually , looking past the comment, the stall holder is wrong, as, if you weren't so shocked at his choice of parallel, you could have pointed out. For instance, if he and his wife and ten family members had gone into any restaurant, they probably might have been offered a free bottle of wine or some free sweets with coffee. People booking catering for parties probably don't pay menu prices, but get a bulk discount. Your partner could have said, ' Yes, but my restaurants have overheads, but you don't have business rates and salaries, mate.' He could have made a joke of the stereotyping, even though you don't work in, or run a restaurant. He could have turned to you and said: 'Get you're apron on, you've got to make those poppadoms for tonight!', and just made a joke of it. ' Or can I swap a free starter for all this tat?'.

It may be some stallholders have been affected by Covid and are feeling a bit bad-tempered and desperate to claw back some income. Or this guy might just have been very unimaginative and very silly.

toocold54 · 11/07/2021 16:00

Some quite worrying comments on here!
Of course it was racist!

It’s like if the seller was Asian and assumed the white person couldn’t cook or dance. Or that they must a right winged hooligan simply because they’re white.
Yes it’s stereotyping and something some people joke about amongst friends but to say it to a stranger is completely unacceptable.

Souther · 11/07/2021 16:01

Yeah it was racist what he said.

UsedUpUsername · 11/07/2021 16:03

Because just as some women have internalised misogyny, some people of colour have internalised racism

Or maybe he thought it wasn’t worth losing sleep over it. Honestly, what people consider racism in the UK is laughable.

Unsoliciteddeckpic · 11/07/2021 16:03

These threads are always interesting. I am mixed race, but never feel I can comment because the majority of MN would shout me down because I don't agree with them.

I wonder if people ever think of that. That the people actually impacted by the issue don't feel they can share their opinions, because some people who aren't impacted by it are so convinced their own opinion is right.

This time I am commenting. As someone of Asian decent, I am actually more annoyed at ops use of a stereotype. A stereotype, that does us quite a bit of harm.

Op knew she was a cheeky fucker and decided a stereotype justified it. Then got annoyed someone else sterotyped her. Both the stall holder and op are in the wrong.

Souther · 11/07/2021 16:05

@UsedUpUsername

Because just as some women have internalised misogyny, some people of colour have internalised racism

Or maybe he thought it wasn’t worth losing sleep over it. Honestly, what people consider racism in the UK is laughable.

Its laughable if your aren't on the receiving end of it all the time
Sargass0 · 11/07/2021 16:07

Although on another thread along these lines (stereotyping the Irish) posters were were saying it wasn't racist it was more like xenophobia- not that that is acceptable either)
I find it strange all round that some "racism" is more acceptable than others

UsedUpUsername · 11/07/2021 16:08

Its laughable if your aren't on the receiving end of it all the time

It’s odd you think I haven’t (I really wonder why?)—it’s merely annoying banter but ultimately harmless.

newnortherner111 · 11/07/2021 16:16

I think yes, even if it may not have been intended as such.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 11/07/2021 16:16

The whole thing all sounds a bit silly. Best move on on this occasion and enjoy the football. ⚽️

Dongdingdong · 11/07/2021 16:20

He was rude to ask for a discount

Why is it rude to ask for a discount? Isn't it the done thing to haggle with stallholders? Certainly is at my local market!

JudgeJ · 11/07/2021 16:22

@Zampa

Of course it was racist stereotype and you were right to challenge it. The stallholder might think twice next time.
She should start with the OH is this is seriously considered 'racist'!
Tal45 · 11/07/2021 16:26

Saying the OP isn't allowed to say they haggle because they're Asian would be like saying she's not allowed to say she runs an Indian restaurant because she's Asian. People are allowed to do things that are steroetypical of their race, it doesn't make them racist. Is she supposed to pretend they haggle for a different reason? Pretend it has nothing to do with her upbringing/where she's from? Bizarre.

The stall seller was being rude, ignorant and presumptuous at best OP you were right to pull him up on it.

JudgeJ · 11/07/2021 16:26

@Mintjulia

The racism seems equal on both sides. You implying that all south Asians are after a discount and he by assuming you work in an Indian restaurant.

I can't get too fussed about it. If the comment had been unprompted, then yes absolutely, but it wasn't.

Or maybe it was simply a bit of an exchange between two people who had no ulterior motives.
ivfgottwins · 11/07/2021 16:29

So you're allowed to stereo type but no one else is 🤔

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 11/07/2021 16:29

"fuck the snow the sky is racist!"