I don’t want to be plain and dumpy/fat and frumpy anymore

[FuckUcuntychops]

But I don’t know how to change. I have mental health issues, confidence and self esteem is in the toilet and I’m fat, fat, fat.
I look good in literally nothing.
I fail at diets EVERY FUCKING TIME. I hate exercise and struggle with pain and niggling injuries.
I day dream about looking fabulous with gorgeously styled hair and immaculate makeup, floaty summer dresses and pretty heels, being slim and content and happy. Then I look in the mirror and Trunchball looks back at me. FUCK!
Can anyone help me with tips and advice for changing my mindset? I eat everything in sight and hate myself for it. I just want to cry when I see my face/body. How the fuck did I become this person???!! 😑😑😑

Deep breaths. Can you say what didn't work before and why? I'm on a low carb diet now and it's working for me but I do have to be organised to prep and shop. Grabbing snacks doesn't really work on this plan.
Example day- breakfast- scrambled eggs and bacon (no toast). Lunch- ham and cheese salad with lettuce, cucumber, green beans, spinach etc, a few nuts. Dinner- meat and veg, no potatoes or pasta etc. Greek yoghurt for pudding. I'm not hungry in between meals so I don't snack. The protein and fat fill me up.

Hugs. I know what it feels like to feel frumpy. Be kind to yourself though.

@Waveafterwaveslowlydrifting thanks for your kind reply. I lack will power to stick to anything diet wise to be honest. I just eat constantly, I don’t even need to be hungry I just want to eat and I don’t know why, it’s like I can’t stop myself. I will even be eating and telling myself to stop and I still don’t stop. It doesn’t make any sense. I get abused in the street for my size and ugliness; the simple solution is to eat less and move more but for some reason I find it impossible.

Fast800 has changed my life.

I was a size 20 at Christmas. Hated myself. No self confidence and MH at an all time low. I ate anything and everything.

Today for the first time in my life I wore size 10 clothes. I was a size 14 as a teenager!

Honestly Fast800 and then that leading on to fasting + low carb has completely changed my relationship with food.

Our relationships with food are often really complicated and it's not easy to lose weight.

Why not try a different tack and start off with some personal counselling. This could put you into a different place from where losing weight becomes easier.

@GuineaP1g thank you I will look into this. Glad you’ve managed to turn your physical and mental health around well done to you.

When you say you don't like exercise-do you not like any sort of movement? Or just mot gym based lycra clad stuff?

Could you start by trying for the recommended 10000 steps a day of walking (walking is vastly underrated exercise imo and has you permanently in fat burn zone). Do you listen to podcasts or audio books or any fave music that you could put on whilst walking? It will also lift your mood.

What about dancing?-just on your own to your fave tunes. Gets your heart rate up and lifts your mood. On your own with curtains drawn.

Are you aware of things like LMOD and other home fitness revolutions? No need to worry about what anyone else is doing or thinking.

Have you read dr Ranganathans books? He gives lots of simple tips. He also talks about making change that is suitable for the bottom of your motivation curve so sustainable and not only for when you motivation is peak.

Try to be the best version of yourself and not a dream from the movies. So try to apply a little make up and wash and style your hair. Think about small improvements. And be a little kinder to yourself.

@Snog I am currently waiting assessment for possible compulsive/binge eating disorder. Hopefully it will help me identify the root cause for this complete batshittery with food.

I'm losing weight but was feeling fat and frumpy. Ended up getting a couple of dresses as certain cuts really hide the areas I don't like. Worth trying a few styles to see if you like anything. It's horrible feeling rubbish about yourself while you're trying to improve!

@cauliflowerkorma I think I am just lazy. I hate the feeling of being sweaty and out of breath. Because I’m so fat getting sweaty and out of breath happens very quickly which hammers home just how fat and unhealthy I am which is off-putting. I don’t mind walking I’ve been meaning to start couch to 5k for years but just keep putting it off because I know I won’t stick to it so what’s the point in starting? I was doing team body project during the 1st lock down but soon gave up due to laziness. No will power at all.

I think this is about way more than your weight.

I felt like you. I lost 5 stone. Now a size 10. I still feel like you.

The problem is not the weight. There is something else going on with how you talk to yourself (and me too). You might find that the weight is a symptom of another issue.

@lifeissweet I know you’re completely right. I just have no idea what or if finding out will even help. I have a history of shit childhood and being treated badly by family and in relationships. My friend says I punish myself with food because I’m holding on to all the shit from my past and how people made me feel about myself. Maybe she’s right but I just don’t know how to stop.

Jesus I’m so fucked in the head

Hi,
I sympathise. I was in exactly that place about 16-18 months ago. I started by doing 5 minute You Tube fitness videos every day. I bought some cheap clothes that fitted properly (M&S jeans, Shein floaty dresses).

Make small changes that have instant impact - 5 minute HIIT or yoga videos or a really easy longer workout like the Leslie Sansome walking ones are perfectly doable in the kitchen while you cook or before DC get up/after they go to bed.

Do some easy self care: drink 2l water a day. Keep track of your 5 a day and increase it to 8 a day. Make a list of your favourite food that happens to be healthy too - eg berries, natural yoghurt, cherry tomatoes with fresh herbs, fruit or herb teas, good fresh roast coffee, roast salmon or chicken breast etc and start building menus around these. Start thinking of healthy treats.

Don't diet but do use My Fitness Plan.

Do one major self- care thing each week - hairdfresser, manicure, peducre, facial (most can be done at home for bery little money but do get a good hair cut) eye test, dental check up with hygienist etc.

Reward every step along the way with non-food gtreats: new nail polish, a face mask, body massager, moisturiser,Epsom salts, fresh flowers, scented candles, a magazine or novel etc. When you are tired, angry, upset, put upon, overworked and undervalued, go to these treats to self soothe.

Buy a couple of very fashionable things you really like and a couple of staples.

Get some well fitting, comfortable trainers and fitness gear and get into the habit of wearing it for your at home workouts.

I didn't diet but lost a stone and my confidence is so much higher. Still have one and a half stone to go, but it's a good start

I have mental health issues - anxiety and depression. I have binge eating disorder. I make so many excuses for not eating well and exercising. I am just full of bullshit. It's too hard, I'm too weak, I'm stressed, I'm depressed, I don't want to, I've rewired my brain to need sugar, I don't get enough sleep so need to eat to get through.

The only way I've ever made positive changes to my eating and exercise is just doing one decision at a time and making really simple rules. I exercise 5 x a week, I take a 45 minute online spin class. It's not negotiable, I do it before I start work, I make it as easy as possible by putting on my exercise clothes when I get up and I watch a show I like while I'm doing it.

Food-wise is where most of the excuses are. I said to my partner that losing weight 'feels insurmountable' because I have so much to lose. Just more bullshit. One foot in front of the other. Mon-Fri I do 16:8 fasting and low-carb calorie counting from 1-9pm. It seems to have re-set my brain, it makes me want to binge less. But really anything will help you lose weight, as long as you just keep doing it and stop making excuses.

I know what you mean about eating for eatings sake, I find it easier not to have any snack foods in the house so I have to walk to the shop if I want a packet of crisps or chocolate.

As for exercise you have to push yourself to do it, you’ve been thinking about couch to 5k so why not say to yourself right, I’m starting this today and do it before you do anything else. It takes willpower so you might stop and start, that’s ok. I post about what I’m doing on social media to shame myself into doing it because I know friends will ask me about it when I see them.

You don't need to lose weight to have great hair and immaculate makeup or to wear floaty dresses, so start with these easy wins. You may surprise yourself at how attractive you can be at your current weight, and it may motivate you to make any other changes you think you need to.

@5128gap most women my size do look lovely when they glam up but I’m just one of those unfortunate women who look ridiculous/mutton when trying to glam up, believe me I’ve tried. I have a myriad of chins and a wonky face, bumps and lumps in all the wrong places. Imagine Homer Simpson in a moomoo that’s basically me in a floaty dress.

OP how would you feel if somebody talked about a friend the way you talk to yourself? You deserve kindness from yourself. You are worthy and have value. Getting healthy is one tiny decision at a time. X

Definitely try counselling OP, a private therapist if you cAn afford it.
And maybe change your user name for one that isnt about saying unkind things to or about yourself.

My username isn’t about myself?

At this point I would say that you can’t hate and punish yourself into a version of you that you love.

I think starting with therapy about why you over eat is a good idea.

Mocking/laughing at myself helps me to cope to be honest.

Ok, so if that's true about your face, then hair is your friend. My face is a lot older than I'd want it to be in an ideal world, but clever hair does a great job at disguising it (a lot if it, brought forward to hide crows feet and jawline) you have nothing to lose by giving it a go. Same with make up. Theres loads online about using it to enhance features, no harm in experimenting a bit.

I can actually sympathise with this because I see bigger women wearing beautiful clothes with lovely makeup but I never pull it off when I gain weight. I never stop making an effort but I just don’t look good.

I think the 10000 steps is a really good suggestion. Do you have a Fitbit?

I’ve got Joe Wicks Lean in 15, would that be something you might like?

Over the past year or two I have really benefited from these audiobooks-
Atomic Habits
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*
Cheer up Love by Susan Calman
Habits for Happiness - free to Audible members.

Three months ago, despite massive stress I joined My Fitness Pal and have been losing about a pound a week. I'm never going to manage the nice heels and glossy hair but I got myself some nice new clothes so I looked better.

You can do it, but you need to get to a point were one bad day is just that, not the start of a bad week.